>Almost 3 weeks in...

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Well folks, I have been a mother now for almost 3 weeks and let me tell you I am loving it. Before I get to what I love so much, here is what I don't love:

1) Recovering. It has been a royal bitch and I realize I spent 9 months baking this little man and that I am not going to be back to normal or anything like that for several months, but I am so ready for the pain, pressure, bleeding, cramping, headaches, upset tummy, etc to go away. I may not experience all of those symptoms in a given day, but I'm usually sporting at least two of them. Today? Cramps, bleeding, headache, and some pain. There's four for ya.

2) The hike up my three flights of stairs mainly due to #1.

3) When my dear husband tells me at 4am that he is "too tired" to feed Logan a bottle. That is all I am gonna say about that. We had it out and it's over with.

4) Logan's "zombie flesh" has not fallen off yet. I want him to enjoy his baths so much and the poor guy gets so cold!

5) Pumping: I love that I can do this so that we can store milk, but I really hate seeing my nips turn into torpedoes.

K now here is what I am loving:

1) Breast feeding. This is actually more of a love-hate relationship. I love nursing Logan and looking at him as he looks up at me and that we have a special bond but I hate the sore nips. Ouchies.

2) Morning snuggles: Logan is so alert in the mornings! He is starting to smile more and find his little voice. He can turn his head to our voices and it is adorable! He found his tongue the other day and keeps playing with it. SO CUTE!

3) Going out: I LOVE showing off this little creation. I am so proud to be Logan's mommy and I just want everyone to see and know it.

4) My husband. He is such a great daddy (minus the slip up above). He loves Logan so much and I can see that Logan loves him just as much. When Logan is awake, they talk and play together and nothing in the world is more important than the two of them in that moment.

5) Logan's cries at night. This might sound weird, but I love the reminder, even if every hour (like last night!), that my boy is still alive and kicking in his crib. He needs me and I need him.

Overall this motherhood business is THE business to be in. I knew it would be everything I could have hoped for and the only thing that would make it better is not having to go back to work in some odd weeks. I am not keeping count as it will depress me too much.

>NICU: Days 2-4

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**I know this is a very long post, but I urge you to stick through it. The story at the end of the post is very important to our stay in the NICU.**

Day 2 in the NICU was a little better. Waking up without my babe rooming in with us was not at all how I imagined waking up the first morning after giving birth. Again, part of our hospital tour was our guide boasting how "baby friendly" it is and how most babies never even make it to the nursery unless mom and dad both need a few hours to rest. I could not wait to hear my baby boy breathing next to us, fussing in the night for my breast and quickly satisfied with my soft cooing and sweet touches. Instead, we woke to my nurse and an empty bedside.

B's mom had stayed with our dogs the night before and met us at the hospital early that morning. It broke my heart that Logan's grandparents could not hold him. B and I had yet to hold Logan, but I cannot imagine how that made them feel. My mom could not wait to hold him and the NICU was pretty strict as to when that would happen. After a short visit, B left with his mom to go home and shower, eat breakfast and give me some time to do the same. My nurse helped me in and out of the shower. It is amazing to me how quickly any modesty I ever had, which, if you know me at all, I was quite the modest child and young adult, goes out the door when you have a baby. The nurses kept checking my bleeding and peeing and when I finally had a bowel movement I thought they were going to pop a bottle of champaign.

Showering was very renewing. I cried while I showered and I could tell that they were more happy tears than sad tears. I was beside myself- I'm a mother! My son is here! There was a stool in the shower and I was still very shaky on my feet so I sat down and attempted to sponge my body. I was able to stand long enough to rinse my hair and already I felt like a cleaner, fresher person. Even my perspective on the entire situation was clearer. Logan was in the NICU, but he was going to be okay.

After my shower, I met B in the NICU. We were both fresh and excited to finally hold our son. It had been several hours since he laid on my chest and I wanted to feel his weight in my arms. The moment the nurse lifted Logan into my arms, I began to cry those happy tears again. Logan was sleeping and so peaceful. B and I took turns holding Logan. My parents came by and were not able to hold him, but showered him with kisses and love. I enjoyed some skin to skin and sometime in the afternoon a lactation consultant came and gave me pointers on nursing. Logan was not ready to nurse yet and after a few attempts we discovered I needed a nipple shield. My nips are not inverted, but just not big enough for his little mouth to latch onto. I am still using it but hope to wean him of it in a month or so.

Logan's 10am x-ray was perfect. The air that had been trapped was no longer visible and hope for my boy coming home soon was getting greater! For good measure, they were treating Logan for an infection with antibiotics and that was a 48 hour treatment. Once he was finished with that, we needed to wean him of his nutrient IV. We could not start doing that until the antibiotics was done.

Night two was so much better than our first night. The hospital offers a special dinner for the new parents. B had steak and I had pasta with chicken. It was so good no one would know it was hospital food! B left me that evening to stay at home with the dogs and I made a greater effort to update our friends and family on FB and through email.

The following days in the NICU were about the same. I was discharged and spent two nights in a sleep room to pump and visit Logan through the night. He was moved to the well baby side of the NICU where I was able to go and feed him, change him, and love on him whenever I wanted. The only thing that kept him in there were all his cords. He weaned really well off of his IV and by the time we left he was drinking almost an ounce of my milk with no problem at all. He was 6.8 pounds when we left. The day we left was almost as great as the day he was born. We were taking him home and we could not have been happier.

***

Our story is special. We had a baby who needed the NICU and now he is home in his swing cooing and smiling at the sound of our voices. His time spent there was priceless. I have several friends whose babies had to spend a lot more time in the NICU and who did not get to hold their babes for several weeks. We are so lucky. Our friends from our childbirth class, were not so lucky and their story and challenges is what gave me more faith our boy would heal, but it broke my heart every day to see a graver update on their little girl.

I'll call her Baby K. Baby K was born one week past her due date 3 days before Logan made his arrival exactly one week past his due date. Her mamma and I had been messaging back and forth on FB for a few weeks, trying to predict when our wee ones would arrive, what it would be like, and that the anticipation was through the roof. On February 5th I saw a little update on FB that Mamma K was finally in labor! I began to pray for her and her little one. Over the next several hours, there were a few more updates, the last one being at 4pm that Mamma K was pushing! I must say, after having a baby, they really did a great job of keeping Fb world update. I sure did not do that good of a job! So when it was nearly 11pm that evening and still no update on Baby K's arrival, I figured they were all just so tired and happy with Baby K to update.

The next morning, there was an update and it was not a good one. Baby K arrived several hours later at the hospital (they had attempted a home birth) and was not breathing to start. She then began to have seizures and was rushed off to Children's Hospital in Denver. There were many concerns of brain damage, but nothing could be assessed so soon so we all waited. A special prayer group was created in her name on FB and in the 3 days prior to Logan's birth, I obsessively prayed for that little baby and her parents to all stay strong and for healing. The outcome seemed really bad, but I did not let that wan my faith in the doctors. Children's in Denver is one of the best Children's hospitals in Denver and once we were in the NICU with Logan, we learned that Dr. P, Logan's neonatologist, fore-fronted the brain cooling treatment that Baby K began the following day. Logan was in perfect hands.

On Monday, the day Logan was born, the cooling treatment had ended and Baby K had no sign of brain activity. Her short little life on this earth was going to be over soon and her parents were just trying to wrap their heads around the devastating news, as well as the over 1000 people who had joined her group on FB in those 4 short days. On day two after my shower and before I went back to the NICU, I checked the update and bawled my eyes out. It was the saddest news I had ever heard and here I was with a sick baby, but a baby who would be coming home with us perfectly healthy. It was not fair. This couple had tried for quite some time to have a baby and so Baby K was a blessing to begin with. Now, she would soon be back in Jesus' arms and it was a feeling unlike anything I had ever felt for Mamma K. We were not close friends, but I loved her so much then. My heart was with her every time I saw my baby boy look into my eyes. I prayed over all of them with Logan. I told him all about Baby K and how precious she was and how they would have been friends had they grown up together.

One week after Baby K was born, she was taken off of life support to save the lives of two other babies. Her perfect little heart went to another baby girl and her kidneys saved a baby as well. Though her brain was not functioning, her organs were able to bless other families and this is the only way I have been able to not get too mad at God. Why would this happen? Well, I believe everything happens for a reason, though we may not understand the reasoning at times, but Baby K had a purpose and it was to save those other babies.

I have written about this story because Baby K was a huge part of me while Logan was in the NICU. Both B and I were heartbroken by the news but we had so much love for her and her family and we poured that into our son. B went to the funeral on the following Monday. He told Baby K to keep and eye out for Logan and we know she will. This has been so hard to write. I have choked back tears several times. It needed to be said. Life is so precious and so valuable, even if only for a short time.

>NICU: The 1st NIght

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If I had the time, energy, and emotional stability this is what I would have written about Logan's stay in the NICU right after he was born. I have to write about this so it does not eat away at my emotions and anxiety. It is a strange feeling, having had a baby in the NICU who is perfectly healthy now. For whatever reason, I can't shake the awful emotions I avoided while he was there. They are catching up to me and making my post-pardum recovery harder.

***

At 6:37pm on February 8, 2010, I became a mother. Not the same kind of mother I was while my baby thrived and grew inside of me. But the kind of mother who is hearing her son's cry for the first time, seeing his big blue eyes for the first time, and falling so deeply in love with her son the tears won't stop and the kisses to daddy are endless.

"Look what we did!"

"I'm so proud of you, Sarah!"

"He's beautiful!"

...

"His breathing is rough, let's put some O2 on him..."

"He needs to go to the nursery for closer observations. Should only be an hour or so. Congratulations!"

...

I vaguely remember the doctor telling B it was time to cut the cord. Logan was here and he was screaming. I could only think his screaming was a good thing. It meant he was breathing. The pediatric team quickly assessed Logan's breathing. Though it was a great thing that he was crying, they worried he was trying a little too hard. I in such a state of bliss and happiness that I did not question what they were saying nor did I worry. My mind was numb with euphoria from just having gave birth to my baby boy.

B kissed me and went with Logan to the warmer. I was still crying as the doctor stitched me up and changed my bedding and clothes. Once the pediatric team decided it was time to go to the nursery, B went with Logan and, though I was missing an entire hour with my new baby, I figured that was nothing and soon we would be joined together again in my pp room. It did not sink in until we were home, nearly 5 days later, that the one thing I wanted more than anything from our birth plan was that first hour with my son: Logan laying on my chest, rooting for my breast, caressing his sweet cheeks, sharing this little creature with B all alone. No bathing, no testing, no prodding, no interventions. Just us. This still brings tears to my eyes imagining what it would have been like to lay skin-to-skin with Logan and staring at him while he stared back at me. We never got that time and it breaks my heart.

I watched the clock and nearly an hour and a half had passed before I heard anything from the pediatric team or since I last saw B leave with Logan. Time passed so quickly the entire day I labored and the two hours that I pushed felt like 15 minutes. That is until I was separated from my child who spent 9 months inside of me. I was empty and he was not even in my arms yet. I tried not to worry. My new nurse told me that everything should be okay and that is very common for babies to need a little O2 before coming back to mom. She did a great job distracting me while she cleaned up our things and prepared for my move into Woman's Care.

Twenty minutes before my move, B returned to the room and I won't forget the fear I saw in his eyes. Logan was in trouble and it was written all over B's face but I held strong. I did not want to cry without knowing the details first.

"He has a blah blah blah...hole in his lung blah blah blah...X-Ray...."

His words made no sense to me. I was on the edge of losing it when the on-call Ped came in and explained what B was trying to say all along. Logan had a hole in his lung. A HOLE IN HIS LUNG?! How the hell does that happen? Will he need surgery? Is there permanent damage? All these questions formed in my mind but never made it past my lips. All I wanted was to see my babe and kiss his little fingers and tell him mommy was here and everything was going to be okay. But I had to wait.

Once I was moved to Women's Care, my nurse, whom I loved, had to take my vitals, help me pee, sign some forms, change my socks....it was endless. When was I going to see my baby?! In fact, now that I think about it, the time between the Ped leaving my Labor and Delivery room and when I was finally being wheeled into the NICU is a complete blur. I had yet to cry or say or think what I was really feeling. If I had to guess, I was probably praying the whole time that my baby would be okay. I don't even remember if B was already in the NICU or if he walked with us. Three hours later...

Dimly lit, littered with nurses in blue scrubs, beeping heard all around and gentle whispers occupied the NICU. I remembered our tour of the hospital when I was 28 weeks pregnant and how they walked us past the NICU. We stopped and our tour guide explained what happens in the NICU and the type of babies who end up there: sick babies and premature babies. I distinctly remember thinking that we would surely never need the NICU. Boy was I wrong.

Logan was in crib 18. A cute Koala bear picture hung above his warmer. He was not in an isolate and I was immediately relieved his needs were not that serious. But he had a plastic hood over his head that fed him 100% O2. My legs were still quite numb from the epidural and I wanted more than anything to stand and scoop my baby to my breast and hold him tight. The moment I touched his little fist the tears came and did not stop. The NICU nurse was messing with all the cords he was attached to and Logan fussed from being touched and disturbed from the shallow sleep he had been in when we arrived. I told him I loved him and that everything would be okay in between the loud sobs and silent prayers I was saying.

At 10:30pm, x-ray techs returned to do a second x-ray on Logan's chest. We were shoved back to the "safe-zone" and my vision blurred with tears as Logan's scream escalated as the nurse spread his arms apart and held him down. My heart was breaking, watching my son endure what no 3 hour old baby should be going through. Moments later were were back by his side, caressing his soft skin and kissing his fists. After 20 minutes, the x-ray was back and I was wheeled over to the digital screen where I could see Logan's chest on the screen. At this point, Dr. P, the most incredible neonatologist on this side of the Mississippi, had arrived to see what our little Logan needed. His second x-ray was a little worse than his first, showing more air trapped between his lung and chest cavity. I felt the wind get knocked out of my own chest and the blood in my head drain. My baby boy was sick. Dr. P explained our two options and gave us little hope that the first, a needle aspiration of the chest, would work leaving a chest tube and warranting at least a week in the NICU the fate of our son. But we did not give up faith that the needle aspiration would fail. We just prayed harder.

B asked if we could stay for the procedure and while Dr. P said he could if he wanted to, we really shouldn't. It was not something a parent would want to see their child go through and I was convinced it was time to kiss my baby for the night and pray over and over again that he would be healed and that he would not feel any pain. B and I returned to my room. I got as comfortable as one can get after giving birth and sustaining a 2nd degree tear. B sat on the bed next to me and we just stared at each other until we both broke down. Now if you know B, you know he is not a crier. Sure he can be a sensitive guy but in the 3 years we have been together (TODAY is our anniversary!) I have only seen him cry 4 times. We sobbed together for several minutes before composing ourselves, praying some more, and believing in our heart of hearts that Logan was going to get through this.

By the time we turned the lights off and my nurse checked on me once more, it was after midnight and I had been awake for 28 hours. My brain and body were both so exhausted it was not hard to put my worried thoughts aside to get some sleep, only to be roused 2 hours later for another vitals check. We had been told that Logan would have another x-ray to see if the needle aspiration had worked at 4am. Two more hours of sleep and the phone rang. Logan's lung was healing and they did not think he would need a chest tube. It was still up in the air if another aspiration would be necessary as there was still a small pocket of air left, but Dr. P was confident that he was healing and a 10am x-ray would tell us even more. B and I were so elated! We slept another two hours, ordered breakfast and paged the nurse to see our babe.

Logan's first night in the NICU was one of the best and worst nights of my life. I was so proud to be a mother, but felt so helpless seeing him hooked up to machines and IVs. Being so tired, both mentally and physically, I only updated our parents on Logan's condition and did not think twice to update all our other friends and family who were waiting to hear if Logan had arrived yet. I only felt guilty about that for 5 minutes until I realized our focus on Logan was more important than keeping everyone else updated. I wanted to tell everyone, I just could not pick up the phone to text or update FB.

Day 2-4 coming soon...

>All I Wanna Do is Poo

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OMG! I can't poo and it is killing me! I have been cramped up and keeled over all day and in tears out of frustration. I took some milk of magnesia and it helps but I don't want take too much as it will make Logan have diarrhea. Gross. I am pretty sure the percocet is what has backed me up. I was getting so achy from some increased activity over the last few days and upped what I was taking to stave off the pain and well here I am.

Constipation has not been the only postpartum symptom that has not fun. Logan came out sunny side up (facing the ceiling) and did quite a number on my urethra. I was almost completely incontinent for the first week after he was born. That has gotten better but how about that irony? Incontinent to constipated?? Nice. The bleeding as not been to bad and I had my stitches checked yesterday and things are going good there. They should be dissolved by this time next week.

Side from the healing woes, our time home has been great! My milk came in a few days ago and the engorgement has already gone away. He is a champion eater! We weighed him on Tuesday and he was 6.8 pounds and again yesterday and he was 6.11 pounds! He gained 3 ounces in one day! He has been sleeping great the last few nights. He sleeps in good 3-4 hour spurts, wakes up to eat for 30min to an hour and back down he goes. When he is awake he is the happiest baby! He only cries when he is hungry or getting a diaper change. He also hates his baths. Last night we took him to church for Ash Wednesday and he woke up and just stared at the lights. He did not make a peep and just enjoyed the music. He was perfect! He literally waited until we were in the car to cry due to him being hungry. I love him so much! B is a great daddy. He loves holding him and trying to crack a smile out of him. He helps with the diaper changes and gets Logan out of bed in the middle of the night for feedings. My boys are wonderful! Logan met his great-grandparents today and he did great. He was awake and just checking them out until he got hungry.

Being a mommy is the best job I've ever had and I would not change a thing.

>My Boy is Home

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>The Birth Story

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Logan’s Birth Story

Shortly after going to bed on Super Bowl Sunday at 12:01am Monday, February 8, 2010, I felt the first contraction. It was mild but different so I waited to see if it was just a back spasm or the real deal. It was snowing outside and Brendan had going to bed earlier just in case he was called out to shovel. I did not wake him for an hour and in that hour, I had several contractions that were about 8-10 minutes apart. Slowly increasing in pain, I told Brendan this was it and I was going to take a shower. I breathed through each contraction and after my shower I sat in the bath tub to help ease the pain. Now this was pain unlike I had every felt before. It started in my low back and went down my legs and as the contraction peeked it radiated into my stomach. Despite the back labor I had been hoping to avoid, I stayed focused on doing the things we had learned in our Bradley class to get through each one as they got closer together and more intense.

By 2:30am, Brendan was up with me, timing each contraction and helping me breath and relax through each one. It was clear that today was going to be Logan’s birthday. All along, my dad predicted that February 8th would be the day and how right he was. I was 41 weeks pregnant and more than ready to meet our precious son.

Around 5:30am, the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and lasting just over a minute long. I was barely getting 2 minutes of rest in between and I knew it was time to head to the hospital. We called our doctor and let him know we were on our way. The drive to the hospital was not too bad, but sitting in that position was not ideal. We arrived at the hospital just after 6am, 6 hours after labor started. I was weighed and checked into my room. The birthing suite was amazing! The lighting was dim, there was a tub for me to labor in, and plenty of room for our parents to hang out in. My doctor came to check me and I was just about 2 centimeters dilated.

Sometime after 7am, the contractions were becoming very intense. My parents arrived soon after and I was so glad to have my mom there with me. A few times throughout the morning, she helped me while Brendan refilled his coffee or went to the bathroom. Everyone kept telling me how well I was doing, but I sure did not feel like that!

My nurse was incredible. Her name is Debbie and she, along with everyone else, helped me breath and change positions as each contraction got closer and harder. I had external monitoring with an EFM and around 10am I asked to get in the tub. Brendan helped ease me into it and I was only with relief for the first few contractions. Changing positions momentarily change the contraction intensity but within minutes I was trying to find a different position for more comfort. That comfort never came.

I began to breath hyperventilate and was put on O2. The O2 really helped me stay focused on breathing but soon I was getting to the point of nearly passing out. We tried cool wash cloths, standing and swaying, the birthing ball, and leaning over the bed. It only got worse. I kept saying “No, no, no...” over and over again and at times I was in tears with pain. I began to give into the pain and that was when I nearly passed out. My parents had left to check on our dogs and between Brendan and I, we decided I needed the epidural. I was so mad at myself. Between contractions I kept telling Brendan how sorry I was, that I could not do it, but the look on his face said everything: it was time for my body to rest. The nurse checked me to make sure I was progressing. I was 4 centimeters at 11am so she called in the anesthesiologist. Even through the pain, I was so nervous about getting the epidural. In our class we had learned that it tends to slow labor down and I did not want to be given pitocin to speed it back up. Little did I know this would have the complete opposite effect.

Brendan sat in front of me as I leaned over the bed, clutching a pillow. A contraction came and as I anxiously waited the anesthesiologist cleaned off my back. As it subsided, he placed the epidural and it was nothing like I was expecting. I felt the initial sting just as another contraction was peaking and it already felt better. I got the “epi itch” briefly, but have not had any of the other side effects of an epidural. Once it completely kicked in, I was in HEAVEN!! I was smiling and happy and able to enjoy the company that came to visit. Patty, Jason and Lana all joined in on our anticipation of Logan’s arrival.

Around 11:45am, everyone left the room to go for a walk. I wanted to take advantage of the pain relief to rest. The nurse had explained that the epidural would make one leg more numb if I laid on it too long. I had been on my right side for awhile and wanted to turn over so I paged her. Just as she came in, two other nurses followed and they were worried about something. Debbie explained that Logan’s heart rate dropped dramatically and she needed to check me. She noticed right away that my water had broken and there was a little bit of meconium in it, meaning Logan had a bowel movement and could be under some stress. I was 6 centimeters. This was all a fog for me as I was not sure as to what was going on. One of the things we really wanted to avoid was an internal fetal monitor. They stick a small needle in the baby’s head to monitor the heart rate more accurately. The nurse placed the monitor and soon after my doctor arrived to access Logan’s condition. He checked me again and I was 8 centimeters! I could not believe how quickly I progressed once my water had broken. After a few moments Logan’s heart rate settled back down to the 150s and I did not have to worry. The worst part about the whole thing was that Brendan had left the room and a nurse had to go track him down. He did not get back until after the monitor had been placed.

For the next two hours I chatted with family and relaxed. I was checked again around 2:45pm and was 9.75 centimeters dilated so the doctor said I could just wait until I felt an urge to push. We waited another two hours and by that time, the epidural was starting to ware off. I did not feel any pain, but the sensations in my legs started to come back and I could feel the contractions start. It was not painful at all and I was so glad I was going to be able to feel what I was doing.

At 4:37pm I started to do some practice pushing. It felt so good to know that I would be meeting Logan soon! The doctor said I was progressing and the head was coming down so I could keep pushing. I pushed for exactly two hours until 6:37pm when Logan came out sunny side up. He immediately screamed and continued to give us big cries. I had a 2nd degree tear and one small abrasion, something which I am still healing from. OUCH!! The pediatric team in the room noticed that his breathing was rather labored so I held my O2 mask up to his face to see if that would help. He laid on my chest for about 5 minutes until they determined he needed a little more assistance. Brendan stayed with him by the warmer while I was cleaned up. After another five minutes Logan was taken to the nursery for further assistance and Brendan stayed with him. They told me it would only be 30 minutes to get him feeling better but after an hour, still no sign of my son or my husband.

I began to worry and my new nurse did everything she could to help reassure me that everything would be okay. Around 8pm Brendan finally came back to the room and the look on his face was not that of a happy daddy. He was worried. I don’t think I have ever seen that much worry in his face before and I tried not to cry before knowing exactly what was going on with my sweet boy.

Brendan began to explain what was going on when the on-call pediatrician came into the room. After an X-ray, he discovered Logan had a pneumothorax. It’s a small whole in the lung that most likely happened when Logan took his first breath. The whole caused air to escape and become trapped between his lung and the chest cavity. The more air he sucked in, the more it compressed his lung and made it more difficult for him to breath. He was waiting for the neonatologist to examine Logan and his X-Ray to determine the next steps in getting him healed.

Once he left, Brendan went back to the NICU to be with Logan. I was taken to my postpartum room, the nurse did my vitals and nearly three hours after his birth, I was finally able to go see him. The NICU was something I never thought I would have to experience. I never imagined I would be a NICU mom. All the babies in the NICU are either really sick or premature and my baby was sick. It scared me more than anything to think about what could happen. But then I saw him. He was calm and sleeping. He was still breathing too hard but the O2 hood helped him stay regulated. After his 10:30pm X-Ray, Dr. Paisley showed us his lung and what was going to need to happen to fix it. There are several different ways to treat a pneumo and the first step was doing a needle aspiration. A small needle was inserted into his chest to suction the air out. This only had a 50% success rate and if it didn’t work, he would need a chest tube. Well Praise Jesus the aspiration worked! After a 4am X-Ray the lung looked much better. There was only a small spot of air left, something the doctors were sure would go away over the next day. Just to be safe, they also treated Logan for an infection and would need to be on antibiotics for 48 hours.

The following morning, Brendan and I went to visit Logan and we were able to hold him. It was the happiest moment for our little family to finally be together! Over the next two days, Logan continued to do better and was weened off his nutrition IV and started to have the milk I had started to pump. Once I was discharged, I stayed in a sleep room at the hospital so I could continue to pump and feed Logan through the night. Friday morning he was discharged! The pain I was still feeling from giving birth could not be felt as I nearly raced Brendan out of the hospital so we could finally go home.

Logan’s birth was incredible and despite the pain from the contractions, I loved every minute of it, knowing Logan would soon be in my arms. His stay in the NICU is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. I would not wish something like that on anyone and I continue to pray for all those babies. It’s a club I never wanted to join but now that I am apart of it, it feels kind of special. Logan is special and everything about his delivery was meant to be. We are so glad he is healthy and doing well. He eats like a champ and is the most beautiful, precious thing Brendan and I have ever done together. We are so in love.

>My Precious

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>Logan has arrived!

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Very quickly, here is an update. I have been awake since 8am yesterday and MUST get my sleep.

After 16 and a half hours, Logan joined this world at 6:37pm. He is 6.6 pounds, 20 inches long, has some hair that we think is light brown. We have not yet bathed him and here is why:

He was taken to the nursery 10 minutes after birth to monitor his labored breathing. It was not improving so they moved him into the NICU and took a chest X-ray. He has a little hole in his lung and is being treated for it. It will go away with no long term affects, but as to when he comes home is still up in the air. As of right now he is doing great and he could come home as soon as tomorrow night or Wednesday morning. PLEASE keep him in your prayers!!!

I am doing well. I pushed for 2 hours and have a 2nd degree tear and NO HEMMIES!! :)

I am off to sleep now. Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers!

>A List

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1) Irregular, uncomfortable but not painful contractions all day.

2) More spotting/bloody show stuff.

3) Confirmed with doctor that all is well--nothing to worry about.

4) 2.5 hour nap.

5) Super bowl and chili with mom and dad.

6) Snow--all day long that is not really accumulating, but causing messy roads.

7) THIS could be the night, as could any night, but PLEASE LORD, let TONIGHT be THE night.

>a new layout does not put one into labor

>

Only early in the morning do I feel like "today might be the day". I had some contractions that woke me up, had my "bloody show", and a crazy amount of discharge all day. But the contractions stopped. Mid-afternoon I had some sharp pains in my low back and stomach, but they were not consistent with tummy tightening. We went to the mall to walk around, had some ice cream, traded in some PS3 games so B could get a new one he wanted and now I am achy from the walking having a Weeds marathon with B and not having any contractions. BOO!

Five days overdue folks. I have been pregnant longer than just about everyone I know, aside from Heidi. We are *maybe* going to be getting snow tomorrow so maybe a drop in pressure and temps will help??? Because I mean, nothing else has worked. But I know it is going to be soon. It has to be.

Oh and how do you like my new layout?? I have not yet figured out how to get the tabs on the side to work (the ones that say "about us" and "contact"). But I have serious time to kill so why not revamp?

>He Knows the Plan

>

That's right. The Big Guy knows what's going to happen and when. I just keep reminding myself of this and am at more peace. I am doing SO much better than I was a few days ago. I am not depressed or sad. It WILL happen! I will not be pregnant forever. In fact, we have had a sign that the end is near:

(TMI): I lost some of my mucous plug this morning and can I just say GROSS!! I am sure that was not all of it. There was no bloody traces and I am sure that part is to come soon. So far I still feel the same. When B wakes up from a nap I want to go for a long walk and see if that does not help kick start anything.

>Overdue

>

40w1d

80% effaced

Finger-tip dilated

=

Sad Sarah

>Good Morning Due Date

>

Dear Logan,

Today is your due date. I am honestly shocked and excited to say that we have made it this far. You, or my body, tried to give us a few scares early on and the doctors were skeptical in thinking you would make it this far, but here we are!

I have loved being pregnant with you. Other than those brief scares, you have been an incredible baby to carry and I would do it over and over again. I had no morning sickness, have gained a healthy amount of weight, and have proudly let other touch and love on you through my belly. I knew before I was ever pregnant that having a growing belly would be something I would truly love about being pregnant. While that growing belly has caused some aches and pains, some worth crying over at times, it is well worth this wait of meeting you.

Early this morning I had some stronger contractions. It was 3am and a strong, deep ache spread across my low back and into my legs and lasted for at least a minute. I tried timing them and nothing was closer than 8 minutes apart and eventually, they tapered off and I was able to go back to sleep until 8:30am when, again, the same pain returned. This ache is not so painful that I can't move around, walk, talk or get things taken care of--yet. But I can tell you will be here soon! As in the next 24-48 hours!! This early labor stuff is not so bad, but it is making me rather anxious and writing is taking my mind off that.

Your daddy and I cannot wait to see your tiny body, pouty lips, squinty eyes, and little finger nails. We already love every single thing about you and seeing you will just bring this dreaming of what you look like to real life. We are ready for you and the next letter I write you will be once you are in our arms. We love you deeper every day. Come out, wee one.

Love, Mama and Daddy