Friday, October 1, 2010

Disconnected

>
Hi all. I am writing from a king sized hotel bed while Logan is fast asleep next to me. What a trip. He did better than perfect. My biggest fear was a screaming, inconsolible infant who would cause the passengers tremendous distaste for us and all kinds of other terrible things. I was ready to put on my mommy cape and defend his aching ears, but I didn't have to. The kid was a gem. Our flight to Detroit was a little over two hours and Logan slept most of it. He woke up about 25 minutes before ladding and began to fuss while we decended. He refussed his paci so his ears were totally bothering him and there was nothing I could do. Our quick ride from Detroit to Grand Rapids was well, just that. QUICK! Logan slept the whole time and I kid you not, barely slept three hours ALL DAY LONG! He was so tired tonight that I had to cuddle him to sleep. Something he never does and something I deeply miss from his newborn days. Overall, traveling with an infant so far has been painless and easy. He has adjusted well to the new people and is just tired. I am sure we will all be a lot more fun in the morning.

But here's the truth. I feel really disconnected from Bs family and he knows this. He knows that I have a hard time getting in on the jokes and conversations. I really don't know why. I have never had this problem with anyone, but for whatever reason, I have to literally force myself to enjoy whatever they are talking about. For one, I feel like they repeat the same memories over and over again, every single time we see each other. I love being nostalgic, but every time is a bit much. Not to mention I have NOTHING to do with any of those stories so yeah, I listen and laugh but the 3rd time Im hearing it is like....okay....and your point is??

B and I had a pretty nasty fight last night. It was about how lax his family was about traveling. I love flying. I have done it several times and even a few times with babies. Traveling with babies is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. It is unlike travling with a two year old. You can be an expert traveler but if you have never flown with a baby, then you're no expert on how long it takes to do simple things.

Getting through security was a nightmare. Although, I did a damn good job of being patient and cooperative. They had me empty his diaper bag of all the liquids. I had three bottles of premixed formula, Happy Baby food, and hand sanitizer. Then they asked me to open one of the baby items and the hand sanitizer so they could test the vapors. Awesome. So I chose the formula because I knew Logan was getting hungry and I would use it soon. Then we had to put our stroller/carseat ensamble back together (just like Momma Dugger does it with Josie--works like a charm!), put our shoes back on, and get to our gate with about 30 minutes to spare before boarding. I was so frustrated that B was not on my side. He almost always takes their side initially, telling me I am being irrational or whatever, and then after some more careful thought, says he's sorry and ha, I'm right. Well what do you know. DUH!

So we made up at 11pm last night. I got hardly any good sleep I was so excited to get her. But then the same thing started to happen again. I feel like the black sheep in the family. We were in the Detroit airport and there is a really cool fountain there. We were all walking past it and I kept walking towards our terminal. I was almost to the elevator and I turned around to look for them and they had all stopped to look at the fountain. I stood there, alone, for almost 5 minutes and none of them, even B, noticed that I was not standing with them. I turned Logan around so he could see the water and slowing approached. They hardly noticed I had not even been standing with them the whole time. I just felt so disconnected.

And now. Now I am up in the hotel room with Logan. Everyone else is downstairs getting wasted in the bar. Granted, this is my choice to stay up here. I was not at all comfortable leaving Logan asleep up here alone even with the monitor. And I'm still disconnected.

So my goal this week is to try to connect with everyone. I almost said reconnect, but there has never been a good connection to begin with. And just to keep it right here, I get along with everyone great. I just don't feel like I fit in.

2 comments:

Leave some Lovin!