Among the Chaos

Wow. What a weekend.

As many of you know, I live in Colorado. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like our state has taken a rather harsh beating this summer. Fires, insanely dry heat, mass shooting, mass food poisoning...I always have to wonder what causes so much chaos in such a short period of time, and then I am reminded that there is no use in wondering. It just is.

On Friday morning, I didn't have a chance to watch the news before I left for work. B was home with Logan and I spent some extra time curling my hair. I got into my car and turned on the radio. The first thing I heard was how there had been a shooting just after midnight and an update was coming up next. The DJ did not indicate where it had happened or how serious it was so I hung on through the commercials and two more songs to hear the latest: A gunman had riddled a movie theater in Aurora early in the morning and 12 were dead, 71 injured. I felt the blood rush out of my head, the tears welled and my face became hot. I stifled my tears so I could keep driving on the two lane highway. My first emotion was sadness and then anger. I became so mad at this person for doing such an unspeakable thing I wanted to kill him myself. The rest of my day consisted of watching a live stream of the news and finally, after hours, I had to turn it off. I was ridden with anxiety and chest pain, knowing full well I could have known any of the people who had been there that night.

Some of our closest family members live in South Denver, just a skip away from Aurora. Everyone we know is okay, but our hearts are not. I have not been so sad in such a long time. That night we had to pry ourselves away from the TV. It was too much and that night I had a hard time sleeping, which I'm sure many others did as well. I had a terrible stomach ache that kept me rolling in my sleep.

Today, after keeping tabs on all the news updates, the new information surrounding the killer, his booby-trapped apartment, and the prayer vigil, I am ready to remember just the victims. I cannot stand to look at this mans face let alone write out his name. I will not give him that credit. He doesn't deserve it.

Sometimes when these kinds of things happen I wish we could just do it like they used to do and hang him. I know that is a terribly un-Christian thing to say, but I have to assert this feeling. I know deep down that he has to go through the justice system in the fair manner in which it has been created (um...it's not that fair, either). Maybe it is more of me wanting a quick answer and punishment for him since he didn't give any of the victims and survivors a choice. Ass hole.