>Tortured Tatas

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Since I was 19:

June 2003: Found lump in righty, fine-needle biopsy and ultrasound=fibroadenoma (benign lump)

November 2003: Found larger lump in righty, ultrasound and removal for biopsy=fibroadenoma

Summer 2008: Found large lump in lefty, ultrasound=fibroadenoma and staying put

February 2010: give birth!

March 4: New squishy lump in lefty, ultrasound inconclusive and put on antibiotics to treat mastitis

March 19: Lump still present and VERY painful, sent to surgeon=drained abscess

March 22: Visit LC to get help weening Logan off nipple shield=honey, you have thrush, off to my doc who tells me to use over the counter yeast infection cream=gross

March 23: Call OB frustrated, refereed to new doc=both Logan and I have thrush and I have a very painful letdown which means there is not much they can do for it. Damn

Yeah, that's a cuss load of issues. I am NOT giving up though. Hell NO.

>Dear Logan You're 6 Weeks Old!

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My sweet boy,

You are 6 weeks old today. Six weeks ago, you came into this world on a snowy and cold evening. You were placed in my arms screaming as hard as your little lungs would let you and I kissed your wet head. In those six weeks, we have become serious buds. It is safe to say you are a true mama's boy. Daddy does his best to sooth you when you're fussing and will pass you off to me if you are just not having it and within seconds your big crocodile tears stop running down the sides of your face and you stare up at me with your big blue eyes in wonder. Yes, little Logan, I am your mama and I love you to pieces.

You're eyes are changing! When you were born you had deep-as-the-ocean blue eyes and now the coloring just outside your pupil is lightening up and I am very proud to say you have daddy's sunflowers. Only mommy knows about the sunflowers. I'll show you someday...

I have very few nick names for you, but the one I find myself repeating most is "Little Logan". You have been my little peanut from the very beginning and all who meet you comment on how small and sweet you are. You are growing now, which is wonderful to witness. I bet you are almost eight and a half pounds. Your adorable cloth diapers are starting to fit you much better now and sometime last week I started letting you hang out in just a onesie. I love touching your sweet toes and standing you up. You have such strong legs and neck control. You are starting to focus on your play mat toys and coo at us. You makes us smile every day!

We have taken you several places now. You went to church for the first time yesterday. We took you to Ash Wednesday when you were 2 weeks old but your first real church service was yesterday. You slept through most of it and let everyone coo over you. I love showing you off to all of our friends and family. You are a real charmer.

On Saturday we are taking you to the mountains for the first time. We are going to Steamboat, a beautiful ski town where I lived for several years and where mommy and daddy got married. We have not been back since we were married and we cannot wait to share that special place with you! You will get to meet some more family members and experience some serious snow.

The last six weeks have been the best and hardest weeks of my life. You are the greatest joy your daddy and I have ever experienced and we love watching you learn and grow and can't wait to see how you change over the next several months.

We Love you,

Mommy and Daddy

>On the Mend...

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I went into see the surgeon at 1:30pm today. He determined that I had an abscess that needed to be drained. It was puss-filled and a result of an infection that started a few weeks ago. Good thing I went in! It already feels better! The wound is packed and I will take the dressing off later tomorrow but I have already nursed Logan on that side and it did not hurt at all!! SOO HAPPY!

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers!

>Need Some Prayers...

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This breast infection is getting nasty. Still no fever or flu-like symptoms as I am hoping the antibiotics are curbing that all together but either way, my OB is not happy that this has lingered with it's angry, red, veiny heated-ness that it is time to do something.

So I am anxiously awaiting a phone call from them, sometime around 9-10am tomorrow, to hear when I will be seeing a surgeon to access what the HELL is going on with my boobie. What I do know is that it hurts like a mo-fo to breast feed, felt like it was on fire this morning, and is not getting any better after 8 days on antibiotics.

My thoughts? It's NOT a clogged duct, but a cyst. Not sure what the doc will need to do but it could end in surgery. The worst part? B will be working snow removal (we're expecting A FOOT!) and it is very important for us financially that he continues to work. My parents are out of town and so I have resorted to friends in seeing if they will be on call for me to take care of Logan if I do in fact end up in surgery tomorrow. SO STRESSFUL!! I have had a lump removed tomorrow so I am not too nervous about that. Mostly nervous about leaving Logan. I have very few people in this town that I trust, but it looks like I am going to be putting a lot of trust in someone very quickly if need be. That is SO hard for me, but I am preparing for it.

Wish me luck! And I will update soon...

>Dear Jasmine...

>I have tried to comment on your blog but it says that it is restricted to "team members" only so here is what I have wanted to say...

My google reader is being stupid and I am not getting all of your updates on Miracle Number Two--weird. But I am so glad to hear all is going well for you and that you have some progress! He is getting ready to meet you and I bet you can't wait! I remember all the anticipation leading up to labor and I can't believe it was nearly 6 weeks ago! I bet little Ava is getting excited to meet her new brother! If you ever wanna e-mail me feel free! samama8 (at) gmail (dot) com

God Bless! (to all my other readers as well!)

>You know you live in Colorado when...

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...Wednesday's forecast is a high of 70-something (SQUEEEEEL!!!) and Friday's forecast is a high if 18 (GASP!). We're talking a possible March blizzard here people just two days after the most beautiful weather all year so far. Not one friggin' cloud in the sky and just enough crispness in the air to feel fresh. Perfection...only to be ruined by bitter cold and snow in just a few days! AHHH! Logan has not seen snow since his birthday and even then he didn't actually see it. He was just born during a snow storm and I think the day after was a heat wave of 9 degrees.

I could actually keep going with my list, like if you use heat in the AM and AC in PM. I had the windows open all day. It was lovely.

Logan has been sleeping in his crib at night for a week now! I am very surprised by how soon I wanted to make that transition but I can tell you we are all sleeping a lot better because of it. I think he could hear us move around in bed and that would make him wake up and we could hear him make all his little sleepy baby sounds. Now we can keep a close ear on him with the monitor and he does great! And on his back nonetheless! He still gets up every 3 hours like clockwork and this morning he decided 5am was a great time to stay up so B got up with him until he had to go to work. He JUST fell asleep (it's 9am now). Awake for 4 hours.

I had a blubbering meltdown in a changing room at Old Navy yesterday for a few different reasons:

My former size 4 booty is now an 8/10.

We didn't have enough money for me to buy real jeans.

I am still wearing maternity jeans.

I still have 25 pounds to lose and I have not lost 1 pound in almost 2 weeks.

As you can see, I had several reasons to wallow. And it morphed into the evening when, after taking care of the dogs, the baby and myself all day B asked me to continue taking care of the dogs so he could lay on the couch. Yes, he had worked a 10 hour day, but I don't think he realizes how much work it is for me to continue breast feeding when it feels like glass is coming out of my nipples, how it takes me 1o minutes just to get Logan all set to let the dogs out for 5 minutes, how I chose to keep our house nice and picked up rather than sleeping so he would feel like I was actually doing something during the day. Yeah, I could go on but that was all I needed to cry all over again and then the most depressing thought hit me in that moment: I have to go back to work in less than 7 weeks. Talk about complete heartbreak. I have been trying not to think about it but my leave is almost already half over and I can't believe it! So that is all I am going to say about it. Too depressing.

Happy St Patty's Day!

>5 Week Photo Shoot

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