There is a space in my heart filled with so much passion for becoming a midwife that I literally feel like I will go crazy if I don't start doing something NOW. Not that I'm not doing anything. I am. I'm in school. I'm taking my state exam for CNA certification in a month. I'm doing it. But I'm starting to feel really impatient, like what I am doing is not happening fast enough. I want to be catching babies NOW. Obviously, I need some training, you know, like at least a little bit. I fight with this feeling of why did I wait so long and how come it took me so long to figure this out? That is a dumb feeling, people. It's a pointless thing to even wonder about because I'm doing it now. I will get there. I am just super inpatient. Thankfully, I will be hanging out with a home birth midwife next Saturday and I hope that will start to fill this need I have. I am/was/will (not sure yet??) thinking of home birth midwifery. The thing is...it has such a bad reputation. Yes, I want to be part of this movement and yes I want people to know that birthing at home is the norm, and was for centuries, before birthing in a hospital became the norm. I get it, though. We birthed in a hospital with Evie because of our very scary experience with Logan's birth. I cannot honestly say what would have happened had he not received the care he needed right away if we had been at home. That's a scary thought.
Anyway, I'm swimming in a mess of "I just want to do it all NOWWWWWW" whininess so...yeah.