Friday, March 30, 2012

Best Dream Ever

For the last three nights, my dreams have been very vivid, long and memorable. I stopped taking melatonin to help me sleep (since I was waking up wide awake in the middle of the night) and now I sleep better without it! Anyway, I had the best dream ever last night and it's worth sharing.

B and I were on our way somewhere, down the highway, driving in separate cars. We decided we needed to drive together so we pulled over into a huge parking lot. There was 1 car there and a women was inside. I leaned over her window and asked if she would let me drive her car. She said yes so B followed me, all the time knowing that we were on our way to the hospital. This woman had dark hair and was very nice, stating that she had worked all day, but was pretty sure that she might give birth any minute. I remained calm and told her I knew what I was doing if we didn't make it in time. We shared great conversation and made it to the hospital.

B disappeared. I escorted this new pregnant women into the hospital and right up to the birthing center (although not the one I work in-it was different) and as soon as she laid on the bed, I could tell she was crowning. There were no nurses around and she was so calm. I just grabbed some gloves and out came the baby into my arms! I placed her (I assumed it was a girl) onto her chest and as soon as two nurses stepped into the room I announced that she'd delivered and I took care of it. The nurses were so impressed, one of which was an old college friend. I declared it was my very first delivery and how excited.

Later, the baby had to go to the NICU for some reason and as I was walking with her to visit her baby we both began to cry and I told her all about Logan's experience in the NICU and said everything would be okay. We hugged a lot and I never saw the baby again but I knew that we'd become friends forever after that experience.

How cool is that?! The best part is that THIS DREAM WILL come true someday. Most likely in a must more prepared environment, but nonetheless, it will happen. I've been in the best mood today all because of this dream and the true possibilities it holds.

That being said, if I won the mega millions (which I thought about playing, and since decided not to) I would quit work and go to nursing school TOMORROW. I would invest in both mine and B's careers right away. Oh and buy our first home and donate millions to the hospital and our vet. Yes, I've thought of this.

And lastly, please keep a little baby in your thoughts and prayers. He was born 13 days ago and thanks to a false negative GBS test, he contracted spinal meningitis from the birth. So scary and sad! I know his grandmother well. Thanks friends.

Monday, March 26, 2012

always remember (part 2)

  • On Thursday night it was warm enough for us to take our 2nd family bike ride together. You protested wearing your helmet but as soon as you were in your seat you settled down. I will remember how peaceful you are, how you just soak in the breeze, sounds, and everything around us. The way you wave at everyone we pass and smile with your most beautiful toothy grin. I will remember the way your eyes light up at the sound of going to the park, the way you run around and climb up the steps to the slide and bravely go down the slide over and over again.

  • How you eat waffles every single morning while watching Cat in the Hat, how you sing along to the song and really emphasize "go go go!"

  • How you've grown out of all your 18-24 month clothes and how you can drink from a grown up cup with little assistance, even if you spill sometimes.

  • How you wake up asking to play bubbles outside, how it's the first thing you think about and how much joy bursts from you when we go outside to play with the bubbles.

  • The way we say our prayers every night. You, sitting on my lap facing me, heads together and your hands pressed. I say our prayers and you say "Amen" and then "again!" and we say a few more prayers until you feel we're done. You open and close the prayer box around my next, being sure to capture every prayer we say.

  • How you lean against your daddy while you two read books, how you point out all the lights, dogs, balloons and much more on every page.

  • How your language has absolutly exploded over the last few months, especially how you say "thank you mommy" or "I love you Mommy". Melts my heart!

I love you so much Logan. Thank you for making my life rich.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

3 weeks

Today marks 3 weeks that I have been free of the mystery abdominal pain and I can honestly say I am surprised. Pleasantly, of course. The medication has evened out and while there are still a few annoying side effects, I will most likely stick with cymbalta.

I've seen so many good things come from this change. For example, I have been terrified for months (years!) to drive on the highway, especially alone and/or at night. Up until about a year ago I was able to use self-talk to get through the initial anxiety. Then I just couldn't do it anymore. If I knew I'd be going to Denver soon, I'd obsess over how anxious I would feel and worry about even getting into the car. It was debilitating. At times I just forced myself to get through it and I did, but not without the numbness, chest pain and racing thoughts.

Well, dear friends, I am happy to share that this weekend I drove to and from Denver without a second thought! Friday night we left before it became dark. B was really tired and I had no problem driving. The drive was flawless and I felt great! Then today I drove us home. We had wayyyyy too much fun last night and B was not even close to feeling okay to drive. I felt fine and again, managed to make it home without any anxiety or worried thoughts. I cannot even describe the comfort I'm feeling right now. This was such a huge hurdle for me to overcome and it was so much easier than I could have imagined.  The last 5 weeks on meds has made such a huge difference and I am no longer feeling ashamed over it. Some people, most it seems, need this kind of help at some point in their lives. I have no idea how long this will last but I'm accepting that it could be a very long time. And I'm totally okay with that.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

so what's new?

  • We're all sick-again. And I am SO sick of being sick and taking care of a sick child and husband. I am certain there is nothing more challenging than trying to maintain a household and care for my family while I'm feeling cruddy too. It suuuuuuuucks. Thankfully, I am feeling better today.

  • I'm getting a massage tonight! It's one of those "take care of myself" resolutions I made. B got me a gift certificate for Christmas. Can't wait!

  • I am officially over any baby-fever I may have had a few months ago. I'm not sure why, but I am so content with the way things are right now. Logan is such a joy, I could not imagine growing a baby right now while trying to enjoy these fleeting moments with Logan.

  • One of those moments happened last night. We were at the park and he has never been a fan of the slide. We've always had to coax him through his protests and last night, he climbed up the stairs of the play structure, turned his little body around and went belly down backwards down the slide! B and I were shocked! No coaxing and only giggles all the way down. Then he proceded to do that over and over, face forward and feet first (ahhhh alliteration!!). He never cried if he fell off the slide at the end on his behind. I have daycare to thank for breaking that little fear of his.

  • Honestly, I miss my longer hair. I love the way it looks at this length, but it doesn't feel natural. I miss the long brains and big, messy buns I managed. But I KNOW that if I grow it out again I will just hack it off out of frustration.

  • I LOVE listening to the classical station on Pandora at work. It is so relaxing and sometimes there are movie theme scores and it makes me nostalgic to watch the movie again.

  • Today is Taylor Hanson's birthday. He's 29.

  • I think the plant in my office is going to die. I cannot keep a plant alive! WTH?!

  • I've been eating avocados and strawberries like they're going out of style and at 3 for $4, they sure are!!

  • This weekend we're going to the St. Patty's Day parade downtown! It's been 5 years since B and I went and that night was the first time he ever told me he loved me. Le sigh....

  • There are so many concerts coming to Red Rocks that I MUST go to!! Florence, The Fray, Mumphord...

Happy Hump Day!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Day in the Life: Working in a Hospital

It has been almost a year (WHAT?!) since I started working in a hospital. I never imagined how much I would enjoy working in a hospital and what it would mean for me career-wise. My future is here, in the hospital, and for now working in admin is just fine. I have received 2 promotions and now have my very own office, something which I never could have thought possible after less than a year. I feel so blessed and privileged to work with an incredible team and interact with patients everyday. It's amazing. So there is my little "day in the life" at work.

730am: Clock in, grab admit phone and let the birthing center (BC) know I've arrived. Get settled in office and scurry over to BC to admit inductions (usually 2 a day).

8am: Print census for women's care (postpartum), nicu, and peds. Check printer for today's discharges and collect discharge info for each patient on their account.

9am-12pm: Finish any discharges, visit patients, coo over newborns, collect money, log it, and answer phone for pre-admits, direct admits and anything else!

12pm: Lunch, usually a turkey diablo Panini. It's delish!

12:35-4pm: Back to the office, back to waiting for calls, scan docs, pre inductions for next day, check email, read blogs, stock office supplies, take a walk...

4pm: Time to go home! Leave phone with admit office, check mail box, say goodbye and dash over to pick Logan up from daycare.

Then I don't think about work the rest of the night! That is, of course, unless I have a great story. Like this morning, I walked in the door and a mama was ready to push! She was 9cm and within an hour had her baby. Thankfully, in the room and not in the front entrance. ;)

Sometimes, days are pretty slow with few phone calls and on those days I do my best to busy myself with whatever I can (or write a blog). Other days, I feel out of breath from all the running around I do between admits and discharges. The worst part of my job is asking for money, but hey, you knew for the last 9 months it was coming! So I'm kind of immune to it now. Patients rarely ever get upset with me, which is nice. The worst (yes, worse that money!) is when I discharge a mama with a nicu baby. It breaks my heart. Sometimes I cry with her a little as I TOTALLY know how she's feeling. Five days a week and then I get my weekends with my family! Could not as for a better job!

Monday, March 5, 2012 almost here?

Yesterday, it was nearly 65* outside! I was elated, however, we did not venture out until after Logan's nap. I was too busy with laundry, napping, and watching Parenthood. We have two dogs and when one has two dogs that means twice the amount of food which then means twice the amount of poo...and we have no picked any of it up since it started snowing in, like, October. I was tired of staring out my kitchen window into a stick and poop-filled yard so I put on my leggings, old shoes and we (Logan and I) headed outside with the dogs. It was such a beautiful day! The fact that I was cleaning up dog schtuff nearly escaped me.

After 45 minutes of poop-scooping, I had myself a large trash bag of nearly 20 pounds (NOT KIDDING!) of poo. Nasty. Logan played with his toys and threw sticks for the dogs. Then I grabbed our rake and cleared the entire yard of all the sticks and leaves that have fallen throughout the winter. Our first few snows caused lots of tree damage and now it's all in one spot for B and our landlord to clear out.

It felt great being outside and opening the windows to get the fresh air in and any germs out. We're all feeling much better, but allergy season is now upon us so hopefully no more sickies.

I'm going to share a major TMI side effect regarding my meds. Just to warn ya.

I am soooo gassy! It's unreal. I have not had this bad of gas since I was pregnant! It smells sooooo bad and I'm embarrassed to be around anyone, fearing I'd totally stick them out. Eeewww. I'm also still not sleeping great, quite dizzy, and nauseous. Hopeing that this is the last week of all that crap. But the pain is gone, mostly!