I don't really know how to start this post without just diving right in.
I wish I was a more Godly Woman and Wife. I love Jesus with all my heart, but I know I could do a lot better job in showing that love. Sure I pray to be just that, but my efforts fall flat and that is my fault. I am not a very good self-motivator. Never have been. The weird part is that statement is totally not true when it comes to my work ethic. I bust my ass at work and try to anticipate others needs, what I need to do next, and how I am going to do it. At home, that is a totally different story. For example, I cleaned the house on Monday for the first time in at least 2 weeks. I am not even sure when the last time was and that was only the second time since we moved in. Don't get me wrong, I love having the house clean and every time I get it into the state I like I vow that it won't get that bad again but then, sure enough, we both get lazy and fall short.
This is kinda of how it has been, if not worse, with my relationship with Jesus. I will get in these moods every few months where I will read my Bible and pray and be a good messenger for the Lord. Then I forget one night. And then the next night. And so on. I am not a morning worshiper. I love going to church, something which B and I have been doing regularly now. We love that time together and it is bringing us both closer to the Lord. But I still don't feel like it is enough. My dearest cousin is one of the most, what I would say, Godly Women I have ever known. Her posts have really been motivating and speaking to me lately. Having a close relationship with God is just as important to me as the one I have with my husband and B is starting to feel the same way. So how to we motivate each other? Before I was too tired or B was working or I whatever the excuse was for me to not follow through with something consistent. I don't want to be that wife or mother. I want my children to look up to both B and I as parents that love our Creator and influences them to want the same thing. I know that a relationship with the Lord is never perfect. It is always something to work on and I am feeling in my heart that it is time for me to seriously work on that relationship.
How do you bring Jesus into your daily routine? How do you stick to that routine? What do you do if you just "don't feel like it"?
One thing I want, but can't seem to find is a group of young married women our couples that want the same thing. A Bible study, prayer group...something like that. Our town does not have too much to offer in that sense. My church has a couples group but it does not meet during the summer. I am feeling lonely in the spiritual department. B is a great shoulder to lean on, but I feel like I really need a fellow woman to lean on. And I don't have any girlfriends here in town. I know it sounds crazy. I went to high school here and sure there are lovely ladies at work, but there is not one woman I feel like I can call or hang out with.
I pray all the time. I pray for our marriage, for the baby, money, health, family, friends, and people I don't even know (like some of you!). I am not praying for a close girlfriend or a closer relationship with God (yet). I am not one ask for help and that just might be my problem. So, here I am, asking for some prayer and any guidance you can offer. Tough as it is for me, I cannot do this on my own. I love you all. You have touched my heart and I know those of you who respond will know what to say, through Jesus I am sure, to perk me up, motivate my mind, and fill my spirit.
THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS!!