remember this

Remember:

• how Logan bangs on his door in the morning while saying "mama" & "milk" at the same time


• how he climbs into bed with me and nuzzles his head into the crook of my arm as I cover us both up


• how when I ask him to do his eyebrow trick he looks at me with the most beautiful smirk on his face and instantly bursts out in laughter at how talented he is


• the way he gently wraps his hands around my head and looks me straight in the eye without saying anything


• the way he  falls over in a fit of laughter from chasing the dogs around the house


• how we read Where the Wild Things Are and how he points out Max, the dog and the moon on every page and shouts "No!" when Max does


• the way he giggles in his time out chair and says "hi!" over and over, hoping to flirt his way out of time out


• the way I can convince him that a cracker is a cookie


• how big his heart is for me, always giving love and hugs


• how much he loves his daddy


• how he throws well with both hands


• how he climbs up my legs so I'll hold him


• the way he counts with me (I say one, he says two, and we both say three)


• how he loves playing peek-a-boo and hide-n-seek


• when I rock him before a nap and he reaches up to my face and names all the parts


• how entranced he is with lights, any light, inside or outside, he's always pointing and saying "light on"


• the way he says "love you" (la wou)


• when he's sick and only wants me to comfort him


• the way he smells after a bath

 

Santa's Little Helper

Our trip to see Santa this year was nothing short of an epic fail. The morning started out great. Logan was in a good mood and we were having a great family day. B was heading to Denver later in the day with Logan and I had to get some time in with my boys. We headed to the mall and even while in line, Logan was not totally opposed to the idea of Santa.

There was a little girl in front of us who was just a month older than Logan. She set the bar by wailing and screaming her way off of Santa's lap. Logan stared at her and the closer we got the more sullen his face became. No more smiles and no more "uh-hus" when we asked if he was ready.

I stepped behind the photographer to take my own photos while B managed Logan. As you can see, he was not too keen on the idea of sitting on this strange mans lap! Afterwards he was given a candy cane and of course that cleared up his tears quickly. This kid LOVES candy and ate his candy cane before we'd even gotten to the car.

My dad mentioned how he's "too young" to be going to see Santa and I could not agree more. However, getting the shot of Logan crying on his lap feels like one of those parental rights of passage that you just have to do.

__

In other news, Thursday's 21 Questions will return in January. If you'd like to be featured, please email me samama8 at gmail dot com.

I pray you all have a fantastic and blessed Holiday weekend with your families. Celebrating Christmas with a toddler is SO MUCH FUN!!

One more post coming up: my trip to the ER a few weekends ago!

bye bye babyness

I started writing this on December 8th...

Today, my squishy little boy is 22 months old. That's only 2 months away from being, you guessed it, TWO YEARS OLD!! Every parent from across the world will never EVER stop saying things like "I can't believe how fast time goes," or "I can't believe he's turning two!" or "They grow up so fast," and so on. Seriously, two years of my life has never gone faster since I've had Logan in my life. I mentioned to my mom the other night how when I was 22 months old she had my brother. I cannot imagine already having gone through 9 months of pregnancy again AND having a new baby right now...I know God blesses each of us with what he knows we can handle. I'm glad He knows I would go crazy!! However, that is not to say we are done having children-at all...just not yet.

I have mixed feelings about Logan's babyness fading away. I love watching him learn and grow up into an actual person with a personality, likes and dislikes, wants and needs...all of which make him more of a toddler and less of a baby. And yet I miss his infant stage, the frequent naps, nursing him, and experiencing all those new baby firsts. His firsts now are involve new words and new independence.

Last night I could not find his paci. We left the sitter, who doesn't even give him a paci, and the first thing he starts talking about in the car is "bapie! bapie!" so I tell him we're going home and we'll get it then. On our drive I kept thinking, you know...I hope we can't find a paci and in the same breath I realized I was wishing away one of the last baby-ish things about Logan. He no longer sleeps in a crib, uses a bottle, wakes up every two hours, rather he uses words to express himself, says "toot toot" when he farts, and plays hide and seek around the corners. The paci has never been something that B and I have liked, but it certainly saved us countless times from uncomfortable car rides and wakeful nights. Getting rid of the paci has been one of those things we started to fret about a year ago. We wondered if taking it away sooner rather than later would make the transition easier. In fact, it made it worse! Not two months ago he started needing not one, but TWO pacis to go to bed. He was carrying one around with him everywhere we went and without taking the paci out of his mouth he'd be asking for a 2nd. His talking through his paci was a huge problem to me. We don't want anything to interfere with his language developement or his teeth and we knew the longer we kept the paci around the harder it would be to get rid of it.

So when we got home and after I turned up every couch cushion, searched through his toys, all our secret hiding places and even out in the car again and I still could not find a paci I said "that's it! No more paci!". Well, not out loud like that. But as Logan sat on the floor crying for bis "bapie" I gently told him that there was no more paci. He paused a moment and said it again. I said, "Logan, you bapie had to go and be with another baby. Your bapie went bye-bye." He stared at me for a few seconds before throwing himself on the floor, where he stayed screaming for the next 20 minutes. I tried offering him comfort and he refused my efforts. I let him mourn his paci. It broke my heart to see him so sad about his bapie, but I knew this had to be a "cold turkey" type of thing.

Logan went to bed surprisingly easy and slept through the night

As of today, Logan is nearly paci-free. The few times we've pulled it out is at night or early in the morning to help him get back to sleep and the minute he is up we take it away. If he asks for it during the day we just remind him that he gave it away to another baby. He seems to understand this and accept it without issue. The second night he did have a full on meltdown in which we did not cave, although we were tempted! While Logan mourned his paci, I mourned his babyness.

on correcting someone else's kid

Touchy subject, folks.

Every mother parents differently. Every choice one makes is based on her own personal experience, research, opinions, morals, and values. We are constantly judged for those decisions and most of the time those decisions fit into the mold of whatever society is leaning towards at the time. For example, vaccinating your child. This subject has only seemed to intensify since I was pregnant and deciding if I was going to get a swine flu vaccine. At the time, it was one of the hardest decisions I was making because not only would this be affecting me, but also my unborn son. Now, the right to waive vaccines has blown up and to some degree, is out of control. But this has nothing to do with vaccinating your child. That's a whole other post. ;)

I've been around several friends who have children and as we chat and supervise our kids there are certainly moments when things might get out of hand, like a disagreement over a toy or misuse of a toy (for those older siblings). My comfort level in correcting the child(ren) solely depends on my interpretation of how the other mother might feel if I said something to her child. In general, I have no issue redirecting a child away from a situation that is causing a problem. Redirecting is all I do with Logan. His world grows bigger and bigger every day as he learns a new motor skill (climbing) or verbal skills (mine! no!). B and me are on our toes with Logan as he runs circles around us. But when another child is around, what do you do?

I happen to have a wonderful relationship with a friend of three boys. When all four boys hang out, issues are bound to arise and I find my mommy instincts naturally kicking in. On the occasion that has happened I have instantly apologized for correcting her children and without hesitation she has given me permission to do so. In turn, she has permission to correct Logan. We both understand that in no way will our methods of correction include a physical consequence. But we raise our voices just a touch, change the tone, and the children listen. With other parents this is not as easy, but I am finding my way around that very fine line of when it's okay to correct someone else's child and when to keep my mouth shut.

Bethany Joy recently posted about correcting a total stranger's daughter on the street. You can read it here. In short, she scolds a tween throwing a fit in the street over something so silly her mother was hardly paying any attention. Then, once mom heard Joy correct her daughter she snapped at Joy. Being defensive is one thing, but not taking responsibility for your child's actions, no matter how old, is just inappropriate.

Logan's latest fit was at church. It was during a children's service, thankfully, but I don't tolerate his wanting his way in public very well. He either listens or we leave and at this age I know the expectation for listening is low so we left. He was unhappy in the nursery and wanted to wonder through the pews during the service so I had no other choice than to leave. (I mentioned a few posts back about whether or not to let him cry it out in the nursery and I'm not a fan-yet).

On occasion I have corrected that rowdy child in the waiting area who keeps tapping on the fish tank loudly proclaiming "Look at me fishy!" or the child who bolts so fast out our front doors that if he kept going he'd surely get run over by a car in the drop off lane. I'm constantly paying attention to how my own child affects others around him and it baffles me when other parents don't do the same. The child yelling at a fish was nearly stepping on an elderly woman and mom was deep into a magazine. The child who dashed down the hall and almost out the front doors tripped before I could stop him so in a way, his consequence was natural. Mom was several feet back, hardly paying attention. These kinds of situations I just can't ignore and if mom wants to get up in  my face about it, so be it. Thankfully, that has not happened yet.

Now what do you do? Please share if you are the correcting type or do you let it go? Ignore the situation?

Of Paci Wars and the Big Run

>Logan is going to be 14 months old on Friday. FOURTEEN MONTHS!! Can you believe it? I sure can't. I look at him every morning and I swear it looks more and more like a little boy and less like a baby. One key thing that seems to hold him back from little boyhood is that damn paci. I freaking hate it. He is obsessed! I get that this is a special "security/comfort blanket" of sorts and by no means do I want to take something like that away. But it does have to go. I have not done very much reading on the subject and I just have a plan. That's it. I figure every kid is different and how to get rid of the paci is different for all kids. So here's the plan:

Three days ago I stopped letting him have his paci outside of naps and bedtime. We had attempted this a few months ago and somehow we gave in to allowing it anytime thereafter. Now, we've got a strong hold on him not having it outside his crib. Period. This includes when we go out. He has no problem falling asleep in his car seat and I am torn as to whether or not I will carry one with me just in case. Either way, the goal is to be rid of the paci by the end of the month. In a week or two I am going to start taking it away for naps and by the end of the month he should be free and clear of it for all sleep times. I have no idea if this is going to work. I'm going to try though. The sight of it makes him yearn for that comfort and the only way to calm him is through distraction. Sippies of water and a fun toy seem to be working so far.

****

On another note I want to share my run I had yesterday. I ran 3.4 miles! While this was not all at once, broken up in half due to swim lessons, I feel pretty darn good having done it. The last half on the way home was walked. My body was hurting something fierce! Today my muscles are sore and it feels so good! No running today. It's rainy and I'm going to do the P90X Abs X workout again. That is serious ouchies!

Milestones

>It is amazing to think that one year ago this is what Logan looked like:

His blue eyes were still a deep, dark ocean and his hair was still new and soft. He was still suffering from baby acne and as you can see he swam in his 0-3 month clothing. He wasn't rolling over and was just learning how to smile. Amazing that this is what he looks like now:

Handsome as ever, chewing on a pen. His hair is still soft, although food ends up in it on a daily basis and his eyes now have a greenish tint to them. No more baby acne and even before he is 14 months old he is in mostly 18 month clothing. What a ham. I am so proud to be his mother, though each day can bring along trying moments. All those frustrating moments disappear the moment he smiles at me and says "Mama".

A friend over at Butterflies wrote a beautiful post today. Most of you may even know her. Baby Scarlett, Brandi's beautiful daughter, was diagnosed just before turning 3 months old with brain cancer. While this might be the most devastating news a parent could hear (next to the WORST news, of course), she has kept her chin up as a mother and Scarlett is growing like a weed now. Here are her words from today's post:

I don't know if it is a universal thing, but I find that modern parenting in very milestone-focused.  We are constantly looking for what physical or developmental milestones our children are hitting, and use it as bragging rights among other parents when they are even slightly ahead of the curve.  The October baby message board that I am a member of is overwhelmingly full of moms boasting about their child's latest progress, so eager for their babies to be done with babyhood faster than their neighbors.  There are countless calenders and schedules for when babies should hit each mark, week-by-week points that we feel we should match. I have seen this as a teacher, too, as people push their kids to be more physically, emotionally or intellectually advanced than others, and don't understand why other kids can't do what theirs can.  This puts a huge amount of pressure on those whose kids don't fit the same schedule.

Brandi did such a great job putting into words something I so often thing about. All children, even without a medical issue, meet milestones at different stages. As a new parent, you're constantly worried if there might be something wrong with your child because he's not saying the same things that another child is saying who is the same age. Logan meets all his milestones, but not necessarily when other children his age are. For example, the normal age for children to begin to walk is anywhere between 9 and 18 months, but when my child is 14 months and most of his friends his age are walking it makes that stat seem out of whack. But it's not. Logan is right on track and while I would love to see him toddle across the room I am in no rush for him to walk. He's not ready yet. He's also not really talking either. The only things he says are "Mama" and "Dada". That's it. Everything else is babble. I would love to hear other words clearly roll of his tongue but he's just not there yet.

My point is that I am learning to be okay with where Logan is at, even if he's not doing what other children his age are doing. He is so smart. He can mimic just about anything you do with your face or head. He understands the things we say and he is quite the charmer. I would not want him any other way. My prayer for all of us moms out there is that we stop worrying about what our child should be doing and rather that we praise what they are doing. 

She's Got Balls

>Thanks to Randalin for the compliment. Apparently it takes balls to post controversial parenting tactics. I disagree. Think about it like this: I'm sharing what works for us just as if someone was going to share a certain recipe with you and say you hate mushrooms or can't have cream and the recipe calls for those items. Well rather than completely ditching the recipe altogether you modify it to make it work for you. I rarely ever follow recipes to a T and almost always substitute something for another thing. That is kind of how parenting is. We are constantly bombarded by what we should or should not be doing, etc, all based on personal morals, values and how we were raised. My parents sheltered my brother and I WAY too much so when Logan gets older we will teach him about certain things, but in no way will I have the kind of hold on him or our other children that my parents did. We're going to modify that. Just like we're not going to spank our kids (which our parents did to us). See? Everyone does things differently. The feed back on that post is ironic because I say I'm not judging you, however you're judging me for posting such a ballsy topic with very specific points. Sure we do things differently. Who cares? Those are the way things work for us and I thought I was pretty clear as to WHY we do things the way we do. Anyway, just needed to address that again.

PS did you catch my two other posts after that about running and losing a mole?......

Unsolicited Advice

>

I have a near and dear friend who is getting ready to have her second son in the coming weeks. There is so much joy and excitement going on! They have waited nearly three years for this second dream of a child to come along and I could not be happier for her. We chatted over the weekend and while she already has a five year old, baby semantics have long left her. We talked about the things she still needed and wanted and she asked me some questions. With her, nothing is ever "unsolicited". We're like sisters. We help each other out and we take the other's advice to heart, even if we may not fully agree or we need to take some time to swallow it. No matter what, we rely on each other for support. She is the veteran wife and mother between the two of us, but I would be lying if I said I was not happy to have helped her out a bit this weekend. Her nerves are running high in anticipation for this new babe who is sure to spice things up around her home! Here are a few things, almost rules, that we take seriously around our home. I know many may not agree with some of them being that it's not like CPS is going to come knocking on your door if you do practice any of the following. These are just the things that are important to us. Take what you will from it. 

Disclaimer: Please know that if you happen to do any of these things (or don't) I will not judge you. I know moms are judged for countless things they do or don't do, several of these items being the topic of subject, but please know that it is not MY place to judge you. You're the mom, the parent, and you make your own choices just as we do. As I have said in the past, the only things I WILL judge you for are things that break the law or are not safe/healthy. Sure, a few of these things fall into the safety category and I might give you the side eye, but I still love you. :)

1. Don't put your baby to bed with a drink of any kind. Not only is this bad for their developing teeth, I also believe it is a huge choking risk. I am so petrified of Logan aspirating on his own spit let alone a drink. That sounds extreme, I know, but it happens. I also don't want to damage his teeth before he even has them all in.
2. Rear-face for as long as possible. On the Today show TODAY there was a discussion about how it is most safe for children to rear-face in their convertible car seat until the age of two and/or they reach the weight limit on the car seat for rear-facing. Parent arguments for forward facing at one range from the child being happier facing forward to it being more comfortable because their legs are not squished. This is not the law-yet-but for us we will be rear-facing until Logan reaches the weight limit which is 40 pounds. Even if he is 2.5 he will be rear-facing. The studies that are encouraging rear-facing longer suggest that in the event of a collision a toddler's neck, back and shoulders are more secure and the risk of serious injury to the spin is greatly minimized (info). 
3. Anti-co-sleeping. We discussed before Logan even arrived and agreed that in no way for any reason would Logan sleep in bed with us. Our bed was for us, our special place, and Logan had his own bed. There are so many pros and cons to this and I am not going to rattle off what those are. But here are the reasons why we don't do it: early on there was an increased risk of SIDS not to mention we have a queen size bed and both of us were worried about rolling over onto him or him suffocating, getting too hot, etc. Now we don't do it because it is just not realistic. Both B and I are pretty light sleepers. Having Logan in the bed with us would mean that neither of us would be getting very good sleep. AND Logan rolls around and sleeps mostly on his stomach with his butt up in the air and that would just not work for all three of us.
4. Delay high-allergen foods. Because B has a very serious allergy to fish and others in his family have pet allergies, we have been delaying certain foods for Logan until he is a little older. I was going to delay whole milk until 18 months but by the time he was almost 12 months he was eating cheese and yogurt no problem and we slowly started to integrate it into his formula. Just in the last two weeks he has been on straight whole milk. We took the process nice and slow and he has adjusted well. Only last week did he try a taste of peanut butter, no problem. Fish, eggs, honey, gelatin and tree nuts will be delayed until he is much older. It's clear he has sensitive skin and we want to minimize allergic reactions as much as possible.
5. Delayed vaccines. I've talked about this a bit. We believe in vaccinating our children, just at a slower rate. The one and only vaccine Logan will not receive is the chicken pox vac. There is just too much crap in it and I know a few people who have had their children GET chicken pox from the vac. Also, there is gelatin in it. Otherwise, Logan is mostly on schedule. He will get MMR at 15 months. We did not want him to have to endure more than 2 pokes at once, as no one should! Plus that is just a lot of chemicals to put into such a tiny person all at once.
6. We Cry it Out, sometimes. I just wrote an entire post about this a few days ago. As I said then, we only do it every once in awhile and last night was the first time in several weeks that we had to let Logan cry. He had been fed, changed, and was just really tired. Not to mention his teeth have been giving him hell for a few weeks now. I gave him some tylenol and let him play. He'd cry and finally I just laid him down. Usually he goes right to sleep but last night he was not having it. He cried for 8 minutes and was out. 

On his age and anxiety

>I posted a few days back about how I feel like I am going crazy. I still do, but things are getting better. Logan is just at a new stage in development where he is learning to express himself and I love that. Adapting to the way in which he does so is how I have been able to make things better. I meet his needs but don't give into the things he wants which he can't have (computer cords, phones, our cups of beer, etc). He gets very frustrated very quickly but as long as I can distract him away from whatever it is, he is okay. I even "voice" his feelings for him, which seems to help. Sure he may not get it yet, but in the long run I know this will be a fantastic way for him to learn what certain emotions mean. For example, when he reaches for a cup, whether there is beer in it or not, and I move the cup so he does not spill or drink the contents and that upsets him, I simply move him away from that area and say, "Logan I know that frustrates you and makes you sad. Let's play over here with your legos instead." Most of the time he moves on without any tears, but about once a day he gets a little louder with determination. It's not easy being a parent and no one ever said it would be. It simply amazes me how each stage can seem "so hard" but then you get out of it into the next one and it's a whole new world of hard. And when I say I hard I don't mean I too am just as frustrated. It's just different. I'm a parent for the first time ever and until we have more children, every milestone and developmental stage Logan passes into and out of will be new and different.

I love being Logan's mom. He is an incredible joy and I know that in the last few monthly updates I have said that he has been saying "mama" with distinction. Well...not until THIS week did I really know what that meant. I can look at him and say "say mama" and he says it. Just this morning B let me sleep in and I could hear him fussing and saying "mama" over and over again. I came out to say hi. He looked at me with the biggest smile on his face and he said "mama!" and reached for me. It was a truly beautiful moment.

Of the amazing 13 months I have been a mother to Logan, THIS stage right now is by far the most FUN and HARD of them all. He is so into everything and wants to see and touch everything in his little world. He understand what we say and has the silliest reactions. Just tonight his uncle was holding him and he said "Your mama is weird" and Logan just shook his head at him and looked at me. It was so funny!! Six months ago I would have still said that the first 6 weeks were the hardest. Well now I see they were actually the easiest. Sure I was still healing and sure I was getting very little sleep. But Logan was a sleepy little bug who just laid there. He was not mobil yet and mobility changes everything. I love that he is so so close to walking. He is just starting to stand alone and realize that it's okay. He's still a little nervous but he's getting there.

Overall, I am doing better. I have had a very anxious last few weeks and B has been so loving and supportive, always reminding me that I am a great mom and wife. Those words are the only thing holding me together. I am still trying to get over this mountain, but I'm close. I'm hoping that a few other things in my life will change very soon which I am sure will bring me a lot more joy and happiness.

I'm going nuts.

>

I feel like moms who have little boys and who start to throw fits before they are 15 months old should be given a free, 1 hour massage EVERY EFFING DAY! I tell ya, this stage is just about killing me as a mother. I have never been so challenged as a mother before and I know this is just the very teeny tiny tip of the ice burg.

I have been rather cautious in sharing what we have been going through as I am just not quite sure how to phrase it. I have no words, really, to describe how I feel or how Logan is behaving. It's normal. That is all I know and all everyone keeps telling me so I am just cruising along doing my best, BEGGING God for patience nine thousand times a day, and then some.

To pin-point when the shift in Logan's personality and behaviors changed would be hard, but right around a year old sounds good enough. It's like a light bulb switched in his brilliant little machine of a brain and he knows so much more than we could have ever anticipated. It's really quite amazing, really. He get's what we're saying and doing, but he only expresses how he feels about it by crying, screaming and throwing himself on the ground. A new thing is him banging his head against the wall or the table--whatever hard surface is closest. He does it, cries and then stops, looks up at me like "SEE how mad you made me??!". 

As odd as it sounds, I am very proud of Logan. I am so proud of him for learning to express himself, all while I am feeling crazy and anxious inside because I have no effing clue what to do. Every child is so different and how we parent is going to depend on how Logan is behaving. I have amazing family and friends and it seems that just like when you're pregnant and the moment you say, "Well...he's been acting out lately" you get all that unsolicited advice. I am all for sharing tricks and tactics, but it is exhausting having so many opinions and thoughts coming at me from every which way. I am not sure how we are going to parent this behavior. It is so short-lived right now and it seems that distraction has been the best way to get him off of whatever it is he is crying over. But sometimes in a great while, that means nothing. My son is just as stubborn, strong-willed and determined as I am. Oy.

In other news:

I thought I might try out a mini blog challenge. I am going to just pull these awesome writing prompts as I feel like it pertains to me or I want to share something. No rhyme or reason to the day or whatnot. Bringing Up Bumble has started it so go check her out. Because it is so fitting, I am going to start with Day Seven, asking how I feel about the Cry It Out (CIO) method.

No one likes to listen to their sweet babe cry, but ever since Logan was six or seven months old we had to implement our own special version of CIO. Since becoming a parent and since using this method, I feel it is safe to say that this is a very "as needed" type of sleep training. We have only had to do it two or three times and both times lasted barely two or three days. That is how quickly Logan gets it and it's no longer an issue. We have not used CIO in quite some time (KNOCK ON WOOD!!). Sans sickness and teething, Logan is and has always been a great sleeper. He will normally sleep 10-12 hours a night and very rarely, if ever, wakes in the middle of the night. If he does, we do give him a second to work it out. Sometimes he has just lost his paci, which we no longer fetch for him, or a crick in the neck...whatever. He always goes back to sleep. I am grateful that I am no longer dashing out of bed mostly asleep at the smallest peep from him. I know he is okay.

Anyway, when we did have to implement some CIO techniques, we always set a certain about of time that we would wait. At first it was only two to three minutes, then five, then ten. Usually within in the first five minutes anytime we lay him down he goes to sleep or talks himself to sleep. CIO, in my opinion, has always helped us get back on track, especially if we take a long weekend away and his sleep gets all screwed up. 

So how do I feel about it? I think that CIO is not for everyone. But I do see some very clear benefits from it if and only if the parent is willing to commit to it. I never read and make recipes by the book. I always add in extra spices or sub something in for something else. That is kind of how parenting is. I love reading about certain things, but when it comes down to it, I am going to do it my way. End of story. Now, I do believe that implementing CIO BEFORE six months is too young and I also think that letting a baby cry (I mean really crying, not just fussing on and off) for more than 30 minutes is also not okay. I know that if I put Logan down and he ends up crying for more than 15-20 minutes, he is not ready for bed. Playing for an extra 20-30 minutes always helps him wined down a bit more and then once I lay him down again he does not make a sound. So for all you awesome mamas out there, especially with younger ones, take this advice, as well as everyone else's with a grain of salt. Do what feels right to YOU, not someone else.

Judgy McJudgerson

>Gawh I don't even know how to start this post out without shouting at the top of my lungs. So here goes...

Moms get judged all the time. Someone is watching our ever effing move. I  noticed this when I was pregnant. You know...not drinking alcohol, eating right, not smoking (if you're a smoker), not lifting heavy things, walking unassisted outside when it's icy...the list goes on. At first you realize that everyone has your best interest at heart. I get that. So...thank you over-protective stranger I don't know for taking my cart to the cart port at the grocery store-how kind of you. Now that my little person is in my arms and attached to my hip just about every where I go, the judgyness is way worse. For example, a friend of mine on FB, who is a male and NOT a parent, made a comment about seeing a mother walking across the street with her child in sub-zero temps and eluded that she should never procreate...ie: you're a terrible mother how dare you take your child outside when it's not even 10*!!! I see the logic here, but now that I am a mom if I have to go somewhere and Logan is with me then he best be bundled up and outside. Oh well. What are we gonna do about it?

Today I changed Logan in a public place and I did not have any hand sanitizer with me nor was I near a bathroom so I just wiped my hands with a wipe and threw it away. Well, some older lady did not see me do that and made a comment to me that she noticed I had not washed my hands and how could you even touch your child without having done so first?! I rolled my eyes and did not even waste my time trying to explain to her the situation. Whatevs. However, I am fed up with it. I know this is probably going to happen for the rest of my life as a mother. People are going to judge how I dress him, change him, what I feed him, how I feed him, how I parent him, etc....I'm building up my backbone for it.

Tell me, do you get judged out in public? Do you ever do the judging? Personally, I only find myself on the other side of the fence when safety and health come into play. For example, a pregnant woman smoking. Yes, your a dumbass if you smoke while you're pregnant. Or riding in the back seat with your child on your lap to go just one mile. Idiot! Those people deserve it. Me? Not so much and I will sure as hell admit it when I do.

Shoulda Woulda Coulda: Advice for New Moms

>I've been learning a few new lessons lately and I figure I otta share this great wisdom with all my mama friends. The following list is of all the shouldas and wouldas I have learned lately. I hope it helps someone!

1. Cloth diapering: I love cloth diapering. I really do. We don't have to pay our water bill where we live so CDing is not a big deal. We use disposable liners for the poopies and there is no spraying or swishing. Really, it is so easy. I wish another mom out there had told me to not go cheep on CDs. I tried to do the most cost effective route and it is now kicking us in the arse and we are officially giving up on CDing altogether because of it. Originally, we bought a Bummis diaper kit. It was great except that the prefolds seemed to irritate Logan's skin and they were the small infant size so when he grew out of them around 4-5 moths old we had to invest in new diapers. We went with gDiapers. I have never been in love with either brand, but we rolled with it. I bought the 13-28 pound medium size, 12 to be exact, and for whatever reason Logan is leaking out of them at least once a day. This is such a PITA. OMG. Seems that his little body is just not fitting into the diaper right so we're done. So, I wish I woulda spent the $350-$400 on the really good AIO one size cloth diaper. Like Bum Genius. Yeah, I will be doing that next time for sure. 
2. Car seat: Before I had Logan, a friend was ready to get rid of her car seat and stroller travel system and offered it to us. Of course we said yes and that was it. Now, I shoulda had a lot more sense to check out all the ins and outs of both the car seat and the stroller before taking on this mess. The car seat was over 3 years old. The padding on the seat was worn and hardly what I would consider comfortable. It worked out okay for awhile, but eventually the handle mechanism stopped working and Logans long legged genes had him grown out of it by 8 months. We coulda had the Graco MyRide 65 as a gift from my parents, but nooooooo we had to go with the freebies. I don't even want to waste space here for how bad the stroller was. Please, dear readers, know that I am very grateful for someone to offer these pricy items to us. But there is a different kind of price attached to those kinds of things sometimes so going cheep is not always the best route, especially on something safety related. Today, I bought the Graco MyRide 65 and can't wait for Logan to try it out!
3. Stroller: As I said above, we started out with a pretty terrible stroller. It was big and heavy and the car seat did not fit onto it properly. So I went the cheep-o route again and bought a dinky stroller at Target. The push bar was not tall enough for us, there was no storage, and it was flimsy and not so safe. We shoulda bought a better stroller, on that fit our lifestyle (ie: tiny apartment=compact items). Thankfully, we got a new stroller for Christmas from B's dad. It is awesome!
4. Bottles: Again, with the thrifting of things, I have learned that there is a time to say no to some things. A friend gave me a ton of Avent bottles without nipples. I bought the nipples and all was well but the bottles leaked. A lot. And now they are too fat for Logan to hold himself. I ended up buying all new bottles, Playtex VentAir and I love them!
5. Clothes: This is def well we have scored in the thrifting department. I have a friend with 3 older boys and she passes all of their stuff down to me. It's amazing and I am sooo thankful for her! Without it, we would be spending a ton of money on clothes. So thank you!!
6. Toys: You do not need a lot of toys. At all. Now, or ever. This is something I have been pretty frugal about and most of the toys Logan has have been gifted to us. I really try to avoid anything that requires batteries, although Logan does love his alphabet train! B. is a brand that makes some awesome wooden toys that are sold at Target. They are not cheep, buy neither is the toy.
7. Swing: My parents gave us a swing that Logan hardly ever uses. He'll sit it in for 10 min and is done. It takes up space in his room and I am in no way getting rid of it. However, I would suggest taking your baby to a store where you can find out if he even likes to swing. This was a huge life saver when Logan was new. It was the only place he slept and spent most of his time.

The moral, for us anyways, has been to not go the cheep-o route. That includes craigslist, etc. I bought a jogging stroller and the current car seat we have been using off craigslist and they both suck. Which means I'm not even going to try to resell them. It's pointless. Hope this helps any of you new mamas out there!

When you don't have anything nice to say..

>steal something. I saw this on a message board I frequent and the person who posted it was also just passing it on, not the author. I got a huge kick out of it. Enjoy!

Sleep Training Advice From a Baby to a Baby:

OK, here's my situation. My Mommy has had me for almost 7 months. The first few months were great-- I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, day or night. Then something happened. Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN (sleep thru the night).
At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse. I've talked to other babies, and it seems like it's pretty common after Mommies have had us for around 6 months.

Here's the thing: these Mommies don't really need to sleep. It's just a habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to sleep--they just don't need it anymore. So I am implementing a plan. I call it the Crybaby Shuffle.

It goes like this:

Night 1--cry every 3 hours until you get fed. I know, it's hard. It's hard to see your Mommy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, it's for her own good.

Night 2--cry every 2 hours until you get fed.

Night 3--every hour.

Most Mommies will start to respond more quickly after about 3 nights. Some Mommies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These Mommies may stand in your doorway for hours, shhhh-ing. Don't give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!! If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she will expect it every night. I KNOW IT'S HARD! But she really does not need the sleep, she is just resisting the change.

If you have an especially alert Mommy, you can stop crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep. Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mommy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she can do it.

Last night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to stick to it and just go for it. BE CONSISTENT! I cried for anyreason I could come up with. My sleep sack tickled my foot. I felt a wrinkle under the sheet. My mobile made a shadow on the wall. I burped, and it tasted like pears. I hadn't eaten pears since lunch, what's up with that? The cat said "meow". I should know. My Mommy reminds me of this about 20 times a day. LOL. Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed on the monitor in the other room. Too hot, too cold, just right--doesn' t matter! Keep crying!!

It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4am. Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your Mommies' internal clocks.

P.S. Don't let those rubber things fool you, no matter how long you suck on them, no milk will come out. Trust me.

oh this again

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It is November 10th and the teperature finally dropped below 60* long enough to give us a dusting and when I say dusting I mean it is still snowing. And I love it. Watching snow fall is so peaceful and that is what I need so much right now.

Today was rough, or more so, the afternoon was rough. Work was fine and then someone asked me how I was doing and BAM I lost it. I sat at my desk and wiped tear after tear away as I went on and on about missing my sweet babe. About how depressed it is making me to have him in someones care that is not my own.

I am learning very quickly that being a mother tests you in so many different ways that each time you come to something challenging you think, "This is the hardest thing I've gone through--as a parent--or ever." And I know that those challenges will only change as time goes by. This challenge just happens to be one that is eating me through the core. The night Logan was admitted to the NICU I felt like there could be nothing worse or harder. I grieved it for the first few months. Then I had to quit nursing him and that topped the NICU stay. I grieved that for months and I STILL miss it. Then I had to go back to work. At first, that was not too hard. I missed Logan, but he was at an age that was still easy. He wasn't mobil, he wasn't doing much of anything, really. Now he is doing something new and different everyday and I am missing most of it. This grief and the ache in my heart is yanking at every last fiber of my being. You know like when you pull your hair up to a pony and there is one tiny piece you can't find but is pinching you? Yeah, it's like that times a billion. I am going to do everything I possibly can to work towards being a stay at home mom. It won't be for a few months, but I am going to bust my ass until then. Heck I may even get creative and start an ETSY shop. Who knows.

I know I have been airing my heart on here over this strief for a few weeks now and if you keep reading til the end, I thank you. It means a lot to me. I have to write it down. I have to have a place to share it. Not for you, but for me. Please continue to keep this whole situation in your prayers. They are helping me stay strong and not just quit at the drop of a hat and leave B stranded to fend for our family with very little to go on. I would never do that. But I am breaking. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Fighter

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I need some help, veteran mommas. My sweet boy is a fighter. Speficically, a sleep fighter. And it is all my fault. You see, a month ago when we went to Michigan, Logan had to fall asleep on me several times throughout our travels, something which he had never liked doing. He is a "lay me in my crib" kind of baby. He puts himself to sleep. Who wouldn't want that?

It only took a few times and my little boy learned to love laying his sweet head on my chest while my heart beat and steady breathing lulled him to sleep. Honestly, I loved it. I love how close it has brought us. THEN a week or so after that he began to teethe and I caved and rocked him to sleep just about every night and even for naps. THEN he got a cold. And now I am exhausted. Logan is sending me the message he needs me to rock him to sleep, when really, I know better. He just wants me to rock him. Know how I know?

HE GOES DOWN JUST FINE FOR HIS SITTER!!

This makes me happy and sad all at once. I love that he is wanting to spend more time with me. But I hate that his sitter is having no trouble with it. Weird, I know. My rational about his sitter and the whole being a working mom thing is so bitter and nasty now. There is no compromise. I fucking hate it. Yep. I said that.

So now what do I do? Sometimes he is fine, sometimes he needs to be rocked. I hate the habit this has caused, but love the bonding that is growing between us. Ugh. What to do...

Anyway, a small vent.

**Stay tuned for something REALLY FUN coming up next week.**

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 19

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Play Along.

Something I Miss

This is a heavy one. Being a new parent, there are several things I miss now. But I'm not resentful about what I miss. I would not trade anything in the world for Logan in my life. Life, however, does change when a wee one comes into the mix and these are the things I miss. If you're a parent, I am sure most of these things are obvious.

* Sleeping In
* Spontaneous Date Nights
*Extra Cash
* Going to Concerts
* Reading a Book in less than a months time
* My Perky Sistas
* My Skinny Hips
* My Night-Owl Tendencies

And these are the things I miss that actually matter:

* My best girlfriends: Ash, Bestie, Kathleen, Heidi

That's it. People matter most to me and three of the above lovely ladies have not even had the pleasure of meeting the new man in my life. All three of us are mothers and we live in different towns. I miss seeing them more often but I know that friendships run deep.

Swearsies

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!&@#%!!

I picked up that gem of a word for my cuz Heidi over at Playground Diva. She needs some bloggie lovin. Go check her out.

I've been having a problem recently and it's something which B has had to finally sit me down and have a serious conversation. This never happens, folks. He is never serious and when he is, he means business. I was in big trouble. Why??

Because I curse like a Sailor. I could out-swear a drunk frat boy. Well, maybe. I stay away from works I don't like, like the c-word. Ugh. I hate that word.

So we have a kid and our kid is really starting to soak up everything around him, including the things we say. No, he has not dropped any f-bombs but B is convinced that if I keep talking the way I do, an f-bomb will be one of his first words. Unlike a few people I know, I would not be proud of that. In fact, I would be mortified. B does the quick head turn and gives me a "Sarrrahhhh?! Don't say that!" even when Logan is sleeping in the car. That is our first problem. I am very vocal when I drive and I just happen to swear the most while driving. I don't know what it is but people just piss me off and I let lose. Now, I am not so bad that I just go off all Amber style. No, I am not sitting there swearing up a storm in front of Logan. It's not like that. I will be talking about something that upset me during the day and oops out pops a shit hell damn it and B is all over me like a wet blanket. I did not take him that seriously until he finally was thisclose to being mad at me about it. "Sarah, You HAVE to change that. You CANNOT talk like that around Logan!" Okay okay!!!

I am resolving that this is by far my biggest weakness AND sin. B says I can say whatever the eff I want when Logan is not around or is in his room sleeping but honestly, if I shouldn't swear around Logan, why swear at all? When I was in a church group in college, I hardly ever let a bad word cross my lips. Until now, there was no one holding me accountable. Logan is holding me accountable and so his his daddy.

All this to say that I am going to really try to cut back. I may have a slip here and there, but I want to set a better example for myself and for Logan.

Vaccines Revisited

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You may recall that I wrote several months ago about our beliefs on vaccinating our kids. Because I don't use labels in my posts, I cannot for the life of me find it. Oh well. So here is where we're we've come from and where we are at.

While I was pregnant, the Swine Flu rocked the country and the livelihood of several pregnant women was compromised. My family, husband, and friends were all concerned for my health and safety but I was not about to lock myself up in my house and not step outside for 6 months. I'd go crazy! B and I talked about whether or not I would get the vaccine for 3 months before it was even available. We went back and forth and read countless articles and watched a number of youtube videos. The "what ifs" plagued us but it eventually came down to what was best for me. We worried about the possible risk of autism, something which has very little scientific support, yet I felt and believed that while the health of our baby was important, my health was just as important, if not more so, and that we could live without a baby, but we could not live without me. It was a heart-wrenching decision. I often wondered if I had made the right one and as far as I can tell, I certainly did. I received the vaccine at the beginning of November and I knew that when Logan arrived during the peak of flu season, he would have my immunities through my breast milk and would be protected. If, God Forbid, he happened to develop autism, I was not going to blame the vaccine. I was not going to blame anyone. God, my Creator, is my confidant and I had to trust that He had our plan and Logan's laid out well before we even knew we were pregnant. Logan is a blessing from above, with or without autism and we would love him no less and no different.

Once Logan arrived, we chose to decline the Hep B vaccine in the hospital. There was no reason for him to receive it as both B and I are healthy and no one in our family carried the infection. We had then discussed how we would be vaccinating Logan. It was clear to me that the risks of him being unvaccinated were greater than if he was vaccinated. I do this terrible thing were I worry about the future and all those "what ifs" and I am trying with every fiber of my being not to do that. I am living in today and will NOT worry about tomorrow.

You know, it's in the Bible too. :)

We have chosen to do a delayed vaccination schedule with Logan. Up until he was 6 months old, he only received 2 shots and one oral vaccine. At 6 months, he received 3 shots, one of which was his first Hep B vaccine. Let me be clear here: I DO NOT BELIVE that vaccines cause autism. There is not enough, if any, scientific proof that it does. Even when I see things like this, I shake my head. This is just coincidental. Twenty-five years ago, there were a lot less children with autism, but guess what? There were also a lot less people with Alzheimer's Disease. There were a lot less people with breast cancer. I think graphs and stats, as shown in the link, just causes parents to go into a bigger tailspin of unnecessary worry about all those "what ifs". It also gives the parents who have children with autism someone or something to blame. It's always someone else's fault. What if (ha, no pun intended) it's NOT anyone's fault? What if it's genetic? What if it is just a coincidence? What if the child developed autism even without having been given a vaccine?

Now, some of you might be shaking your heads at me. That is fine. You might also be saying "Well Sarah, WHAT IF he does get autism and you're vaccinating him 'causes' it?" I say to you, "WHAT IF your baby gets pertussis (whooping cough) or meningitis and needs to be hospitalized for weeks because of how ill they become?" Autism is a disorder. It's not curable but it is also not fatal like most the diseases we are vaccinating our children against. I can live with having a child or children with autism. I could not live WITHOUT my child because he died from a disease I could have protected him from. I could not live with the guilt of having to hospitalize my son for something he could have been protected against. And I certainly cannot live without Logan. That is where the line is drawn. For both B and me, this is a no brainer.

So what do I believe? I'm not 100% sure and, FYI, no one is 100% sure, but I believe that children who develop autism have some other kind of predisposition to the disorder prior to ever having received a vaccine. The risk of our children being unvaccinated makes them much more susceptible to diseases which have been nearly eliminated over the last several decades because of vaccines.

I am sharing this with you because I think it is important for us, as parents, to share what and why we feel a certain way about anything. Something like vaccinating your children (or not) is a very touchy subject and is sure to ruffle feathers and attitudes just like talking about politics and religion can. Our children are so precious to us and I believe in protecting mine. Please know, that if you happen to disagree and have different beliefs on the subject, I respect you and your choice. I pray all of our children, vaccinated or not, stay healthy. I also pray that if you are a soon-to-be parent, that you do your own research and educated yourself on the matter. It is not my intention for this to be a place for fangs and flaming and lashing to take place so if you have something to say that is NOT respectful, then either keep it to yourself or send me a private message.

Not Just a Twinkle...

>May 30, 2010

Not just a twinkle….

One year ago YESTERDAY, I sat anxiously at work, browsing websites trying to figure out if I was pregnant or not. I had peed on a stick four days prior and it was negative. I’d been 5 days late a few months back, got very excited, had a big fat negative and on the 6th day Dotty arrived.

I was 6 days past and had been texting my most special cousin Heidi, a momma to 3 now, and she was BEGGING me to pick up a test that night. We live a good 1000 miles away from each other and I am pretty sure she was on her knees. At the time, she was 10 weeks pregnant with River and I wanted more than anything to experience pregnancy with her, even if miles separated us. Well, now we are in the mommy club together and it is amazing!

I wrote this post back in the day when I first announced I was expecting. I got off work at 10pm and drove straight to Walgreens, picked up a test and some ice cream because you can’t take a pregnancy test without ice cream on hand, just in case it was bad news. So I drove home and ran down the stairs of our basement apartment. B was sitting on the couch playing a game, the dogs were next to him. I waved the test at him and told him I was peeing on it again. He was not excited, just *whatever-okay*. He did not want to set himself up for disappointment and neither did I, but I had to know.

So I peed and waited. While I waited, I left the tests in the bathroom and paced outside the door and after 5 minutes, checked it. I was half convincing myself that there was no way I could be pregnant. That it would be negative again and we’d wait a little longer to try again.

Boy was I wrong! Two pink lines, my breath taken away, and a smile that could stretch across the universe, I stepped out into the living room and waved the test at B. I was nodding my head and told him I was pregnant! It is one of my top 5 best moments of my life! B and I hugged and kissed. I was so happy I could not even cry!

And now, now we have our little Logan. We have the most precious blessing and gift we have ever been privy to and we could not be happier. Logan is always growing and changing. I love seeing how far he has come from a little newborn. It is the BEST job I could have ever been offered.

Into the Crib

>May 24, 2010

This may come off a little harsh, but bare with me ONLY with an open mind. I don’t mean to offend, I just need to vent…

I don’t get it. Whyyyyyyy do parents co-sleep? The only reason I see where this might be okay is if you are a single parent and/or your spouse is deployed. But I am not here to argue for co-sleeping and those parents.

I keep seeing on message boards and blogs and even a few friends I know of who have allowed their wee one to sleep in their bed. Way back in the day, I took a speech class and a fellow student, a mother, gave a speech about why co-sleeping so so good for parent and child. The moment I learned that parents actually do this, I was horrified of several things:

• rolling onto my babe
• not getting any sleep
• bye bye sex life!
• the battle of transitioning into a crib later on down the road
• weird looks from non-co-sleeping-believers (that would be me…)

…It goes on. I knew from that moment there was no way I was going to allow my child to sleep in our marriage bed. No way. And this, my fellow momma friends, I did not back down on. B supported me. Once we brought Logan home from the hospital and we tried getting him to sleep in the PnP, that was hard enough, hearing all the little sweet sounds he’d make. It was too much for all three of us.

So I did what others may think was too soon: I moved Logan into his crib when he was 4 weeks old and it was the best move we made for Logan sleep wise. He can sleep and nap in his crib comfortably. He can self-sooth himself to sleep. I can lay him down awake and let him fuss until he falls asleep. There has never been any crying, screaming, or headbanging on either of our parts. It was a smooth and perfect transition and I know that if we had waited until he was older, it would have been a lot harder to do.

It is just surprising to me that so many parents co-sleep and are surpirsed when it is very difficult to transition to the crib…

So my advice to all you new mommas, do it sooner rather than later!