On his age and anxiety

>I posted a few days back about how I feel like I am going crazy. I still do, but things are getting better. Logan is just at a new stage in development where he is learning to express himself and I love that. Adapting to the way in which he does so is how I have been able to make things better. I meet his needs but don't give into the things he wants which he can't have (computer cords, phones, our cups of beer, etc). He gets very frustrated very quickly but as long as I can distract him away from whatever it is, he is okay. I even "voice" his feelings for him, which seems to help. Sure he may not get it yet, but in the long run I know this will be a fantastic way for him to learn what certain emotions mean. For example, when he reaches for a cup, whether there is beer in it or not, and I move the cup so he does not spill or drink the contents and that upsets him, I simply move him away from that area and say, "Logan I know that frustrates you and makes you sad. Let's play over here with your legos instead." Most of the time he moves on without any tears, but about once a day he gets a little louder with determination. It's not easy being a parent and no one ever said it would be. It simply amazes me how each stage can seem "so hard" but then you get out of it into the next one and it's a whole new world of hard. And when I say I hard I don't mean I too am just as frustrated. It's just different. I'm a parent for the first time ever and until we have more children, every milestone and developmental stage Logan passes into and out of will be new and different.

I love being Logan's mom. He is an incredible joy and I know that in the last few monthly updates I have said that he has been saying "mama" with distinction. Well...not until THIS week did I really know what that meant. I can look at him and say "say mama" and he says it. Just this morning B let me sleep in and I could hear him fussing and saying "mama" over and over again. I came out to say hi. He looked at me with the biggest smile on his face and he said "mama!" and reached for me. It was a truly beautiful moment.

Of the amazing 13 months I have been a mother to Logan, THIS stage right now is by far the most FUN and HARD of them all. He is so into everything and wants to see and touch everything in his little world. He understand what we say and has the silliest reactions. Just tonight his uncle was holding him and he said "Your mama is weird" and Logan just shook his head at him and looked at me. It was so funny!! Six months ago I would have still said that the first 6 weeks were the hardest. Well now I see they were actually the easiest. Sure I was still healing and sure I was getting very little sleep. But Logan was a sleepy little bug who just laid there. He was not mobil yet and mobility changes everything. I love that he is so so close to walking. He is just starting to stand alone and realize that it's okay. He's still a little nervous but he's getting there.

Overall, I am doing better. I have had a very anxious last few weeks and B has been so loving and supportive, always reminding me that I am a great mom and wife. Those words are the only thing holding me together. I am still trying to get over this mountain, but I'm close. I'm hoping that a few other things in my life will change very soon which I am sure will bring me a lot more joy and happiness.