Saturday, October 30, 2010

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 20

What's in a name? Nicknames.

No, I don't have one. Nothing that has ever stuck. My name is Sarah and it means Princess. I am pretty sure the day I learned that I truly began to embody the definition of a princess. Yeah, that didn't work out too well. Sometimes B calls me SarBear, but very rarely. When I was in middle school I tried to get everyone to call me by my middle name. That didn't work either.

Logan has a ton of nicknames. Pooh Bear, Monkey Man, Lo Lo, Mister Man, Stinker Face....those are the regularly used terms of endearment.

B, along with me, does not have any nicknames either.

Our dog Tulo has a million: T, T-tons, TT, Pooplo, T-Man, Dog, T-Payne, just to name a few.

Friday, October 29, 2010

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 19

Play Along.

Something I Miss

This is a heavy one. Being a new parent, there are several things I miss now. But I'm not resentful about what I miss. I would not trade anything in the world for Logan in my life. Life, however, does change when a wee one comes into the mix and these are the things I miss. If you're a parent, I am sure most of these things are obvious.

* Sleeping In
* Spontaneous Date Nights
*Extra Cash
* Going to Concerts
* Reading a Book in less than a months time
* My Perky Sistas
* My Skinny Hips
* My Night-Owl Tendencies

And these are the things I miss that actually matter:

* My best girlfriends: Ash, Bestie, Kathleen, Heidi

That's it. People matter most to me and three of the above lovely ladies have not even had the pleasure of meeting the new man in my life. All three of us are mothers and we live in different towns. I miss seeing them more often but I know that friendships run deep.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Pretty please??

Will you vote for my lil man?? He was whinny the pooh today and I have pics to upload later. And he realllllly wants to be the cover contest winner. The kid looooooves the camera.

Give A Little Love

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 18

Something I Regret

Sadly, there are a few things which I regret. Or rather, I wish I had done differently. However, knowing what I know now, there were reasons for why they happened the way they did.

* I regret not finishing my teaching degree when I was still in school, unwed and baby-free. Now I know that I waited because I truly, honest to goodness had no clue until just recently that I REALLY wanted to be a teacher.

* I regret drinking too much. This is very vague but I always think this after a night of too much wine or one too many beers which causes me to either get sick or feel totally hungover in the morning. I know my limit, but there are times I totally ignore it and keep going.

* I regret going to the hospital too soon when I was in labor. This is silly, I know. But a part of me thinks we could have stayed home for another hour or two. Now, I realize it was a good thing because Logan had some heart-rate issues and I am very glad to have been at the hospital where they could monitor him closely.

* I regret ever having gone back on anxiety medications. This is something I am still a little bitter over, as the wound is fresh. Quite simply, it has done a nasty number on my body and I will never again take a mind-altering drug.

That's it. I really try not to regret anything. God gave us free will and I believe regret is more of a way that we learn lessons. There has never been anything that I have truly felt so terribly about that it just ate away at me. I also believe in forgiveness and that it is 10 times harder to forgive myself for something than it is to forgive another.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Crazy Talk

Ohmystars, as Miss Pettijohn says. Today has been horrible. The stress from the test has been so intense that I am hardly sleeping. I just lay in bed wide awake thinking and rethinking formulas and vocabulary words. Then, once I am finally ready to drift off, Logan awakes in pain. Those poor gums are just tortured and not just one, but two at the same time. Ouchies. THEN I have to go to work. I wake up at 5am, take B to work, get myself ready, get Logan ready, drop him off and go to work. Answer phones, help residents and staff and TRY to smile. Ha. My eyes are burning and I can hardly keep my head off the table. It was a terrible day and I am going to rest for awhile tonight before cracking open my GRE book. I have determined something about this whole thing: It is not teaching me the math, or the vocab, or whatever. It is teaching me how to answer the question a backasswards way so I don't have to actually do the math itself. Whelp, now if I was just a wee bit smarter in that department (trust me, a wee bit is a HUGE understatement) then I might, just maybe, get a few answers right. B helped me answer 4 practice questions. We got one right. So there's my fate people. I am just praying that the GRE is merely a stupid grad school requirement and that they really don't care about your score. I DO have some rockin references.

30 Day Challenge: day 17

Day 17: Something I am Looking Forward To

Hey Heidi...check out THAT hanging preposition! Naughty Naughty!!


It seems that I am always looking forward to something. Once that something passes, there is no doubt something waiting to fill it's spot.

Taking the test. Wait. No. Being DONE with the test.
The holidays.
Dressing up as a cow tomorrow at work.
Seeing Logan take his first step.
Celebrating 4 years with B.
Buying a house.
Moving out of this dumpy apartment.
Sleep. Where ever did you go??

Just a few things. If you happened to pop over from Katie's Journey then THANKS!! Nice to see you here. How about a bribe? If you leave me a little lovin I'll leave you a little lovin. ;)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

30 Day Challenge: A Buncha Days...

I give in. I CANNOT not blog. And if I read one more quantitative problem tonight my eyes are going to bleed and my brain will explode. Seriously. This is my most recent FB status:

"I give in. This GRE crap is so hard! Seriously, I'd rather give birth again--without an epidural!"

I mean it. I would gladly take on gut-wrenching, crotch-burning labor for 12 hours than deal with the unexpected nature of this test meant only for geniuses. So, as a distraction, I am going to catch up on the Challenge and TRY to relax.

Wanna play?

Day 15: Bible Verse

John 11:35

Jesus wept.

This verse has been the most real, validated verse in all of the Bible for me. It realizes Jesus, makes him more of a man than any other. I believe some of the trusts emotions anyone can show is with tears. When I cry, it's for real. And I know when B cries, it is real. If you happen to see me pulled over on the side of the road balling, it's because I a) peed my pants because my bladder will NEVER be the same or b) am so anxious and scared of the outcome there is nothing else I can do. Fortunately for you, I have only been pulled over once and I never even cried.

In all seriousness, this verse is just beautiful. It's easy to remember, it's real. Jesus wept. When I think of what the word means, I see Jesus sitting with his head in his hands crying, hard. His heart is aching. I feel tightness in my chest just thinking about it.

Day 16: Dream House

Two stories
Vaulted Ceilings
Large fireplace in living room and master bed
Jacuzzi tub in master bath
Heated tilling in master bath
Double shower heads in master bath
Master plus 3 beds for our beautiful children
Large kitchen with stainless steal appliances
Cherry wood floors throughout main floor
Large front and back yard, fenced in the back for the dogs an safety

No, pray for me.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Could you do me a solid?


Okay see this lovely photo? Whelp, I put it up on Parents in the running for American Baby Cover Contest and apparently they really like it so if you could do me a favor and vote for our little guy, I promise to buy cupcakes. Lots and lots of cupcakes. K?? Thanks!!


Sunday, October 24, 2010

Gearing Up/Buckling Down

Oh my. I am fa-reeeeeeking out right now! (so is Logan, as you can see...) I am schedule to take the GRE exam a WEEK from Monday on November 1st. I am confirming this date with my advisor because I would really rather wait until the first week of December, but the results need to be in by Dec 1st to my school. SOooooo here I sit blogging. Well, it's been fun! I have to bust my heiny to do WELL on this test so this is my farewell for the week. I will not be posting ANYTHING and it will just about kill me not to, but I HAVE to. I know you all understand. Feel free to shoot up some prayers and leave some encouraging messages. Specifically, if you have a special Bible verse that really encourages and motivates you, please share. I will read those during the 10 min break time I will be allotting myself but I won't be writing. So I hope everyone has a great week! Wish me luck!!

Day 14: A Picture I Love


Saturday, October 23, 2010

You Gotta Have Goals

Day 13: Goals

I think I have talked about my goals quite a bit so I'm going to keep it short and sweet. Nothing has changed recently other than the intensity to meet these goals.

1. Get my Masters in Elem Ed so I can teach little minds.
2. Buy a house
3. Have more children--I'm thinking a total of 3 or 4...we'll see
4. Take on more creative projects and finish them
5. Run 5 miles a week
6. Lose 10 more pounds
7. Do 1 thing for myself once a month that is totally selfish
8. Become a better cook
9. Decorate my living space
10. Become a more fashionable fashionista (Cue Heidi driving her cute lil butt up to CO and raiding my closet for me.)

I think it goes without saying that being a loving mother and wife, lover and listener of Jesus, and compassionate and dedicated friend are always ongoing goals which require self-improvement.

Friday, October 22, 2010



I picked up that gem of a word for my cuz Heidi over at Playground Diva. She needs some bloggie lovin. Go check her out.

I've been having a problem recently and it's something which B has had to finally sit me down and have a serious conversation. This never happens, folks. He is never serious and when he is, he means business. I was in big trouble. Why??

Because I curse like a Sailor. I could out-swear a drunk frat boy. Well, maybe. I stay away from works I don't like, like the c-word. Ugh. I hate that word.

So we have a kid and our kid is really starting to soak up everything around him, including the things we say. No, he has not dropped any f-bombs but B is convinced that if I keep talking the way I do, an f-bomb will be one of his first words. Unlike a few people I know, I would not be proud of that. In fact, I would be mortified. B does the quick head turn and gives me a "Sarrrahhhh?! Don't say that!" even when Logan is sleeping in the car. That is our first problem. I am very vocal when I drive and I just happen to swear the most while driving. I don't know what it is but people just piss me off and I let lose. Now, I am not so bad that I just go off all Amber style. No, I am not sitting there swearing up a storm in front of Logan. It's not like that. I will be talking about something that upset me during the day and oops out pops a shit hell damn it and B is all over me like a wet blanket. I did not take him that seriously until he finally was thisclose to being mad at me about it. "Sarah, You HAVE to change that. You CANNOT talk like that around Logan!" Okay okay!!!

I am resolving that this is by far my biggest weakness AND sin. B says I can say whatever the eff I want when Logan is not around or is in his room sleeping but honestly, if I shouldn't swear around Logan, why swear at all? When I was in a church group in college, I hardly ever let a bad word cross my lips. Until now, there was no one holding me accountable. Logan is holding me accountable and so his his daddy.

All this to say that I am going to really try to cut back. I may have a slip here and there, but I want to set a better example for myself and for Logan.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Everyone Should Read The Tao of Pooh

Day 10: Something You're Afraid Of

I think if I were to honestly answer this question I would only be fueling that big, giant black monster. I address that monster with my counselor and for now, that is the only place I feel it deserves any credit. With that, my only fear is that the fears inside will be realized. It's a damn ugly cycle and so my only other fear is that I won't be able to live without it. That I won't be able to live without fear. With all this muddled mess in mind, I will stick to fearing the Lord as I know he is the only one with the true answers.

Day 11: Favorite TV Shows

My love for TV is indeed unhealthy and whoever said you can't watch it with a kid was obviously not as committed to their shows as I am. That being said, I only watch TV when Logan is sleeping and now that we got rid of our major cable package, I watch a lot online now.

One Tree Hill
Grey's Anatomy
Private Practice
America's Next Top Model
Teen Mom
Anything on the Discovery Channel or TLC

Day 12: What I Believe

I believe that women should have the right to their own bodies.
I believe that personhood begins at birth, not conception.
I believe that I married my soulmate.
I believe that Jesus is my homeboy.
I believe that I was born to be a mother.
I believe that my mother is my hero.
I believe that stay at home moms work just as hard as working moms.
I believe in miracles.
I believe in ghosts.
I believe writing is the best way for me to express myself.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Day 9: A Picture of Your Friends


(bestie, me, jess, kathleen, mom, mil, lay and ash @ my baby shower)

(me and ash waiting to meet stephanie meyer. die hard twi fans here!)

(me and sil on st. pattys day)

(beautiful bridesmaids- cousin heidi is 2nd from the right and she is the closest person to a sister i have)

(me and bestie before we left for my bac. party)

Oh mi friends. How I love you all. Even those of you I have never met. My social circle is quite small. Not one of my closest girlfriends lives where I live. This makes it hard on all of us to stay in touch over the phone, facebook and emails. Bestie is my bestie. She had I started out as roomies almost 6 years ago and the rest is history. Our love for all things music, Gilmore Girls, and sexy guys has never waivered. She was my maid of honor and went above and beyond the typical MOH responsibilities. Our friendship, especially since I got married, has had it's highs and lows. We are both in different places in our lives. She has a great, serious, loving boyfriend and I'm married with a baby. Our commitments and priorities are different but we make huge efforts to overcome those and make time for each other. We just spent this past Saturday together eating yummy crepes and spending time outside window shopping.

I have known Ash just as long as Bestie. She was the one who was married and had a baby before I was married and had a baby. She is the kind of friend that you don't talk to very often, but when you do, and when you get together, it is as if no time has past. It's great. She turned me onto Twilight well before it was anything to rave about and by the time there was a rave going on, we were waiting in line with our Host books for an autograph from Ms. Twilight herself. We share a love of reading and I am certain that if I had a more risky bone in my body that Ash and I would truly be one in the same. We have had our share of tequilla shots and catch phrase. I miss her dearly and can't wait until the next time we do see each other.

Miss Heidi, my most special cousin, is one of the coolest women I know. Sadly, we have spent more of our lives apart than together, but we've always been close. We're even close in this crazy bloggy world. Being that we are both mothers keeps us more than busy but we always have time for a quick text. I find myself consulting her for advice pertaining to Logan and all that post partum crap we have to deal with. Heidi and I used to dress up and pretend we were twins. She has a sister, but I don't and I am certain that if I was to have a sister, she was it.

My friendships mean the world to me and especially with the women I listed above. There are a few others I am very close to and no one is in any particular order. I would not be the woman I am today without these women in my life.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Days 7 & 8: Places Traveled & Fav Movies


Day 8: A Place You've Traveled

Cabo San Lucas!!! Best visit ever. I had been there when I was 15 as a nanny and yes, that was a fab experience. But nothing is nearly as fab as sitting on the beach all day long, eating the most amazing guac you've ever had, playing beach volley ball, kayaking with sea lions, snorkeling, happy hour drinks, poker by the pool, and a beautiful room overlooking the Sea of Cortez. Ask just about any of our friends and they will try to convince you that Cabo is where we conceived Logan since we found out just a month later that I was knocked up. Funny, I didn't know they were all there when that happened!!, friends, Logan was not conceived in Cabo. It was AFTER Cabo.

Day 7: Favorite Movies

I could go on forever with this list but I will keep it short and sweet:
  1. Knocked Up
  2. The Hangover
  3. The Notebook
  4. Inglorious Bastards
  5. The Hurt Locker

Vaccines Revisited

You may recall that I wrote several months ago about our beliefs on vaccinating our kids. Because I don't use labels in my posts, I cannot for the life of me find it. Oh well. So here is where we're we've come from and where we are at.

While I was pregnant, the Swine Flu rocked the country and the livelihood of several pregnant women was compromised. My family, husband, and friends were all concerned for my health and safety but I was not about to lock myself up in my house and not step outside for 6 months. I'd go crazy! B and I talked about whether or not I would get the vaccine for 3 months before it was even available. We went back and forth and read countless articles and watched a number of youtube videos. The "what ifs" plagued us but it eventually came down to what was best for me. We worried about the possible risk of autism, something which has very little scientific support, yet I felt and believed that while the health of our baby was important, my health was just as important, if not more so, and that we could live without a baby, but we could not live without me. It was a heart-wrenching decision. I often wondered if I had made the right one and as far as I can tell, I certainly did. I received the vaccine at the beginning of November and I knew that when Logan arrived during the peak of flu season, he would have my immunities through my breast milk and would be protected. If, God Forbid, he happened to develop autism, I was not going to blame the vaccine. I was not going to blame anyone. God, my Creator, is my confidant and I had to trust that He had our plan and Logan's laid out well before we even knew we were pregnant. Logan is a blessing from above, with or without autism and we would love him no less and no different.

Once Logan arrived, we chose to decline the Hep B vaccine in the hospital. There was no reason for him to receive it as both B and I are healthy and no one in our family carried the infection. We had then discussed how we would be vaccinating Logan. It was clear to me that the risks of him being unvaccinated were greater than if he was vaccinated. I do this terrible thing were I worry about the future and all those "what ifs" and I am trying with every fiber of my being not to do that. I am living in today and will NOT worry about tomorrow.
You know, it's in the Bible too. :)

We have chosen to do a delayed vaccination schedule with Logan. Up until he was 6 months old, he only received 2 shots and one oral vaccine. At 6 months, he received 3 shots, one of which was his first Hep B vaccine. Let me be clear here: I DO NOT BELIVE that vaccines cause autism. There is not enough, if any, scientific proof that it does. Even when I see things like this, I shake my head. This is just coincidental. Twenty-five years ago, there were a lot less children with autism, but guess what? There were also a lot less people with Alzheimer's Disease. There were a lot less people with breast cancer. I think graphs and stats, as shown in the link, just causes parents to go into a bigger tailspin of unnecessary worry about all those "what ifs". It also gives the parents who have children with autism someone or something to blame. It's always someone else's fault. What if (ha, no pun intended) it's NOT anyone's fault? What if it's genetic? What if it is just a coincidence? What if the child developed autism even without having been given a vaccine?

Now, some of you might be shaking your heads at me. That is fine. You might also be saying "Well Sarah, WHAT IF he does get autism and you're vaccinating him 'causes' it?" I say to you, "WHAT IF your baby gets pertussis (whooping cough) or meningitis and needs to be hospitalized for weeks because of how ill they become?" Autism is a disorder. It's not curable but it is also not fatal like most the diseases we are vaccinating our children against. I can live with having a child or children with autism. I could not live WITHOUT my child because he died from a disease I could have protected him from. I could not live with the guilt of having to hospitalize my son for something he could have been protected against. And I certainly cannot live without Logan. That is where the line is drawn. For both B and me, this is a no brainer.

So what do I believe? I'm not 100% sure and, FYI, no one is 100% sure, but I believe that children who develop autism have some other kind of predisposition to the disorder prior to ever having received a vaccine. The risk of our children being unvaccinated makes them much more susceptible to diseases which have been nearly eliminated over the last several decades because of vaccines.

I am sharing this with you because I think it is important for us, as parents, to share what and why we feel a certain way about anything. Something like vaccinating your children (or not) is a very touchy subject and is sure to ruffle feathers and attitudes just like talking about politics and religion can. Our children are so precious to us and I believe in protecting mine. Please know, that if you happen to disagree and have different beliefs on the subject, I respect you and your choice. I pray all of our children, vaccinated or not, stay healthy. I also pray that if you are a soon-to-be parent, that you do your own research and educated yourself on the matter. It is not my intention for this to be a place for fangs and flaming and lashing to take place so if you have something to say that is NOT respectful, then either keep it to yourself or send me a private message.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Dear Logan, You're 8 months old...

>This post is m 400th blog post in just 25 months of blogging publicly, one which I believe is very appropriate as a letter to you.

You are eight months, one week and two days old. So much has happened in the past few months that I don't even know where to begin so I will go backwards. Today, October 17, 2010, you said Momma for the first time. My heart is still melting from the sound of those Mmms rolling off your tongue. You're saying it out of desperation when you're tired or upset. So precious. I know you know that I am your momma, but hearing it makes it mean that much more. It makes me feel like I am the most important thing in your ever changing and huge world and I could not be more proud or happy.

Two nights ago, on the 15th, we took you to a bowling ally where you learned to climb the two steps up to the main floor. Your daddy and I were laughing we were so proud. You astound us with how quickly you do new things and how quickly you move to the next milestone.

Two weeks ago, you took your first airplane ride to Michigan and spent a week driving around the colorful state, sitting on the beach of Lake Erie, playing with your cousin who's only two weeks older than you, and learning several new things. After a night of playing with your cousin, she showed you how to pull yourself up to a stand and the very next morning you were doing it. This, I am sure of, is the reason why climbing those steps came so easily to you.

That same week away, you learned to wave hello and good bye, give hugs and shake your head "no". The meaning of no is still not yet grasped, but we are showing you what it means and you have started to do it during meals when you are finished eating.

Speaking of meals, you eat like a horse. You love food and I am so proud that we have such a good eater. You especially love lasagna, bananas, avocados, and breads. Your new favorite fruits are mandarin oranges and prunes.

This week two little nubs are forming in your gums. We are in the throws of teething now and you're miserable. I am glad you are getting two at a time. I am sure you must be in terrible pain, but at least you're getting two out of the way at once.

You favorite thing to do is to explore. You are a full blown champion crawler now and you love getting around. You love to find shoes or dog toys to gnaw on. This has helped your daddy and I by showing us what and where the most baby proofing needs to take place. I want do not want to hinder your world by any means so as long as it is not a safety issue, I let you do what you're doing. I even let you pull up on the coffee table with the risk of you hitting your head. I figure you have many years of bonks ahead of you. Might as well toughen up now.

You are an absolute joy to be around. Everyone you meet smiles and coos at you. You've mastered the shy turn of your head and that only makes us what to love on you more! You enjoy going to the church nursery where you can play with other babies your age. You have my social genes and still (fingers crossed) show no signs of separation anxiety.

Logan, we love you so much. We love how happy and smart you are. We love watching you change and grow up right before our eyes. We cannot wait to show and teach you more about our world.


Momma and Daddy

Days 5 & 6


(holding Logan for the 1st time)

(me and my broha)

Day 5: Sibling

I just have one. My lil broda J. This pic was taken on Christmas Eve 2005 just once day after he returned home from Iraq. To say I am proud of him is an understatement. To say that we are really close, however, is an overstatement. We have always had our ups and downs in our relationship and I would like to THANK HIM for helping me go into labor after a an argument.

We are 22 months apart and I don't know how my mother, or anyone for that matter, manages 2 under 2. It just exhausts me thinking about it. When we were really little, we were best buds. I protected him and we played legos together. We'd sneek downstairs to watch TV behind mom and dad's backs. When I was a teenager, we fought a lot. I was a whole head taller than him for a few years and now he towers over me and B at 6'5''.

He is a Marine, a police acadamy grad, a defense investigator and single. He's trying to stop smoking...something I am beyond proud of him for. He has a dog who has two different colored eyes. We get along great when the time between our visits is long. I do wish he would come over and play with Logan more, and I know he does too, but his job is very demanding and the times he can come play is usually after Logan is in bed for the night. He loves Logan so much. When I think about the time he spent in Iraq, I am so gratefull that he is here to share these moments with us. He is a great brother and the more he grows up the more we grow closer.

Day 6: A pic that Makes you Happy

(The first time I held Logan after he was whisked away to the NICU, nearly 12 hours after he was born.)

I Met a Bloggie


(me, Anne & Baby G)

Just a week away from our trip to Michigan I happened to mention in a post that we would be flying into Grand Rapids. I think all of the waiting for Baby G to arrive threw Anne into a tailspin of OHHHMIGOOOOD we have GOT to meet up!! We emailed back and forth about our plans and she warned me that Baby G was well past his due date and that at any moment he will make his grand entrance. I, of course, am all to familiar with this. So Friday night we flew into Grand Rapids. I texted her and we made plans for her to come by the hotel the next night after we got back from a wedding. Wellll Saturday morning I got this text:

"Sarah I was just thinking about u and chceking my email but guess what...I am 99% sure I am in labor! Contrations since 10:30, 5-10 min apart right now."

It is safe to say I squeeled when she told me this. I tried to text her back right away but we were out at a park with no single for the next six hours. Once we got back to the hotel I got this:

"Sarah I am srrry he is here! Born at 6:38 he was 8.7 pounds and 22.5 inches. No epi woo hoo!"

Cue proud momma chant!! I was so proud of her!! Sure I was a little bummed we would not be meeting up but the reward is so muc greater! The next day I made plans to drop the fam off at church while I went to the hospital for a visit. I didn't have a lot of time, but it was enough for us to chat about her birth and at the time, a name for the little man.

Anne, I LOVED meeting you! I keep saying how much I wish we had had more time or lived closer. It's hard to find other momma friends and in my town, I have very few. I cannot wait to meet you again AND...if there are any Colorado bloggies out there or you're coming to CO for a visit, let's meet up!!

Check Anne out at The Makings of a Baby Ostie.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Day 4 and an Update

Day 4: Your Parents

When I think of my parents I think of true love. I love of the most loving and driven people I know. I think of all the things they did for my brother and me just so we were happy, safe and healthy. I think of the two people I can only hope to be like when I grow up.

Most Saturdays in the summer time, me and my dad would load up the car with our fishing gear, head to the tackle shop for some night crawlers and recess pieces, and cruise on up to a quiet lake for the day. Mom would pack us PB and Js and dad would teach me how to catch a fish. First, I learned the art of patience while fishing with bait on a hook. Funny, now that I think about it I think that night crawlers might be easier to fish with! Luers were never very luering...
I learned that you're never to throw rocks into the water and to always stand on a solid surface. I learned how to dig a hole with the butt of my pole into the dirt while waiting for my fish.

When we got lucky and had a bite, dad always helped guide me in reeling in that bugger. He would tell me when to really lay into the reel and when to slow it down. Going to fast meant we would risk losing the fish. Once the fish was ashore, he showed me how to hold the fish in the shallow water while slowly removing the hook. We almost always would catch and release our fish. On the rare occasions we brought it home, he also showed me how to roll up my sleaves and gut the fish. I LOVED this part, mostly because the biggest treasure was finding a fish with eggs in her. I don't know why that was so aluring to me, but I loved it.

One of the first times we ever went camping as a family will always be memorable. The whole family was hanging out around the edge of the lake. Dad was fishing and I am sure my brother and I were trying to catch minnows in a bucket. Dad asked me to step back-I was getting to close to him and his rod. So I moved and he hooked me. With the lure. In my head. And pulled. This experience did not waiver my fishing days with dad, but increase my love for all things outdoors, especially fishing.


Memories of my mother always have to do with her taking care of me, whether it was while I was sick or planning a sleep over or needing a shoulder to cry on. We have always been close which meant that when we were fighting, we fought hard. When we are together, we are closer than the eye can see. Our hearts and minds connect. We can finish each others sentences and guess how the other is feeling even before we answer the phone. As a teenager, I took our closeness for granted. Now, as a parent and adult, I see what she meant all those times she was trying to communicate something important to me.

When I went to college, everyone always asks you what you're going to college for. I
immediately rejected the thought of following in my mothers' footsteps as a teacher and declared business as my major. Just 2 years into college and I knew that teaching was something which was in my blood and it has taken 5 years for me to finally be achieving that goal. I am finally doing what I know I will love and I have my mother mother to thank for that.


Update you ask? Well it's just to tell you that the withdrawal symptoms are still kicking my ass. I asked around and have decided to do a body detox. I'm going to first do a 24 hour one to just get everything out with yummy smoothies, baths, and gallons and gallons of water. I will do my best to log that day so that I can share it here. If any of you have tried this before, please share your experience.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Day 3: First Love

Wow, three posts in one day. Survivor is THAT boring tonight. hehe. Wanna link up? Go here.

Day 3. Your First Love

This is a hard one, believe it or not. If you're asking me about the first person I said "I love you" to or the first person I thought I was in love with, then that would be a good guy whom both my husband and I are still friends with.

My freshman year in college I had a friend who happened to live across the street from me in my home town go to the same school. We were fast friends and shared a lot of the same interests including tastes in music, movies, and activities. He's a drummer and I am like a moth to a flame when it comes to musicians. We buddied up and all our friends always asked if there was anything romantic going on and I always denied it. Well, the last day of our freshman year as we were moving out, it all came to a head and we secretly spent the summer dating and surprised our friends with our newfound relationship that fall. It lasted just over a year and when I look back on it, I realize I was not truly in love with him. I loved him, and I still do, as a friend. But it was not until I met B that I learned what true, deep as your soul and ache in your heart love is. So sure, drummer boy was technically my first love, but my first (and LAST) true love is and always will be B. I love you honey!

I Spoke Too Soon

I kid you not. The day I wrote the post about not having any withdrawl symptoms from weaning myself off of my anxiety medicaiton, I started to experience symptoms and ever since then, I have felt like a giant bag of shit. It comes in waves. I feel like I am on a roller coaster while eating a funnal cake and drinking tequilla at the same time. If I don't feel like puking, I am so dizzy my eyes shake. If I'm not dizzy, my stomach is turning over and over. And if you just so happen to speak to me with a tone in your voice I might just rip your head off. This effing sucks people! I feel like today has been the worst so far. I was at work and nearly in tears I was so frustrated from the way I was feeling and I know that it showed in how I was speaking with the residents. I really don't think I should be driving, either, but I have no choice. So stear clear. That is all.

Will you pray with me??

>I hate writing a post like this. It means that something bad has happened and all us prayer warriors out there need to get up on our steads and make a loud rumble. Do you all know Courtney over at Project Pretty?? She is such a beautiful, talented person with a huge love for all fabrics and Jesus. I have been following her since we Wedding Bliss days and she needs us to pray!!

Go on over to her blog for the details, but the simple jist of it is that her awesome husband was in an eletrical accident yesterday which burned 50% of his body and he has a 70% chance of survival right now. He is in a medicated coma and will be for several weeks. I am in tears writing this!! I cannot imagine the pain they are both going through right now. Please lift them up today, several times over and over, to pray for healing and guidance from the doctors. I have no idea what I would do if I got a phone call like that about B. Let's pray!!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

New 30 Day Blog Journal: Days 1 & 2

Maybe I will actually complete this one. Link up HERE.
Andddd go.

Day One: Introduce, Recent Pic, and 15 Interesting Facts

(at the apple orchard in Michigan)

Well I think most of you know quite a bit about me. To sum it all up, I am 26 years old, married for just over 2 years and I have an 8 month old son. He is quite literally the apple of my eye. I adore being a mother. I love Jesus, I love reading and even more I love having a quite night alone with B, which is a very rare occurrence nowadays.

15 Interesting Facts?

one. I have never broken a bone.
two. I think Spicy Pickle pickles are THE BEST.
three. I worry about living long enough to see my son grow up.
four. I believe that I was meant to be a momma to boys. We'll see what happens next time.
five. I hate running yellow lights.
six. There is no such thing as aliens. However, I do believe in ghosts.
seven. My favorite video game is anything Mario.
eight. I have an -ish nose: half polish half jewish. (I am not polish OR jewish)
nine. I was one of the first 100,000 people to have a myspace page and now, i don't.
ten. I always wanted a tough older brother who made me tougher.
eleven. I save all the purses I buy and keep them in a box when I'm not using them. That way when I am ready for a change, I just dig one up I haven't used for awhile and it feels like a new purse all over again.
twelve. I went to school for 5 years and got 2 degrees. I am about to go back to school for a year and receive another degree (masters) and a teaching license.
thirteen. My wedding was the best day of my life. Yes, it is second to Logan's birthday because without our wedding, Logan would not be here right now. Plus it was literally, the best wedding anyone had ever been to.
fourteen. I am trying to become a runner and I am finding out that the more I do it, the more I like it.
fifteen. We will begin to try for another baby in a year and a half. YAY!

Day 2: Meaning Behind Blog Name

See the e.e. cummings poem on the right hand side of my page? That is where I got it. When I was writing my wedding vows, I remember this poem and I fell in love with it. I used the "we are for each other" quote in my vows and it is literally something I would get tattooed to my body. It is what the foundation of my love and friendship for B comes from. I love him so much and we truly ARE for each other.

Monday, October 11, 2010

"Living in Fear" or "I'm Not Greek"

I'm not a Greek nor am I Greek. However, it is my lifes dream to go to Greece someday. To touch that glassy-blue water and climb the narrow roads. But this has nothing to do with Greece. This has to do with being Greek, as in the Greek societies at colleges. It has to do with fear and not doing something because of it. I am not a Greek and every once in awhile, I get asked if I am, or was one. NO. I'm not. I never wanted to be and here's why.

While in high school, initiations really started to become something more dangerous than fun among the Greek chapters in our town (I live in a college town with a major university). Kids were even doing it in high school once you joined a sports team. I grew up getting picked on most of my life for a number of things and I was not about to subject myself to that kind of cruelty. That sounds harsh, using the word "cruel", but that is what was going on.

I was never Greek because I was afraid. I never joined school sports because I was afraid. That sounds so damn silly now because a huge part of me wishes I had been more involved in something. Looking back, I would have loved being on yearbook and cross country. I am trying, very slowly, to become a runner. I am trying, very slowly, to stop living my life in constant fear. Constant anxiety and fear that something bad might happen. It's like crying before you're even hurt. It's pointless and only makes me ache and stress more. B has been a huge support in helping me relax more and just worry, if I must, about right now, not tomorrow or the next day.

Five months ago the fear I lived in was so crippling I had to seek help. I had to talk to someone and take a mind-altering drug to calm my fears. Most of those fears revolved around being a new mom and 99% of which I had absolutely no control over. Slowly, I have learned that living in fear of the what ifs and maybes is not at all how I want Logan to know me. I want him to know me as a strong, confident momma who is driven and smart. Someone who is not afraid of the dark or the monsters in the closet. I have a long road ahead, pushing through those fears and being confident in the lack of control that I have. That control is not mine, but His. He is in control of our lives and it is the hardest thing in the world to get down on my knees and trust that.

As of last Wednesday, I have been off my meds, cold turkey. I don't believe in side effects, at least not for me. I have done this twice now with two different drugs and neither time did I experience the withdrawal symptoms that come with weaning off of a medication. I feel great about this decision and it is 100% without any medical guidance. I am my own guidance and I am in control of the fear now.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Traveling with a Baby 101


Before I even started to pack for our week long trip away from home, I scoured websites and message boards, searching for the best advice when traveling with a baby and the best I found was on a blog. So I am here to pass on some of that advice and other things I have taken away from the experience. Overall, Logan did so well. He hardly cried and was content just rolling around in his stroller or crawling on the floor (more on this later). My worst fears of him taking the plane down with his ear-piercing cries did not come true and I will say that yes, I would do it again. Just give me a good month to recover from the complete exhaustion I am still experiencing.

  • Packing. I pride myself on how good of a packer I am and I know I earned those qualities from my dad. I know how to pack quickly, efficiently, and easily so everything that I want or need to take, fits. HOWEVER, as much know how I thought I had about packing had no affect on my packing for not just two of us, but three of us and one of those being a baby. So the best advice I got from a message board was If it doesn't fit in the diaper bag, don't bring it OR check it instead. By the time I received this advice, I had already backed one bag too many. I stopped and looked over what I had packed and was able to condense everything into either our main bag or the diaper bag. So while we were in the airport, I only had Logan, the car seat, stroller and a diaper bag to worry about. I put my important documents in a clutch which fit perfectly in the diaper bag and packed a purse for later.
  • Food. Babies eat and if you are not nursing, you need food. I discovered Happy Baby food which is in a pouch. You can twist the cap off and either let baby suck the food out (Logan's preference) or squeeze it out onto a spoon. He loved it and once I realized Logan could suck it out, the mess was not nearly as bad. When it came to formula, I bought the Similac premixed formula. You have to have a nipple that fits it or take a bottle with you to pour it into. I happened to have the playtex skinny nipples and they fit great.
  • Security. This goes along with the food, kinda. Security is a bitch. Let's face it, they have to assume that even mommas with cute babies are packing something dangerous and you will get the third degree so BE PATIENT. Go through the family/medical side of security. The xray machine is bigger for car seats and strollers and they seem to be a lot more patient with you as well. Our first time through, there were a million people and I felt very flustered. I had to get Logan out of his car seat, break down the stroller, take my shoes off, and get everything into its own bin all while B is trying to do the same thing for himself and his carryons. I did not pull out the liquids I had for Logan and I am sure I would have saved myself a good 10 minutes if I had. Once they pulled us aside, I had to open a bottle of formula and the hand sanitizer. They checked it with a little tab thing for vapors and gave it back to me. All was fine, but then I had to use the milk up within the next two hours. Good thing Logan was hungry once we got to our gate. On the way home, I remember to be more prepared and put all the liquids in their own bin and the TSA folks were a lot more accomodating with us. I did not have to open anything and worry about it not getting used.
  • Airplane safety. If you are not purchasing a seat for you wee one, then take the car seat with you to the gate, just in case there is an empty seat. I did not score any luck with this until our first flight home. Honestly, I would have just prefered to have him on my lap. It did not seem to make any difference to him whether or not he was in the seat or on my lap. He fell asleep in both places. I did have my hands free, but was without reading material due to not expecting to have that break. Don't let other people touch your baby. Everyone will ooh and aah over him, and that's fine, but there are some people who have no sense of a bubble and want to touch their faces and hands. This is the best way to go home with a cold. We kept our distance from the touchy people. HOWEVER, the one thing I was not so worried about was him crawling around on the floor. I know that might sound gross, but no blanket is big enough to keep him in one place. Logan is a crawling machine and he needed to get that energy out betwee flights. I just followed him around and made sure he didn't get stepped on.
  • Traveling items. Things I could not have traveled without: an extra paci, paci wipes, diapers, new and interesting toys that did not make noise, the food, a snuggly blankie, and of course, my husband.
I am sure there are things I left out. But these were some things to note. Let me know if this comes in handy for anyone else!

What to do when you don't have a diaper...

>So I know I have not updated on Michigan and I will, in parts. On Thursday night, we were hanging out in the Grand Rapids airport and Logan needed a change. He was leaking out of his diaper so I went in search and realized I only had one diaper in our bag for the next 7 hours. I said a silent prayer that he would only need this one change and we would make it to Denver without any fuss. Cue prayer unanswered! Not ten minutes later, Logan had a giant poo in his diaper. And now that he is in serious teething mode, his poo is not so...together. It's total yuck. I tried to save the diaper and that was a lost cause. We had diapers in the bag we had to check, something we were not expecting to do but our bag was too big. So B begins to beg someone to get our bag for us so we can get some diapers. Meanwhile, I had to do something. So I had some pads on me and yes, ladies and gents, I stuck it in Logan's onesie until I could find a fellow momma with a baby the same size as Logan and beg for an extra diaper. She was so kind, giving us two. Logan only had to shame his daddy with a pad in his pants for about 20 minutes before I found the diapers. Needless to say, funniest moment all week.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Some Things to Look Forward to...

>I am sitting in the Grand Rapids airport waiting for our flight back home to Colorado. This has been an AMAZING vacation and I wish I had the time and concentration to summarize everything right here and now, but I don't. So here is a short list of a few of the things I will want to include in my vacation update:

  • Wedding in Grand Rapids
  • Meeting a bloggie friend ANNE!!
  • Biking around Mackinac Island
  • Sitting on the beach drinking beer and playing bocce ball
  • Visiting an apple orchard
  • Visiting grandparents in Alpina and Harrisville
  • Visiting Logan's 2nd cousin who is just 2 weeks older than him
  • Driving all over the Northern part of Michigan
  • And a ton of other things!!

Friday, October 1, 2010


Hi all. I am writing from a king sized hotel bed while Logan is fast asleep next to me. What a trip. He did better than perfect. My biggest fear was a screaming, inconsolible infant who would cause the passengers tremendous distaste for us and all kinds of other terrible things. I was ready to put on my mommy cape and defend his aching ears, but I didn't have to. The kid was a gem. Our flight to Detroit was a little over two hours and Logan slept most of it. He woke up about 25 minutes before ladding and began to fuss while we decended. He refussed his paci so his ears were totally bothering him and there was nothing I could do. Our quick ride from Detroit to Grand Rapids was well, just that. QUICK! Logan slept the whole time and I kid you not, barely slept three hours ALL DAY LONG! He was so tired tonight that I had to cuddle him to sleep. Something he never does and something I deeply miss from his newborn days. Overall, traveling with an infant so far has been painless and easy. He has adjusted well to the new people and is just tired. I am sure we will all be a lot more fun in the morning.

But here's the truth. I feel really disconnected from Bs family and he knows this. He knows that I have a hard time getting in on the jokes and conversations. I really don't know why. I have never had this problem with anyone, but for whatever reason, I have to literally force myself to enjoy whatever they are talking about. For one, I feel like they repeat the same memories over and over again, every single time we see each other. I love being nostalgic, but every time is a bit much. Not to mention I have NOTHING to do with any of those stories so yeah, I listen and laugh but the 3rd time Im hearing it is like....okay....and your point is??

B and I had a pretty nasty fight last night. It was about how lax his family was about traveling. I love flying. I have done it several times and even a few times with babies. Traveling with babies is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. It is unlike travling with a two year old. You can be an expert traveler but if you have never flown with a baby, then you're no expert on how long it takes to do simple things.

Getting through security was a nightmare. Although, I did a damn good job of being patient and cooperative. They had me empty his diaper bag of all the liquids. I had three bottles of premixed formula, Happy Baby food, and hand sanitizer. Then they asked me to open one of the baby items and the hand sanitizer so they could test the vapors. Awesome. So I chose the formula because I knew Logan was getting hungry and I would use it soon. Then we had to put our stroller/carseat ensamble back together (just like Momma Dugger does it with Josie--works like a charm!), put our shoes back on, and get to our gate with about 30 minutes to spare before boarding. I was so frustrated that B was not on my side. He almost always takes their side initially, telling me I am being irrational or whatever, and then after some more careful thought, says he's sorry and ha, I'm right. Well what do you know. DUH!

So we made up at 11pm last night. I got hardly any good sleep I was so excited to get her. But then the same thing started to happen again. I feel like the black sheep in the family. We were in the Detroit airport and there is a really cool fountain there. We were all walking past it and I kept walking towards our terminal. I was almost to the elevator and I turned around to look for them and they had all stopped to look at the fountain. I stood there, alone, for almost 5 minutes and none of them, even B, noticed that I was not standing with them. I turned Logan around so he could see the water and slowing approached. They hardly noticed I had not even been standing with them the whole time. I just felt so disconnected.

And now. Now I am up in the hotel room with Logan. Everyone else is downstairs getting wasted in the bar. Granted, this is my choice to stay up here. I was not at all comfortable leaving Logan asleep up here alone even with the monitor. And I'm still disconnected.

So my goal this week is to try to connect with everyone. I almost said reconnect, but there has never been a good connection to begin with. And just to keep it right here, I get along with everyone great. I just don't feel like I fit in.