>Miracle: 24 weeks

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(24 week baby belly)

Yes, here *he* is.

A small update: I have a fatty face now and it will only get worse, my deep belly button is almost a thing of the past, I have no stretchies, Baby L kicks me all day long on and off and hated when I ate Quiznos yesterday, I have new maternity clothes that I am going to wear for my weekend away, he weighs over a pound now and is nearly a foot long, I can't feel body parts yet and I want to, and it is very obvious to all that I am not just packing extra pounds (oh but I am--15 to be exact and that puts me over 150...oy).

I think all that ranting and raving I did yesterday (not just here, to B as well) really helped. When I was writing I just let my hands work. I did not even think about what my words would be until they were already behind my curser. I got mad and I think I needed to do that. No, I am not cured and far from being where I want to be. But seeing my words here and listening to B comfort me for the 900th time made me mad enough to say "no more". I'm done. Not done in the way you might think. I am done with the crap, tears, stress and anxiety. I am not going to let my mind take over me like that. I quite literally felt like I was going to loose my mind if I did not do something about it. Apparently, writing was the trick, along with several prayers, and I must say a HUGE thank you to anyone you lifted one up for me and here is why...

Today was GREAT! I woke up in such a great mood! I had a new outfit ready to go with one of the new tops I got from Old Navy. I straightened my hair, pulled it up in a high pony, splashed some make up on, brushed my teeth and called it good. I looked great! (Bummer...I should have taken my pic earlier today...oh well) I had a nice bowl of cereal, took my vitamin, watched some music videos and saw the new Death Cab video that is featured in New Moon, and kissed my husband goodbye.

Work was a breeze. I was so happy. I just smiled and chatted with everyone and helped out when needed. I even stayed an extra 2 hours to finish a project and had no problem doing so. I was on a roll!

The weather had warmed up a bit and once I got hone, changed, and let the dogs out B was waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs so we walked together and it was perfect. B grilled up some brats, I made some yummy sauerkraut, drank a gallon of water, and ate a bowl of ice cream. Watched some Top Model and continued work on a surprise, something I am crocheting. You will see more about that later...like way later when I am done and no, it's not for the baby.

This might sound like a boring day to you, but for me it was the high light of a few weeks combined. I am so much happier! I have not cried or thought about anything that might trigger the anxiety. I really see myself getting past this.

Thanks for the support, even if you don't ever comment. I can feel a change. You rock.