- Logan has been sick for over 2 weeks now and for a little more than that time he has barely been eating, has diarrhea at least once a day and since his last weigh in 8 days ago he has lost a pound. I took him into see the pedi this afternoon because when we came home from work/daycare he could not put any weight on his right leg. I panicked. I mean full on freaked. I was rushing around to get changed from my work clothes and Logan was crying and could not stand up. I had just seen his doctor at our hospital and knew she was not in the office so I quickly called the office to see what I should do. They had an appointment with the next best doc and we dashed over there. In the mean time, Logan was becoming more tolerable of whatever pain was going on in his leg, baring more weight on it and taking assisted steps. I was beginning to think I was a crazy mama who should have just waited things out but then I thought it was good to take him in anyway. The antibiotics and steroid he was prescribed over a week ago were not making one dent in his cough and overall well being. He spiked a fever of 101.4 on Sat and without motrin it stayed put and he was in my arms all.day.long. Trust me, I LOVE the snuggles and love he has been giving but not at the expense of him feeling shitty. His fever broke sometime yesterday afternoon and I summed it up to be a totally unrelated new virus he brought home. Regardless, his pedi was wayyyy more concerned about the weight loss and lack of appetite so we will be going back in on Friday for a weight check and then about a week after that for his 15 month check up. Oh my stars I am exhausted. I am tired and worried and frustrated that my sweet boy is sick. I've cried off and on all weekend with him.
- I'm still fighting off my cold. Taking care of myself and a sick baby at the same time is next to impossible and explains why I am still just as ill today as I was three days ago. Oy.
- Logan and I did the March of Dimes walk on Saturday and I have a feeling the biting wind did not help whatever virus was just coming on. He was miserable most of the time, crying and sleeping on and off. I was nearly running, although I felt just as bad as he did. I am glad we did it. March of Dimes is a charity I feel very strongly about. I only wish we could have done it under better circumstances and had the same amount of fun most of you had.
- A few of you have asked about my job. First of all: I FREAKING LOVE IT! I love the people and what I'm doing. It is a ton of work and a lot to learn but everyone is so gracious and easy to talk to. I feel 100% comfortable asking for help and even being on my own for most of the time. All I will say is that I now work in a hospital (hence seeing our pedi there today). I've always wanted to work there and it has been an incredible life change. The only sucky part is hearing about the bad stuff. My office looks out to the helipad and according to my coworkers we rarely ever see patients brought in and/or taken away and there were TWO here today. One was for a newborn who died and was revived and flown to Childrens. I was instantly taken back to when Logan was born and how we had know idea what was going on with him. I have been praying for the baby and parents all day and have been extra emotional. I think it's good, though, that I hear about these things now so that I can get a thicker skin for it. That might sound bad but I don't want to be wiping tears away every time I hear a tragic story, especially coming from the L&D or Peds.
- Anyway, that is how things are right now. I wish they were less frantic but heck, that would just be too boring! Ha...hope you're all having a great week so far.
Showing posts with label nicu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nicu. Show all posts
Monday, May 2, 2011
the rundown
>I really hate doing these drive by posts but that is just how it is right now.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
March for Babies: Logan's Story
>
I know most of you have read Logan's birth story and outside of that there is not a lot to say about Logan's NICU stay. I tried to be as detailed as I could, but there is more to say.
Anytime I received the March of Dimes letters in the mail asking for donations with a dime in the envelope with cute return address labels I instantly assumed March of Dimes was specifically for babies who were born prematurely. I also assumed that most babies who ended up in the NICU were there for that same reason and or some tragic disease or deformity. I did not educate myself on March of Dimes nor did I participate in any kind of donation or walk. Without a second thought I would pocket that dime and file away the return labels and not take a second thought about it. Now, I feel guilty. I feel like I should have known better.
As most of you know I had a fairly normal pregnancy. There was brief concern that I might go prematurely but Logan hung out in his oven for a full 41 weeks. We were never expecting a big baby and I had no issues with blood pressure or diabetes. My doctors were perfectly happy letting Logan hang out as long as he needed to. Inducing never came up between us. Problems with labor and delivery never came up either. Sure we were aware that "anything can happen" and while we had a fairly specific birth plan our doctors urged us to keep an open mind. Of course if my health or Logan's were to become jeopardized we gave all our faith in not only the doctors but our Great Physician. I prayed and prayed that everything would go smoothly. My greatest fear was dying and leaving B all alone with our son who'd never get to see my face. It nearly killed me. That fear, however, never crossed my mind once labor hit. B was an incredible coach and helped me remain focused throughout all 18 hours of my labor and delivery.
The moment Logan's slippery body emerged and he took his first breath I felt my heart explode. It literally took my breath away. I could not believe that I had just pushed a baby out of me, that I had helped create and grow this other human being. B could not stop saying how beautiful he was. Over and over. I had tears running down the sides of my face, as if they could never stop. I have no idea how many people were in the room, but I do know that the peds team from the NICU was there because there was meconium in Logan's bag of water. That was just protocol. Little did we know necessary their presence quickly became.
I believe that nurses are trained to say the right things at the right time. I clearly remember a soft voice telling me that he was having a little trouble breathing and to put my O2 mask near his face. The mask took over his small dimensions, his eyes squeezed tightly, crying. When I look back at the video and listen to his cry, it is obvious that he is having a hard time taking in a full breath.
Logan and B were both whisked off to the nursery and I was left alone to be cleaned up. Three hours later I saw our new son in the NICU. It is no place any parent ever anticipates their baby ending up, especially a full-term baby. When I tell other mamas that Logan was in the NICU or that I am a NICU mama they all ask how early he was. This, again, was one of those assumptions I had prior to our experience. The NICU mama badge is not a badge I ever wanted to accept or wear proudly as that just seemed so inappropriate. However, I have accepted it and because Logan came home a healthy baby boy 5 days later I do wear it proudly. I hope to never have to be in there again, but I know that is beyond my control. There is NOTHING anyone could have done to prevent Logan from popping a hole in his lung. He just cried so hard with his first breath it was as if you took a water balloon and blew it up until it popped.
Logan is the reason why I am walking in the March for Babies walk on April 30th. Babies born prematurely, babies born with infections, etc...they are why I am going to walk. I know that all across the country that this walk is taking place over the next two weekends. If you have one near you and you have an hour and a half to be inspired, moved and get some exercise then I urge you to also walk. Thank you to Jasmine for already making a donation! If you feel led to, please help me out with my walk! THANK YOU! God bless your babies.
(the first video right after Logan was born. listen to his cry--it's not normal)
I know most of you have read Logan's birth story and outside of that there is not a lot to say about Logan's NICU stay. I tried to be as detailed as I could, but there is more to say.
Anytime I received the March of Dimes letters in the mail asking for donations with a dime in the envelope with cute return address labels I instantly assumed March of Dimes was specifically for babies who were born prematurely. I also assumed that most babies who ended up in the NICU were there for that same reason and or some tragic disease or deformity. I did not educate myself on March of Dimes nor did I participate in any kind of donation or walk. Without a second thought I would pocket that dime and file away the return labels and not take a second thought about it. Now, I feel guilty. I feel like I should have known better.
As most of you know I had a fairly normal pregnancy. There was brief concern that I might go prematurely but Logan hung out in his oven for a full 41 weeks. We were never expecting a big baby and I had no issues with blood pressure or diabetes. My doctors were perfectly happy letting Logan hang out as long as he needed to. Inducing never came up between us. Problems with labor and delivery never came up either. Sure we were aware that "anything can happen" and while we had a fairly specific birth plan our doctors urged us to keep an open mind. Of course if my health or Logan's were to become jeopardized we gave all our faith in not only the doctors but our Great Physician. I prayed and prayed that everything would go smoothly. My greatest fear was dying and leaving B all alone with our son who'd never get to see my face. It nearly killed me. That fear, however, never crossed my mind once labor hit. B was an incredible coach and helped me remain focused throughout all 18 hours of my labor and delivery.
The moment Logan's slippery body emerged and he took his first breath I felt my heart explode. It literally took my breath away. I could not believe that I had just pushed a baby out of me, that I had helped create and grow this other human being. B could not stop saying how beautiful he was. Over and over. I had tears running down the sides of my face, as if they could never stop. I have no idea how many people were in the room, but I do know that the peds team from the NICU was there because there was meconium in Logan's bag of water. That was just protocol. Little did we know necessary their presence quickly became.
I believe that nurses are trained to say the right things at the right time. I clearly remember a soft voice telling me that he was having a little trouble breathing and to put my O2 mask near his face. The mask took over his small dimensions, his eyes squeezed tightly, crying. When I look back at the video and listen to his cry, it is obvious that he is having a hard time taking in a full breath.
Logan and B were both whisked off to the nursery and I was left alone to be cleaned up. Three hours later I saw our new son in the NICU. It is no place any parent ever anticipates their baby ending up, especially a full-term baby. When I tell other mamas that Logan was in the NICU or that I am a NICU mama they all ask how early he was. This, again, was one of those assumptions I had prior to our experience. The NICU mama badge is not a badge I ever wanted to accept or wear proudly as that just seemed so inappropriate. However, I have accepted it and because Logan came home a healthy baby boy 5 days later I do wear it proudly. I hope to never have to be in there again, but I know that is beyond my control. There is NOTHING anyone could have done to prevent Logan from popping a hole in his lung. He just cried so hard with his first breath it was as if you took a water balloon and blew it up until it popped.
Logan is the reason why I am walking in the March for Babies walk on April 30th. Babies born prematurely, babies born with infections, etc...they are why I am going to walk. I know that all across the country that this walk is taking place over the next two weekends. If you have one near you and you have an hour and a half to be inspired, moved and get some exercise then I urge you to also walk. Thank you to Jasmine for already making a donation! If you feel led to, please help me out with my walk! THANK YOU! God bless your babies.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
I've Never Written About this Before
>I have been inspired by Kellie over at It's a Boy! to write a post about one of the most special memories I have of B and I. EVER. Yes, that special. And you'll smile a silly smile when you hear how simple of a moment it was. But first, go check out Kellie. She just had a sweet little boy and her blog and spirit is addictive! I am going to write this as if it just happened in a voice that is not past tense. Also, I am sharing this because I want to always have a place to remember it and I believe that sharing these simple moments are what make us so awesome.
I came home from the hospital, leaving my baby boy in the NICU alone for what I had hoped would just be a few hours, if that. I was discharged, sent home to care for my post labor wounds. The only sign I had given birth not 48 hours ago. My empty arms ached more than the cramps and stitches. B helped me up the stairs--three flights! I made it, but quickly collapsed on the couch. My legs are still shaky from the epidural. I only came home to shower and see the dogs. They were elated! I could tell they knew something fishy was going on and only in a few days would they know for sure. I gave them some love and asked B to help me to the shower. Yesterday, I had a nurse stand outside my hospital room door while I sat on a cold plastic seat and sponged myself. I cried. I hated being alone. I hated the fact that Logan was in the NICU and I could not take him home. None of this was part of our plan. But it was apart of His plan.
I took a percocet before we came home and felt drunk. The pain below was dulled, but the emotional ache in my heart kept on. B was so sweet. He helped me sit down on the bed to take my shoes off, one at a time. Slowly, I undressed. I wanted B to shower with me, but I could not form the words so I asked him to wait outside the curtain. He sat on the toilet. As I stood in the shower, hot water beating down on my back, I felt like I was going to pass out. B climbed in with me. It had been a few weeks since we had been in our small shower together. Me with my big overdue belly. Now, no belly or baby accompanied us. He held me up under my arms and I could not stop the rush of tears. I sobbed over his shoulder for what seemed like hours. The water never seemed to turn cold. B lathered up my luffa and helped bathe me. I washed my hair, rinsed and leaned on B again. The combination of heat, drugs and overwhelming emotions brought us closer together than we had been in a long time. B comforted me in a way that he never has before. He held me up both physically and mentally, caressed my arms and told me countless times that Logan would be just fine, that he would come home soon. I never doubted his words.
B turned the water off. He never showed disgust over the mess my body was making. I was embarrassed, but had no control over it and he knew that. I know most fathers would probably ignore it the same way B did, but there are a few who would have said horrible things and made the embarrassment even worse. I kept apologizing for the mess, for crying like a crazy lady, for needing him so much. And then he kissed me. Kissed me hard. Kissed me until I forgot what my last thought was. He washed away the worry and held me tight. He told me he loved me more than anything, that none of that stuff mattered and that I could cry all I wanted. It was a great feeling then, knowing that my husband was on my side and would be forever. He helped me dry off and dress. I brushed my hair and we returned to the hospital to see our babe. He was sleeping peacefully. I will never forget this moment with B. Ever.
See? It's the little things. This is one of my top five best moments with B and maybe someday I will share the other four. Have a great day!
I came home from the hospital, leaving my baby boy in the NICU alone for what I had hoped would just be a few hours, if that. I was discharged, sent home to care for my post labor wounds. The only sign I had given birth not 48 hours ago. My empty arms ached more than the cramps and stitches. B helped me up the stairs--three flights! I made it, but quickly collapsed on the couch. My legs are still shaky from the epidural. I only came home to shower and see the dogs. They were elated! I could tell they knew something fishy was going on and only in a few days would they know for sure. I gave them some love and asked B to help me to the shower. Yesterday, I had a nurse stand outside my hospital room door while I sat on a cold plastic seat and sponged myself. I cried. I hated being alone. I hated the fact that Logan was in the NICU and I could not take him home. None of this was part of our plan. But it was apart of His plan.
I took a percocet before we came home and felt drunk. The pain below was dulled, but the emotional ache in my heart kept on. B was so sweet. He helped me sit down on the bed to take my shoes off, one at a time. Slowly, I undressed. I wanted B to shower with me, but I could not form the words so I asked him to wait outside the curtain. He sat on the toilet. As I stood in the shower, hot water beating down on my back, I felt like I was going to pass out. B climbed in with me. It had been a few weeks since we had been in our small shower together. Me with my big overdue belly. Now, no belly or baby accompanied us. He held me up under my arms and I could not stop the rush of tears. I sobbed over his shoulder for what seemed like hours. The water never seemed to turn cold. B lathered up my luffa and helped bathe me. I washed my hair, rinsed and leaned on B again. The combination of heat, drugs and overwhelming emotions brought us closer together than we had been in a long time. B comforted me in a way that he never has before. He held me up both physically and mentally, caressed my arms and told me countless times that Logan would be just fine, that he would come home soon. I never doubted his words.
B turned the water off. He never showed disgust over the mess my body was making. I was embarrassed, but had no control over it and he knew that. I know most fathers would probably ignore it the same way B did, but there are a few who would have said horrible things and made the embarrassment even worse. I kept apologizing for the mess, for crying like a crazy lady, for needing him so much. And then he kissed me. Kissed me hard. Kissed me until I forgot what my last thought was. He washed away the worry and held me tight. He told me he loved me more than anything, that none of that stuff mattered and that I could cry all I wanted. It was a great feeling then, knowing that my husband was on my side and would be forever. He helped me dry off and dress. I brushed my hair and we returned to the hospital to see our babe. He was sleeping peacefully. I will never forget this moment with B. Ever.
See? It's the little things. This is one of my top five best moments with B and maybe someday I will share the other four. Have a great day!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Become a Miracle Maker
>Words cannot express how thankful I am to have a healthy child. It's one of those things and can sometimes be taken for granted. You don't think about how blessed you are to have a child to sing with, dance with, smile with, read to, rock, nurse, take to the zoo....the list is endless. Of course you feel it every time you look into their eyes and watch them sleep. But sometimes, we don't think about it. Today, I'm asking you to think about it. Think about how your child rests his head on your shoulder to give you a hug, think about how your child can walk and run without abandon, think about the smile they get on their face when you tickle them or sing a silly song.
I became a Miracle Maker for the Denver Children's Hospital Network. Denver Children's is quickly becoming one of the best children's hospitals in the country. Logan has been there, way back in September when his fevers would not subside. Little did we know that was one of his little quirky traits, having a higher basal body temp. But having been a concerned parent, fearing the worst for my sweet baby boy I know the power of this hospital, of the people who work there and the children who don't get to come home. We were lucky. We got to come home. However, I know that if anything happened to Logan, big or small, and he needed a hospital that Denver Children's would not be a second thought.
So today I made a pledge to donate $15 a month to the miracle network and I could not be happier. I could not be happier to help the next child who is not lucky enough to get to go home right away, the child who needs multiple surgeries and blood transfusions. It's so hard to think about anything happening to your baby. But that is why there are these amazing facilities with doctors and specialists who will do everything they possibly can to heal your child. Want to help? Follow THIS link.
If you make a donation today, whether it is a one time or monthly, please leave me a comment. THANK YOU!!
I became a Miracle Maker for the Denver Children's Hospital Network. Denver Children's is quickly becoming one of the best children's hospitals in the country. Logan has been there, way back in September when his fevers would not subside. Little did we know that was one of his little quirky traits, having a higher basal body temp. But having been a concerned parent, fearing the worst for my sweet baby boy I know the power of this hospital, of the people who work there and the children who don't get to come home. We were lucky. We got to come home. However, I know that if anything happened to Logan, big or small, and he needed a hospital that Denver Children's would not be a second thought.
So today I made a pledge to donate $15 a month to the miracle network and I could not be happier. I could not be happier to help the next child who is not lucky enough to get to go home right away, the child who needs multiple surgeries and blood transfusions. It's so hard to think about anything happening to your baby. But that is why there are these amazing facilities with doctors and specialists who will do everything they possibly can to heal your child. Want to help? Follow THIS link.
If you make a donation today, whether it is a one time or monthly, please leave me a comment. THANK YOU!!
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