>I have been inspired by Kellie over at It's a Boy! to write a post about one of the most special memories I have of B and I. EVER. Yes, that special. And you'll smile a silly smile when you hear how simple of a moment it was. But first, go check out Kellie. She just had a sweet little boy and her blog and spirit is addictive! I am going to write this as if it just happened in a voice that is not past tense. Also, I am sharing this because I want to always have a place to remember it and I believe that sharing these simple moments are what make us so awesome.
I came home from the hospital, leaving my baby boy in the NICU alone for what I had hoped would just be a few hours, if that. I was discharged, sent home to care for my post labor wounds. The only sign I had given birth not 48 hours ago. My empty arms ached more than the cramps and stitches. B helped me up the stairs--three flights! I made it, but quickly collapsed on the couch. My legs are still shaky from the epidural. I only came home to shower and see the dogs. They were elated! I could tell they knew something fishy was going on and only in a few days would they know for sure. I gave them some love and asked B to help me to the shower. Yesterday, I had a nurse stand outside my hospital room door while I sat on a cold plastic seat and sponged myself. I cried. I hated being alone. I hated the fact that Logan was in the NICU and I could not take him home. None of this was part of our plan. But it was apart of His plan.
I took a percocet before we came home and felt drunk. The pain below was dulled, but the emotional ache in my heart kept on. B was so sweet. He helped me sit down on the bed to take my shoes off, one at a time. Slowly, I undressed. I wanted B to shower with me, but I could not form the words so I asked him to wait outside the curtain. He sat on the toilet. As I stood in the shower, hot water beating down on my back, I felt like I was going to pass out. B climbed in with me. It had been a few weeks since we had been in our small shower together. Me with my big overdue belly. Now, no belly or baby accompanied us. He held me up under my arms and I could not stop the rush of tears. I sobbed over his shoulder for what seemed like hours. The water never seemed to turn cold. B lathered up my luffa and helped bathe me. I washed my hair, rinsed and leaned on B again. The combination of heat, drugs and overwhelming emotions brought us closer together than we had been in a long time. B comforted me in a way that he never has before. He held me up both physically and mentally, caressed my arms and told me countless times that Logan would be just fine, that he would come home soon. I never doubted his words.
B turned the water off. He never showed disgust over the mess my body was making. I was embarrassed, but had no control over it and he knew that. I know most fathers would probably ignore it the same way B did, but there are a few who would have said horrible things and made the embarrassment even worse. I kept apologizing for the mess, for crying like a crazy lady, for needing him so much. And then he kissed me. Kissed me hard. Kissed me until I forgot what my last thought was. He washed away the worry and held me tight. He told me he loved me more than anything, that none of that stuff mattered and that I could cry all I wanted. It was a great feeling then, knowing that my husband was on my side and would be forever. He helped me dry off and dress. I brushed my hair and we returned to the hospital to see our babe. He was sleeping peacefully. I will never forget this moment with B. Ever.
See? It's the little things. This is one of my top five best moments with B and maybe someday I will share the other four. Have a great day!
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