On Pain

I think I have written a similar post on pain in the past but I'm going to go dig for it. It may or may not have had to do with pregnancy...either way, pain is pain.  The last week and a half have been so incredibly hard. Physically and emotionally, I have been in pain. It comes and goes in intensity (but is always constant), there are days that are worse than others, and it seems silly that something as simple as WALKING is what makes it worse. Seriously. I cannot wrap my head around that.

My friends and family know that I have a very low tolerance for pain. I talked about that in a previous post on natural childbirth. I kind of turn into a mess when I am in pain and its never a graceful mess either. I whine. I complain. I cry. And I'm needy. In this case, I am all of the above and then some. And most of all, I hate it. I hate that I am those things when I am in pain. I hate that I have to depend on others for almost everything now and that this is interfering with working so much so that I cannot even go in some days. The reasons for my staying home and the reasons form my taking it easy are all good, necessary reasons. I get that. I'm taking care of myself and the baby. This in no way affects the baby and the only thing concerning the baby might be his/her positioning. Logan was a true OP baby, meaning that from start to finish in labor, he was face forward and sunny side up coming out. This caused the back labor as his spine was against my spine.

So I've been tapping into every resource I can. Chiros are pretty much out of the question since my insurance doesn't cover it, as well as acupuncture. I have a massage this Saturday and I'm really hoping that some minor manipulations can help things out. I've been icing the area every few hours (while home). I don't have the ability to do this at work and for a short period of time, this is numbing the area and feels fantastic. I also took a really warm bath the other night and that felt good too, though not as relieving as the ice. Lastly, I will be seeing PT in a few weeks to hopefully relieve pain. All this to say, I am trying everything I can think of to ease this pain. I read up on some movements I can try via spinningbabies.com. I need B's help to make sure I don't kill myself by nearly standing on my head, so we will try a few things out tonight.

Giving up control, control which I never even had, is the hardest part. This is where the emotional pain comes in. I am already a hormonal mess and I feel guilty that so many people have to make exceptions for me (work) and that B has to help with just about everything at home. I know that this is normal, to a point, that pregnancy warrants these changes at certain times, sometimes worse for others. I am so grateful that baby and I are healthy and that this is technically not a serious health problem. However, if I don't slow down and I try to push through the pain, the screaming part of my body that is telling me to slow the eff down, then I could end up doing some damage and I in no way to want to happen either. I don't want this to cause future pelvic support problems.

I've been praying. Prayer is something that comes and goes in my life and lately, I feel very driven towards prayer. It doesn't suit everyone, but something about talking to Him and the baby, as well as my body, helps ease the emotional stress. I tell my body to relax, to accept the pain and eliminate it. I tell the baby that I love her/him and that every ache and pain is more than worth it for them. I have 9ish more weeks to go. No matter what happens with work (my biggest stressor), I know that I will be doing what's best for me. Hopefully that does not include bed rest, but I have to give up that control, too.