Thursday, August 19, 2010

I Broke Down

>July 18, 2010

If you could see me now and I were to tell you this story, you would first hear me let out a huge, long drawn out, heavy sigh due to pure and utter exhaustion and frustration. And here’s why:

I have a baby. Duh. He doesn’t sleep through the night most nights, he needs to be rocked to sleep, fights sleep with every fiber of his being and has the most blood-curdling cry that if you were to hear it, you’d pick him up too just so that your ears would not start bleeding and you could calm his sweet soul. Ladies and gents (if you’re out there), my child has become manipulative. I know that sounds weird and all you AP (attachment parenting) mommas can just come on over with your torches and burn me at the stake. I don’t care. I am at my wits end. B is at his wits end and it is causing us to go up to fight against each other in the most unloving ways.

How is Logan manipulative? Let me paint a very simple picture for you: Logan is tired, I put him down to bed, he cries, screams, cries, screams until I pick him up. Silence and he falls to sleep after some rocking and snuggles. I LOVE the rocking and snuggles, but I am afraid I have started a terrible habit of rocking him to sleep and getting off of our so-called routine I used to have when he was younger. Folks, the baby was the boss. Get it? And I am demoting him to BABY, not the BOSS.

The last few weeks have been so exhausting. B and I barely get any time together as we are constantly doing something with Logan and I know that he is in teething stage even though those EFFING buggers will not pop through. I am sure if Logan could articulate exactly how he feels right now, he would totally agree with my use of verbage. I began to notice that our friendship was put on the back burner and we’ve been arguing more and acting like children ourselves (it’s your turn to get him!). Yeah, not fun.

Today, I had it. Logan was unbarebly fussy. It was all we could do to barely get laundry and house cleaning done as he just wants to be held and the sleeping issue continued. Sooooooo tonight I gave him a bath, bottle, read a story twice and laid him down. He was okay for a few minutes then began to cry. I told B we were going to let him cry for an entire minute before going in. He went in, soothed him and left. B did this about 4 times over the course of 12 minutes and finally, SILENCE!! He was asleep and we semi let him cry it out! I can’t believe how non-torcherus that was on me. I just didn’t care, I guess you could say. Call me a bad mom, whatever. I can’t be angry with my baby and this is what I had to do to ease that emotion and it worked. I had read and heard stories of mommas who let their babies cry for 45 mintues, all while checking and soothing them without picking them up and I was prepared for that, but no. 12 minutes passed and the last time B came out of the room he was asleep.

Pure bliss.

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