>Confession: I'm Ashamed

>

Dear Readers, please do not judge or hate on me for what I am about to say. I need to get this off my chest. K, thanks.

I would be lying if I said that my current weight does not bother me. I KNOW, I know it is natural and because I'm building a baby. I know. But in 9 short months I have managed to gain 42 pounds. I have no idea what my pant size would be since I am in maternity clothes and I think that is a good thing. I feel like the most shallow person to even be feeling this way but I really can't help it.

(December 13, 2009)

(August 8, 2008)
I can't help but dream about my pre-pregnancy body and wonder if I will ever get it back. I know it is possible but that is up to me. Nursing (assuming that works out) will defiantly help and I will have to wait a few weeks post birth before I can start any kind of work out routine. My dear cousin Heidi has created a great work out plan that is, so far, working out great for her so thanks H! I am totally stealing it from you. Ugh....I digress...

This sucks. I just hate feeling this way. My body image has NEVER been an issue for me. Ever. I have always been the tall, thin girl who has no athletic coordination to speak of, but a damn good metabolism that allowed me to eat just about anything I wanted. Before getting pregnant, I actually lost 5 pounds for Cabo and I felt great! During my first trimester, I never got morning sickness, but I also only gained 2 pounds. My doctor wanted to see me gain a little more as I was considered underweight so I drank a lot of milk, ate a lot of cheese, and upped my protein intake. I did not see a significant weight gain until I was almost 18 weeks pregnant and I was so proud! I wanted to gain a healthy weight for me and the baby. It became even more important when, at 29 weeks, we found out he was measuring a little small so I did not change anything in my diet. I have not had another growth scan, but I am pretty sure he weighs about 5-6 pounds now which is awesome!

I'm so torn for feeling the way I feel. I feel like I am being selfish. My weight should not bother me at all and B is so proud of me for growing a healthy baby and tells me I am "pregnant sexy" right now. But I want to me Sarah sexy!

This is a very sloppy vent and if anyone read it all, well thank you. Only a few more weeks! I know that the sacrifices are SO worth it and I could gain another 40 pounds I know it would not matter. All I want is a healthy baby and for me to make getting back to my prepreg weight a priority. I am sure there are things baby L would love to help me with: long walks, hanging out in the front pack while I climb the elliptical....we'll be a good team and I am sure all my feelings are both NORMAL and hormone-related. Until then, I will continue to eat healthy as I have been doing and TRY not to let the weight gain bother me.