Vaccines Revisited

>

You may recall that I wrote several months ago about our beliefs on vaccinating our kids. Because I don't use labels in my posts, I cannot for the life of me find it. Oh well. So here is where we're we've come from and where we are at.

While I was pregnant, the Swine Flu rocked the country and the livelihood of several pregnant women was compromised. My family, husband, and friends were all concerned for my health and safety but I was not about to lock myself up in my house and not step outside for 6 months. I'd go crazy! B and I talked about whether or not I would get the vaccine for 3 months before it was even available. We went back and forth and read countless articles and watched a number of youtube videos. The "what ifs" plagued us but it eventually came down to what was best for me. We worried about the possible risk of autism, something which has very little scientific support, yet I felt and believed that while the health of our baby was important, my health was just as important, if not more so, and that we could live without a baby, but we could not live without me. It was a heart-wrenching decision. I often wondered if I had made the right one and as far as I can tell, I certainly did. I received the vaccine at the beginning of November and I knew that when Logan arrived during the peak of flu season, he would have my immunities through my breast milk and would be protected. If, God Forbid, he happened to develop autism, I was not going to blame the vaccine. I was not going to blame anyone. God, my Creator, is my confidant and I had to trust that He had our plan and Logan's laid out well before we even knew we were pregnant. Logan is a blessing from above, with or without autism and we would love him no less and no different.

Once Logan arrived, we chose to decline the Hep B vaccine in the hospital. There was no reason for him to receive it as both B and I are healthy and no one in our family carried the infection. We had then discussed how we would be vaccinating Logan. It was clear to me that the risks of him being unvaccinated were greater than if he was vaccinated. I do this terrible thing were I worry about the future and all those "what ifs" and I am trying with every fiber of my being not to do that. I am living in today and will NOT worry about tomorrow.

You know, it's in the Bible too. :)

We have chosen to do a delayed vaccination schedule with Logan. Up until he was 6 months old, he only received 2 shots and one oral vaccine. At 6 months, he received 3 shots, one of which was his first Hep B vaccine. Let me be clear here: I DO NOT BELIVE that vaccines cause autism. There is not enough, if any, scientific proof that it does. Even when I see things like this, I shake my head. This is just coincidental. Twenty-five years ago, there were a lot less children with autism, but guess what? There were also a lot less people with Alzheimer's Disease. There were a lot less people with breast cancer. I think graphs and stats, as shown in the link, just causes parents to go into a bigger tailspin of unnecessary worry about all those "what ifs". It also gives the parents who have children with autism someone or something to blame. It's always someone else's fault. What if (ha, no pun intended) it's NOT anyone's fault? What if it's genetic? What if it is just a coincidence? What if the child developed autism even without having been given a vaccine?

Now, some of you might be shaking your heads at me. That is fine. You might also be saying "Well Sarah, WHAT IF he does get autism and you're vaccinating him 'causes' it?" I say to you, "WHAT IF your baby gets pertussis (whooping cough) or meningitis and needs to be hospitalized for weeks because of how ill they become?" Autism is a disorder. It's not curable but it is also not fatal like most the diseases we are vaccinating our children against. I can live with having a child or children with autism. I could not live WITHOUT my child because he died from a disease I could have protected him from. I could not live with the guilt of having to hospitalize my son for something he could have been protected against. And I certainly cannot live without Logan. That is where the line is drawn. For both B and me, this is a no brainer.

So what do I believe? I'm not 100% sure and, FYI, no one is 100% sure, but I believe that children who develop autism have some other kind of predisposition to the disorder prior to ever having received a vaccine. The risk of our children being unvaccinated makes them much more susceptible to diseases which have been nearly eliminated over the last several decades because of vaccines.

I am sharing this with you because I think it is important for us, as parents, to share what and why we feel a certain way about anything. Something like vaccinating your children (or not) is a very touchy subject and is sure to ruffle feathers and attitudes just like talking about politics and religion can. Our children are so precious to us and I believe in protecting mine. Please know, that if you happen to disagree and have different beliefs on the subject, I respect you and your choice. I pray all of our children, vaccinated or not, stay healthy. I also pray that if you are a soon-to-be parent, that you do your own research and educated yourself on the matter. It is not my intention for this to be a place for fangs and flaming and lashing to take place so if you have something to say that is NOT respectful, then either keep it to yourself or send me a private message.

Dear Logan, You're 8 months old...

>This post is m 400th blog post in just 25 months of blogging publicly, one which I believe is very appropriate as a letter to you.

You are eight months, one week and two days old. So much has happened in the past few months that I don't even know where to begin so I will go backwards. Today, October 17, 2010, you said Momma for the first time. My heart is still melting from the sound of those Mmms rolling off your tongue. You're saying it out of desperation when you're tired or upset. So precious. I know you know that I am your momma, but hearing it makes it mean that much more. It makes me feel like I am the most important thing in your ever changing and huge world and I could not be more proud or happy.

Two nights ago, on the 15th, we took you to a bowling ally where you learned to climb the two steps up to the main floor. Your daddy and I were laughing we were so proud. You astound us with how quickly you do new things and how quickly you move to the next milestone.

Two weeks ago, you took your first airplane ride to Michigan and spent a week driving around the colorful state, sitting on the beach of Lake Erie, playing with your cousin who's only two weeks older than you, and learning several new things. After a night of playing with your cousin, she showed you how to pull yourself up to a stand and the very next morning you were doing it. This, I am sure of, is the reason why climbing those steps came so easily to you.

That same week away, you learned to wave hello and good bye, give hugs and shake your head "no". The meaning of no is still not yet grasped, but we are showing you what it means and you have started to do it during meals when you are finished eating.

Speaking of meals, you eat like a horse. You love food and I am so proud that we have such a good eater. You especially love lasagna, bananas, avocados, and breads. Your new favorite fruits are mandarin oranges and prunes.

This week two little nubs are forming in your gums. We are in the throws of teething now and you're miserable. I am glad you are getting two at a time. I am sure you must be in terrible pain, but at least you're getting two out of the way at once.

You favorite thing to do is to explore. You are a full blown champion crawler now and you love getting around. You love to find shoes or dog toys to gnaw on. This has helped your daddy and I by showing us what and where the most baby proofing needs to take place. I want do not want to hinder your world by any means so as long as it is not a safety issue, I let you do what you're doing. I even let you pull up on the coffee table with the risk of you hitting your head. I figure you have many years of bonks ahead of you. Might as well toughen up now.

You are an absolute joy to be around. Everyone you meet smiles and coos at you. You've mastered the shy turn of your head and that only makes us what to love on you more! You enjoy going to the church nursery where you can play with other babies your age. You have my social genes and still (fingers crossed) show no signs of separation anxiety.

Logan, we love you so much. We love how happy and smart you are. We love watching you change and grow up right before our eyes. We cannot wait to show and teach you more about our world.

xoxo,

Momma and Daddy

Days 5 & 6

>

(holding Logan for the 1st time)

(me and my broha)

Day 5: Sibling

I just have one. My lil broda J. This pic was taken on Christmas Eve 2005 just once day after he returned home from Iraq. To say I am proud of him is an understatement. To say that we are really close, however, is an overstatement. We have always had our ups and downs in our relationship and I would like to THANK HIM for helping me go into labor after a an argument.

We are 22 months apart and I don't know how my mother, or anyone for that matter, manages 2 under 2. It just exhausts me thinking about it. When we were really little, we were best buds. I protected him and we played legos together. We'd sneek downstairs to watch TV behind mom and dad's backs. When I was a teenager, we fought a lot. I was a whole head taller than him for a few years and now he towers over me and B at 6'5''.

He is a Marine, a police acadamy grad, a defense investigator and single. He's trying to stop smoking...something I am beyond proud of him for. He has a dog who has two different colored eyes. We get along great when the time between our visits is long. I do wish he would come over and play with Logan more, and I know he does too, but his job is very demanding and the times he can come play is usually after Logan is in bed for the night. He loves Logan so much. When I think about the time he spent in Iraq, I am so gratefull that he is here to share these moments with us. He is a great brother and the more he grows up the more we grow closer.

Day 6: A pic that Makes you Happy

(The first time I held Logan after he was whisked away to the NICU, nearly 12 hours after he was born.)

I Met a Bloggie

>

(me, Anne & Baby G)

Just a week away from our trip to Michigan I happened to mention in a post that we would be flying into Grand Rapids. I think all of the waiting for Baby G to arrive threw Anne into a tailspin of OHHHMIGOOOOD we have GOT to meet up!! We emailed back and forth about our plans and she warned me that Baby G was well past his due date and that at any moment he will make his grand entrance. I, of course, am all to familiar with this. So Friday night we flew into Grand Rapids. I texted her and we made plans for her to come by the hotel the next night after we got back from a wedding. Wellll Saturday morning I got this text:

"Sarah I was just thinking about u and chceking my email but guess what...I am 99% sure I am in labor! Contrations since 10:30, 5-10 min apart right now."

It is safe to say I squeeled when she told me this. I tried to text her back right away but we were out at a park with no single for the next six hours. Once we got back to the hotel I got this:

"Sarah I am srrry he is here! Born at 6:38 he was 8.7 pounds and 22.5 inches. No epi woo hoo!"

Cue proud momma chant!! I was so proud of her!! Sure I was a little bummed we would not be meeting up but the reward is so muc greater! The next day I made plans to drop the fam off at church while I went to the hospital for a visit. I didn't have a lot of time, but it was enough for us to chat about her birth and at the time, a name for the little man.

Anne, I LOVED meeting you! I keep saying how much I wish we had had more time or lived closer. It's hard to find other momma friends and in my town, I have very few. I cannot wait to meet you again AND...if there are any Colorado bloggies out there or you're coming to CO for a visit, let's meet up!!

Check Anne out at The Makings of a Baby Ostie.

Day 4 and an Update

>

Day 4: Your Parents

When I think of my parents I think of true love. I love of the most loving and driven people I know. I think of all the things they did for my brother and me just so we were happy, safe and healthy. I think of the two people I can only hope to be like when I grow up.

Most Saturdays in the summer time, me and my dad would load up the car with our fishing gear, head to the tackle shop for some night crawlers and recess pieces, and cruise on up to a quiet lake for the day. Mom would pack us PB and Js and dad would teach me how to catch a fish. First, I learned the art of patience while fishing with bait on a hook. Funny, now that I think about it I think that night crawlers might be easier to fish with! Luers were never very luering...
I learned that you're never to throw rocks into the water and to always stand on a solid surface. I learned how to dig a hole with the butt of my pole into the dirt while waiting for my fish.

When we got lucky and had a bite, dad always helped guide me in reeling in that bugger. He would tell me when to really lay into the reel and when to slow it down. Going to fast meant we would risk losing the fish. Once the fish was ashore, he showed me how to hold the fish in the shallow water while slowly removing the hook. We almost always would catch and release our fish. On the rare occasions we brought it home, he also showed me how to roll up my sleaves and gut the fish. I LOVED this part, mostly because the biggest treasure was finding a fish with eggs in her. I don't know why that was so aluring to me, but I loved it.

One of the first times we ever went camping as a family will always be memorable. The whole family was hanging out around the edge of the lake. Dad was fishing and I am sure my brother and I were trying to catch minnows in a bucket. Dad asked me to step back-I was getting to close to him and his rod. So I moved and he hooked me. With the lure. In my head. And pulled. This experience did not waiver my fishing days with dad, but increase my love for all things outdoors, especially fishing.

***

Memories of my mother always have to do with her taking care of me, whether it was while I was sick or planning a sleep over or needing a shoulder to cry on. We have always been close which meant that when we were fighting, we fought hard. When we are together, we are closer than the eye can see. Our hearts and minds connect. We can finish each others sentences and guess how the other is feeling even before we answer the phone. As a teenager, I took our closeness for granted. Now, as a parent and adult, I see what she meant all those times she was trying to communicate something important to me.

When I went to college, everyone always asks you what you're going to college for. I

immediately rejected the thought of following in my mothers' footsteps as a teacher and declared business as my major. Just 2 years into college and I knew that teaching was something which was in my blood and it has taken 5 years for me to finally be achieving that goal. I am finally doing what I know I will love and I have my mother mother to thank for that.

***

Update you ask? Well it's just to tell you that the withdrawal symptoms are still kicking my ass. I asked around and have decided to do a body detox. I'm going to first do a 24 hour one to just get everything out with yummy smoothies, baths, and gallons and gallons of water. I will do my best to log that day so that I can share it here. If any of you have tried this before, please share your experience.

Day 3: First Love

>

Wow, three posts in one day. Survivor is THAT boring tonight. hehe. Wanna link up? Go here.

Day 3. Your First Love

This is a hard one, believe it or not. If you're asking me about the first person I said "I love you" to or the first person I thought I was in love with, then that would be a good guy whom both my husband and I are still friends with.

My freshman year in college I had a friend who happened to live across the street from me in my home town go to the same school. We were fast friends and shared a lot of the same interests including tastes in music, movies, and activities. He's a drummer and I am like a moth to a flame when it comes to musicians. We buddied up and all our friends always asked if there was anything romantic going on and I always denied it. Well, the last day of our freshman year as we were moving out, it all came to a head and we secretly spent the summer dating and surprised our friends with our newfound relationship that fall. It lasted just over a year and when I look back on it, I realize I was not truly in love with him. I loved him, and I still do, as a friend. But it was not until I met B that I learned what true, deep as your soul and ache in your heart love is. So sure, drummer boy was technically my first love, but my first (and LAST) true love is and always will be B. I love you honey!

I Spoke Too Soon

>

I kid you not. The day I wrote the post about not having any withdrawl symptoms from weaning myself off of my anxiety medicaiton, I started to experience symptoms and ever since then, I have felt like a giant bag of shit. It comes in waves. I feel like I am on a roller coaster while eating a funnal cake and drinking tequilla at the same time. If I don't feel like puking, I am so dizzy my eyes shake. If I'm not dizzy, my stomach is turning over and over. And if you just so happen to speak to me with a tone in your voice I might just rip your head off. This effing sucks people! I feel like today has been the worst so far. I was at work and nearly in tears I was so frustrated from the way I was feeling and I know that it showed in how I was speaking with the residents. I really don't think I should be driving, either, but I have no choice. So stear clear. That is all.