Thursday, June 30, 2011

A Day at the Farm

In between packing, working, and sleeping B and I took Logan to a local farm in town. It was so fun! Logan is at a perfect age now where he notices animals and the sounds they make. The weather was hot and beautiful. Logan started out in a sour mood but the licks and kisses from goats and cows quickly had him tickled.

After the farm we headed to American Furniture Warehouse to purchase our very first couch! We pick it up on Sunday! And today we have spent the morning moving into our new home. Pictures to come! Have a wonderful Thursday!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

My Sick Little Seal

No sooner did Logan recover from Roseola did he bring home a new bug. The lats four days he has been coughing almost uncontrollably. At 2am this morning I swept my miserable baby into my arms and held him while we sat on the toilet in the bathroom. I let the shower run as hot as it would go and we breathed in hot steam in hopes of giving him some relief. This was the first official night ever that Logan actually slept in bed with me. We got a solid 4 hours before he was awake and coughing again.

I had to work at noon and did not think twice about calling the doctor. Logan has had a cough for months now but this seemed different. I could just feel it. On my way to drop Logan off with his sitter Logan began coughing again and it was in that moment that I heard the bark. I must not have been paying attention before but it was clear as day now. Logan was barking like a baby seal, the kind of bark in a cough that other mamas and doctors warn you about. I was moments away from urgent care and without a second thought I made the turn, called B and my mom, and checked us in.

I told the receptionist that I *thought* it was just a cold but that he needed some kind of relief (something!) to ease the cough and give Logan's body a break. Surely it was nothing more than a cold.

An hour later we were discharged after two chest xrays to check for pneumonia and a prescription for a steroid. The diagnosis? Croup. As I was waiting for the doc to come check Logan out I received a text from his sitter, who is also his day care provider, telling me that "Oh by the way....there was a child in his class this week with croup." :::headdesk:::

I just want my baby to be healthy! His little immune system is getting rocked right now and I only pray that it is 10 times better than it was a week ago. So there, new mamas who are wondering what day care is like. You're kid will get sick. And not just cold-sick but sick-sick. It's exhausting, mentally, emotionally, physically and your patience will be tested more than it ever has before. I love being a mom. BUT taking care of a sick child who has no words yet is by far one of the hardest mom-things I have ever had to deal with. And I know I will be 10 times stronger because of it.

Friday, June 24, 2011

On Losing our House

Yep. You read that right. We're going to lose our house. This has been one of the hardest decisions that B and I have had to make in our nearly 3 year marriage. Living with my parents has been a blessing, but it is not fair for any of us to continue having a lack of privacy and space invaded. With no clear end in sight we made June 29th the deadline for the bank to give us an acceptance letter and now that we are 5 days away from that date we have not heard a word. We're heartbroken. Buying our first home has been a goal since the day we said "I Do". This house, based on our current needs and wants, was going to be perfect for us. No upgrades or improvements needed. A park in the front yard. A fenced back yard for the dogs and Logan. A HUGE kitchen for me to cook in. Three spacious bedrooms. No complaints!

The short sale process has been a nightmare. I would NEVER recommend this to anyone. Ever. No matter how great the house is. That is, unless you have the time and financials to wait. We don't. We cannot wait any longer simply on a prayer that we *might* get an acceptance letter whether it's next week or next year. We just can't keep holding out.

The plan, as June 29th approaches and soon passes, is to find a house to rent. There's more to this and as this date comes and goes I will share more. Thank you to everyone who has been keeping this entire process in their thoughts and prayers. It's just not meant to be.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Nothing Short of a Miracle

Imagine the day you found out you were going to become a mother for the first time, or the second or third. Imagine the butterflies you felt, the smile you saw spread across your husbands face and the joy you felt every time your babe rolled around, telling you in his most special way that "I'm here". Thinking of these priceless moments brings tears to my eyes. Pregnancy was one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced, no matter how achy or huge I felt, it was all worth it.

On Saturday morning I arrived at the hospital promptly at 0655am (everything is in military time!). Moments later I received a call that a woman came into the hospital and delivered a baby so quickly we had no time to register her. A few hours later I was went up to have mom sign a few things and get on my way. In the mean time we had been hearing how crazy this labor was, but no details. As the nurse was giving me her room number I asked what had been so crazy about it. This mama had come into the hospital fully expecting to deliver a baby without a heartbeat. Two months earlier she was told her baby had no fetal heart tones. Imagine the pain she must have been feeling from the second she heard those words. You can't. I can't. I cannot even fathom how the blood must have drained from her head and how she probably cried every single day up until she felt the first pain of labor. You can only wrap your head around something like that so much without actually having experiencing and no one should ever have to experience something like that.

My heart sank. For a split second I felt faint and considered sending someone else in to have her sign the forms. But that was not the case. No, this mama, by the grace of God, delivered a HEALTHY, THRIVING, baby girl. She had perfect APGARS and did not even need attention in the NICU. I quite literally gasped. And then I laughed. Joy, relief. I don't know which had me in a fit of tearful excitement that this tragedy turned into the most incredible miracle I have ever heard of. Amazement. I knocked on her door, entered the room and smiled at her. Glanced at her mother holding her granddaughter and smiled again. Mama was beside herself.

And that is why I want to be a midwife.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

To the Best Fathers I Know




On this Father's Day, it is only appropriate to share photos of the most incredible fathers I know, starting with my own. I cannot find words to describe how amazing my dad is. Being his only daughter is such an honor. My most favorite memories with him include getting up early on a Saturday morning, loading up our fishing gear, driving down to the tackle store, picking out night-crawlers, and snagging a bag of reese's pieces. Or camping in the woods and setting up a baseball field with rocks and tree stumps and playing ball. My dad has always been there for me and my brother. I could not be more thankful to have him in my life.
(August 8, 2008) On the best day of my life, my dad gave me away to my best friend and father to my son.

The first time B held Logan in the NICU.One of my most favorite photos on Ash Wednesday.My dad and his first grandson. Giddy.B's dad and Logan.Rock star-to-be.Such an amazing father, husband and friend.Snuggles with Grandpa on Mackinac Island!Walking the river.Dancing with Daddy.Getting Logan Love.Silly silly silly!

Happy Father's Day. I love you all so much!













Friday, June 17, 2011

Finding My Passion...At the Hospital

Working in a hospital has been wonderful. I'd like to point out that 5 years ago I never thought such a thing would even enter my mind. I hated hospitals. Anyone I'd ever known who'd been in the hospital was sick and/or died. I was just coming to the age where friends were starting to have babies. When I received news of a friend going into labor I could not wait to visit her. But wait. She was in the hospital. I instantly felt sick to my stomach. I called up a friend and begged him to go with me. We waited for the call that the little one had arrived and dashed over for a visit. Now that I have had a baby, I realize how crazy that is now! I'd never want that many people coming to see me after just having had a baby. Thankfully, my friend was way too excited, or so it seemed, to show of her new bundle and did not think twice about kicking any of us out.

The fear of being in a hospital quickly started to phase and I even went back the next day when things were less chaotic and I was able to hold her new daughter.

Since then, I have had a ride in the ambulance after fainting in the food hall in college, I've had a baby and spent several nights walking back and forth from the NICU to my mama room. I guess you could say I've become used to it. So when I started looking for a new job back in December, the hospital was the only place I was looking. Of all the places to work in town, this is by far the BEST place to work. Here or the school district or a brewery.

When I found out I had an interview I was shocked. This was not the first time I had applied for jobs with the hospital. I'd probably applied 50 times before over the last few years for random positions and all of a sudden within a month of sending my application in I had an interview. And then a 2nd interview. And then an offer. I was in the system! excitement flowed through me. B was so happy. It was just the kind of change our little family needed.

Now that I have been here 2 months as of yesterday I can honestly say I love it here. I never want to leave. In fact, rather than going back to school to be a teacher, something which I have always felt I have even had to convince myself was the right thing when really, I knew teaching was not what I wanted to do, I will be going back to become a Certified Nurse Midwife. Yeah. Can you believe it?! When I go back is still up in the air. B wants to get his teaching certification first and then I will start with some pre-recs for nursing school, get my RN and then begin my midwifery fellowships. Yes, this is going to take YEARS for me to accomplish but I could not be more excited. I know that if I don't do this now that 10 years from now I will be wishing I had. Whereas once I finish school 10 years from now I will be delivering babies.

After lots of prayer and finally getting a great feel for the hospital lifestyle, meeting and talking to labor and delivery nurses, whom I see multiple times a day to admit laboring mamas, I am certain that this is exactly when God intended for me to find my passion. Sure, it would have been nice to have known when I was in college. I think I was supposed to have a child and really know what it was like to go through pregnancy, labor and delivery, and even experience what the NICU is like for me to truly feel led to join the women's health field. I'm almost 27. I don't think it's too late. Really, it's never too late.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Toddler Must Haves

We are in full toddler mode and are needing and using different things to get us and Logan through the day as flawlessly as possible. Right...far from flawless BUT these items are serious life-savers. What are your toddler must-haves? (click all photos for source)

1) Sleep Sheep

Cloud B Sleep Sheep On-The-Go Travel Size Plush Sound Machine

This sweet, soft sleep machine is just what Logan needs to help him fall asleep. I know a lot of mamas use this for their infants, however I never thought to buy one and ended up being gifted it by my Grammy. Since Logan was a wee one we have always tried to lay him down to awake but sleepy so he could learn how to self soothe. Even without the Sleep Sheep he is pretty darn good at talking or humming himself to sleep. The sheep just adds and extra dash of comfort which Logan melts over. We leave it in his crib and allow him to press the buttons. He is especially fond of the singing whales. Every mama, whether she has a newborn or a toddler, should invest in this little sleep gem.

2) Paci & Clip

Product Image Munchkin Pacifier Clip

Ahhh yes. My 16 month old son has a more-than-mild obsession with his paci and the clip it hangs on. I tried not to even start giving Logan a paci when we first brought him home but after a super fussy night my mom talked me into it and ever since it has been a life saver for both Logan and everyone around him. Be it a melt down, not feeling good, falling asleep, or just needing something to suck on the paci is like gold in our home. About the clip: we used to clip the paci to him so he wouldn't lose it, which is exactly what it's designed for, however Logan loves just rolling the clip end around his fingers while he sucks on his paci. It's so comforting that I have seen him fall asleep doing just that. When will we get rid of it? I don't really think that is up to us. For now he is still so young and it's such a meaningful thing to him that I cannot take it away. I will say that we do our best to limit the time he has with it during the day unless he's sick or super fussy and leave it special just for naps and night time.

3) Water Play

The surest way to put a smile on Logan's face, even with a fever (when this photo was taken) is water play. This kid loves playing in the pool, the dog dishes, tubs, you name it. I snapped this photo on Sunday when he first began feeling pretty crummy and on a hot day there was nothing more soothing to him than plopping his hot little body into cool water. Plus, it's a great way for him to explore his senses.

4) Sunblock

Product Image California Baby SPF 30 Sunscreen Lotion

Since Logan happens to be entering toddlerhood in the summer sunblock is a must have. And I don't buy just any kind. This stuff is expensive, but well worth every penny. I first bought it last summer and knowing that Logan has sensitive skin I had to find something that would not irritate him from tons of crap and chemicals.

5) Room to Run!

I don't know about you, but my toddler cannot sit still. He is constantly moving, dancing, jabbering, picking things up, opening cabinets, hiding remotes, taking CDs off the shelf, pulling toilet paper all over the place, and generally harassing the dogs. He goes from 100 to 0 super fast. When he tanks he's down for the count and sleeps a good 3 hours to charge up for his next round of running. And we love chasing him. We love walking with him outside while he picks up sticks and rocks and throws piles of cotton every where. Seeing the world through his eyes is the most rewarding, most important thing we have learned as parents. And we're still learning.

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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Look Who's Having a Birthday

This handsomely silly man here is 27 today! So happy birthday to my best friend, lover, father to my son and oh so incredible husband! I love you B!!

Out Damn Spot, Out!

EDIT: Within 20 minutes of writing and posting this I surfed on over to and checked out Roseola, a fairly common virus which is similar to chicken pox. It comes from the same Herpes family chicken pox does, but is not nearly as contagious or serious. Every ounce of worry you hear in this post has been eased. Of course, if it gets worse then I will take him in.

See the spots on Logan's cheek? I know this is a terrible cell phone photo but Logan broke out in a rash shortly after spiking a high fever on Sunday afternoon. He has been pretty miserable ever since and I have no idea where either have come from. Daycare is certainly where he may have picked up a bug but I've had it in my gut that this is a reaction from his MMR vaccine he received 10 days ago. I've talked to a few other mamas who have had the same experience, though I am not 100% convinced. Another thought is a fever-induced rash. Where the fever came from is still a mystery and as a mother it kills me not to know exactly what is causing my babe so much discomfort. My gut aches and my mind runs to places it shouldn't. B keeps bringing me down, reassuring me that he's fine-no big deal. I know he's right. At the end of almost 3 days his fever has subsided to a 99*, the rash covers splotchy spaces of his body on his belly, back, face, arms and bottom. Up until after his nap today I was certain that his mood was back to normal, however he woke up crying out in his painful cry, you know the one only a mother can determine, for a good 20 minutes.

The worst part is what my mind tries to convince me of. Not being able to know right away what is wrong, Logan not being able to communicate his pains is just killer. So I pray. I pray he's healed, that the rash is nothing serious, and that I have peace. And I do. Now, if he wakes up tomorrow still having a rough time with more spots then I'm taking him in. Mama says.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

No Bubble Boy Here

On Friday morning we loaded our happy boy into the car and anxiously drove into town. We were on our way to the allergist and could not be more uncertain of what would come of the testing. Knowing full well how allergies run in our families I was convinced he would be allergic to something.

B and I took separate cars. Logan and I stopped at the most incredible donut shop between here and NYC for some yummy breakfast and coffee. Crumbs littered his seat and mouth. Satisfying Logan's needs is one of the greatest feelings as a mom. I cannot always know exactly what it is he needs or wants, which is why this visit was so important. I needed to know what was causing such a horrible cough in him.

We arrived early after dropping one of our cars off at the shop. Logan ran around playing with the toys and moving magazines around. After the paper work was complete we were escorted to a small room with a nice view. Logan played with cotton balls while B and I paced around, looking at each other knowing what the other was thinking.

We went over everything with the allergist and after she left her assistant came in to draw on Logan's back and flick him with 10 different allergens ranging from cotton wood trees to fish and peanuts and grasses. That was the worst part. Using plastic tooth picks dipped in the allergen she quickly nicked Logan's back and it did not take long for crocodile tears to flood Logan's face. I held it together while I helped hold him together. We helped each other out.

And then we waited. The assistant put Finding Nemo on and the distraction was nice. Keeping Logan from scratching his irritated back was not difficult. I expected to see his entire back flare up as I had last weekend when I laid him in the grass. But that didn't happen. Two controls were on his back, one with a histamine he was supposed to react to and one with only saline on it. He only reacted to the histamine control and his slight reaction to the saline control was the same as fish. Neither were big enough to declare an allergy to fish, yet. Other than those few reactions Logan is not allergic to anything. Not cats, dogs, weeds, grass, peanuts, eggs....nothing. Like his mama and dad he has sensitive skin which is why his back flared up in the grass last weekend.

Relief flooded us and while we are still unsure what is causing his cough we know it's not an infection and it's not allergies. PRAISE THE LORD!





Saturday, June 11, 2011


>Several months back I paid a visit to my doctor for a check up. We chatted about the normal womanly things you chat about at such an appointment. After much trepidation I finally blurted out my growing issues with anxiety. BUT--there was no way I was going back on meds, at least meds I'd have to take every day. We discussed a few options, all with the grand side effect of sleepiness. I chose Clorazapam, a drug which can be taken as needed. I have taken it a hand full of times, each time being worse than the last. I was prescribed 1mg and after the first two times of taking it I started to split it in half. I did not like how I felt more than drunk and was almost embarassed by the loopy mood it would put me in. No worries though-I always took it at night once Logan was in bed and B was around to keep me from falling into walls. Seriously, that is how serious this drug is.

So a few nights ago I was feeling terrible. I'd had a rough day and needed something to take the edge off. I rarely resort to alcohol for something like that unless I am actually in a good mood and want to relax like most normal people. Anyway, I took one pill and waited. The wait is not long. Within 20 minutes I am slurring my words and wobbeling around. The med also causes me to feel very tired but not knock-me-out tired--until the other night. I was so excited to watch 19 Kids and Counting. It had been MONTHS since I had seen an episode and the moment I sat on the couch I leaned over to lay down and was out. Literally, blacked out. I remember very breif things like watching the Duggers ski in Colorado and hearing B and my mom comment on how the med made me so tired. That's it.

Now when it comes to drugs and alcohol I am very conservitive. I had my fun in college with alcohol and even then I've NEVER blacked out. I have never been so drunk that I have forgotten details of an evening. Ever. This freaked me out. B told me in the morning that he kept checking to make sure I was still breathing. REALLY?! I was that out of it that my husband was scared for my life?! That's just not right.

I have not taken another pill since and I don't plan to again. If I really need to then I will split it in half. The one time that I did do that I felt great. Not even tired. It took the edge off just as I had wanted and I was still able to enjoy a movie.

I'm only sharing this because it has been on my mind for several days. I am embarrassed as if I had been binge drinking and passed out drunk. I literally felt wasted and I don't like that feeling. Drugs are no joke and I know that the dosage is just too high for me. My anxiety is very circumstantial which is why I won't take anything daily.

If you have taken this medication what has your experience been?

Sunday, June 5, 2011

On Allergies


I've only mentioned briefly about delaying certain foods for Logan due to high allergen ricks especially since B and most of his family members are extremely allergic to cats and fish. Up until Logan was a year old, as most pedi's would recommend, we held off on the top five foods that are thought to cause some of the worst food allergies in kids. Peanuts/tree nuts, cows milk, fish, honey, and eggs. Since Logan turned one he has tried a little of everything on that list except fish and and eggs. I've tried to give him eggs and he hates them. Spits them right out! He will not have fish until he is much older, at least 3-4 years of age. 

I only have a few allergies and sensitivities to things, the two biggest being Vicodin and grass. I get seasonal allergies sometimes but nothing too serious. Vicodin makes my face itch and grass makes me break out in a rash. Between the two of us, B and I both have very sensitive skin. I've always used a special brand of laundry detergent along with hair and body products. I realize there are kids out there with much worse allergies and I am so thankful that Logan does not seem to have any to speak of, until last week that is.

Going on six months now Logan has had a horrible cough. It seemed to come and go and I thought mostly with cutting new teeth but now it is so bad he wakes up in the night in a fit nearly choking on his spit. It is scary to watch and listen to so on Friday he had his 15 month well baby check up and we talked about the cough. No fluid or wheezing in the lungs as well as no other symptoms to indicate and infection of some kind. I was very relieved to hear his lungs are clear. His doctor has referred us to an allergist whom we will see on Friday. 

My mind is running wild wondering what could possibly be causing this horrible cough and my worst fear would be the dogs. We would be so heartbroken if Logan was allergic to the dogs or any pets for that matter. Everyone in our family has a dog or a cat. Not to mention he LOVES the dogs. He goes up to strangers' dogs and says hi. Teaching him NOT to do this will be hard! Also, I took him to the splash park today and laid him on the grass for a moment. When I picked him up his back flared up in red marks like my skin does with grass and my heart sank. 

I am actually looking forward to this appointment. I know that we will be able to find out of he has allergies to anything out there, including fish, and will know how to go from there. Please pray that it's NOT the dogs! Or anything serious for that matter. Hope you're all doing well.