The Marriage Confessions: Day 2 Your Spiritual Connection

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(One of my most favorite photos from our wedding ceremony. Pastor is blessing our rings as we pray with him.)

It is no secret that I love Jesus and praise my God daily. I am constantly praying throughout the day:

“Please God, keep me safe as I travel to Denver.”

“Please God, lead me to making the right choice.”

“God, thank you for your guidance and love.”

“God, please ease my mind and anxiety.”

I constantly pray for safety, healthy and guidance. And just as much I am always giving thanks for the blessings in the day that I am given.

When B and I first started dating, our spiritual connection was not important. I know that sounds bad, but for whatever reason it was just something we kind of avoided. But not for long. I learned that B is Catholic to my Methodist. I am not going to get into all the semantics of either, however, the important thing to note was that B was not a practicing Catholic. He only went to Mass with his father and since we met while in college, that was not very often.

I, on the other hand, had a pretty strong spiritual walk and even if I did not go to church every weekend, I loved my Jesus and did what I could to learn and grow closer to Him. Bringing the two of us together spiritually took some time. I did not want to be pushy and B was kind of stiff about the whole idea of going to church with me. Any of the SUPER Christians (insert: sarcasm) I knew in college would have immediately sent him home and moved on. I was willing to wait and do what I could to find out why he was a little lost.

According to the Bible (and I am not one to quote versus because I don’t know them, just general ideas, so I won’t), the man is supposed to be the spiritual leader. Well, the man is also supposed to smack his wife around and I’m not cool with that. So the fact that I was and still am spiritually stronger than B is no big deal to me. Since we started to dating nearly 4 years ago, B has grown leaps and bounds as a spiritual husband. He no longer shies away from talking about our believes and values. We pray together. We go to church together. And we have 100% committed to raising Logan to know his Savior. We want nothing more than for Logan to be a strong man of God, much like his daddy is becoming.

So how is our spiritual connection? Before I can answer that, it must be said that our spiritual walk together will always be growing and changing just like our personal walks. Currently, our spiritual needs are on the back burner. Sundays are our only family days and we are perfectly happy spending the day at home watching football. We pray together, but not often and we hardly ever read the Bible. This is hard to admit. I wish it were different. I wish we were better. But that just gives me reassurance that we have a lot to strive for, when we’re ready. It’s safe to say we are a little lazy about our spiritual connection as husband and wife. What doesn’t change is that we do rely heavily on our Jesus to lift us up and I know that B prays as much as I do. I know that we are only as strong as we are together and that we have a lot to work on.

How are you and your spouse spiritually connected? How do you stay disciplined to read and pray together? What do you need to improve?

The Marriage Confessions Day 1 Fighting Fair

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I love the picture above. We took it just a few days before I graduated from college at a school music fest. It was a May day and as you can see the weather was perfect. No, we did not fight on this day. We were simply silly.

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Ask anyone and they will tell you they hate to fight. Whether it is with your husband, your children, or the bitchy lady in the mall who runs her stroller into yours--on purpose. Fighting sucks and I have never been one to fight. BUT. I am one tough cookie. When I feel strongly about something, you better believe I will fight til the end to win. Yes, win. The gratifying feeling of a solid win in an argument is quite the victory for me. Sadly, as soon as I am done doing my happy dance and finally look over to see his sad, defeated face, I feel bad.

I have a very hard time remembering the bad fights B and I have had and I could count them on one hand in the almost 4 years we have been together. I am not saying that to be boastful--it’s true. We hardly ever fight and when we do, it is rather epic. But then we usually drink ourselves into a silly stupor and I beg God to rid my memory of it ever happening. He does a great job doing so.

So how do we fight? I never see B’s stubbornness come out until he is adamant about something. He can be just as stubborn as me, but you’d never guess it with his laid back “whatever” attitude.

Any time a disagreement comes up, we both try to understand and listen to the other persons concerns and go from there. Sometimes I am way out of line and B has to bring me back to earth (thank you anxiety!) and other times I do the same for B. This is why our marriage works. We never want to hurt the other person and even though I said I like to win, I would much rather lose and make my husband happy more than anything else. It’s not worth it to me.

So here are a few principles we practice to keep things fair in our fighting:

1) We NEVER go to bed angry. We resolve whatever it is that is on our minds so that we can give one another a genuine kiss good night and not feel resentful while we try to fall asleep. There have been times (maybe one or two) when we sat across from each other for HOURS without saying anything into the early morning. Finally, someone apologizes or something and we move on. We made this rule within the first few months of dating.

2) We NEVER walk out on each other. We’re allowed to go into another room to cool off or just be alone. But under no circumstances is anyone allowed to walk out that door.

3) We never curse or name call. This is a biggie. Watch Teen Mom and that is all you see Amber do to Gary and it’s no wonder their relationship doesn’t work out. They hate each other! Just because we are fighting, does not mean that all respect and love goes out the window. Sure there may be a few eff bombs, but not like an “eff you” type thing. Saying stuff like that would just make matters worse and it would make us like each other less.

4) We NEVER fight in front of Logan and we ALWAYS make up in front of him. We made this rule early on in my pregnancy. If we begin to get heated about something, we either wait it out until Logan is in bed or we go into another room while Logan is safe in his jumper or swing. We make it quick. I actually think having Logan around makes us want to fight less because we don’t want him to hear our raised voices and angry tones. Secondly, we always kiss and make up in front of him. And we always will. Logan, and all the other children we have someday, need to know that just because mommy and daddy have a disagreement, doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. My parents hardly ever got heated in front of me and they always made up so I could see that they weren’t going anywhere. They’ve been married for 29 years and there is totally something to be said for that.

5) We make up again. Later. You know what I mean. Need I say more?

No one likes to fight, but you do need to know how to do it right so that no one walks out on the other. After just over 2 years of marriage, I can safely say that B and I still have a lot to learn. But the 5 principles we follow above are going to get us through tough times. Being a parent and having been raised differently is going to pose some interesting arguments over the years. Compromise, love and respect are the only way for us to make it through a fight or argument. We even try to figure out the best way so that we both “win” and that is only through discussing ways to compromise.

Now, how do you fight fair?

The Marriage Confessions: A New Kind of Blog Challenge

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The Marriage Confessions

Day 1: Fighting Fair
Day 2: Your Spiritual Connection
Day 3: Your Family Dynamics
Day 4: Always Room for Improvement
Day 5: Behind Closed Doors

This week long challenge was created because I feel like all I talk about is Logan. B is the reason why we have Logan. I need to bring the focus back to my husband and the reasons as to why we are married. Being a wife is so much more than doing laundry, cooking dinner, and taking care of the babies. Being a wife is about love, friendship, and connections on many different levels. It's about constantly growing and falling in love with your mate. Everything else is just a happy perk. Being a mother is the greatest perk and I know you do not have to be married to have children, but being a wife and then donning the MOM title is an incredible life change. Ironically, once that little baby shows up the marriage tends to fall to the wayside and it is all about the baby. Is he hungry? Is he tired? Did you change his diaper? Why did you just do that?! And so on and so forth.

Well this week, I am dedicating every post to the man I love and I hope you will join me. I am no where near cool enough to set up a Mr. Linky so just go ahead and leave a comment. Share this challenge with your friends. My prayer, not just for myself, but for all of you is that we can learn more about who we are as a wife and what we can do to make that title more sexy, more smart, and more fun. How we can make our marriages flourish and fall in love all over again with the men we said "I do" to.

Wanna join me? This adventure in writing begins on Monday November 15th. The topics above will be discussed. Start brainstorming and have fun!

Lots of bloggie love,

Sarah