Will you pray with me??

>I hate writing a post like this. It means that something bad has happened and all us prayer warriors out there need to get up on our steads and make a loud rumble. Do you all know Courtney over at Project Pretty?? She is such a beautiful, talented person with a huge love for all fabrics and Jesus. I have been following her since we Wedding Bliss days and she needs us to pray!!

Go on over to her blog for the details, but the simple jist of it is that her awesome husband was in an eletrical accident yesterday which burned 50% of his body and he has a 70% chance of survival right now. He is in a medicated coma and will be for several weeks. I am in tears writing this!! I cannot imagine the pain they are both going through right now. Please lift them up today, several times over and over, to pray for healing and guidance from the doctors. I have no idea what I would do if I got a phone call like that about B. Let's pray!!

New 30 Day Blog Journal: Days 1 & 2

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Maybe I will actually complete this one. Link up HERE.
Andddd go.

Day One: Introduce, Recent Pic, and 15 Interesting Facts

(at the apple orchard in Michigan)

Well I think most of you know quite a bit about me. To sum it all up, I am 26 years old, married for just over 2 years and I have an 8 month old son. He is quite literally the apple of my eye. I adore being a mother. I love Jesus, I love reading and even more I love having a quite night alone with B, which is a very rare occurrence nowadays.

15 Interesting Facts?

one. I have never broken a bone.
two. I think Spicy Pickle pickles are THE BEST.
three. I worry about living long enough to see my son grow up.
four. I believe that I was meant to be a momma to boys. We'll see what happens next time.
five. I hate running yellow lights.
six. There is no such thing as aliens. However, I do believe in ghosts.
seven. My favorite video game is anything Mario.
eight. I have an -ish nose: half polish half jewish. (I am not polish OR jewish)
nine. I was one of the first 100,000 people to have a myspace page and now, i don't.
ten. I always wanted a tough older brother who made me tougher.
eleven. I save all the purses I buy and keep them in a box when I'm not using them. That way when I am ready for a change, I just dig one up I haven't used for awhile and it feels like a new purse all over again.
twelve. I went to school for 5 years and got 2 degrees. I am about to go back to school for a year and receive another degree (masters) and a teaching license.
thirteen. My wedding was the best day of my life. Yes, it is second to Logan's birthday because without our wedding, Logan would not be here right now. Plus it was literally, the best wedding anyone had ever been to.
fourteen. I am trying to become a runner and I am finding out that the more I do it, the more I like it.
fifteen. We will begin to try for another baby in a year and a half. YAY!

Day 2: Meaning Behind Blog Name

See the e.e. cummings poem on the right hand side of my page? That is where I got it. When I was writing my wedding vows, I remember this poem and I fell in love with it. I used the "we are for each other" quote in my vows and it is literally something I would get tattooed to my body. It is what the foundation of my love and friendship for B comes from. I love him so much and we truly ARE for each other.

"Living in Fear" or "I'm Not Greek"

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I'm not a Greek nor am I Greek. However, it is my lifes dream to go to Greece someday. To touch that glassy-blue water and climb the narrow roads. But this has nothing to do with Greece. This has to do with being Greek, as in the Greek societies at colleges. It has to do with fear and not doing something because of it. I am not a Greek and every once in awhile, I get asked if I am, or was one. NO. I'm not. I never wanted to be and here's why.

While in high school, initiations really started to become something more dangerous than fun among the Greek chapters in our town (I live in a college town with a major university). Kids were even doing it in high school once you joined a sports team. I grew up getting picked on most of my life for a number of things and I was not about to subject myself to that kind of cruelty. That sounds harsh, using the word "cruel", but that is what was going on.

I was never Greek because I was afraid. I never joined school sports because I was afraid. That sounds so damn silly now because a huge part of me wishes I had been more involved in something. Looking back, I would have loved being on yearbook and cross country. I am trying, very slowly, to become a runner. I am trying, very slowly, to stop living my life in constant fear. Constant anxiety and fear that something bad might happen. It's like crying before you're even hurt. It's pointless and only makes me ache and stress more. B has been a huge support in helping me relax more and just worry, if I must, about right now, not tomorrow or the next day.

Five months ago the fear I lived in was so crippling I had to seek help. I had to talk to someone and take a mind-altering drug to calm my fears. Most of those fears revolved around being a new mom and 99% of which I had absolutely no control over. Slowly, I have learned that living in fear of the what ifs and maybes is not at all how I want Logan to know me. I want him to know me as a strong, confident momma who is driven and smart. Someone who is not afraid of the dark or the monsters in the closet. I have a long road ahead, pushing through those fears and being confident in the lack of control that I have. That control is not mine, but His. He is in control of our lives and it is the hardest thing in the world to get down on my knees and trust that.

As of last Wednesday, I have been off my meds, cold turkey. I don't believe in side effects, at least not for me. I have done this twice now with two different drugs and neither time did I experience the withdrawal symptoms that come with weaning off of a medication. I feel great about this decision and it is 100% without any medical guidance. I am my own guidance and I am in control of the fear now.

Traveling with a Baby 101

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Before I even started to pack for our week long trip away from home, I scoured websites and message boards, searching for the best advice when traveling with a baby and the best I found was on a blog. So I am here to pass on some of that advice and other things I have taken away from the experience. Overall, Logan did so well. He hardly cried and was content just rolling around in his stroller or crawling on the floor (more on this later). My worst fears of him taking the plane down with his ear-piercing cries did not come true and I will say that yes, I would do it again. Just give me a good month to recover from the complete exhaustion I am still experiencing.

• Packing. I pride myself on how good of a packer I am and I know I earned those qualities from my dad. I know how to pack quickly, efficiently, and easily so everything that I want or need to take, fits. HOWEVER, as much know how I thought I had about packing had no affect on my packing for not just two of us, but three of us and one of those being a baby. So the best advice I got from a message board was If it doesn't fit in the diaper bag, don't bring it OR check it instead. By the time I received this advice, I had already backed one bag too many. I stopped and looked over what I had packed and was able to condense everything into either our main bag or the diaper bag. So while we were in the airport, I only had Logan, the car seat, stroller and a diaper bag to worry about. I put my important documents in a clutch which fit perfectly in the diaper bag and packed a purse for later.
• Food. Babies eat and if you are not nursing, you need food. I discovered Happy Baby food which is in a pouch. You can twist the cap off and either let baby suck the food out (Logan's preference) or squeeze it out onto a spoon. He loved it and once I realized Logan could suck it out, the mess was not nearly as bad. When it came to formula, I bought the Similac premixed formula. You have to have a nipple that fits it or take a bottle with you to pour it into. I happened to have the playtex skinny nipples and they fit great.
• Security. This goes along with the food, kinda. Security is a bitch. Let's face it, they have to assume that even mommas with cute babies are packing something dangerous and you will get the third degree so BE PATIENT. Go through the family/medical side of security. The xray machine is bigger for car seats and strollers and they seem to be a lot more patient with you as well. Our first time through, there were a million people and I felt very flustered. I had to get Logan out of his car seat, break down the stroller, take my shoes off, and get everything into its own bin all while B is trying to do the same thing for himself and his carryons. I did not pull out the liquids I had for Logan and I am sure I would have saved myself a good 10 minutes if I had. Once they pulled us aside, I had to open a bottle of formula and the hand sanitizer. They checked it with a little tab thing for vapors and gave it back to me. All was fine, but then I had to use the milk up within the next two hours. Good thing Logan was hungry once we got to our gate. On the way home, I remember to be more prepared and put all the liquids in their own bin and the TSA folks were a lot more accomodating with us. I did not have to open anything and worry about it not getting used.
• Airplane safety. If you are not purchasing a seat for you wee one, then take the car seat with you to the gate, just in case there is an empty seat. I did not score any luck with this until our first flight home. Honestly, I would have just prefered to have him on my lap. It did not seem to make any difference to him whether or not he was in the seat or on my lap. He fell asleep in both places. I did have my hands free, but was without reading material due to not expecting to have that break. Don't let other people touch your baby. Everyone will ooh and aah over him, and that's fine, but there are some people who have no sense of a bubble and want to touch their faces and hands. This is the best way to go home with a cold. We kept our distance from the touchy people. HOWEVER, the one thing I was not so worried about was him crawling around on the floor. I know that might sound gross, but no blanket is big enough to keep him in one place. Logan is a crawling machine and he needed to get that energy out betwee flights. I just followed him around and made sure he didn't get stepped on.
• Traveling items. Things I could not have traveled without: an extra paci, paci wipes, diapers, new and interesting toys that did not make noise, the food, a snuggly blankie, and of course, my husband.
  

I am sure there are things I left out. But these were some things to note. Let me know if this comes in handy for anyone else!

What to do when you don't have a diaper...

>So I know I have not updated on Michigan and I will, in parts. On Thursday night, we were hanging out in the Grand Rapids airport and Logan needed a change. He was leaking out of his diaper so I went in search and realized I only had one diaper in our bag for the next 7 hours. I said a silent prayer that he would only need this one change and we would make it to Denver without any fuss. Cue prayer unanswered! Not ten minutes later, Logan had a giant poo in his diaper. And now that he is in serious teething mode, his poo is not so...together. It's total yuck. I tried to save the diaper and that was a lost cause. We had diapers in the bag we had to check, something we were not expecting to do but our bag was too big. So B begins to beg someone to get our bag for us so we can get some diapers. Meanwhile, I had to do something. So I had some pads on me and yes, ladies and gents, I stuck it in Logan's onesie until I could find a fellow momma with a baby the same size as Logan and beg for an extra diaper. She was so kind, giving us two. Logan only had to shame his daddy with a pad in his pants for about 20 minutes before I found the diapers. Needless to say, funniest moment all week.

Some Things to Look Forward to...

>I am sitting in the Grand Rapids airport waiting for our flight back home to Colorado. This has been an AMAZING vacation and I wish I had the time and concentration to summarize everything right here and now, but I don't. So here is a short list of a few of the things I will want to include in my vacation update:

• Wedding in Grand Rapids
• Meeting a bloggie friend ANNE!!
• Biking around Mackinac Island
• Sitting on the beach drinking beer and playing bocce ball
• Visiting an apple orchard
• Visiting grandparents in Alpina and Harrisville
• Visiting Logan's 2nd cousin who is just 2 weeks older than him
• Driving all over the Northern part of Michigan
• And a ton of other things!!

Disconnected

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Hi all. I am writing from a king sized hotel bed while Logan is fast asleep next to me. What a trip. He did better than perfect. My biggest fear was a screaming, inconsolible infant who would cause the passengers tremendous distaste for us and all kinds of other terrible things. I was ready to put on my mommy cape and defend his aching ears, but I didn't have to. The kid was a gem. Our flight to Detroit was a little over two hours and Logan slept most of it. He woke up about 25 minutes before ladding and began to fuss while we decended. He refussed his paci so his ears were totally bothering him and there was nothing I could do. Our quick ride from Detroit to Grand Rapids was well, just that. QUICK! Logan slept the whole time and I kid you not, barely slept three hours ALL DAY LONG! He was so tired tonight that I had to cuddle him to sleep. Something he never does and something I deeply miss from his newborn days. Overall, traveling with an infant so far has been painless and easy. He has adjusted well to the new people and is just tired. I am sure we will all be a lot more fun in the morning.

But here's the truth. I feel really disconnected from Bs family and he knows this. He knows that I have a hard time getting in on the jokes and conversations. I really don't know why. I have never had this problem with anyone, but for whatever reason, I have to literally force myself to enjoy whatever they are talking about. For one, I feel like they repeat the same memories over and over again, every single time we see each other. I love being nostalgic, but every time is a bit much. Not to mention I have NOTHING to do with any of those stories so yeah, I listen and laugh but the 3rd time Im hearing it is like....okay....and your point is??

B and I had a pretty nasty fight last night. It was about how lax his family was about traveling. I love flying. I have done it several times and even a few times with babies. Traveling with babies is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. It is unlike travling with a two year old. You can be an expert traveler but if you have never flown with a baby, then you're no expert on how long it takes to do simple things.

Getting through security was a nightmare. Although, I did a damn good job of being patient and cooperative. They had me empty his diaper bag of all the liquids. I had three bottles of premixed formula, Happy Baby food, and hand sanitizer. Then they asked me to open one of the baby items and the hand sanitizer so they could test the vapors. Awesome. So I chose the formula because I knew Logan was getting hungry and I would use it soon. Then we had to put our stroller/carseat ensamble back together (just like Momma Dugger does it with Josie--works like a charm!), put our shoes back on, and get to our gate with about 30 minutes to spare before boarding. I was so frustrated that B was not on my side. He almost always takes their side initially, telling me I am being irrational or whatever, and then after some more careful thought, says he's sorry and ha, I'm right. Well what do you know. DUH!

So we made up at 11pm last night. I got hardly any good sleep I was so excited to get her. But then the same thing started to happen again. I feel like the black sheep in the family. We were in the Detroit airport and there is a really cool fountain there. We were all walking past it and I kept walking towards our terminal. I was almost to the elevator and I turned around to look for them and they had all stopped to look at the fountain. I stood there, alone, for almost 5 minutes and none of them, even B, noticed that I was not standing with them. I turned Logan around so he could see the water and slowing approached. They hardly noticed I had not even been standing with them the whole time. I just felt so disconnected.

And now. Now I am up in the hotel room with Logan. Everyone else is downstairs getting wasted in the bar. Granted, this is my choice to stay up here. I was not at all comfortable leaving Logan asleep up here alone even with the monitor. And I'm still disconnected.

So my goal this week is to try to connect with everyone. I almost said reconnect, but there has never been a good connection to begin with. And just to keep it right here, I get along with everyone great. I just don't feel like I fit in.