Devastation.

UPDATE: I just saw an update from my aunt that they were able to access their house via boat and while there is lots of water damage, the most severe seems to be to the garage and they lost a car. SO much better than expected! I'm not sure if they were able to go inside so that update will have to wait.

I cannot find very many words to assert the feelings I have right now on this "wordless" Wednesday, and yet I must write something. Some of my closest family members have an incredible house in Lavallette, NJ. You may remember our visit to the beach with them in June. The small beach town is an island or peninsula, or whatever they call it, between the Atlantic Ocean and Barnaget Bay. My family has the most beautiful house, sitting right on the bay with their boats and crab traps securely attached to their doc. Next door is the house they own that my grandmother lived in for a few years. Her house is much smaller and the epitome of a beach house. We stayed in her house in June, playing bubble hockey, watching The Graduate, and staying up late drinking lots of alcohol--our Colorado blood could handle more than we imagined at sea level!

Over the last few days, Hurricane Sandy has crushed this town. Sand and water have covered and destroyed countless houses, roads, lights, bridges, boats, cars, and the boardwalk....It is nothing like it was just days ago. This is the first time in my life I have been so closely related to family in a weather crisis. Sure, we've had our share of snow storms and been "trapped" at home to play in the snow for days, but never without power, heat, water, fuel, etc. My family evacuated their home and are on the mainland now, without power, fuel, heat...we are trying to only keep up with them minimally as we do not want their cell phones to die before the power is restored.

I am so heartbroken. This town will never be the same again. I've been there nearly 10 times over the years and never have the seen weather like this, even when Irene came through last year. I'm praying for everyone and their safety. Possessions are just things, but I cannot imagine how devastating loosing everything so quickly like this could be.

Dear Logan

 

It's time for a letter, son. You're more than a two and a half year old now. The way you have grown and changed since you turned two has moved mountains! You are such an incredible, smart, strong-willed, loving little boy. We told you a few weeks ago that I'm having another baby--you're going to be a big brother! When we ask you if the baby is a boy or girl, you usually say boy first, then we ask if it's a brother or sister and you say sister...you know we are so excited to give you the blessing of a built in best friend and sibling that we will be happy no matter who happens to be floating around in there. We'll just need your help picking out a boy name.

You have not been to the doctor in several months, but I'm pretty sure you're around 28 pounds and 34-36" tall, maybe more. You're in size 8 shoes now and wearing big boy undies most of the time now! (I apologize for this embarrassing fact). Your vocabulary is amazing. You speak full sentences now and whenever you're speaking for yourself, you say "Logan wants juice" or "Logan, I, Logan go play outside"...so the structure of your language is not solid, but that is totally normal for your age, and will be for awhile. We talk in the car every morning on our way to school and you love telling me how orange the sky is as the sun comes up, that you took your shoes off, and "Ohhhh Logan SOooooo hungry!" That last phrase we hear all.the.time. :0

This holiday season is going to be so much more thrilling than the last few years. You're almost three and understand (and LOVE) candy, you'll be even more fascinated with the lights on Christmas trees and houses and I cannot wait to see your face light up when you open presents this year. We are starting a new tradition this year with our gift giving: something to wear, something to read, something to share and something you want. I hope that by the time you read this letter we are still doing this.

I love you, Logan. You bring so much light to our lives and put so many smiles and laughs on our faces. We are so proud of how you're growing and learning to be a person in our world. Don't ever forget that and always know that we're hear for you, always.

Love,

Mama

Currently...10 weeks!

I am currently..... 

 

Worrying about my sanity. My plate is so full right now. I need a major break from EVERYTHING.

 

Listening to lots of classical music at work. And sometimes, nothing. I rarely get a moment of silence right now and classical music is mellow, calming and peaceful.

 

Wishing that I was a stay at home mom who could send my kid to day care and sleeeeeeeeeeeep.

 

Observing the lovely snow outside!! So pretty!

 

Considering who I am going to vote for in this damned election. There, I said it. This election sucks and is so hard for me. Ugh I cannot wait for it to be over!

***

10 weeks

Total Weight Gain: 5.5 pounds. Still all in the girls. ;)

Continuing Symptoms: Nausea had gone away for several days, until today of course. I'm also still really tired, even if I get 10 hours of solid sleep.

Maternity Clothes: Since my belly is growing more, the belly band is working out better, so no not this week.

Sleep: sleeping well!

What I’m Eating: Whatever sounds good. Right now, nothing sounds good and I usually resort to chicken noodle soup on days like today.

Cravings: I was craving pasta yesterday.

Movement: none

Labor Signs: n/a

Special Pregnancy Moments: Nothing more special that STILL being pregnant!! That is always such a blessing. I wanted so badly to make it to the 10th week. Even though it is still the first trimester, I felt like that was a huge accomplishment health wise. Grow baby Grow!!

Currently...

I am going to start including a weekly or biweekly bump update with the currently posts as I feel they can work together. Find the bump update below.

Logan is currently....

Feeling like a two and a half year old. He's been extra stubborn, saying "no" to just about everything and doing the opposite of what he's asked. I've been told that three is worse than two and I think that might be true.


Drinking juice and milk, his faves.

Looking for something for him to get into that he's not supposed to be messing with. He wants to mess with anything mechanical, switches, buttons, etc.

Dreaming of going back to the farm. Logan loved the animals and the pumpkins, he's asked to go back almost every day this week.

Making his own decisions. Since I'm in a human growth class, it is very obvious that he is in a "just right" stage in which everything must be just right for him. For example, he refused to take his pjs off yesterday morning and so he went to day care in his pjs. Not the battle I'm willing to fight.


I am currently.....

Feeling yucky most days. I'm insanely tired, nauseous and overall not in the best mood.

Drinking tons of water! Gotta stay hydrated!

Looking for ummmm I'm not sure. I have sat her an thought about it and I have no idea what I'm looking for! haha

Dreaming of SLEEEEEEEP.

Making an effort with everything I do. Pregnancy is so much harder with a toddler, full house and busy job.

***

9 weeks

Total Weight Gain: 3.5 pounds. I lost a good pound last weekend with the food poisoning.

Continuing Symptoms: nausea, fatigue, hunger

Maternity Clothes: ummm I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm in my work mat pants now. I was just too uncomfy and my belly band is annoying.

Sleep: sleeping well!

What I’m Eating: just about anything. Not a fan of meat right now.

Cravings: Veggies, greasy foods

Movement: none

Labor Signs: n/a

Special Pregnancy Moments: I suppose a little bump qualifies. I love looking pregnant and everyone at work points it out to me. A boss even asks if I'm having twins and as far as I know, just one is in there.

Epic.

My weekend was epic. Epic in that nothing went as planned, everything pretty much sucked and the only epic part that was good is how much time Logan got to spend with his grandparents.

Early last week, B and I decided it was time to get away. We were overdue for some quality alone time and what better way to spend alone time than in Black Hawk, the only place in CO where you can gamble your little heart (and money) away. It's in the mountains and not a long drive so we booked a hotel and looked forward to the getaway.

Friday night we packed up and left. Logan spent the weekend with his grandparents, which he LOVED, as did they. You will NEVER hear me say this again, but thank goodness for facebook! My mom was awesome in posting photos from their weekend:



 

Watching the sun rise.

 

Morning paper with Pop Pop.

Chess, of course! With Pop Pop.

We arrived and checked into our hotel, which was also a major casino and I think that is just how it works there. Most hotels are also casinos. Anyway, we were starving and headed down the hill to a bigger casino for what we were hoping to be a fancy-ish dinner. We ordered our food and waited awhile. It was almost 9pm by the time we ate. I had some pasta with chicken and B had an omelet. Yes, an omelet. Then we went and lost a lot of money. It was weird and disappointing, but we tried. We've both had luck in the past, but that was just not our night.

Then we went back to the hotel and withing 4 hours, I was in the bathroom all.night.long with food poisoning. Ever had that? Ever had that AND been pregnant?! No fun. In fact, I would not wish such a night on Mitt Romney. We barely slept. There was not a store in town so B had to drive into the canyon to get me some meds. The ride home was horrible. We had plans to play poker, watch a movie and have another nice dinner and NONE of that happened. In stead, I remained in the fetal position all weekend.

I'm at work today and it sucks. I'm tired and weak. Drinking tons of water to stay hydrated. And all I want to do is leave and go to bed. Sometimes, though, you have to tough it out and that is exactly what I'm doing now.

1st Prenatal Appointment

I had my first appointment this morning with the midwife. The practice has four midwives and they encourage you to see all throughout the pregnancy as one of them is on call when you go into labor. This is much like my experience with the OBs, however THAT is the ONLY similarity.

I waited less than 5 minutes and was taken back right at my appointment time. The midwife emphasized the shorter wait times, longer appointments with her, and a general sense of attention being on me, her patient, as the utmost priority. Obviously, I know this to be true for most midwives, but there are some out there who practice along a more medical, OB-type model and I am so relieve to say that these midwives are going to be awesome!

This first appointment was simply a time for us to take, get to know each other, ask questions, to a pap and quick pelvic exam and attempt to hear a heart beat. My little bean is so tiny and swimming around in there so quickly right now that we were unable to catch one. That does not mean anything is wrong, though, just too early to tell. :)

Our conversation was great. I told her right off that I chose the midwives because I want to be one myself and I want the experience of a midwife-attended pregnancy and birth.  She was so intrigued by my interest; we instantly had something in common.

The rest of the appointment went well and I spent 30 whole minutes with her!! This is unheard of with an OB unless there is a problem. I also loved how she actually said, "we don't like putting things in your vagina that don't belong there", like a trans vaginal ultrasound! While I would have loved to have seen the bean on the screen, I am so glad and at peace by how low intervention these folks are. If I had asked for the ultrasound, that would have sent a mixed message to the midwife and simply been selfish of me. My first appointment with the OB last time was JUST with the TV ultrasound. We loved seeing a blob on the screen, but the differences in practice are so obvious. I am so proud of be going into this profession and even more excited to have a real, midwife experience. Remember, if you want to follow my journey into midwifery you can follow my other blog, Midwife101.

Logan is currently.... 

Watching netflix. I swear this is a total life saver when I am feeling super yucky, which is most of the time right now. He love Curious George (like Kale!), Barney and Rugrats.

Reading .... ummmm I'm not sure. I've been a terrible parent lately and have fallen off the read-to-your-child-every-night wagon. I'm not proud of it and our home is a mad house right now so for now, he is read to at preschool.

Eating very little. The kid is like a bird. He pecks at things here and there. We are going through a lot of tummy upset with him and I'm not exactly sure what is causing it. We know he is lactose intolerant and that, in the past, cheese was fine. Now I don't think so anymore so we are cutting all dairy and whey out of his diet to see if anything changes. He does love breads, fruits, and cereal the most right now.


I am currently.....

Watching Call the Midwife on PBS. I had to cut last nights episode short as I was not feeling good and went straight to bed. I love this show!! It is wonderful and I love watching it with Heidi.


Reading only school-related things and some blogs. No books right now. I can barely sit up straight by the end of the day let alone concentrate on a book.

Eating very little as well. I mean, I am eating often, just very small, bland things and I really cannot even think about food right now.

Inspired by the nurses I work with. They are amazing. I hope that people realize that when they are in the hospital that their new best friend is their nurse and that the doc spends less than 10 minutes on his rounds. It appalls me to see a patient totally disrespect their nurse.

Thinking about my prenatal appointment I have in 20 minutes. Praying it goes well!!

Back Seat Driver and other things...

 (8ish-weeks)

I took this photo last night. My belly is really nothing to hide anymore and I'm barely 8 weeks pregnant! I say 8ish weeks because I'm not entirely sure of my dates. One place says I'm due May 21st, another says May 23rd. So I'm choosing Wednesday, the middle day, to declare the new week and until I have a growth scan it will stay that way. I'm feeling okay-ish. Good days and bad days, mostly of nausea and fatigue. Like today, I am SO dead tired. And I have a huge test in my Human Growth class tonight. Praying for strength!

Logan has become a back seat driver. He has been for awhile now, but it's getting worse. He tells me every morning to "go faster, mama!", "no music, mama!", "turn AC on, mama!", and so on. I explain to him that it is much too cold for AC, I'm not turning the music off, and I'm going slow through a school zone. He doesn't argue, yet. But when he does, I snapped a photo of him picking his nose this morning and I'll share it on FB if he starts arguing too much. ;)

Happy Hump Day!

Pregnancy #2 Survey

How old are you and the father?

• We are both 28

Where did you meet?

• At school in our senior seminar class. Read our story in three parts: Part 1, Part II, Part III

Are you boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged, married, or not together?

• Married 4 years

Was it planned?

• Nonyabiznass. ;)

When is your due date?

• May 21, 2013

What week are you in?

• 7.5 weeks

What was your weight pre-pregnancy?

• 130

What is your current weight?

• 132

Do you plan on a natural birth or using an epidural or other drugs?

• Natural

Is this your first baby?

• Second

How did yours and the baby’s father’s parents react?

• They are all thrilled for us!

When did you tell them?

• I told my parents the day after we found out. I had Logan say "big brother" but it did not sound like he was saying that so I had to share it. We called B's mom a few days ago and she is so happy for us!

What were your first symptoms?

• Very little so far. Tender bewbs, tired, and some nausea, but I'm nauseous all the time so no difference yet. Plus some major bloat going on.

How did you find out?

• On Sunday night I picked up a test. I was only a day late and was not expecting to be pregnant. The next morning I took the test and the line appeared before the control line! Total shock.

Have you had an ultrasound?

• Not yet and I don't plan to until the 20 week scan.

Have you heard the heart beat?

• Not yet, hopefully at our appointment next week.

Do you know the sex?

• No, and we will be waiting until the birth. We're both hoping for a girl though. :)

Do you have a name picked out? What?

• For a girl, yes. Boy, no.

Does the name you chose have any special significance?

• Yes, the girl name is after my paternal grandmother.

Do you have any supplies yet?

• Lots of left over things from my first pregnancy with Logan including maternity clothes and some baby things. We will need a new car seat and crib.

Have you felt the baby kick yet?

• No, way too early.

When is your baby shower?

• Probably won't have one since this is baby #2.

What are you looking forward to?

• Everything. I loved being pregnant the first time, despite the aches and pains. I love seeing my belly grow and I cannot wait to see Logan become a big brother. He is going to be incredible.

Have you had any cravings?

• Not anything specific, but I am hungry more often.

Do you wear maternity clothes?

• Not yet

Has anything major changed in your life since your pregnancy?

• Well we had four other people move into our house before we found out! But that will not affect our having a baby. In fact, having them with us makes this experience even richer and more exciting.

Do you take prenatal vitamins?

• I was not happy with the prenatal vitamins so I take individual vitamins. I'll write a post about it soon.

Are you going to breastfeed or use formula?

• Breastfeed

Disposable or cloth diapers?

• Cloth

Has your baby had the hiccups?

• Too early for that, but I loved it when Logan had the hiccups!

Do you have any stretch marks?

• A few left over from the first time.

Any complications with your pregnancy?

• None so far. Hope it stays that way!

Do you get any criticism?

• Nope.

1st Pregnancy vs the 2nd

Over the last few weeks, I cannot help but compare this pregnancy with my last. It feels different already. I know some women do not notice differences in their pregnancies regardless of the baby's sex, their cravings, etc.

With Logan:

• I had very little nausea. I would not even go as far as calling it morning sickness because I never actually got sick and the times in which I would feel yucky were few.


• I craved blueberries like they were going out of style. And they had to be frozen.


• I did not have a pooch until the 9th week or so.


• I had a huge aversion to beef for almost my entire pregnancy.


• I hated all my tv shows. They seemed so lame to me! haha

This baby:

• Super yucky. I have only been sick once, but the nausea is almost constant, day in, day out. I have adjusted my work hours for a few weeks to come in an hour later and that makes a huge difference  in how I feel the rest of the day. The last two days have been great.


• The THOUGHT of blueberries makes me want to puke.


• I want veggies and greasy food, like pizza.


• I've already got a pooch! haha Guess my ute really does know what to do this time. :0


• Beef, as long as it is IN something, is fine. But I will not be eating any burgers. Or pork. Gaw bacon is so yuck to me! Which is funny because I normally LOVE bacon!


• I'm still into my shows, but I am bored with a few of them. Something about my hormones makes me less interested in tv. Weird.

The Stats: Week 7

(7wks with Logan)

Size of Baby: blueberry

Total Weight Gain: two pounds

Continuing Symptoms: nausea, fatigue, hunger

Maternity Clothes: none, HOWEVER I will admit to wearing my mat pants the last two days to work ONLY because everything else is dirty.

Sleep: sleeping well!

What I'm Eating: just about anything. Not a fan of meat right now.

Cravings: Veggies, greasy foods

Movement: none

Labor Signs: n/a

Special Pregnancy Moments: Sharing our news with everyone this week! It has been so exciting!

Here comes number two!

On September 17th before the sun was up, I saw a plus sign appear, the first sign confirming pregnancy. Wow. We're doing this again! We are in shock. We had talked about wanting to have another baby soon, but since our housing arrangements changed we decided to wait. I guess someone else had other plans!

The last few weeks have been insanely stressful with a full house of people to take care of on top of school and work. The first indication I had that I *might* be pregnant was four weeks ago when I broke out all over my face. I rarely ever get acne and when I was pregnant with Logan that was the prime reason for my break outs. Secondly, my work pants are getting tight. No, I am in no way "showing" yet but I noticed a huge (3 pounds!) weight gain in less than two weeks. I had assumed it was because I have been doing a great job with my diet. Weight gain is still a goal, though more important now, and when I noticed the snugness I raised an eyebrow. Then, on Saturday September 15th, there was no sign of the monthly friend showing. This is not entirely unusual, but I decided it was time to take a test on Monday morning.

I was not expecting anything to show up. And there it was. I'm pregnant!

At first I had been feeling okay with a few waves of nausea here and there, though that is not unusual for me with the GERD. I feel nauseous most of the time anyway. But the last two weeks have been so rough. I'm a lot sicker-feeling this time than I was the first time with Logan.

So I guess this is it! We're going to be a family of four sometime in May! I can hardly believe it!!