Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
>Hello bloggies! I wanted to share with you that I am moving over to Tumblr! I am not very good at figuring out links and html and all that jazz so you will have to add this link to your reader to continue following. If you encounter any issues, just leave a comment here. I will continue to check this blog for awhile until I get all the kinks smoothed out. Thanks for moving with me!
We Are For Each Other @ http://foreachother.tumblr.com
at 7:01 AM
Well, well well....what have we been up to? Since my last depressing post of weening Logan, I have gotten down to just 3 nursing sessions a day, and if I miss one, I will pump. I can tell that my supply is going down and it makes me sad. I feel like I should be super pumping and nursing to get it back up, but I know that is not what's best for us. It is almost ironic how selfish I feel about breastfeeding, as if it was just as good a thing for me as it was for Logan. I know it was a great thing for me to a certain extent, but with all the infections and continued risk of infection even while weening, I cannot risk putting my health on the line.
Speaking of health, I have felt like crap this week. I feel like I am getting the flu, body aches, no appetite...but no fever. So I don't know what's going on. Saturday I was feeling better so Logan and I went to the outlet mall to shop. I had a gift card and needed to get some new work shirts. No more uniforms!! This is great news. Not only was wearing a uniform awful, but the uniform itself was horrible! On numerous occasions, people told me it was very Mrs. Doubtfire. People, I work with old people, I don't want to look like one! So I found some great tops and a few cover ups that will be very versatile. Shopping for new work outfits has helped me feel better about going back. I have something to look forward to and I will look good doing it.
This weekend was Logan's baptism. It was beautiful! Logan was awake for the start of church and fell asleep by the time we went up on stage. Our paster for so gentle and sweet. He even brought up our lightening bolt picture from our wedding!
After the ceremony we headed to my parents house for a party, food, and drinks. Logan was loved on and it was perfect! I had made a slideshow of the last two months and cued it up with some great music and made the grandmas cry! It was beautiful.
I will be entering Logan in the Parents Magazine 2010 cover contest in a few weeks and I think this pic is a good one to submit, no?
And this one...look that sweet smile!
So it is no surprise that we have fox where we live. We are still in the middle of town, but sometimes there are more of them than the rabbits they eat! Well, I took this photo yesterday out our window. The dumb-ass mom on the first floor keeps throwing FOOD off her balcony for the birds and this time it was a STEAK!! Lady, we have dogs! Tulo was freaking out over the fox. He just stood there and ate his steak. B told me that this mom on the first floor said she would not be throwing anymore food out there. Well too late lady! The fox and his lady friend were back this morning when B took the dogs out. Look what she started! AHH!
And here is a sad face post-tummy time. Logan HATES tummy time. He won't even lay on my chest on his tummy. Can't stand it. Silly boy.
at 6:10 AM
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Surgeon said there is no infection and the abscess is healing well. The pain/discomfort I am experiencing is due to the healing, which is a good thing. I can stop taking the antibiotics. He did not say that I needed to stop breast-feeding, but that emotional stress can hinder many things like healing properly and milk production. So it's up to me and after many tears, I am going to begin weening Logan. I spoke with an LC to get some tips and if any of you have suggestions, lay it on me! I have several oz of milk frozen so I will continue to use that and mix with formula to help him make the switch as well. Thanks for the love and support.
at 1:42 PM
Logan is 10 weeks old, which means I have been breast-feeding for 9 weeks. It started out how, I assume, it should have: colostrum, engorgement, milk comes in, sore nipples, etc... I knew that the initial "pain" in breast-feeding would end in just a few short weeks as I toughened up. However, that is not what happened. If you know me at all, you know that I have quite literally been through hell and back with this whole breast-feeding adventure.
When I found out I was expecting, there was no question whether or not I would nurse my baby. I did wonder if there was the possibility that it just would not work out and I did prepare myself for that. Having had Logan in the NICU, we were not sure how nursing would go. Logan had to be able to take a bottle of my pumped milk and gain weight before we were discharged so while I saw a lactation consultant a few times before I was discharged, it did not do any help right away.
Since then, the LC's at Wee Steps and I have become friends. I know them all personally now and I am sure a summer BBQ would not be out of the question. I've been going almost every week as that is how often something comes up. I have had a slew of issues. To start, Logan could not latch without a shield. The shield helped him latch perfectly and at first, I was elated that it was working and he was nursing! My elation was quickly squashed when I realized what a terrible habit I had started, how inconvenient the darn thing was and then, we got thrush. Thrush is a yeast infection that occurs in the baby's mouth and can be passed back and forth from mother's breast to baby. The shield was a perfect place for the thrush to live, despite my many attempts to clean, sterilize and even buy new ones to get rid of the nasty infection. For Logan, it did not bother him in the least. It just shows up as white stuff on his tongue, thicker than milk residue. For me, however, it was searing, burning pain.
Right around the same time I am experiencing this and just before the thrush was diagnosed, I noticed a lump forming. I saw my OB's, they did a little ultrasound that was inconclusive, put me on antibiotics, and sent me to a surgeon to see what was up. Turns out the lump was an abscess, a fluid-filled pocket. I could only assume it started out as an clocked milk duct that just would not unclogged. But oh,"you're lucky," says the surgeon, that I did not have mastitis. And he was right, that would have been really bad. Yet I have a new wound that could potentially leak milk until I stop breast-feeding. Awesome. (enter sarcasm here) Even more awesome? The antibiotics CAUSED the thrush.
As soon as the abscess was drained, a wave of comfort washed over me. The extra stinging, sharp pains from that had subsided and I was thinking I could really keep going and providing the best nutrition for Logan out there. I was so happy and relieved. Less than a week later, though, we were both diagnosed with the thrush. Getting rid of thrush is terribly difficult. I had to sanitize everything that went into Logan's mouth, get a new shield, and hope for the best. Logan was given oral drops and I was to then use the drops directly on my nipples to clear it up. Within a week I could see a noticeable difference and I was again, feeling much better.
The abscess and thrush all happened around the middle of March. So for about a month now, things have been going well. I did continue to go to Wee Steps as I was determined the next step was weening Logan off the shield. Sometime last week I noticed that the lump where the abscess had been drained was getting hard again. I tried expressing it through the incision site that was almost healed, but still leaked milk, and out came blood. It had not bled for weeks and I worried. So I called the surgeon up and asked him what I should do. He wanted to see me again, but could not until today so he prescribed me more antibiotics. I told his nurse, hells nos was I taking antibiotics again and risking getting thrush (I know, silly since an infection from the abscess would actually be worse...). She spoke with the surgeon again and he prescribed Diflucan, a sure and quick killer of thrush (good news) but a drug that is not actually considered 100% safe while breast-feeding (but what drug is anyway...). Enter MORE awesomeness. I chose to take it, as the nightmare of thrush was something I was soooooo not on board with.
After all this, I decided it was also time to ween Logan off the shield. I was so sick of it and was worried Logan would get sick soon enough. The first few times we tried nursing without it, he latched like a champ and I was thrilled! We have actually been shield-less since Friday afternoon now and I am soooo glad! Here is where the worry kicks in:
*The surgeon might tell me I have to stop breast-feeding to allow the abscess to fully heal.
*Logan has been eating so fast, I am worried he is not getting enough and/or causing some not so fun gas pain in him. Last night he cried for almost an entire hour AFTER I fed him and after many attempts to soothe him otherwise, I heated up some milk and he ate 3oz no problem. Enter guilt here. I am so frustrated with our adventures in breast-feeding that I truly feel it might be time to stop. Physically, I am sore. No big deal. But emotionally? I am a wreck. It is so difficult to have so many feelings bombarding me at once.
I love nursing Logan. Talk about a bonding experience.
I love providing the best nutrition for him.
I can pump and save it for later.
I can quickly satisfy his hunger without mixing formula, warming it up and further agitating Logan while he's waiting.
...these are all the GOOD things.
I am sore.
At night, since he sleeps longer, I get engorged.
Without the shield, he really can "bite" down. OUCH!
Abscess, and it's incision site that leaks.
Not having had one good, solid week of breast-feeding to speak of in the last two and a half months.
...these are the bad things.
So conflicting. I want to do what is right for Logan, but now I am at the point where I need to do what is right for me. I have tried to make this work. I have cried, sobbed even, while feeding him because I knew it was best and despite the pain, it was worth it. Well now, I cannot handle the emotional toll this is taking on me. I am so sick of there being something wrong EVERY SINGLE WEEK! I get that motherhood is a trip and there are many other challenging things, and even more rewarding things, that we go through for our children. Never before have I felt so much unconditional love for someone in my entire life. Logan is the most precious, sweet, happy baby and he knows nothing of my troubles, which I am so glad about. I push through the pain so that he won't know that I am hurting. But I think the end is near. When I talked about this with B just before the abscess was drained, he was quite stubborn and encouraged me to keep going. So I did. Last night I told him it's almost over and he comforted me and said I knew what was best. I cry just thinking about having to give up that special bonding time with Logan. I know there are other ways to bond and I know some mothers don't ever nurse their babies but for me, it has been so incredible and horrible in all the ways mentioned above. I am not trying to be a martyr, I just wanted what was best. Now, what's best is getting me healthy.
Update to come after my appointment today.
at 6:24 AM
Sunday, April 18, 2010
>You are 2 months old now, 10 weeks tomorrow. I cannot believe how fast time has flown since the day you entered this world, we met eyes and fell in love. You have brought your daddy and I so much love and joy, we cannot contain ourselves, kissing and holding you all the time. I don't believe there is such thing as spoiling a newborn. Speaking of newborn, you are looking more like a little baby rather than a wrinkly newborn. Your hair, as others say often, makes you look older and I agree. However, your petite size has visitors shaking their heads that there is no way you are in fact two whole months old!
You weigh almost 11 pounds and you are solely in 0-3 month clothing. There are even a few sleepers you are growing out of already since you are 23" long already! You're long and lean, yet your little thighs are starting to chunk out, you have the O'Callaghan chubby cheeks, a cute double chin, long eye lashes like your daddy, and the most perfect, friendly, happy personality we could have hoped for.
Your favorite toy is the mobile above your crib. It projects a moving picture into the hood and spins slowly to Motzart music. You giggle, smile, coo, and chew on your hands it makes you so happy. You also love your play mat, swing, and just being held. We make silly faces at you and your eyes light up and a giant smile spreads across your face. A week ago, you were fussing you were so tired so daddy tried to make you smile and sure enough, you continued to cry and smile at the same time. Quite possibly the funniest thing you have ever done.
You dislike tummy time, but we make you do it a few times a day so your neck, back and shoulders get nice and strong so you might begin crawling soon. You don't like being in your car seat if the car is not moving and you are unsure of how you feel about kisses from the doggies.
You have been nearly sleeping through the night for almost two weeks now. Your longest stretch has been 7 hours and we could not be happier!
Logan, we love you so much and we are in awe of you each and every day as you grow and change right before our eyes. You are becoming so much fun, I can't wait to see you learn more! Mommy and Daddy love you more than anything and we pray for you all the time.
at 2:53 PM
Friday, April 16, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Why helllooooooo bloggies! I think having a baby has made me forget how to blog. Sure, I've got lots to say, but very little time and a lack of articulation to do so. Ugh, frustrating. So here goes....
Logan is two months old! In fact, he hit that mark a week ago and I have taken a ton of pics since that big milestone. The next few pics were taken at the pedi's office while we were waiting....and waiting...and waiting!! So here I am, new mommy, nervous as all heck about his first shots so I get to the office early at 1:45 for a 2pm appointment. At 2:15 we were finally brought back. The nurse did her thing, I undressed Logan and we sat to wait. Doc came in at 3!!! She was with us 20 minutes and I really like her. She answered all my questions and said Logan looks great. She ordered his shots and said it would be a few minutes. FOURTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER....the nurses effing forgot about us!! And here I am, nearly starving Logan because I wanted to nurse him right after to comfort him. Well he could not wait any longer so I fed him and then I went out in the hall and asked the nurses when he would be getting his vaccines....we had been waiting for almost and hour!! I was sooo mad. Like, mad does not even come close to how I felt. Fortunately, Logan was a champ. He cried for less than a minute and then was fine for a good hour once we got home. Then he began to fuss and ran a temp so I gave him some Tylenol and was all better. He slept okay. For several nights prior to his shots, he had been sleeping 6-7 hour stretches and that night he was up every 3.
Over the weekend we found out my brother got a really good new job and needed a car. He sold his car almost a year ago and his new job is in the next town over. So my dad called and offered to pay off the rest of our car if we "gave" it to my brother. B and I talked it over and we're going to try it out for this month before I go back to work. We are not sure how having one car will work out once I do go back but until then, we are a one car family. This has been no problem for us, but OMG has it totally thrown off Logan's schedule. Just when I think, nah there's no way Logan knows that I am trying to get him on a schedule, he totally proves me wrong. Because we only have one car right now, I have been taking B to work in the morning. We leave just after 7am and prior to this new routine, this was when Logan was usually eating or just nodding off for a morning nap. Every day this week, he has been thrown off and that tiny adjustment in the morning has changed our entire day. Even our nights got worse with him waking up every 3-4 hours again.
Our schedule was pretty solid. I had started several weeks ago to get him on an eat-play-sleep schedule. This worked out great during the day and I believe it is the reason he was nearly sleeping through the night at 8 weeks old. Since this week has been wacky, he has been doing an eat-sleep-eat-play schedule and when he does sleep, it's only for a half hour or so. His lack of sleep has made him super fussy and made me super frustrated.
Add to this mess that Logan may have reflux AND is hitting a growth spurt all at once. CRAZY WEEK!!! He has been throwing up after eating, screaming out for no reason (something he has never done), arching his back, has wicked hiccups, and gags quite often on spit up. So I am taking him to the doc later today to try and figure out what is going on. I thought maybe there might be something wrong with my milk. I thought about things I have been eating and honestly, nothing is different. His nursing has been fitful and frustrating for both of us. I worry we may need to supplement with formula, but as long as it helps his tummy then I am okay with it.
So, since momma has had a hard week, I am going to be leaving him with daddy tomorrow night to spend an evening with a dear friend to crochet, chat, and have a glass of wine or two and I cannot wait! Sure I am a little nervous to leave Logan, but I know I need to practice for when I go back to work in less than a month and I know he and Daddy will have a great time. I am making B do everything tonight in the way of the night time routine so that if he has questions I will be there to help out.
Now here are some fun pics of my sweet lil boy. Lots of Love.
Two months old!
Snuggling with Tulo.
At a Breast Cancer Benefit at New Belgium. I LOOOOOVE me some Sunshine!
Crashed out in our bed.
See that scratch over his eye? He screamed when he did it and then I promptly clipped his nails.
at 8:06 AM
Monday, April 5, 2010
At the zoo checking out the fish.
First ride on the gondola.
Smiling at his cousin.
Full moon coming up over the mountain.
Visiting my grandma, his great-grandma Boots.
Yes, there is a dog between my legs (on Easter).
Hanging out with Grammy on Easter.
Happy family! And my new hot momma hair!
at 8:49 PM
Happy Monday Lovies!
Why so happy, you ask? Welllll MAYBE it's because Logan slept SIX WHOLE HOURS last night and the night before! I feel like I can live and work and keep up a house and family on six hours. That is doable! Thank you Logan!
Nextly, hop on over and visit Sully and his awesome mommy if you have any interest at all in trying out cloth diapers. I have been clothing for a month now and I LOVE IT! She is going to send you the cloth diaper of your choice that you're interested in to try it out. What a great idea!
Today, my sweet boy is 8 weeks old and on Thursday he's officially 2 months old! I can't believe how fast those two months have gone. Being a mother is the most special experience I have ever been blessed to be apart of. Logan is growing and changing before our eyes and he makes us smile even when we are completely exhausted.
Here's what Logan is up to:
*He focuses on our faces. He loves when we move our mouths and stick our tongue out at him.
*His favorite toy is a red and orange rattle.
*He is starting to sleep a little longer at nights now!
*On Friday he rolled to his side all on his own and with a little help from dad, he rolled all the way over!
*He has started to grab my hair and our shirts.
*He is in size 1 diapers when he's not sporting a cloth diaper.
*He can hold his head up very well now and his legs are getting super strong.
*He only cries when he is hungry, needs a diaper change, or is tired. His tired cries are are so pitiful sounding.
Easter was amazing! We had a great time with B's family and Logan did great! He slept through a circus performance (think Circque de Souli) and church. The weather was wonderful and it was a great, special holiday to spend as a family.
My next post will be alllll new pics!
at 2:01 PM
Friday, April 2, 2010
It's been over a week and while I have had several things to write about, I just have not felt up to writing, nor have I had the time. Logan is chilling out in his crib right now, watching his mobil. It has a projector on it and he LOVES IT! I am getting a slight break from his severe clinginess right now.
Last night was a disaster. In an attempt to get him to sleep longer (HA!), I tried keeping him awake longer. He has been normally going down around 8 or 8:30 after a bath and nursing and has gone to bed just fine. He'll sleep until 1:30am or so and then is up every 3 hours after that until 6am when he wants to play. Anyway, he is super fussy yesterday. He took a great morning nap until 12:30 and was up until about 3:30. He slept until almost 6 (I know, first mistake) and then we tried keeping him up until 9:30 or 10. Well HE WOULD NOT STAY AWAKE! I tried everything. We played, changed his diaper, bounced him around--and he was falling asleep sitting up. Finally, he was crashed out around 10:30 and proceeded to wake up EVERY TWO HOURS! I am so effing tired I don't even know why I am writing a post and not sleeping. UGH!
Last weekend we went to the zoo and to Steamboat. Both were great trips. Logan did great on the long car ride and the altitude did not seem to bother him.
I have made my own moby wraps and I will post late on how I did that!
at 7:38 AM