>22 Pounds

>

Wow. I really don't remember what it was like to not be pregnant. What I mean is, my body is not my own any more. I am a vessel and it has adapted to the new life growing inside me right before my eyes. The picture on the right was just a few days after we found out we were expecting-barely 5 weeks and the next one was just last week at 24 weeks.

Nearly 20 weeks has passed and my body is so different. Not only have I gained a total of 22 pounds, I have gained a completely new frame of mind. I am no longer thinking just about myself. Every choice I make is no longer just about me and what I want. It is about what I need and want for the baby. What I deem is best. Sure I make most of these choices right along side B but in the end it is me that is responsible for the outcome. I really am having a hard time remembering what it was like before baby. I know it was not that long ago, but damn I am a different person already. Not

yet a mom, but not who I was before....hanging out in limbo. My urge to be a mother is being fulfilled as each day passes and as baby L's kicks get a little harder and my belly gets a little bigger. I am going to be a mother. WOW! It is seriously mind-blowing. I wonder how my change is changing B. I can see it in his face and the way he looks at me--he is thrilled! He can't wait to be a father. It is a look I have never seen before and one I hope to never forget. Sometimes I don't like the way I behave or whine but I seriously can't help it at times and B seems to know no different. He hugs me, kisses me, rubs my feet, wipes my tears away, tells me I'm not crazy, tells me I am sexier than ever, hold me when I am sad....it goes on and on. It's not that he never did these kinds of things before. The difference is that he just does it. He does not groan when I ask him to play with my hair and the best part is he says he loves doing it. What wife would not want that?! He is incredible! We are changing together and while his change is on the inside and mine is seen more on the outside, it is a change that is brining us closer together than I ever could have imagined. I love him so much my heart explodes with joy. I could just cry at any moment over how happily in love I am with my husband. So while I may weigh 22 pounds heavier than I was 6 months ago, there is a priceless, countless amount of love flowing between us now and his name is baby L.