No Sleep for You!

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Yeah, I totally feel like I had the soup kitchen guy in my head all night as I fretted over the events that are about to take place today. Sure, I slept on and off, but not without dreaming about what would/might happen in Denver today. OMG I am still sick with anxiety over it.

• I am worried they will turn us away and tell me I'm silly
• I am worried they will admit us and Logan will have to be poked and repoked over and over, that they will put a cath in (why?? I dunno), take several more chest xrays and tell me I'm crazy your baby is fine
• I am worried about the drive down, all alone
• I am worried I will be repeating myself over and over and we'll go weeks without answers
• I'm worried they will tell me there is something seriously wrong with Logan and our world will be shattered

I could go on. And I know a few of those are legitimate fears (maybe all of them??). I just HATE HATE HATE that I am going alone. B has to work. He HAS to! We cannot afford for him to not work and unless something crazy happens in Denver, he will not be coming down. Ouch. Just throw a little salt in the wound already. Thankfully, I have family in Denver, including Bs mom and she promised to meet me if they admit us. Honestly, I want them to admit us. I don't know how they will figure anything out without admitting us.

Has anyone had a baby in the hospital outside of the newborn NICU? I just have no idea what to expect. I know this hospital is one of the best in the country. It was recently renovated and everyone I know who has been there or taken a child there has had top notch care and attention. I'm just freaking out inside. I feel too young to be taking my child to the hospital for an unknown issue. I don't feel adult enough to handle this. I feel like my mom should be the one coming with me, talking to all the doctors, taking all the notes and telling me everything will be okay. But it's not like that at all. I am the mom now and I am on my own, taking my own notes, wishing and waiting for answers and being the strong hold for Logan. Wow, what a realization. I hope none of you have to ever go through anything like this. I will update later. Oh and in case you didn't notice, I have not even taken Logan's 7 month pics with his monkey...maybe we'll do that after our bath and before we leave.