Dear Logan

You're 17 months old now and by far the coolest kid I've ever known. How lucky I am to be your mommy. Not a day goes by that my heart gets bigger and bigger from all the love I feel for you, if that's even possible. You're so smart. I've never known a smarter kid your age. You have hand-eye coordination that could put me to shame. You can open and close the smallest of things and the look on your face from amazement is priceless. You have the cutest smirk that crosses between your cheeks that says "Oh yeah, I'm awesome" or "I am totally digging this".

A few nights ago your daddy was out of town and I wanted nothing more than to hold you close all night long so I broke our no baby in the bed rule once you'd fallen asleep in your own bed. I swept you into my arms and you settled in next to me. Your little head nestled under mine and I could smell the sweat from your day out in the pool.

While laying in bed with you I learned a few things: you sleep like me, mouth closed, breathing so quietly I had to put my hand on your belly to feel you breath. You side sleep, just like me, and you are a relatively light sleeper. When the dogs would shake their collars you are sure to stir if not fully wake and say "mama" as I rubbed your back to soothe you to sleep. When I was a little girl and my dad went out of town for work one of the things I looked forward to was sleeping with my mama. Me and my brother would take turns and it was so fun, gathering my PJs, tooth brush and a book. I hope that is a memory I can create for you.

We fell asleep together and not three hours later did I wake up in a fit of terrible body aches. I was unsure of what was happening but knew that whatever it was I had to keep you from it so our night in bed together was cut short. I moved you to your room and you drifted off again easily.

Nothing has been harder on me as your mommy than when I'm sick and you want all my attention. I'd give anything to do whatever you wanted but the risk of you getting sick was too high. It broke my heart to hide in my room while you tried to turn the knob of my door open. Your uncle did a wonderful job distracting you and keeping you busy for the day while I slept. I had the flu. Worst bug ever. Good thing about it, though, is that it's gone as quickly as it starts. Not 24 hours later and I'm feeling better, just weak. Now after I've totally cleaned the house of any germs I'm still praying you and daddy don't get sick.