where's the pain?

This week has been BEYOND rough. Probably one of the most challenging weeks thus far for this wife and mama to two babes. I am already quite exhausted at the end of the day after being up a few times a night to nurse Evie then to work all day and, on Monday's, go to class for 4 hours. Evie has been trying to get over a cold for nearly two weeks now. On Monday we thought she was surely turning a corner and starting to feel much better. Then Monday night after daycare she became more stuffy and upset than she had since the cold began. B and I rolled it off our shoulders, I kept sucking her nose out, using saline spray and doing what we could to keep her comfortable. That night, however, she was up ALL NIGHT LONG. Crying, arching her back, fussing in her sleep. There was no consoling her. She was in pain. I gave her tylenol, rocked her, nursed her, swaddled, un-swaddled...we tried everything and nothing was working. Evie would fall asleep between spurts of pain and discomfort. The night was rough and by morning I'd barely had 3 hours of sleep and had to go to work.

I dropped her off with her daycare lady with some more tylenol and instructions to call if she needed to. Evie had a good day. No phone calls. Huh. Maybe it's just a fluke? Nope. Tuesday night she continued to reel in pain. B and I took shifts with her. She didn't have a fever and otherwise, no other signs or symptoms to indicate that something was seriously wrong. I made plans to take her to the doctor Wednesday morning. She was checked out and given a clean bill of health other than getting over a cold. No ear infection, either. So now what?

Thursday morning we were becoming increasingly worried. Evie's crying and lack of sleep was becoming more worrisome. I dropped her off at daycare and told our provider to call if she cried more than 10 minutes. She called me within an hour of my arrival to work. I called her doctor and with that I was on my way to pick her up and take her to the ER.

B met me there. We did not have to wait long which was nice. We went through the normal check in process while I was trying to keep the knot in my throat from coming up. I was terrified. What in the world could be causing my sweet baby so much pain?!

The ER doctor came in, checked her out and confirmed once again that her ears were clear. She had vomited that morning so we could only think that something was going on in her tummy. We did an abdominal xray and thankfully, no issues there. Not even noticeable gas bubbles! After four hours, we left without any clue as to what was ailing our sweet babe. We laid on the couch, snuggled. B got some more gas drops for her and that seemed to help. She slept better, only waking to nurse every 3 hours. 

Then this morning while I was changing her diaper, she was happily trying to shove her toes into her mouth and I thought I should feel around in there. Where there had been nothing the day before, was now the edge of a tooth. That's right, friends, this girl was in so much pain all from a tooth! We can see and feel it now. It was NOT there yesterday and even the ER doctor said that he did not think that a little baby could be in that much pain just from teething. Well, she was.

And now we know. I really hope that every time she gets a tooth that it is not this hard on her or us. I had actually made up my mind that teething was really not that big of a deal. Logan never had a hard time until he got molars.

So, Evelyn has rounded her 5 month birthday with not only having rolled over for the first time on Sunday, but by also getting her first tooth! A full 4 months sooner than her brother.

rough

I've said before how different a baby Evelyn is compared to her brother. Makes sense...she IS a different person. However, the sleeping difference is about to do me in. Logan was and has always been an awesome sleeper. He was sleeping through the night by the time he was 8 weeks old and then, only woke up around 4am to eat. Then, unless he was sick or teething, he would sleep all night. Evie girl...she is up every 2-3 hours still. And last night, something must be wrong, because she was up solid, crying and pretty much inconsolable from 11pm-3am. Took her in to make sure she didn't have an ear infection. She doesn't. But OMG am I tired! Working, studying for my CNA final...I am so exhausted. Please send prayers for all of us. Even B is just as sleep deprived. He helped me out a bit which made such a huge difference. Wow. I need a nap vacation.

untitled

There is a space in my heart filled with so much passion for becoming a midwife that I literally feel like I will go crazy if I don't start doing something NOW. Not that I'm not doing anything. I am. I'm in school. I'm taking my state exam for CNA certification in a month. I'm doing it. But I'm starting to feel really impatient, like what I am doing is not happening fast enough. I want to be catching babies NOW. Obviously, I need some training, you know, like at least a little bit. I fight with this feeling of why did I wait so long and how come it took me so long to figure this out? That is a dumb feeling, people. It's a pointless thing to even wonder about because I'm doing it now. I will get there. I am just super inpatient. Thankfully, I will be hanging out with a home birth midwife next Saturday and I hope that will start to fill this need I have. I am/was/will (not sure yet??) thinking of home birth midwifery. The thing is...it has such a bad reputation. Yes, I want to be part of this movement and yes I want people to know that birthing at home is the norm, and was for centuries, before birthing in a hospital became the norm. I get it, though. We birthed in a hospital with Evie because of our very scary experience with Logan's birth. I cannot honestly say what would have happened had he not received the care he needed right away if we had been at home. That's a scary thought.
Anyway, I'm swimming in a mess of "I just want to do it all NOWWWWWW" whininess so...yeah.

currently

Looking for some airline deals. Heading to Michigan for Thanksgiving!

Making and searching for awesome recipes for all the veggies we have.

Wondering when Evie will start sleeping through the night.

Logan has been playing a lot of tackle with daddy. Pretty fun to watch!

Wearing...(drum roll please!!)...my PRE PREGNANCY work clothes! Like, all of them! Whoo-hoo!!

whats up

• I hope no one is really judging my terrible grammer, I mean, grammar. Sometimes I use it properly, sometimes I don't. ;)
• Last night we saw Gravity with my dad for his birthday. AWESOME movie and really, if you're not going to see it in 3D then it really isn't worth it. Also, if you get a little motion sickness...well, you might during this film with all the flipping and rolling around in space. 
• I haven't had any wine in like, a week. 
• I only have a few weeks left of my CNA class. I have my lab final on Monday. 5 skills to be done in less than 25 minutes. Freaking out a little!
• Evie is either teething or fighting a little bug. She has that "I'm hurt/feeling yucky" kind of cry that just makes my skin crawl. I hate it.
• I'm hanging out with a home birth midwife next weekend--can't wait!
• On Sunday we went to a farm:

We picked out own veggies...

And it was the most perfect, autumn day. This photo has NOT been edited. No filter. Just Colorado blue right there!

I said Yes

Since having Evie, I have had the natural challenge of dividing my time between not one but two kids. I'm 4 months into this mom of two gig and it's getting better, but I do certainly find myself wondering if I'm spending enough time with Logan and if I'm saying yes enough. When I get home from work, he is still awake. It's 8pm and I make sure I say hi to Evie and B, but then I'm all over Logan. I want hugs and kisses and snuggles. He is very receptive of this, often wanting the same kind of love and attention.

Over the weekend, I told him we could make chocolate chip cookies, something we have only done a few times together and it had been FOREVER since I had baked anything. Then the day got away from me; I had been up all night with Evie, I needed a nap, I had to pick up the house before my parents came over to watch Breaking Bad and before I knew it the day was done. It was time for him to go to bed. He asked about making cookies and I knew Monday was out. I had a full day of work and school (a FULL 15 HOUR day, to be exact). I didn't even get to see him go to bed I came home so late. So Tuesday morning as we were getting ready to go to preschool and work, he asked about making cookies. I told him we had to wait until I got home that night. He was upset and I felt terrible. But we had to wait. No time.

Yesterday on my drive home I called B and asked if Logan had asked about making cookies with me. He hadn't yet and B was thinking we'd just forget it if he didn't mention it. I am so exhausted when I come home from work, but I was ready to make cookies if that is what Logan wanted. I walked in the door, hung up my keys, kicked off my shoes and from the basement I hear Logan say, "Mommy's Home!" and he starts straight for the stairs. He then says, "Can we make chocolate chip cookies now?" and that was it. I said yes, Logan we sure can! I could hear B laugh downstairs. We are always amazed by Logan's memory and now he is holding me accountable for the things I say to him. We have to be careful now, but I'm really glad that he is there to remind me that even when you're exhausted, baking cookies with your kid is worth every second. He had a big cookie with a glass of almond milk and went to bed late. I hope that is a memory he will cherish, as it is one I am locking away. Thank you Logan, for milk and cookies.