Running: Week One

>I meant to post this on Sunday but we were having a little too much fun over at my parents house. Week one of running went well--that is until I messed up the ball of my right foot responding to an emergency at work. You see, when someone pages me I am RUNNING to get to them, as most anyone would. Aside from that I was able to get two of the three runs in last week and that felt good. I am on cloud 9 right now. I am going to be buying my first real pair of running shoes today and I cannot wait! I know that the money spent will be reason enough to use the shoes. Both runs last week were outside around our neighborhood. We live outside of a very nice area where the single family homes are pretty big and people run and walk with their kids and dogs all over the place. It felt great to join that club, even though we live in the apartments outside of the neighborhood. Logan loves, more than anything I am sure, to be outside and even more, outside in the stroller. He could be screaming bloody murder and the moment that stroller starts moving he is silent. Well almost. If the ride is long enough he will start jabbering at you and that is so fun to hear. I started out with a 1 minute run, 2 minute walk combo and arrived home in 25 minutes. I felt great! Now, if the mornings would just warm up a bit more then I'd really be ready to go again!

More Changes

>I keep saying how amazing 2011 has been for us this year and gosh darn it things just keep getting better with each passing day! Still no news on the house for a closing date, but we will for sure be moving out of our apartment in May no matter what.YAY! The thing I've been keeping from you? Whelp...

I GOT A NEW JOB!

This is HUGE. If you know me at all you know that just happen to be one of the most loyal people around (annoyingly so-I'm sure!) and keeping a job is no different. I have been at my current job for nearly 3 years and I work with seniors. I never could have imagined how much love I could have for the old folks. This is so bittersweet. I am not just leaving behind friendships in employees but also 140 grandparents. I did not come to this decision lightly. It was time for me to move on and find a way to integrate teaching into my work life. I am very close to getting my substitute teaching license and my schedule at my new job should allow me to sub at least once a week. Obviously school is coming to a close so I may not sub before the end of May but I will be ready to go come August. Out of protection for myself and my family I will not be sharing where my new job is. Just know that this is a VERY good thing. I could not be happier. :)

Post Happy, HA!

>Yeah I'm a little post happy today! Must be the TWO cups of coffee I had this morning while I enjoyed some yummy waffles with the hubs and lil man. YUM! A few things:

First of all, I have an incredible blog friend, Elle. She is one of the strongest, most endearing women I know and I cannot wait for the day we get to meet. Our kids will fall in love and we'll be mom in laws. HAHAH okay maybe that's a little premature. Anyway, she is hosting a fabulous giveaway over on her blog, Midwest Elle. Nope, she didn't ask her readers to do this for more brownie points. I'm simply giving her a little love. If not for the giveaway, just go check out this coffee-addicted, newly single mom. She. Is. Awesome.

Also, here are a few recent photos I want to share. The first couple are from the Denver Aquarium. We didn't get to see the whole thing, but we enjoyed dinner RIGHT NEXT TO a giant aquarium with barracudas and eels galore. Logan was in fishy heaven. Once we get settled into our new home we will be purchasing a bigger aquarium. We love fish.

Milestones

>It is amazing to think that one year ago this is what Logan looked like:

His blue eyes were still a deep, dark ocean and his hair was still new and soft. He was still suffering from baby acne and as you can see he swam in his 0-3 month clothing. He wasn't rolling over and was just learning how to smile. Amazing that this is what he looks like now:

Handsome as ever, chewing on a pen. His hair is still soft, although food ends up in it on a daily basis and his eyes now have a greenish tint to them. No more baby acne and even before he is 14 months old he is in mostly 18 month clothing. What a ham. I am so proud to be his mother, though each day can bring along trying moments. All those frustrating moments disappear the moment he smiles at me and says "Mama".

A friend over at Butterflies wrote a beautiful post today. Most of you may even know her. Baby Scarlett, Brandi's beautiful daughter, was diagnosed just before turning 3 months old with brain cancer. While this might be the most devastating news a parent could hear (next to the WORST news, of course), she has kept her chin up as a mother and Scarlett is growing like a weed now. Here are her words from today's post:

I don't know if it is a universal thing, but I find that modern parenting in very milestone-focused.  We are constantly looking for what physical or developmental milestones our children are hitting, and use it as bragging rights among other parents when they are even slightly ahead of the curve.  The October baby message board that I am a member of is overwhelmingly full of moms boasting about their child's latest progress, so eager for their babies to be done with babyhood faster than their neighbors.  There are countless calenders and schedules for when babies should hit each mark, week-by-week points that we feel we should match. I have seen this as a teacher, too, as people push their kids to be more physically, emotionally or intellectually advanced than others, and don't understand why other kids can't do what theirs can.  This puts a huge amount of pressure on those whose kids don't fit the same schedule.

Brandi did such a great job putting into words something I so often thing about. All children, even without a medical issue, meet milestones at different stages. As a new parent, you're constantly worried if there might be something wrong with your child because he's not saying the same things that another child is saying who is the same age. Logan meets all his milestones, but not necessarily when other children his age are. For example, the normal age for children to begin to walk is anywhere between 9 and 18 months, but when my child is 14 months and most of his friends his age are walking it makes that stat seem out of whack. But it's not. Logan is right on track and while I would love to see him toddle across the room I am in no rush for him to walk. He's not ready yet. He's also not really talking either. The only things he says are "Mama" and "Dada". That's it. Everything else is babble. I would love to hear other words clearly roll of his tongue but he's just not there yet.

My point is that I am learning to be okay with where Logan is at, even if he's not doing what other children his age are doing. He is so smart. He can mimic just about anything you do with your face or head. He understands the things we say and he is quite the charmer. I would not want him any other way. My prayer for all of us moms out there is that we stop worrying about what our child should be doing and rather that we praise what they are doing. 

A little bit of this....and that.

>The last week has been great. I have some FANTASTIC news I can't wait to share. Promise, it's only about a week or so away now, maybe two. But it's awesome! At least for us it is.

Last week we started swim lessons. I knew that Logan would love the water but I'd be lying if I said I was worried he'd have a full on freak out the first time we got back into a pool. He is a bigger, more aware child now and fears become a little more real for me. Well, thankfully, Logan did not disappoint! He is a fish, just like his mama and daddy! Both B and I LOVE the water. We love swimming and hot tubbing. I am sure that within the first two years of being in our house will we have purchased our own hot tub. Anyway, we started the first Guppy class and Logan loves it! I love it! He is one of the oldest in the class so he can be quite the show off. Having something like this to look forward to twice a week has been so special for us. We have a new fun thing to bond over and as long as I can get it to keep working out with my work schedule we will just keep going through the classes. SO FUN!

We are still looking for a new-to-us car. It's not that we are super picky, it's just that we can't put a ton of our own money into something and we don't want a car that is expensive to replace parts for or is a gas-guzzler. Okay maybe that's a little picky but regardless we are still waiting to find THE ONE.

I'm kind of obsessed with TWITTER now and so if you'd be a dear and follow me I'd love ya forevers! Check out the side bar for that.

Lastly, we finally have a plan for what to do if we don't get a closing day by the end of May. This plan is SO comforting to know that we have a place to stay, if we need it, and that we will be out of our apartment in TWO months!! So excited. Makes me very glad to have spent the time writing out a great schedule to get things cleaned and packed up. The only thing I need is some packing tape and some new tunes. Please recommend your favorite work out and cleaning tunes, as well as your favorite cleaning products! THANKS! Have a great Monday!!

ALSO, I have huge motivation to get into shape by the summer/fall and have decided that working out at night is going to be the best way for me to get the running ball rolling. YAY!

Spring Cleaning and Packing

>Update: LOTS of things accomplished. :)

Well, we still don't have a closing date for our house but I have a very sneaky feeling that we are going to get that phone call soon and I will be rushing to pack and clean everything. So rather than packing random things together and being totally lost and confused when unpacking, I am going to start the process slowly and one room at a time. Not to mention our home is a total mess right now. TOO MUCH STUFF!! Either that or our tiny apartment just cannot handle what we've got. We're bursting at the seams and our move cannot come soon enough! So here is a rough schedule of how I plan to tackle all the cleaning and packing. I will try and add before/after pics, mostly just for fun.

Day One: Living/Family/Dining/Play Room

Yes, one "room" contains all those elements. I figure that because this is the room where we hang out and guests see (if we have guests) that I should do this room first.

• Go through old toys and pack
• Disinfect all toys
• Pack stuffed animals
• Pack books
• Disassemble the exersaucer stand up toy, disinfect, and pack
• Dust all surfaces including picture frames, tables, lamps, TV, shelves, and knick-knacks
• Pack all knick-knacks and protect 
• Dust and pack DVDs
• Water plants
• Sell dining table and chairs on craigslist 
• Fix drawer in coffee table
• Clean out couch and vacuum
• Use hose to vacuum corners, baseboards, tile and air returns
• Mop tile and wash walls
• Clean and disinfect high chair
• Clean out entry closet, vacuum, donate unused winter clothing
• Wash windows and sliding door
• Dust blinds
• Pack pictures

Day Two: Kitchen and Pantry

I figure this is the next most used room in the entire apartment and may take the longest to organize and pack.

• Clean and disinfect all surfaces and appliances
• Clean out microwave
• Clean out fridge
• Clean out under sink
• Clean out dog dishes
• Sweep and mop floor
• Pack coffee mugs and glasses, leave just enough to get by
• Clean out pantry: throw out expired items, organize dry foods, spices, and baby items, clean and pack appliances (blender, cuisinart, juicer), pack shopping bags and dog items
• Clean out fish tank
• Organize mail and file

Day Three: Patio

Our patio has become a catch-all for old baby items, packing boxes and other randomness. 

• Donate old or broken baby items
• Sell old jogger
• Go through storage closet and trash or donate unneeded items
• Sweep and wash patio floor

Day Four: 2nd Bathroom and Laundry Area

I tackled the laundry area a few weeks ago. Just need to pack everything up.

• Clean bathtub, toilet, and sink
• Pack all bathroom items (lotions, body sprays, meds)
• Pack everything under the sink (towels, first aid kit, other items)
• Wash mirror, walls and floor

Day Five: Master Bath

Oy this is such a cluttered bathroom!

• Clean bathtub, toilet and sink
• Scrub mold spots on walls (how the heck do I get rid of these?!)
• Throw away old hair products
• Pack all bathroom items and towels
• Wash mirror, walls and floor
• Dust out cabinets
• Throw away expired meds
• Pack CD player

Day Six: Master Bedroom and Closet

Our room is very roomy considering we have a 2 bed 2 bath apartment that is under 850 square feet. There are a lot of places to put things which makes it a catch-all sometimes!

• Organize dresser drawers and throw away or donate unused or holey items
• My Dresser
• B's Dresser
• Clear off window sill, dust and wash windows
• Pack books and donate book shelf (just donated a ton of books to a local book store and the shelves are falling apart so I don't feel right asking someone to pay me for it)
• Pack knick-knacks and picture frames after a thorough dusting
• Clean out drawers of end tables
• Wash dog beds and insides of kennels
• Clean out closet, donate clothes, and pack away seasonal clothing
• Do one load of laundry a day to keep things clean and put away
• Iron B's work clothes

Day Seven: Logan's Room and Closet

Logan's room is not just for his things. His closet and a space above his crib have become extra storage places. We don't have an office or desk so the inside of his closet is a make shift filing cabinet and mini office!

• Disinfect crib rails and top of dresser (changing area)
• Dust shelves above changing table
• Clean and dust window sill and blinds
• Dust and pack knick-knacks on on display shelves
• Go through Logan's clothes and ensure all clothes in drawers currently fit him, pack away the ones which don't
• Clean out closet of old boxes, toys, and random items
• Clean out and pack all items stored above Logan's crib
• Pack up any other items not being used

Other General Things:

• Shampoo spots in carpet and schedule a good shampooing with apartment management
• Clean out all sink and tub drains (YUCK--I get the maintenance men to do this one too)
• Vacuum all corners and baseboards, moving furniture around

WOWOWOWOWOWWWW!!! Can you believe it? I could have everything clean, organized and packed up in SEVEN days! Anyone wanna come over and help me? ;) I imagine that unless we get a call about the house next week that this project will take me several weeks to complete. My steam for cleaning usually only lasts a good 2-3 hours before I am exhausted and ready to relax again. I figure that breaking everything up will allow me to utilize my down time to get these things done and only a few things require B to help (ie: the patio area). 

PLEASE recommend any of your favorite cleaning supplies. I have the Clorox version of a Swiffer, disinfectant wipes, scrubbing bubbles for the bathrooms, and windex. What are you favorite go to items when it comes to serious cleaning??

She's Got Balls

>Thanks to Randalin for the compliment. Apparently it takes balls to post controversial parenting tactics. I disagree. Think about it like this: I'm sharing what works for us just as if someone was going to share a certain recipe with you and say you hate mushrooms or can't have cream and the recipe calls for those items. Well rather than completely ditching the recipe altogether you modify it to make it work for you. I rarely ever follow recipes to a T and almost always substitute something for another thing. That is kind of how parenting is. We are constantly bombarded by what we should or should not be doing, etc, all based on personal morals, values and how we were raised. My parents sheltered my brother and I WAY too much so when Logan gets older we will teach him about certain things, but in no way will I have the kind of hold on him or our other children that my parents did. We're going to modify that. Just like we're not going to spank our kids (which our parents did to us). See? Everyone does things differently. The feed back on that post is ironic because I say I'm not judging you, however you're judging me for posting such a ballsy topic with very specific points. Sure we do things differently. Who cares? Those are the way things work for us and I thought I was pretty clear as to WHY we do things the way we do. Anyway, just needed to address that again.

PS did you catch my two other posts after that about running and losing a mole?......

Becoming A Runner

>This has been something that has been SO hard for me to get to. I am still not there, but I have a lot more motivation right now. My bestie and cousin Heidi has become a HUGE motivator, being that she is a beautiful mother of three and looks more amazing now than she ever has. Her strength and beauty astounds me. I am beside myself with how well she has stuck to her goals and overcome so much, and not just athletically. Let's talk about that. I am NOT an athletic person. I never have been. Ever. I tried to get into certain sports while younger but nothing ever stuck. I started dancing in 6th grade and while I loved it, it was almost as if I was ten years too late because of how NOT flexible and graceful I am. I have flat feet so I tried gymnastics for a year. Too tall. My rear end brushed the floor while on the low bar of the uneven bars. In 7th grade I did volleyball for a year. I wasn't bitchy enough (as if that has anything to do with how athletic I am--I'm actually pretty good at it). In 10th grade I tried out for basketball but again, not coordinated for it. While my hight seemed to be enough for just about everyone I knew, it was not enough for the people who actually cared about winning. And honestly, I didn't care at all.

So all in all, I am not, nor have I ever been, an athletic person. I have, however, found ways to be an active person. I love camping, hiking, and a friendly game of beach volleyball. I also love long walks in the summer after dinner. Nothing beats the perfect summer night temps in CO. Nothing. So here I am, 13.5 months after having given birth and I have been torn: do I work my ass off (literally) to get into shape only to get knocked up again in the next year or so OR do I just get knocked up now and be done with it later. Meh...we're not ready for a baby and honestly, I am pretty sure that if I have a healthier more fit body next time around I won't gain as much weight or have nearly as much aches and pains so early on as I did. Who knows--just a theory.

So back to my dearest H. She is my rockstar. Gah I love her and HATE more than sushi that she is not down the street from me (I really hate sushi). Sooooo we've chatted a bit over the weekend and I am finally ready to give an honest to goodness go at getting my arrse in gear. Literally. I will be heading down to the gym bright and early tomorrow morning (5:20am!!) to job/walk for 30 mins. Here is the plan I am going to try to follow. I think it is fairly similar to the advice that H has gifted me--to do whatever I can for 30 min. Run or walk, be able to carry on a convo without being totally out of breath. I can do this and I WILL do it. I'll do my best to keep things updated-good days and bad- and I'm HOPING that I might be someone who can motivate one of you, like H has me, to be more active. So shoot up a few prayers because 5:20am is NOT that far away!! :)

In other news: we start our swim classes tomorrow!!

Death of a Mole

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As you can see, this is an old photo of me and my sis in law Martha enjoying some Stole Dole's. YUM! This the ONLY photo I could find that had a rather clear view of the giant mole I have had on my neck for 26 years. See it? Just where my hair length ends is a big black mole. Welllllll on Friday my son's lil fingers got curious and nearly yanked the thing off! It was bleeding and irritated all weekend. I decided it was time to get it off before Logan did it himself and here is what I look like today. Please note that I have done next to nothing and have no make up and am a total frump:

It's gone. :( My mole, which I'd never named or given much thought to, is now gone. I considered it my one and only beauty mark and actually liked it when I did happen to notice it's presence. Now it's in a plastic cup being sent to pathology to confirm that we already know it's benign, just to be safe.

Unsolicited Advice

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I have a near and dear friend who is getting ready to have her second son in the coming weeks. There is so much joy and excitement going on! They have waited nearly three years for this second dream of a child to come along and I could not be happier for her. We chatted over the weekend and while she already has a five year old, baby semantics have long left her. We talked about the things she still needed and wanted and she asked me some questions. With her, nothing is ever "unsolicited". We're like sisters. We help each other out and we take the other's advice to heart, even if we may not fully agree or we need to take some time to swallow it. No matter what, we rely on each other for support. She is the veteran wife and mother between the two of us, but I would be lying if I said I was not happy to have helped her out a bit this weekend. Her nerves are running high in anticipation for this new babe who is sure to spice things up around her home! Here are a few things, almost rules, that we take seriously around our home. I know many may not agree with some of them being that it's not like CPS is going to come knocking on your door if you do practice any of the following. These are just the things that are important to us. Take what you will from it. 

Disclaimer: Please know that if you happen to do any of these things (or don't) I will not judge you. I know moms are judged for countless things they do or don't do, several of these items being the topic of subject, but please know that it is not MY place to judge you. You're the mom, the parent, and you make your own choices just as we do. As I have said in the past, the only things I WILL judge you for are things that break the law or are not safe/healthy. Sure, a few of these things fall into the safety category and I might give you the side eye, but I still love you. :)

1. Don't put your baby to bed with a drink of any kind. Not only is this bad for their developing teeth, I also believe it is a huge choking risk. I am so petrified of Logan aspirating on his own spit let alone a drink. That sounds extreme, I know, but it happens. I also don't want to damage his teeth before he even has them all in.
2. Rear-face for as long as possible. On the Today show TODAY there was a discussion about how it is most safe for children to rear-face in their convertible car seat until the age of two and/or they reach the weight limit on the car seat for rear-facing. Parent arguments for forward facing at one range from the child being happier facing forward to it being more comfortable because their legs are not squished. This is not the law-yet-but for us we will be rear-facing until Logan reaches the weight limit which is 40 pounds. Even if he is 2.5 he will be rear-facing. The studies that are encouraging rear-facing longer suggest that in the event of a collision a toddler's neck, back and shoulders are more secure and the risk of serious injury to the spin is greatly minimized (info). 
3. Anti-co-sleeping. We discussed before Logan even arrived and agreed that in no way for any reason would Logan sleep in bed with us. Our bed was for us, our special place, and Logan had his own bed. There are so many pros and cons to this and I am not going to rattle off what those are. But here are the reasons why we don't do it: early on there was an increased risk of SIDS not to mention we have a queen size bed and both of us were worried about rolling over onto him or him suffocating, getting too hot, etc. Now we don't do it because it is just not realistic. Both B and I are pretty light sleepers. Having Logan in the bed with us would mean that neither of us would be getting very good sleep. AND Logan rolls around and sleeps mostly on his stomach with his butt up in the air and that would just not work for all three of us.
4. Delay high-allergen foods. Because B has a very serious allergy to fish and others in his family have pet allergies, we have been delaying certain foods for Logan until he is a little older. I was going to delay whole milk until 18 months but by the time he was almost 12 months he was eating cheese and yogurt no problem and we slowly started to integrate it into his formula. Just in the last two weeks he has been on straight whole milk. We took the process nice and slow and he has adjusted well. Only last week did he try a taste of peanut butter, no problem. Fish, eggs, honey, gelatin and tree nuts will be delayed until he is much older. It's clear he has sensitive skin and we want to minimize allergic reactions as much as possible.
5. Delayed vaccines. I've talked about this a bit. We believe in vaccinating our children, just at a slower rate. The one and only vaccine Logan will not receive is the chicken pox vac. There is just too much crap in it and I know a few people who have had their children GET chicken pox from the vac. Also, there is gelatin in it. Otherwise, Logan is mostly on schedule. He will get MMR at 15 months. We did not want him to have to endure more than 2 pokes at once, as no one should! Plus that is just a lot of chemicals to put into such a tiny person all at once.
6. We Cry it Out, sometimes. I just wrote an entire post about this a few days ago. As I said then, we only do it every once in awhile and last night was the first time in several weeks that we had to let Logan cry. He had been fed, changed, and was just really tired. Not to mention his teeth have been giving him hell for a few weeks now. I gave him some tylenol and let him play. He'd cry and finally I just laid him down. Usually he goes right to sleep but last night he was not having it. He cried for 8 minutes and was out. 

The Almost Accident

>Re-posted from my other blog, My Inner Monologue:

Today we decided to head to Denver to find our "new to us" car. We had a pretty good idea of where we were going but did not in fact do our proper homework on the dealer and after reading several bad reviews online via my 3G Droid we decided otherwise. And "otherwise" was nothing. We had no plan. All this chaos had me in a flighty tizzy. But we managed and decided to head home. B had been driving around most of the day so I offered to drive us home. We were on the highway going about 80MPH. All of a sudden cars in front of me were screeching to a halt. Not like I have ever seen before, either. I mean cars were veering to the median to avoid one another and we were thisclose to being in a serious car accident not once, not twice but THREE TIMES!! And for what? I kept trying to see if there was an accident up ahead or a stalled car in the right lane. Nothing. It was not until a few miles later on and several continued stop and gos did we finally see WHO was causing this near-deadly accident. It was an old man. He was barely driving 40MPH. I wanted to call 911 right then and there to get him off the road but my heart was still beating out of my chest and I was still swearing all kinds of horrible words in my mind. I was panicking. I'm still panicking. My heart is still racing. My chest is still tight and I am still struggling to breath at a normal pace. I want to throw up and go to sleep all at the same time. My jaw is tight with tension and work is the last place I want to be. I don't think there is anything in Linda's book that can help me now. I have prayed many thanks to God for sparing us and everyone else from something that could have been so tragic, however I cannot stop replaying those moments in my head. It's eating away at me and I just want to cry.

Diagnosed

>For now, anyway. For the last week and a half I have been having some serious dizziness. Not just quick little spells that come and go but hard core almost-fall-over and have-the-spins when laying down kind of dizziness. At times, it's caused tremendous nausea. I am sure others may have puked by now, but God graced me with an iron stomach and I rarely ever throw up. Not even when I was pregnant. Oh and on that note, as far as I know, I'm not. Well today I was changing Logan and nearly fell over right there. I steadied myself and set Logan on the floor. I sat there and tried to see if it would subside. It didn't and I'd had enough. I called my doctor. Unfortunately B had the car, not that I should have been driving anyway, but I had resolved to walk to my appointment. It wasn't too far--just a little over a mile and a half each way. When I arrived I felt horrible. I tried to eat some snakes and drink some water--didn't help. I met with my doctor and after loads of questions and some poking around she was convinced I have an inner ear infection. DING DING DING!! Now I remember. Four years ago I had one with the exact same symptoms. She also wanted some blood and when I say some I mean a lot. Five vials worth. Testing my thyroid, metabolic levels, insulin, blood sugars and pregnancy. I really don't think I'm prego, just for the record. And if there is something else going on, we'll know in a few days. For now, I am resting before heading into work. I'm pretty dizzy right now but the meds she gave me will knock me out so I am going to wait before taking anything.

On his age and anxiety

>I posted a few days back about how I feel like I am going crazy. I still do, but things are getting better. Logan is just at a new stage in development where he is learning to express himself and I love that. Adapting to the way in which he does so is how I have been able to make things better. I meet his needs but don't give into the things he wants which he can't have (computer cords, phones, our cups of beer, etc). He gets very frustrated very quickly but as long as I can distract him away from whatever it is, he is okay. I even "voice" his feelings for him, which seems to help. Sure he may not get it yet, but in the long run I know this will be a fantastic way for him to learn what certain emotions mean. For example, when he reaches for a cup, whether there is beer in it or not, and I move the cup so he does not spill or drink the contents and that upsets him, I simply move him away from that area and say, "Logan I know that frustrates you and makes you sad. Let's play over here with your legos instead." Most of the time he moves on without any tears, but about once a day he gets a little louder with determination. It's not easy being a parent and no one ever said it would be. It simply amazes me how each stage can seem "so hard" but then you get out of it into the next one and it's a whole new world of hard. And when I say I hard I don't mean I too am just as frustrated. It's just different. I'm a parent for the first time ever and until we have more children, every milestone and developmental stage Logan passes into and out of will be new and different.

I love being Logan's mom. He is an incredible joy and I know that in the last few monthly updates I have said that he has been saying "mama" with distinction. Well...not until THIS week did I really know what that meant. I can look at him and say "say mama" and he says it. Just this morning B let me sleep in and I could hear him fussing and saying "mama" over and over again. I came out to say hi. He looked at me with the biggest smile on his face and he said "mama!" and reached for me. It was a truly beautiful moment.

Of the amazing 13 months I have been a mother to Logan, THIS stage right now is by far the most FUN and HARD of them all. He is so into everything and wants to see and touch everything in his little world. He understand what we say and has the silliest reactions. Just tonight his uncle was holding him and he said "Your mama is weird" and Logan just shook his head at him and looked at me. It was so funny!! Six months ago I would have still said that the first 6 weeks were the hardest. Well now I see they were actually the easiest. Sure I was still healing and sure I was getting very little sleep. But Logan was a sleepy little bug who just laid there. He was not mobil yet and mobility changes everything. I love that he is so so close to walking. He is just starting to stand alone and realize that it's okay. He's still a little nervous but he's getting there.

Overall, I am doing better. I have had a very anxious last few weeks and B has been so loving and supportive, always reminding me that I am a great mom and wife. Those words are the only thing holding me together. I am still trying to get over this mountain, but I'm close. I'm hoping that a few other things in my life will change very soon which I am sure will bring me a lot more joy and happiness.

i heart faces-sun flare

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Yes, that is me. And yes, I took this picture. I LOVE this picture of me. I was just playing around and after checking out how perfectly the sun was shinning through the window and creating this awesome sun flare, I just kept taking pictures! Check out all the other great shots below:

hummm

>I'm having a hard time choosing an appropriate title for this post. I simply need to say that 2011 is quickly turning into an incredible year--and it's only the middle of March!! The end of 2010 was so SO hard. So many financial issues, work issues, child care issues, etc. I had no idea that 2011 could be any better than last year, becoming a mommy and all. Logan has blessed our lives beyond words and I am kind of glad that my expectations have not been too high because now I am on cloud 9 with all the awesome things in store for us! I posted recently about becoming debt free. This has been HUGE for us! Not just in the way of money, but in our relationship. We are no longer wondering when we will pay off such and such credit card so we can treat ourselves to dinner. Now, with all that debt gone, we are saving A TON of money each month because we are no longer paying minimum balances. It's AWESOME!!

Also, buying a house is pretty stinkin obvious. We can't wait to hear back from the bank!! Not to mention a new to us car we are looking for. Still have yet to find it, but we know it's out there somewhere!

There are a few things going on which are going to remain up my sleeve for now. But I promise they are positive, awesome things which will only make this year better! So many changes...I have always done a great job adapting to change. Everyone's love and prayers have been a welcomed blessing. We needed it and now I am paying it forward 10 times over praying over my friends who really need it. You know who you are and I love you!

Please go Vote!!

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Voting is open!! Check out our photo HERE and vote HERE. We are #238 THANKS!!

I'm going nuts.

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I feel like moms who have little boys and who start to throw fits before they are 15 months old should be given a free, 1 hour massage EVERY EFFING DAY! I tell ya, this stage is just about killing me as a mother. I have never been so challenged as a mother before and I know this is just the very teeny tiny tip of the ice burg.

I have been rather cautious in sharing what we have been going through as I am just not quite sure how to phrase it. I have no words, really, to describe how I feel or how Logan is behaving. It's normal. That is all I know and all everyone keeps telling me so I am just cruising along doing my best, BEGGING God for patience nine thousand times a day, and then some.

To pin-point when the shift in Logan's personality and behaviors changed would be hard, but right around a year old sounds good enough. It's like a light bulb switched in his brilliant little machine of a brain and he knows so much more than we could have ever anticipated. It's really quite amazing, really. He get's what we're saying and doing, but he only expresses how he feels about it by crying, screaming and throwing himself on the ground. A new thing is him banging his head against the wall or the table--whatever hard surface is closest. He does it, cries and then stops, looks up at me like "SEE how mad you made me??!". 

As odd as it sounds, I am very proud of Logan. I am so proud of him for learning to express himself, all while I am feeling crazy and anxious inside because I have no effing clue what to do. Every child is so different and how we parent is going to depend on how Logan is behaving. I have amazing family and friends and it seems that just like when you're pregnant and the moment you say, "Well...he's been acting out lately" you get all that unsolicited advice. I am all for sharing tricks and tactics, but it is exhausting having so many opinions and thoughts coming at me from every which way. I am not sure how we are going to parent this behavior. It is so short-lived right now and it seems that distraction has been the best way to get him off of whatever it is he is crying over. But sometimes in a great while, that means nothing. My son is just as stubborn, strong-willed and determined as I am. Oy.

In other news:

I thought I might try out a mini blog challenge. I am going to just pull these awesome writing prompts as I feel like it pertains to me or I want to share something. No rhyme or reason to the day or whatnot. Bringing Up Bumble has started it so go check her out. Because it is so fitting, I am going to start with Day Seven, asking how I feel about the Cry It Out (CIO) method.

No one likes to listen to their sweet babe cry, but ever since Logan was six or seven months old we had to implement our own special version of CIO. Since becoming a parent and since using this method, I feel it is safe to say that this is a very "as needed" type of sleep training. We have only had to do it two or three times and both times lasted barely two or three days. That is how quickly Logan gets it and it's no longer an issue. We have not used CIO in quite some time (KNOCK ON WOOD!!). Sans sickness and teething, Logan is and has always been a great sleeper. He will normally sleep 10-12 hours a night and very rarely, if ever, wakes in the middle of the night. If he does, we do give him a second to work it out. Sometimes he has just lost his paci, which we no longer fetch for him, or a crick in the neck...whatever. He always goes back to sleep. I am grateful that I am no longer dashing out of bed mostly asleep at the smallest peep from him. I know he is okay.

Anyway, when we did have to implement some CIO techniques, we always set a certain about of time that we would wait. At first it was only two to three minutes, then five, then ten. Usually within in the first five minutes anytime we lay him down he goes to sleep or talks himself to sleep. CIO, in my opinion, has always helped us get back on track, especially if we take a long weekend away and his sleep gets all screwed up. 

So how do I feel about it? I think that CIO is not for everyone. But I do see some very clear benefits from it if and only if the parent is willing to commit to it. I never read and make recipes by the book. I always add in extra spices or sub something in for something else. That is kind of how parenting is. I love reading about certain things, but when it comes down to it, I am going to do it my way. End of story. Now, I do believe that implementing CIO BEFORE six months is too young and I also think that letting a baby cry (I mean really crying, not just fussing on and off) for more than 30 minutes is also not okay. I know that if I put Logan down and he ends up crying for more than 15-20 minutes, he is not ready for bed. Playing for an extra 20-30 minutes always helps him wined down a bit more and then once I lay him down again he does not make a sound. So for all you awesome mamas out there, especially with younger ones, take this advice, as well as everyone else's with a grain of salt. Do what feels right to YOU, not someone else.

i heart faces-best in February

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This is an important challenge this week friends!! I need YOUR HELP!! Follow the link below and vote for our photo!! PLEASE AND THANK YOU! :)

I snapped this shot on Logan's birthday while playing at a local playhouse. I love taking him there, however it is really expensive!! I can't do anything about the finger prints on the mirrors, although I think it adds character to the photo. Check out all the other awesome shots below:

CLICK HERE

I've Never Written About this Before

>I have been inspired by Kellie over at It's a Boy! to write a post about one of the most special memories I have of B and I. EVER. Yes, that special. And you'll smile a silly smile when you hear how simple of a moment it was. But first, go check out Kellie. She just had a sweet little boy and her blog and spirit is addictive! I am going to write this as if it just happened in a voice that is not past tense. Also, I am sharing this because I want to always have a place to remember it and I believe that sharing these simple moments are what make us so awesome.

I came home from the hospital, leaving my baby boy in the NICU alone for what I had hoped would just be a few hours, if that. I was discharged, sent home to care for my post labor wounds. The only sign I had given birth not 48 hours ago. My empty arms ached more than the cramps and stitches. B helped me up the stairs--three flights! I made it, but quickly collapsed on the couch. My legs are still shaky from the epidural. I only came home to shower and see the dogs. They were elated! I could tell they knew something fishy was going on and only in a few days would they know for sure. I gave them some love and asked B to help me to the shower. Yesterday, I had a nurse stand outside my hospital room door while I sat on a cold plastic seat and sponged myself. I cried. I hated being alone. I hated the fact that Logan was in the NICU and I could not take him home. None of this was part of our plan. But it was apart of His plan.


I took a percocet before we came home and felt drunk. The pain below was dulled, but the emotional ache in my heart kept on. B was so sweet. He helped me sit down on the bed to take my shoes off, one at a time. Slowly, I undressed. I wanted B to shower with me, but I could not form the words so I asked him to wait outside the curtain. He sat on the toilet. As I stood in the shower, hot water beating down on my back, I felt like I was going to pass out. B climbed in with me. It had been a few weeks since we had been in our small shower together. Me with my big overdue belly. Now, no belly or baby accompanied us. He held me up under my arms and I could not stop the rush of tears. I sobbed over his shoulder for what seemed like hours. The water never seemed to turn cold. B lathered up my luffa and helped bathe me. I washed my hair, rinsed and leaned on B again. The combination of heat, drugs and overwhelming emotions brought us closer together than we had been in a long time. B comforted me in a way that he never has before. He held me up both physically and mentally, caressed my arms and told me countless times that Logan would be just fine, that he would come home soon. I never doubted his words. 


B turned the water off. He never showed disgust over the mess my body was making. I was embarrassed, but had no control over it and he knew that. I know most fathers would probably ignore it the same way B did, but there are a few who would have said horrible things and made the embarrassment even worse. I kept apologizing for the mess, for crying like a crazy lady, for needing him so much. And then he kissed me. Kissed me hard. Kissed me until I forgot what my last thought was. He washed away the worry and held me tight. He told me he loved me more than anything, that none of that stuff mattered and that I could cry all I wanted. It was a great feeling then, knowing that my husband was on my side and would be forever. He helped me dry off and dress. I brushed my hair and we returned to the hospital to see our babe. He was sleeping peacefully. I will never forget this moment with B. Ever.


See? It's the little things. This is one of my top five best moments with B and maybe someday I will share the other four. Have a great day!

Of fires, houses and debt.

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A regular update is long overdue. I find that I am not too fond of the moment by moment type of writing that most of you are so good at. I just think it's boring (for me! not you) and I want fun things to write about. Whelp...I waited long enough so in honor of this crazy-ass week I have here a list for you. Enjoy!

1. House hunting: Since we cancelled on contract with the first house three weeks ago we have been anxiously and fervernly looking for THE house. Let me tell you that is no easy feat, especially when we are limited by our financial qualifications and location. We desperately wanted to stay in the town we live in because our jobs are here and, well, we love it! But we were willing to look in the small towns that surround our college town. Within a week we were back out with our broker and the day concluded with a house that was a mile from our work in a newer neighborhood. The very fact that there was a house we could afford in this neighborhood was surprising. And once we saw the house, we knew it was THE ONE. When we got there, another couple arrived not five minutes later to see the house. Their broker was not with them and they started to walk around the house. Our broker kindly kicked them out until we were done and I did not feel bad about them waiting in the brisk wind outside! We came home and slept on it, but it was very obvious how smittin we were with the house. First thing the next morning we put an offer on the table and waited. We learned that there was another competing offer and so we upped ours. The seller accepted! We were then waiting to hear from the bank, being that this is a short sale, and we knew it might be awhile. Well, little did we know the sellers were trying to get a loan modification so they didn't have to sell the house the whole time we were waiting! Finally, yesterday morning they signed all the paperwork and we are officially under-contract! This feels so much better and different than the first house!! Can't wait to share more!
2. Fire: Two nights ago I was running a load of laundry in our ghetto dryer. It usually takes two cycles to dry clothes and before the first round was over I started to smell burning. I was not cooking anything and checked the laundry. The dryer was over-heating!! The clothes were so hot I could not even touch them!! I called maintenance and being that there was no fire it was not considered an emergency. So I had to let the wet clothes that were in the wash stay wet. I was so mad! I don't have a drying rack and no where near enough space to spread things out to dry. Maintenance came by yesterday afternoon (which they had told me would have been first thing in the morning!!!) and cleaned out or vent. It was pretty backed up. THEN I had been home with Logan for about a half hour making myself some pizza in the toaster oven. Logan was asleep and I was catching up on emails. I went to check on the pizza and IT WAS ON FIRE!! The whole toaster oven on the inside was on fire! Flames and they just kept sparking and making more!! I was fa-reaking out so the first thing I thought to do was throw  water on it. While it was still on. While it was still plugged into the wall. Yeah...not my brightest moment but THANK THE GOOD LORD ABOVE I did not start an electrical fire and the flames ceased. However, the fire of anxiety and mild heart attack I was having did not cease. Not for the entire day. Oy.
3. Debt: I am happy and oh-so-proud to announce that we are 100% DEBT FREE!! Not one penny do we owe to anyone!! Thanks to our tax return we have paid all our credit cards and still have enough left over for savings, necessities and fun. B and I are going on a date on Friday and I CANNOT WAIT!!!
4. I know there is more...I just need to put it into a new post. :)