Dear Logan

My son,

Today you are just over three years old and a month away from becoming a big brother. Over the last few months you have turned into a curious, smart and loving child, slowly moving out of your toddler stage and interacting with the people and world around you. You ask questions all the time, especially "why" while also having the sweetest little inflection in your voice. Just this morning we had a conversation on our way to school and work about how Obama is our President and he's in charge. You did not hesitate one second to remind me that your teacher, Lori, is also in charge. You're so bright! And your rationalization made me laugh.

Since my belly has grown quite a bit over the last few months, you have become very sweet with me. You love placing your ear on my belly to listen to what baby is saying. You place your hand on my belly and feel baby kick. And sweetest of all, you just snuggle right in and make my baby belly your pillow. It's the quietest, most special connection you, me and the baby have together. We just sit there, holding each other, not saying a word and soaking in what God has created. Since we first told you I was going to have a baby, which was pretty early on, you have been convinced that this baby is a girl. We cannot wait to find out if you're right! Waiting for this surprise has been very fun, though for some of our family and friends they are seem more anxious than we are to find out! You call "her" by her name, and tell us what she says to you. We have tried to tell you that just in case this baby is a boy, he has a name too, something which you seem to dismiss and already know; this baby is a girl.

Over the last few weeks, I have found  myself clinging to you more. You're always been a "mamas boy" and lately, you've been bonding with daddy over really fun things like hockey and wrestling. But now it is my turn to want you closer than ever, to miss you more than before, and to kiss you all I can before your only child status slips away. You and me, we are changing. We are going to go through a huge transition and the anticipation has me in a ball of emotions. You hate seeing me cry, but sometimes I just can't help it. You make me so happy, filling  my heart with the kind of love I've never felt before between a mama and her son. There is no denying our bond, however I am anxious to see how that will change with a new baby on my hip. Just the other day you were running around barefoot in the kitchen. You stubbed your toe on the register. I was in the bedroom getting dressed when you began to cry. You're old enough now to come to me when you get hurt for comfort and love, but it was in that moment that I suddenly wondered how I would comfort you if I was nursing your sibling?? How will I be able to show you the same kind of attention you need when you get a boo-boo? How will I remind you that I don't love you any less and I don't love your sibling any more than I already love you both? There are a million other questions swimming in my head. I know that we will find our grove. We will figure out how to transition into our new roles: you, the big brother and me, the mama of two perfect children. It might be hard. We will have good days and sometimes, we will have bad days. I'm already praying that everything goes the best way possible for us.

Other than our impending big news, you are blossoming into a very active boy! You're almost 40" tall, wearing 4T pants and shirts. You weigh 30 pounds; long and lean just like me and your daddy! You love chicken nuggets, PB & J, cereal, edamame, and almond milk. You are TOTALLY potty trained!! You have not had an accident at night in a few weeks and otherwise use the potty just like everyone else. Makes us so proud! You love your daycare and all your friends. You can sing entire songs now, like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Old McDonald. You have the most impeccable memory of any child I've ever known. You remember things that happen once, two months ago, and all the details. It's astounding to us...you're so smart. Did I say that already? You still love light bulbs and batteries. You and daddy make a trip to Home Depot usually once a week, even just to walk around and check things out. It's your favorite store.

Closing a letter to you is hard. So I will just say how much I love you and how much I am cherishing your age and growth right now. Thank you for being my son and for loving me.

Love,
Mama