>the first family delima

>i am perfectly aware of family drama. i have watched my parents banter over what to do for thanksgiving and christmas and whose turn it is to see us (as in the grandparents). This year is the first year that a set of grandparents will not be pulling arms and convincing us to come "out" for the holiday. no, this year, it is with a new family on my end, being married and all.



my original point in writing this was to talk about something that happened this past weekend. however, i see it is already becoming bigger than the one isolated incident. it started several weeks ago when my mom mentioned a "family get together" with her dad and stepmom down in denver. i told her i don't work sundays and it should not be a problem and when i mentioned to to brendan, he said he didn't know if he would have to work. last week when i reminded brendan about the family event, he claimed i never mentioned it to him and that now he was committed to playing softball with his work league. i support him playing softball 100% and it was hard for me to be the middle man. i was not really excited to go see the family, but it would be the first time since the wedding that we all saw one another. brendan was holding strong and was really hating the idea of not supporting his team.

first, i e-mailed my parents to tell them that brendan had a game that he was not willing to miss and it was very important to him to play and that if we go down, it would just be me. well, my mom calls me back the next day and gives me a huge guilt trip about telling brendan how important it is for us to see our family and blah blah blah. i had told him that. he is not stupid. but here i am, monkey in the middle. i wanted to side with my husband, but i didn't want to hear about it for the next month about how we should have gone down.

brendan and i mulled it over for a good day and he finally decided to go with me and that we would stay with his mom and spend the next day with her. he missed his softball game. wanna know what he missed it for? an hour long photo slide show of my grandparents trip to alaska. it was so fun i almost woke up. yes, that bad.

we both know this will be one of many moments where we will have to decide between family obligations and personal commitments. it just sucks. we are married now. aren't we supposed to be able to make our own decisions now without the guilt of our parents? grrr...

back to how i began this whole thing. this will be the first year that my dad's parents aren't here for the really important holidays: thanksgiving and christmas. now that i work in a retirement community, i have been missing my grandmother more and more. in november it will have been one year since she passed. it was hard enough not having her next to my dad at my wedding. brendan's grandfather also passed in may. these moments of wanting lost time really show me how easy deciding whether or not to go to a family get together or play a softball game should be.

but we don't always do what we should.