>My List of Thanks

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When I think of the things I am thankful for, I think of basics like a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and the love of family. you know, the typical cliche of thanks. Without those things I would not be able to sit here and share what it is I am truly thankful for and for that, I am thankful.

In no particular order:

*I am thankful for Butte and Tulo. Without dogs in my life, I would not be the person I am. I have always had a dog. The longest I ever went without one was while in college on the other side of the mountains for three years. However, I still had a dog to come home to, to recharge the fuzzy love I so desire. After our dog Coco died almost 3 years ago, we went without a dog for nine months before Butte joined our family. Butte was my birthday gift after spending a much needed break in NJ with family for the summer. I was not home for my birthday and a month later my dad drove me down to a shelter and the moment my eyes laid on Butte I knew she was the one. Tulo came almost a whole year later. B and I started dating about 6 months after I got Butte and one month before B proposed, I found "greyhound puppies" for sale on craigslist. I was super sneaky and called the breeder up and set up a time to visit. I then told B we were doing something special and as we pulled into the neighborhood I told him what we were really doing. His eyes lit up and we picked Tulo out among his 10 brothers and sisters. B actually picked him out. I wanted the all white girl. I had never had a boy dog before but this was his thing and I wanted him to pick out the perfect puppy in his mind. It worked out great. Tulo is a special, smart dog that we are so in love with. He and Butte are the best of friends and we are hoping they will enjoy the newest addition.

* I am thankful for my marriage. Not just being in love and not just being in love with B. Being married means so much more than just loving someone. Of course we love each other with every fiber of our being, but it is not love alone that keeps us strong. In the year and a half that we have been married, I have learned so much more about who I am as a woman and even more what it means to be a wife. We rarely fight or argue and when we do, we hate it so much that we talk it out right away. We cannot sit in silence for more than 30 minutes without finally saying something, apologizing, suggesting something to solve the problem-anything. Our marriage is not based just on love, but also on our friendship and our love for God. We are best friends first, husband and wife second and this makes our marriage so fun. We are playful all the time. We make each other laugh. I am so thankful to have married my best friend.

* I am thankful for my job. I work with seniors and I never imagined that would be a field I would work in. I had always veered more towards childcare and nanny jobs. I worked in a high school. I want to be a teacher someday. But working with old people? Never would have thought about it. I feel extremely lucky with how I got my job. My job at the high school was ending. I was working on a temporary basis, meaning job renewal in the fall would not be an option until the school year started up again and I could not wait that long without a job. I had a coworker who's wife worked where I work and was told about the over night job available. Another I would have never considered! But I was desperate. So I called them up, got an interview, and waited. The first phone call I got told me I did not get the job, simply because I had 3 weeks of school left and could not start right away. (yeah right like I'd work over nights AND days...I don't think so). So I moved on. Two weeks later the same coworker let me know that the person they had hired did not work out. I only had a few days of school left so I sent an email to the person who interviewed me and let her know I was still available if need be. I got a phone call a few hours later and had the job!! I was so happy! Within 6 weeks I was working days and getting to know the residents. I have continued to get to know all our residents and truly love them all. I have always respected my elders, but not in the way I should have. I never understood seniors until I was faced with them, learning about their likes and dislikes, their pasts, how much they love their families, their previous jobs and college years. So similar to my experiences to date, but so different having been in a different time. I understand them now and I have learned to be patient with the things that used to bother me. I am so thankful for my job and the blessing and change it has brought to me as a person. I am different, and hopefully better, because of it.

*I am thankful for our unborn child. The blessing to become a mother is my ultimate dream come true. I already met my dreams of graduating college, marrying a handsome loving man, and living independently with said man. Now I just needed to become a mother and all would be well in the world! Well, here I am, seven and a half months pregnant with our first child and my grateful heart is exploding. I cannot stop thanking God for this blessing. It is hard for me to imagine ever doing anything else after our babe is born. I am so thankful that he is healthy and that I am healthy. Sure the scares are heart-stopping, but they are also humbling. I hate the thought that anything could possibly go wrong, but I am not going to be naive and think that is not possible. It is and I am so thankful to have this time with my unborn baby. I am thankful when he moves, when he sits on my pelvic bone, when he causes the worst back pain I've ever had, when he is silent and worries me, when we hear his heartbeat and when we see his sweet cheeks on the big screen. Those sounds like the bad things and while I am the first to start complaining about the back and pelvic pain, I am still thankful because it means I am still pregnant and that I am going to be a mother. I would do this a hundred times over just to know I would have a healthy baby boy. There is no feeling like that. I have never experienced that kind of unconditional love before and for that, I am thankful.

Sure this list could be longer, but this is what my life revolves around. This is such a special season for us and like I said in my last post, we cannot wait to meet Mister and the change that is soon to come!!

>I Almost Counted

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12 Pairs of Shoes

Around 30 0-3 Month Pants/Overalls

40 0-3 Month Onesies/sleepers

29 Hats

60+ pairs of Socks/Booties...I lost count since I added the last batch.

Okay, I lied. I did count. I am just so moved by how many clothes have been given to us. Literally, it blows my mind! I have bought ONE outfit. The one Mister will wear home from the hospital. I also have a box and two bags full of 3-6 month clothes, two bags of 6-9 months, and one bag of 9+ month clothing. The shoes in the first picture are all for 0-12 months, maybe even a little longer depending on his growth. I have another bag full of shoes for when he grows out of all those clothes. I also counted about 18 bibs that are all NEW. Can I just say how much I love the smell of these baby things? Most of them are used so the have that baby scent on them and it makes me smile every time I bring a shirt to my face and smell it.

We have two months left, but I think he will be here in less than two months. In fact, I think he will be here about a week early and I'd really be surprised if he did make it to/past his due date. I can tell we are going through another growth spurt. The week of Thanksgiving had me eating like I never get fed, not just because of all the yummy food that's involved. On Tuesday I ate so much Mexican chips and dip I swear I put Mister into a food coma as he was mellow jello the next day. Speaking of movement, boy is he a jumper! Sometimes, his movement is a bit uncomfortable and takes my breath away as he is literally doing a flip and I must pause to allow him to do so. One of my coworkers observed this movement and I think it made him a little uncomfortable. In general, his butt is just to the left of my belly button. When I wake up in the morning, I find him higher and more to the right side until he has settled back to his typical head down position. And speaking of being head down, it flipping HURTS! I am so sore from the pressure! I can barely spread my legs far apart to put pants on. Oh and to put pants, socks, and shoes on I must sit on the bed. I cannot bring my leg up high enough to stand now. I tried shaving in the shower last night and about broke my back bending over to do so. I will not be attempting that again before Mister comes and if you think that is gross, well I happen to hate shaving so I really don't care what you think about that.

Emotionally, this week has been ten times better than the previous. I feel so much better knowing that my body is really not trying to give birth, but is making baby steps to do so. At this point, I believe that is a good thing. Our lovely doula said effacement is one of the hardest parts for first time moms to get through and if I am almost half way there then hopefully that means it will be easier once the time comes. Speaking of the time coming, I cannot wait! I can wait another 8 weeks for him to be ready, but meeting him and kissing him and snuggling on him--I can't wait! I don't care about the lack of sleep, getting peed on, my boobs being sore....none of that matters when he is here in our arms. We are so blessed.

>30 Happy Weeks

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Yes, folks, I was able to squeeze this pregnant mama into my non-maternity Team Edward tee shirt. However, not without layers. See, I had to buy "fat" pants as my previous maternity pants were way too tight and you know, I still have some growing to do so that is where the Bella Band comes in handy once more. It helps hold the pants up. Then I had a long tank on, the long sleeved gray shirt and then the top. It has been chilly here and the theater was super chilly too so I was glad to have layered up. So New Moon was great. I really enjoyed it. TEN times better than Twilight. The music was great. I just had a great time. Bestie came up to enjoy the day with me and it turned out great!

See my crooked linea negra??

How far along? 30 WHOLE weeks!!! Ten more to go!!

Total weight gain/loss: 30 pounds

Maternity clothes? duh

Stretch marks? still just the few on my theighs

Sleep: don't ask. i managed to pass out last night and slept better than i have in several nights even after getting up twice to pee.

Best moment this week: The good news from the doc (see below)

Movement: super active. i love it!

Food cravings: chocolate milk and strawberries

Gender: Wolverine

Labor Signs: very little, a BH here and there

Belly Button in or out? flat.

What I miss: a glass of wine, sleeping well

What I am looking forward to: having a full term baby

Weekly Wisdom: Every doctor is different. Ask for a second opinion RIGHT AWAY if warranted.

So we met some learning curves this week. After last weeks crazy-emotional and frightening week, we were really looking forward to our appointment today. I was praying there was no more effacement and absolutely no dilation. I go to a clinic with four doctors. I have seen all of them but only two have I only seen once or twice and the doc I saw last week was the second time I had seen him. The doc we saw today I have seen almost 5-6 times. He knows us well now. We know him well so I knew that whatever he found would be accurate. So he looked over last weeks notes and seemed a little confused and wanted to check me again. I am really getting used to spreading my legs and I don't think that is a good thing! ;) Anyway, he had a hard time measuring the effacement with fingers so he decided to do a transvage ultrasound, which I wanted so we could get something super accurate this time. He measured 30mm of cervix left which is around 30% effacement and not super uncommon at this stage. He also double checked the amnio fluid and it measured a 9. That was also something he was not worried about, I just need to keep drinking water. Last thing he did was measure my ute and she was nearly 28 weeks so....I suppose this is all to say that every doctor is different. Not to say my doc last week did anything wrong. He was just being careful. We want our doctors to all be careful and double check things, but we did learn a big lesson. Next time someone starts just grabbing machines and shoving my legs apart (wow that sounds bad), I will want a second opinion first. Like I said, there are 4 of them in the practice and having someone else check things out right away would have been nice. I am not going to dwell on what the doc last week said and how it is different than what actually is. It is frustrating, but the most important thing is that our baby boy is healthy and I am healthy. He is not worried about preterm labor at all. Sure there could be more effacement as we get closer, but that would be a good thing as it is almost time for big boy to arrive! Ten more weeks!!! We are very relieved and happy with what today has brought us and Praise Jesus for answering all our prayers!

We went and bought Baby L's coming home outfit and it is TO DIE FOR!! SO stinking cute!! You will get to see it when he wears it! :)

In other news, B is looking for a winter job. His seasonal job has ended for now unless it snows and that is not something we can depend on. I am starting to feel more worn out by work, but hanging in there nonetheless. We are just extremely grateful for all the blessings in our life right now.

I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving week! I may not post again until next week.

>29 Weeks

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First and foremost: my beautiful cousin Heidi had a healthy baby BOY this morning!! Congrats love!!

Okay so no pic this week. As you can guess, I am not in the picture taking mood and will try to post one next week.

How far along? 29 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 27 pounds
Maternity clothes? all my early preg shirts are starting to have that gap at the bottom where my belly pokes out. oy.
Stretch marks? a few stretchies on the upper thighs
Sleep: I slept SO well last night! The night before: not so good.
Best moment this week: Finding out baby boy is, overall, very healthy
Movement: tons. he has a pretty predictable schedule
Food cravings: chocolate milk and strawberries
Gender: Confirmed once more the HE is a HE
Labor Signs: ug. It's too early for me to be writing this. 80% effaced
Belly Button in or out? flat.
What I miss: having a fairly worry-free pregnancy
What I am looking forward to: keeping this baby in as long as possible and our check up on Monday
Weekly Wisdom: When you're told to drink water, drink it! I went from barely drinking 32oz a day (GASP!) to 2/3 of my body weight. Let's hope I can keep that up.

Today I went back to work and it went well. My back pain is flaring up so icing that as we speak. A lovely friend/co-worker made us dinner for tonight and my heart is filled with joy! It is so wonderful to see how compassionate people can be. Not that we did not realize this before, but it is so humbling to realize how important family is and that is all you need to stay strong. We have prayed over this child and pregnancy since day one and sure those prayers increase when problems arise. But we step back and find that God already knows what is supposed to happen and to trust in His plan. It is hard, SO hard to do that. Yet we know that this baby is a gift and we both believe that he will survive, even if he comes a little early. Thanks again for all the support and prayers. This child is already so loved! God Bless you all!!

>An Update

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All those thoughts and prayers are paying off! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love and support! You're all so wonderful!

After our appointments yesterday I came home and proceeded to drink nearly a gallon of water between then and this morning. We went into the ultrasound and the tech measured his body, the blood flow in the placenta and umbilical cord, and amniotic fluid. His measurements came out to about 27.5 weeks, so almost a week and a half behind, the amniotic fluid was at a 12, and the blood flow in all areas was really good. All this to say that both baby and I are fairly healthy. What does not change is my effacement and the fact that even though baby's measurements are only a week behind, my belly is still measuring at 22 weeks. For now we are just going to take it easy, I will drink water like crazy, and rest as much as possible. No bed rest yet and I will start to have weekly doc appointments now. I can still work until I'm told not to so things are not perfect, but definitely better!

>a hard one to write....

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We need some prayers people.

I went into my OB today for a regular exam to hear the HB and all that other routine stuff. I've gained a total of 27 pounds and my BP is nice and low. The doc came in and he had a nice OB student there with him to observe. He asked how things were going and I said fine, other than the upper back pain earlier in the week. He then listened to the HB and it was at 160 BPM. He then brought out his measuring tape and discovered this 29 week mama is only measuring at 22 weeks. He then left around and found baby is already head down, something that is not very common at this point. It's a little early for that. He wanted to check my cervix and found it closed, but 80% effaced and at 0 station. My body is already preparing for labor. I have only had one notable braxton hicks contraction to think of with occasional low back cramping that is quite dull when present.

The doc did a swab to check for some kind of secretion that the cervix emits when it is preparing for labor and that came back negative which is a good sign. After the exam he did an ultrasound and found the amniotic fluid to be lower than normal. At best, baby's growth is around that of a 24 week baby, nearly 5 weeks behind. So he ordered a special ultrasound at the hospital for tomorrow at which time we will know more of what is going on. For now I have my feet up, B is making dinner, I'm trying to drink a ton of water, and rest. If anyone has experience with this type of situation, your suggestions would be greatly appreciated! I will update tomorrow...

>A Deeper Post

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I feel like I don't have much to write about lately so I am going to try and put something out there. Here goes:

I am not sure about you, but I am super excited about New Moon coming out next week! Hell no will I be going to the midnight showing. I can barely stay up past 10 these days and yes, my sleep is more important. So I have plans with bestie to see the movie on Sunday when neither of us are working. I also have every intention of squeezing my 7 month belly into my "Team Edward" tee shirt even if it means I will be layering tanks underneath. I would like to say that I am not your typical Twilight fan. I am not a "Twi-hard" (that just sounds dirty!). I read the first three books WAY before there was much hype going on. That was two summers ago and my other girlfriend, who is a 6th grand English teacher, turned me onto these which I then passed onto bestie. We share books like chicken pox. We find a good one, and it does not take long for us to beg the other to read it so we can just talk about how great it is. That was what happened with Twilight. The best part? I don't have to share Edward with either of these girls! Lol...they are both Jacob fans. I am just proud to say that all three of us were the ones driving the damn bandwagon, not the ones jumping on it. So in honor of the upcoming release, I have started to reread New Moon and surprised by how much I had forgotten.

Thanksgiving is coming up and I am really looking forward to our plans. This is one of my most favorite holidays. I am not a big fan of turkey, but everything else makes my mouth water just thinking about it! I make a mean green bean casserole, love sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, gravy and my grammy's stuffing. B and I have plans to see both my parents and his mom that day starting with my parents and grammy and then heading south to see his mom. We just pray the weather is not bad! It snowed about 8 inches last night and looks beautiful, but the roads are so nasty and I don't like going anywhere when the roads are bad. Call me a wimp, whatever.

The last week, like I said before, was not that fun. My back has been way our of wack and B has been wonderful in keeping the house picked up and rubbing the spot. It was getting better, but is now coming back. Not as bad, but totally there. This trimester has hit me hard. It literally feels like the day it started my body ached more, I'm more tired, less motivated (except for bursts of nesting at both work at home), and more weepy. I cry so much. I have never cried so much in my life and over the smallest things! I was talking about work and bam! There go the water works. B chopped that up to me being very hungry, which I was. Boy does he know me well! Baby boy is growing so much. My belly is huge and is only getting bigger by the week. I can feel his body when I touch my tummy. I am not too sure of his exact position or what it is I am pressing on, but I guess there is a butt under my belly button, he is head down and his legs and feet swing to my right. I get all these light, tickeling sensations in my hip bone which can only be his sweet little toes. I get elbow jabs that make me jump and out of left field there will be a roll around that makes the whole belly morph into something live. Yes, there is a life in me. WOW! He has pretty regular sleep and wake cycles now. For example, when I wake up, he wakes up and kicks and tells me and daddy he loves us. Then he goes back to sleep for a few hours until about 10 or 11am and is very subtle in his movements. I am not sure if this is because I am sitting at a desk or if he is just stirring because I'm starting to get hungry. Then he goes back to sleep until I get home around 3pm and once I lay down he is rolling around like crazy! This is his play time and sometimes he is up for several hours after that, usually until I go to bed around 9 or 10. If this is how he will be once he is born, I am totally fine with that! I am sure he wakes up at night while I am sleeping, but not enough that it wakes me up. I wonder most often about what his hair will be like. B is Irish and has dirty blonde hair and a red beard. I am a melting pot of ethnicity but the most predominant one is Cherokee. I have olive skin, hazel eyes, and dark hair. This combination could mean anything for our little man! Only 11 more weeks and we will get to touch his soft head and kiss those sweet toes!

I have a rather odd fear. It may not be odd for you, but to me, it does not make sense. I have been taking care of kids and babies for as long as I can remember. I was 9 when two of my cousins were born just a few months apart and by the time I was 12 I was taking care of 2 month old twins--by myself. So my fear? That I won't know what I'm doing when my own child is placed in my arms! I know that for most, including B, that is a totally normal fear but I feel like I should be confident about my skills. For some reason that fear is real for me as well and I hope that once baby boy is here that will all go out the window and we will all settle in nicely together. I know that will happen. B is determined to do and learn everything. It is so wonderful!

That's it for this update. Happy Sunday!

>Laying in bed, not on bed rest, resting.

>I am at home nursing my back. I appreciate the suggestions, but I am totally serious when I say I have tried everything! Since we are going on day six, I started with a bath last week, ice, and B rubbing my back. That continued for the next day or so and then I caved and took some IB Profin. That did not even touch it. I've done yoga, breathing exercises, heat, ice, and finally, I went to the chiro yesterday. I saw someone I have never seen before and I was BEYOND disappointed. He was terrible. I do not feel better! I have worked for a chiro before so I know adjustments can be more sore at first and then will get better over the next few days, but really, he was not gentle, talked all about himself, tried to sell me a massage, promised to give us exercises to practice, and left us high and dry. Thank God I have insurance and only had to pay my copay. After that lovely experience I had to go to my OB and get my RH shot. I am RH- and the shot itself was not so bad but the stuff she injected ever so slowly INTO MY ASS burned like hell. I had no idea this was a rear shot and exclaimed very loudly before the door was shut, "It's going in my butt?!" B just giggled, tried to hide it because he knew how much pain I was already in. So I had to lean over the table in a terrible position that inflamed my back and made it spasam even more. Needless to say, I am a gimpy girl this week and just keep praying I can sit up long enough to enjoy meals. I feel bad for the dogs. I will be able to let them out, but a run or walk is totally out of the question.

In other news...

Today is Veteran's Day. In the past this was just another day that came and went but when my brother stepped up and served our country as a Marine about 4 years ago, he became my hero. No matter how short or long someone has spent in another country witnessing things you and I hope to never have to see in our lifetimes, it is an honor to be among those people. So Happy Vets Day to all!

My cousin Heidi is going to have a baby any day now and I can't wait! It really could still be a week but still...I'm so excited for her!

B is still working his seasonal landscaping job. The snow storm a few weeks ago melted within two days which is nice. He will be laid off soon and stay on the snow crew through the winter. Again, I must praise him for being such an increible support the last few days. He went grocery shopping last night and it took him over an hour and then he made dinner. I swear people, I really don't know how I got so lucky! Thank you Jesus!

I am almost done with the baby shower invites for my mom's party. I have this thing about making invititations and it has been a fun project. I hope to have them done in the next day or so and out in the mail by the weekend.

Now that was a better update, wasn't it?

>28 Weeks

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I've been a little MIA, I realize. This is something not so much intentional as it is me just being too lazy to take the time to post. I feel like over the past week my pregnancy has suddenly become huge. Everything about it: my belly, the back pain, the clothes (mostly tightening), my appetite, my weight, and my laziness. I am a complaining, begging, whining, weeping, tired, achy, sorry self. I took time to tell B last night how I thought I was becoming this terrible wife, always asking him for help and complaining about the pains and whatnots that bother me and he just puts up with it. He looked at me and told me I was being silly and to stop feeling so damn sorry for myself. That is how amazing my husband is. He even told me he does not think I am a terrible person and that he understands it's mostly hormones. I swear people, I have NO IDEA how I got so damn lucky!! It is hard for me to accept that yes, the hormones turn me into this nasty person sometimes. I don't want to use that excuse and I don't want to become someone B and others really don't like anymore and that is where my self pitty keeps running around in circles. But let's move on...

I am not going to use this post to complain. What I will say is that on a scale of 1-10 back pain wise, we have tipped into the teens. I am laying on the couch and here I shall stay.

I wish I had more exciting things to talk about other than my pregnancy, but really, that is all I can think about nowadays. So I won't bore you will all that stuff. I'm healthy, baby boy is healthy, and our dogs are super.

>Let's be honest here...

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I'm not holding back so watch out.

I feel like someone took a baseball bat to my vag. Yes, I said vag. It EFFING hurts and I can hardly walk or stand. The worst part is I caused this unbearable pain. Now why would I do such a thing? Well, bloggies, here is what happened:

Every so often, sometimes every day, sometimes once a week (you never know for sure) I have to respond to emergencies at work. This entails me getting a signal through an alert or a phone call that someone needs help and off I go. Well, I can't really run anymore and responding to such situations quickly is very important. So I walked as fast as my long legs and big belly would let me. Our building is huge and there was no elevator to help me out with this one. I raised my blood pressure, my adrenaline, and ended up calling 911. This is something I am very comfortable doing, but regardless, it gets your heart going every time. You just want so bad for things to be okay. So then back to the desk I waddled to wait for the EMTs and then back down the hall again. I did not take a break or sit down for nearly 30 minutes and now MY BODY IS PROTESTING. I now know for sure I really inflamed the RLP and brought back Mr. Sciatica so here I lay, in bed, hoping SOMEONE will post some videos from last nights Hanson show that I did not go to. Let's not forget how depressed I still am. Oh but at least I could sell the tickets. I was getting worried when Sunday rolled around and still nothing.

Today started off great and while my mood is still okay, I just feel like I got run over by a truck so if I bite your head off just ignore it. Gracias.