Sunday, February 8, 2009

>Stuff on My Mind

>There is so much on my mind, I don't even know where to start. I need to write about a lot so please just go along with me on this ride of random.
First and foremost: today, Feb 8th, is the day that marks me and B having been married for 6 months!! I know that is kinda lame, but we are super proud of it. :)

The N word: I hate it in general and even more so when I hear it. It makes the pit of my stomach cringe, as if to agree with my heart that hey, that word should be illegal. I love my job and I love almost all the residents. I know who everyone is, where everyone lives, and even a little bit about each of them that they have shared over time. Yesterday, I felt like I was punched in the face when a resident used that word. That is all I can say about it, unfortunately. I hate having to limit my writing here, but for the sake of others, I just can't give more details. What I do want to say is that, I guess I was naive to think that here, in Fort Collins CO, that racism and prejudice did not really exist. If it did, you didn't know about it and that was that. That is how great this town is, but I forgot about the demographic that might still have those tendencies. I guess I just always see the good in people and when an ugly word like that comes off the lips of someone I admired, my heart broke into a million little pieces and I could barely get words out myself that would keep me from being fired. I stared blankly into space, nodded, and waited excruciating seconds until that person walked away so I could get my breath and voice back. Last night as I was falling asleep, I asked God to show me how to forgive this person for being so mean. I have not found the forgiveness yet, but I know I will. I am slowly seeing how precious God's forgiveness for this act has been.
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We went to church this morning and it was great! We had not been since Christmas Eve, as that is how busy our schedules are. I often work Sunday mornings and miss the opportunity to spend that special time with B and God. Rev's chat was about keeping faith fun. I loved it, and so did B. He always has the best antidotes that make you laugh and there was, I kid you not, an applause at the end of his sermon that had everyone laughing and praising his words! It was that uplifting and yes, FUN!
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The girl visit, as my hubs lovingly calls it, occurred this past Monday. I love my doctor. She and I have known each other for almost 10 years now so I am super comfortable with her and she does a great, quick, painless job when it comes to the invasive stuff, if you will. The part that sucks the most? Waiting for the pap results. Last year, I had some "abnormal cells". She was not worried enough to do more testing and said it would be fine to wait another year. So I did. And when this week came along, I was praying every moment I had that things improved down there. It was a long wait, as I did not get the call until Friday. Usually, if something is wrong, they ask you to call the back (if you miss the call, which I did). But, this time, the nurse proudly boasted that everything was NORMAL and no need to come back until next year!! I know all of you know what that wait is like, especially after one the year before not being perfect. Thank you God!!

And thank you for reading!!

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