I had an epiphany this morning, probably something that most sane women get the moment they find out they are pregnant. I just so happen to be a little crazy. First of all, I believe that ALL BIRTHS are natural. This includes vaginal and c-sections babies. So lets just put that weird term aside and talk about what most women mean when they say they want a "natural childbirth". With Logan, I aimed for just that: no drugs. I took a "natural" childbirth class through Bradley, read books, practiced breathing and relaxing exercises all in preparation to birth my baby without drugs, unless an emergency required it, of course. That did not happen. I have an unnatural level of pain tolerance, which is somewhere around -20000. I hate pain and I make sure everyone knows I'm suffering. But I really wanted to bring my baby into the world drug free. Studies on drugs and how much crosses the placenta are not fool proof, even if the risks are low and I wanted to be as risk-free as possible. If you read my birth story, you know that a few complications came up and that after 11 hours of excruciating back labor, I got the epidural.
Since Logan's birth, I have been able to reflect on that experience and have accepted that was just how it was supposed to happen. I have zero pain tolerance and Logan needed some extra help. And that is OKAY. So this morning I made a comment to a friend about how I have low pain tolerance and yet, again, I am aiming for a med free birth with this baby. The moment my words hit the page I was like, what? Really Sarah?! I am sitting here with horrible low back pain because I thought that shoveling 10 inches of snow would be okay...it's not okay! I am hurting today and I cannot take anything for the pain! I have to work through it and just deal. And this was when I realized that I am not sure that having a med free birth is really what I was made to have. I realize that women were made to give birth, however God did intend for it to be painful so unless this birth ends up being insanely fast or very euphoric, I cannot see myself going along without at least something to help with the pains.
I have been having a few braxton hicks contractions a day now and they are much more uncomfortable this time than they were last time. I have heard from my midwife and several other seasons mamas that this is common. First of all, most of us have felt the pains of labor and for me, my body recognized those pains pretty quickly. I'm not talking fall on the floor painful, just enough to make me stop, breathe a little deeper, and wait for it to pass. I can already feel it in my low back which was where my back labor began. All this to say, I am giving myself a bigger break this time. With Logan, I felt like Bradley made me feel guilty for getting the epidural and as someone who is going into the field of midwifery, I never want my patients to feel guilty about any of the decisions they make while pregnant and through their labor and delivery.