Tuesday, November 25, 2008


>I am a nurturer. It is what I do best and most likely the reason why I have had baby fever since I was 15. Before you go and freak out, what I mean by that is I have always wanted a child to take care of and love and nurture. Funny, though, I never related that feeling to being married and having a husband-until now. I always have a need to care for B: is he okay? cold? hot? hungry? tired? spontaneous? angry? sad? happy? These are daily needs I attend to as second nature and did so prior to getting married.

Now, my need to nurture cup is more than half full. I am in overdrive caring for B right now. He is sicker than I have ever seen him before. It's the first time I have ever heard him ask me to call to doctor twice in one weeks time and it pains me to sit her, at work, and not be there to care for him. I call him, religiously, asking if he took a nap and his next antibiotic and if he needs me to pick anything up for him. I love feeling needed but I hate seeing him like this. He is pale and lethargic and talks a lot less due to his inflamed throat. He looks at me with half empty eyes begging for it to just go away and it breaks my heart to only be able to offer so much. I can't cure him. I can't take the pain away. But I can hold him and make him grilled cheese sandwiches and put movies on and watch Weeds with him. And I know that he is thankful for that, though I am not totally satisfied with my nurturing. I want to cure him. So, as Thanksgiving approaches, I am SO thankful to have a loving husband that sees what I do as more than enough, who loves me unconditionally and smiles even when he feels like poo. He is the best thing in my life and I thank God everyday for his breath on my face in the morning.

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