>Flip-Flop

>Edwards would be impressed. B and I CANNOT make up our minds regarding this whole baby making business. Yes, we want children. But now? Yes for me, maybe for B. Yesterday, I kinda broke down with overwhelming emotion regarding the whole baby thing. I have always wanted to have children, but yesterday was the first day that my emotions were so disableing that I could hardly look B in the eye. He was wrecked with sympathy for me, which I had not intended, and I in turn began to feel guilty. The last thing I wanted him to think was that this was my way of manipulating him into condeeding and allowing us to try. He made sure that I knew that was not at all how he felt, which was great, but I still felt bad. Do I really want to have a baby right now? Well, yes. But there is a part of me that is in total limbo that I cannot even frame words around it. So, here is what I am going to do. Ready?

PRAY!

Imagin that, eh? That's right. I am just going to give it up and see what happens and hopefully, this is what B will want to do as well. We have not had a lot of time to talk further about all this since I have been working quite a bit, but seriously, this is what we need to do. I am not talking some kind of Dugger family business here, just seeing what God has in mind. It is so hard to just give up, in a way, and trust 100% that He knows when and where and how all this will work out and I know that is even harder for B to do. He is such a go-getter guy that needs to know every detail so that nothing is skipped over. While this is hard for me as well, I am finding that it is easier for me, in this situation, to just let go and let God. This is another life we are talking about here and we both want this decision to be made without any doubts.

Help us out, internet. Please and thanks in advance. You are all so wonderful and I will keep you posted, as always.

Love,

S.

Edited to add: I just put "baby making" under my interests on my profile. LOL!!