>just a quickie

>we went to Loveland Basin yesterday to try out B's new board. it was a beautiful day, quite windy, and we have red cheeks and chins to prove it. B also has a nice bruise on his hip after flipping twice over his board. i wish i could tell you an awesome story of how it happened, like that he was doing a trick and missed his landing. but no, he was us just crusin' and those damn snow snakes snuck up and bit him. he is doing okay, very sore, and ready to get his drink on. i, however, feel like the toilet and i may be getting better aquatinted. while nothing has happened yet, i feel so pukey, it sucks. OF ALL DAYS!! it is new years eve and i should be curling my hair and retouching my make up. no, no such thing happening here. i am camped out on the couch with Lifetime and can't eat anything. lovely.

Happy New Years!!

>preparations

>It seems that we are always preparing for something:

*work
*family visits
*doctor appointments
*a day on the mountain (my FAV!)
*relaxing (this requires careful planning)
*Christ's Birthday (always a fun one)
*Cabo trip in April
*Moving in June
*Maybe baby in July?? hummm...get back to you on that one.

So now, we are only a few days away from heading to NM to see my brother in law marry the woman of his dreams (and my new favorite sister in law!!). There is so much to plan for! I did all the laundry today so that most everything would be clean for packing. My mother in law blessed us with a hotel room for the first night we are there. We are making our New Years Eve plans around the time that we need to leave on New Years Day, which is early, so our night before can't be too late. Oh well...all I wanna do is kiss my hubs for the first time on New Years AS husband and wife!! This year is going to be great...I just know it.

**Christmas pics coming soon...

>"Take a load off Fannie, take a load for free, Take a load off Fannie, And you can put the load right on me."

>Okay, where to start?

Sometimes I feel like a doormat. I am a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy and if I can be apart of that, great, even if it means I might be sacrificing time, money or sanity. I do have my limits, though. And this week, my "people pleasing cup" is overflowing with hot oil and burning my arms. Yes, extreme, but I am over the edge with annoyance. Within that annoyance is the anger and frustration that has caused me to gush about being a doormat. I like helping people and at times, that seems to have a Catch 22 attached to it. No one will be happy. One way or the other, someone will be disturbed.

A family member took advantage of B and me and we are NOT happy about. We are so unhappy about it that we don't even want to talk to or help this person anymore without some sign of acceptance of wrong doing, apologies, and gratitude. Unfortunately, this person does not know these things very well and we are not going to expect the slightest from said person. So what do we do now? Rather, what would Jesus do? I want soooo much to just cut communication off and wait for person to step up and take responsibility but no such thing is going to happen. We both know this. However, I want to show Christ's love and forgiveness. The sad part is, only a tiny part of me feels like actually doing that. The bigger part is named Obligation and puts a rock in my stomach thinking about "doing the right thing". Isn't that what this is all about? B and I did the right thing by doing what we did and we did the right thing in showing compassion yesterday, only to have it stomped all over by belligerence. Lovely. So, here I sit letting my written word speak louder than my voice. *sigh*

Moving on, I have been having emotional issues with feeling like I could lose a few pounds. I know, those of you who know me are scowling but please, simmer down and just let me speak out. Just because I have always been a tall, thin person, does not mean that I always feel good about the way I look and I have the prerogative to say so. Thank you.

I am 5'9'' and two years ago, I weighed 118-120 lbs. In April of 2007, I got pancreatitis. In short, your pancreas produces digestive enzymes and insulin and when those things are not working right, you can experience the most horrible pain imaginable. Eating food and drinking anything other than water makes it worse (because if your digestive enzymes are not working, you can't digest and process the food properly). Anyway, I was in pain for about two days before I gave in and had B take me to Urgent Care (we had only been together 2 months--what a trooper!). They hooked me up to IVs and pain medication. The worst I thought was a bad case of heart burn, but nothing seemed to help.

Once the Morphine kicked in, I was feeling a lot more comfortable. They took my blood and did a whole work up on it and after an hour, the results were in. I had pancreatitis. The doctor gave me two options: go across the street to the hospital (in Greeley...) or call my doctor and see what she says. I opted for the later because no one wants to spend more time in Greeley than necessary. My counts were low enough for me to just go straight to my doctor, as she wanted, and have her make the call whether or not I needed to go to the hospital.

As soon as I arrived at my doctor's office, the Morphine wore off and I was wrecked with pain. They soon gave me a shot of demerol, the best drug ever! ;) My doctor said I could go home after an X-Ray of my gallbladder to be sure nothing was going on there as well. The Rx?

1. Mom, Dad and B had to watch me around the clock to be sure I did not take a turn for the worse.

2. NO food or drink, other than water, for 48 hours.

3. Percocet, as needed.

4. Daily visits to the doctor for the next three days.

While this might sound nice, I was starving! I wanted to eat so bad and over the course of 3 days, I lost almost 10 pounds, which brings me back to the purpose of this story. Ever since I lost that weight and got sick, my metabolism has slowed down. It took a good 4 months for me to get back up to the weight I was at, which was about 124 lbs. Maintaining that weight, though, has not stuck. Which I know is not a bad thing and, according to stats, I am still considered underweight for my height. I can't help but think that I could still do more to be a little more healthy. I have resolved to not worry about my weight, and think that I just need to be more active. Which I am starting, slowly, to do. Dance on Tuesday nights and Yoga on Mondays and Wednesdays. All set.

Sorry this has been a long one and if you read all the way through, thank you. Have a great day.

>unmistakeable

>the sun rising in the east and setting in the west.

feeling the wind, without seeing it.

unconditional love.

the stretch of time between yesterday and tomorrow.

growing up, growing wiser, and just growing.

the sound of a mother's child among hundreds.

the unyeilding strength, faith, endurance, and commitment from our Savior.

Happy Birthday.

>"Let's frolick and Play, the Eskimo way!"

>WOW! B and I have been married for almost 5 months and now we are just 10 days away from his brother's wedding! I will be blessed with an INCREDIBLE sister-in-law who has felt like family since day one. We are just hours away from beginning the festivities as newlyweds for the first time and boy are we having fun! I got some nice stocking stuffers for B that I still need to wrap and am picking some things up in a little while to compete our gift-giving. Our big present for one another was our TV that is saaaweeeet! But even thought we both said we would keep other smaller gifts under $20 total, that is so not happening. My giving heart just needs to give more and thankfully my bank account is agreeing with me! One thing I am totally missing is snow. It is super cold and sunny but there is no snow for us unless we beline up to the mountains. There is some snow around that has stuck, but nothing nice enough to play in or enjoy. Last year on Christmas morning, B and I were in Denver with his mom and it was snowing like crazy! We had 8''+ by 2pm and we were out there shoveling snow for 2 hours. The dogs loved it.

Here is what I have bought for B:
A new Schick Quatro Razor with blades
Tommy 20 Foam Dart Blaster (yes, this is a Nerf Gun toy...lol)
Tool Lateralice (sp???)

We shall see if something else comes up.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

>"I've been caught stealing, once when I was five..."

>Since my last post, I have started to title my posts with song lyrics. I would love for you to try to guess the title and artist of the song, but they are quite difficult unless you google the entire lyric. Go ahead and try, and on the next post I will tell you the details of the previous title. Last title: Placebo's "This Picture".

On Thursday night, B's dad called and asked if we wanted to go to the Bronco's game. We were both thrilled by the idea, as it would be my first NFL game ever. I was only slightly worried about the cold and more worried about not having fun. Neither were necessary. I should have been worried about whether or not we would actually have tickets. You see, B's dad's friend had two tickets that she got from a season ticket holder that was not going to be using them. So on Friday, Dad left town and stopped the mail. His friend left the tickets in the mail box for us to pick up. When we arrived at noon on Sunday to retrieve our awesome prize, there were no tickets to be found. We called Dad and his friend only to find voicemails and no answers. We drove around the neighborhood and did something illegal (I think) by looking in every mail box on the block. Nothing. After 30 minutes and calls from Dad that the mailman probably stole them, we resolved to go to Mom's and wallow in our disappointment. We were so ready to go. I had two pairs of socks on, Hot Chilis (long undies), sweats, snow pants, tank, thermal shirt, hoodie and coat. I did not even bring a pair of jeans with me! We were so bummed.

On our way to Mom's, Dad's friend called us and was soooo sorry and had put them in there Friday and noticed they were gone Saturday and just figured we had picked them up. After we were home for a little while and 15 minutes away from the first kick off, we ordered pizza and took shots of jager. Then the friend called us again and asked if we still wanted to go-duh! Of course! She had called the stadium and told them what happened. We just had to provide the last name of the season ticket holder, ID's and we were good to go. We raced over to the light rail and dash down town. We were sitting in our awesome seats about 5 minutes before half time and were able to enjoy the entire second half. The game itself was not that great (we lost) but being there and seeing the fans dancing around to stay warm was surreal. 

After the game we jumped back on the light rail and went to pick up my Grammy so we could do our Christmas gift exchange together. It was so fun! Mom made meat loaf, potatoes and a salad. We had wine and enjoyed ourselves.

Monday we just hung out with Mom and headed back to my parents house to see more family and have more Christmas celebrations. My mom made an awesome Christmas ham dinner that was sooooo yummy! My brother was off his rocker. He had no filter whatsoever with young little ears around. One example: DIA experienced a default in one of their Continental planes when it did not crash, but just could not make it off the ground and veered off the runway causing a fire. Well, my cousins had been on a Continental plane only hours before and he started talking about a "plane crash" and "don't ever fly Continental" and I thought they were going to have heart attacks at the young age of nine. Not cool...we had to curb the  conversation and make it sound like he was joking and thankfully, their young minds took it. I hope that whatever was going on with him last night, he has fully recovered from and feels some sense of guilt for his behavior.

That is all for now. I hope everyone has an awesome Christmas Holiday!!

>"I hold an image of the ashtray girl as the cigarette burns on my chest."

>

.december.

.november.

.october.

.september.

.august.

.july.

.june.

.may.

.april.

.march.

.february.

.january.

what.a.year

>crazy eights

>Eight is my favorite number, next to four, so naturally when I saw this silly little post at Baby Bangs, I had to indulge. Also, I am at work, counting down the minutes until I go home. Enjoy! Oh yeah, and it is SOOOO your turn to do it to...see the end.

8 TV Shows I Watch:
Grey's Anatomy
Private Practive
America's Next Top Model
One Tree Hill
Gossip Girl
Tyra Show
The Hills
Weeds

8 Things that Happened to Me Today:
I woke up first to let the dogs out and tried to find free skate times at Epic, but no such luck.
Took the dogs to PetsMart so they could pick out their Christmas presents.
Opened and used Butte's new present, a bat with a scoop on the end of it with a ball, at the park for a good hour, only to see that is really as cheep as it looks and broke the scoop. Dang it!
Worked on the baby blanket I am making for Kathleen.
At lunch at the Spicy Pickle and had the Gobbler, and AWESOME sandwhich.
Came to work right as I was ready for a nap.
Tried to work on a project new boss gave me and was not successful.
I have a headache.

8 Things I Look Forward To:
Going to bed.
Spending Christmas with B for the first time as husband and wife.
Going to K & M's wedding in Jan.
Going to the Dew tour on friday and seeing 3OH!3 and All American Rejects for FREE!
Watching Amy's doggies on Saturday.
Resting and sleeping and doing nothing on Saturday before the dogs come over.
Going to Cabo in April with B.
Moving out of our basement into a house, even if we still have to rent it.

8 Things I Wish For:
New uniforms at work: as in, WE pick out nice clothes that don't make the residents gag when they see us.
To have a baby someday soon that is healthy and happy.
To buy a house.
To find my dream job (motherhood!) asap.
That B gets a fab job that pays well and is good for our family.
That health care will be provided for everyone.
MORE snow!! Snow me in, God!!
A new sewing machine that I can make fun things with.

8 People I Tag:

Heidi
Carrie
Katie
Andrew
Aaron
Amy Beth
Sarah
A Maybe Baby

Have Fun!!

>talented eyes, hands and ears

>I don't really have "talents". There are a few things, less than a handful, that I can confidently say I am good at:

Playing guitar: I started when I was 15 taking weekly lessons. My instructor knew Classic Guitar and taught me how to play arpeggios. I still, to this day, cannot read music. But I can read tabs and know cords well enough to think of a song I like, find it on Ultimate Guitar, and play along to the song the first time around. The one thing my instructor never taught me was how to strum to a correct rhythm. It was not until I was in college and met some amazing friends who were willing to teach me Dashboard songs that I learned to strum correctly and eventually, sing along as well. Mind you, my singing sucks.

Taking pictures: I don't have any formal instruction in photography but I must admit: I have taken some damn good photos. It makes me wish my family had a nice, digital camera when I was in high school for senior pictures. We could have saved hundreds of dollars having those pictures taken. Here is one of my proudest pictures I took this year:

I know this is not the greatest picture taken and it is simple, but that is why I love it so much.

And my last little talent: crocheting. I started crocheting my freshman year in college and learned how to make blankets, hats and scarves. I made an adorable hat and scarf set for my friend Niqi's little girl, Auna. I made my mom a blanket, my cousin Heidi's first son a blankie, my friend Ash's son a blankie, and numerous hats and scarves for others. I am working on a baby blanket for my friend Kathleen who is due in February and I hope it is done in time! Once I am finished with that blanket, I will start one for my dad. Pictures will be up soon.

What are your talents?

>The tree, the rents, the dogs and the film that rocked my world.

>Last Sunday B and I had the day off and spent it with our parents and his mother. We cut down our Christmas tree and it was, as you saw below, one of the best days of the year for us. We both woke up early and B rushed off to the store to get a few things for Chili, something I had never made before. When he returned, I cut and diced and mixed a slue of yummy veggies and meats together in the crock pot and turned it on low. My parents arrived promptly at 8:30 to take us up to the cabin in Red Feather where we were going to find that perfect tree. The best part: it is Tulo's and Butte's first tree hunting expedition and I can say for a fact that we were just as excited as they were.

When we arrived, our hosts had a wood stove going and banana bread to much on. We let the dogs run around freely and freely they did run! Around the house in circles over logs and between sick (Pine Beetle) trees. Our host marked the trees that were not sick and okay for us to remove. We bundled back up (though it was not necessary once hiking down the hill, we warmed up quickly) and pealed our eyes for "the one". Within five minutes of trekking the hillside, we found our tree. It is full and lush from top to bottom and I did the honors of sawing it away from the ground. B finished the work and within moments, our tree was in hand. My mom took our picture and we tired to get the dogs to sit with us but that did not work out.

After the tree was tied down and my parents found their tree, we headed back home to enjoy the mess of Chili I made. Survey says: the Chili mess was wonderful! It warmed everyone to the bone and we enjoyed watching football on our new TV.

Soon after our parents left, B's mom came over and we decorated the tree, drank egg nog, and I gave her a tour of Fort Collins, complete with a tour of my workplace. She loved it! She also said it was a much prettier and nicer town than Albuquerque (thank God!). We went out to dinner at an Irish pub and enjoyed margs. MMM...she left Sadie, B's brother's dog, behind with us and headed home to prepare for a week-long trip out of state.

Our week with Sadie was really good. She is so jumpy, which made our dogs more jumpy, which made me more irritated with all the barking and growling at the air, literally. She, by far, has the WORST gas of any dog or human I have ever encountered. She cleared the room, but when you live in a basement, there is not a whole lot of rooms to go to. The best part about her being with us, was that she and Butte are best friends now. Sadie still tries to dominate her but is not as aggressive as she had been before. Now they can take turns with the toy and have fun.

Tuesday night, B and I went and saw the most horrifying movie I have ever seen. Worse than any Michael Meyers or Jigsaw flick, The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas chilled me to the bone. It was and incredible film and our first Bollywood flick in the theaters together. The time passed by so quickly that, before I knew it, the film was over and I was stuck in my seat, uncontrollable tears staining my face. Then, all of a sudden, it was all I could do to get out of the theater. I did not want to hear the tainted music or see the credits end any longer. I silenced my horror and could not remark anything about the film until we were almost home. The film was so touching, just as any film is about the Holocaust. However, while Schindler's List was also incredible and horrifying in the same respect, this film knocked me off my feet and I could not sleep for two nights after we saw it. It is like The Passion of the Christ: you only need to see it once. And yes, I think everyone should see The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas. Despite the pain I felt after seeing the movie, the magnitude of the film is Oscar-worthy. The acting, cinematography, and story are near perfect. Even having learned at a young age what the Holocaust has left in our history, I am still moved and sickened by what one human did to many. It's not fair and I am so thankful for understating and acceptance in our country. I know similar events are occurring in Darfur as I write these words and I just cannot bring myself to hear or read about it, as my heart just cannot take the wrenching pain.

The rest of our week was okay. Work was fine as always. B and I had plans to visit friends in Junction, but mother nature interfered with a rearing winter storm that smashed the mountains and is falling lightly on my car right now. We spent a lazy Saturday together in PJ's watching movies and teaching our dogs new tricks.

Have a great week!

>10 Best Moments of 2008

>1. Marrying my best friend on August 8th, 2008 in Steamboat Springs, CO. The weather was the best part: Rain, lightening, sunshine, rainbows and sunsets! I also loved having my father walk me down the aisle barefoot. Ahhh so many perfect memories!

2. Going camping for the first time with B on our honeymoon with the dogs. B went horseback riding for the first time! The dogs LOVE nature. If Tulo was a person, he would be a forest ranger. If Butte was a person, she would be giving Mr. Phelps a swim for his money. She LOVED swimming in the lake.

3. Celebrating One Year of happiness with B on February 23, 2008 at nOrth in Cherry Creek. We ate at this super fancy and expencive restruant that would have cost us a lot, but B had a discount and his mom slipped him some money without my knowing...how sweet.

4. Seeing Hanson at the Bluebird on November 8th, 2008. This day was also a happy three months married with B, but we spent it alone. He was down in NM with his bro getting sloshed to celebrate his bachelor party. I spent they day and evening with his lovely mother.

5. Going to cut down our very first Christmas Tree up at the ranch! They dogs loved being able to run around freely and we found the perfect tree.

6. Thanksgiving with my father in law and his fiance and new puppy, Sophie. One of the best things about marrying Irish, is the holidays. Every holiday is a party!

7. Going to the Denver zoo with B and mother in law. It was such a HOT day and none of us had been there in forever. It was great.

8. Signing our leases for our current rental. It is not much, but it is nice and was revamped before we moved in. It was the first major "married" thing we did together before actually getting married.

9. Also signing our marriage license a few weeks prior to the wedding. Another way of "officializing" our marriage before actually saying "I DO".

10. The day my mother and I purchased my wedding dress. It was the 5th time I had tried it on and the first day it was on sale again. It was also the first day that the matching flower girl dress was available. Perfect Bliss!

Now it is your turn.

>girlfriends.

>
when someone asks me what my greatest strength is, i tell that person: loyalty. i am so loyal, it might even be a fault at times, but i am not going to talk about that. i am going to talk about my favorite girlfriends and why i love them so much.

shorty j is one of the coolest people you could ever meet. she is the best person to call more than twice a week and only have a few things to talk about and no matter how small or big, she cares about it. she will do anything once, even if she has no idea what she's doing. like being my maid of honor. i have never even been a maid of honor so we both did what books and magazines told us and things turned out better than i could have even imagined. she also has one of the coolest jobs ever that i get to benefit from quit often...thanks! here are some of my favorite moments with her that only she will understand...

1. "We're following the leader..."

2. "It's nailed to the ground!"

3. Music videos in the am.

4. Gilmore Girls and Joan of Arcadia--thank you for your awesome VCR!

5. We are the best hair-dying-from-a-box chicks--ever!

6. "You can't fake awesome" with the crazy hand motion down the body--i have tried to do this and i just can't.

7. Our totally unofficial, unscheduled, un-everything book club.

8. "He is soooo high!"

9. Getting through the lose of grandparents together.

10. Shots, shots and more shots.

11. Taking Lauren Graham to my wedding in a dream=me jealous at my own wedding.

12. You 16 weeks preggers in a dream--i really just can't get over how funny that was!

**There is so much more...

Love you J!!

Ash is another super awesome chick who has taught me how to be more wild and crazy. She is an incredible wife and mother and I want to be just that. She is also an amazing teacher and has superior English skills. I told her today that she and B should have a grammar-off. They learned phonics when they were kids (I did not...) because that is where I suck. But hey, at least I have a degree. Today she also told me that she read a book, which she is mailing to me (thank you, whore! ;)), that totally reminded her of yours truly. I was driving at the time but I felt like running all the way to GJ just to hug her I miss her so much. It was so nice to know that she was thinking of me all week because of this one book. Once I read it, I will fill you all in on how cool I am. lol...just kidding. Anyway, here is her list.

1. We invented Dr. Blows on the night I decided not to study for a math test and instead became so wasted off this new concoction, jumped in the hot tub in our undies, and peed in the yard becuase she FLUSHED HER PHONE DOWN THE TOILET!

2. "Oh my Gosh! I just realized I forgot to bring a change of panties! Oh well." That was when I told myself we would be great friends.

3. "Hey look! It's the epididymis, I mean, epidermis."

4. Boomer Sooner!

5. Ash makes the BEST buttery nipples EVER!

6. Team Edward!

7. Team Jacob!

8. "Suck for a Buck", Ashkon and his hottie undies (that shorty j ended up with!), and the penis shot glass, of course.

9. Spending the night together when Case was gone so neither of us were scared.

**And manyyyyy more.

Love you, Ash!!

You are my favorite girlfriends and I will forever be loyal to both of you. Thank you for the great times and laughs!

xoxo,

S.

>credit check

>MONEY is so annoying. we need it to get the things we need and we want it to have the things we want. so, here is what we have done. b and i have been thinking for a few weeks now what we should do for Christmas. should we get separate gifts for one another or go in together on something we both want? we decided on a joint gift. ---drumroll please---- we got a new TV: Samsung HD 1080 flat screen. it is a beauty! did we need it? no, but....maybe. since i have a bit of debt, my credit is not great. b has great credit because he has never had any debt. together, our credit is still not super, but not bad either. so we are financing the TV so that we can build our credit and put a down payment on a house in a year or two. we are very excited about what the long term effects could be. pray for us!

>recap.

>Noteworthy events:

1. Thanksgiving day: Ruthie (our almost step-mother-in-law) celebrated, not only her birthday, but an OFFICIAL engagement that NO ONE knew about and we were all shocked and happy and i teared a little. I even got the video!

2. Ruthie and pops-in-law have a new sweetie pie, Sophie!

3. DU Hockey game. It snowed! And my camera was being awesome:

4. Kyle and Martha's Engagement party was on Saturday night and it was great!! Stoli-Dolies are awesome!

5. Wednesday it snowed up here and the dogs love it! Their friend Jake came over to play and they got super muddy. It was well worth their all-day naps. 

6. MORE snow today and I love it! Keep it coming!

>Menu.

>I am going to take advantage of the next day that I have off before going back to work and make this weeks dinner menu. This is what I have in mind. Please, feel free to comment or give out recipes. I am always looking for something new and fun!

Monday: Sloppy Joes!

Tuesday: Homemade pizza.

Wednesday: Left overs

Thursday: Spaghetti Squash with Lemon Chicken

Friday: Grilled Cheese and soup.

That is all I have for now. If you want any recipes, let me know!

>tis the season for Adam Sandler!

>

I get such a kick out of Adam Sandler's Holiday songs. Happy Thanksgiving all!!

Love,

S & B

>sickness

>I am a nurturer. It is what I do best and most likely the reason why I have had baby fever since I was 15. Before you go and freak out, what I mean by that is I have always wanted a child to take care of and love and nurture. Funny, though, I never related that feeling to being married and having a husband-until now. I always have a need to care for B: is he okay? cold? hot? hungry? tired? spontaneous? angry? sad? happy? These are daily needs I attend to as second nature and did so prior to getting married.

Now, my need to nurture cup is more than half full. I am in overdrive caring for B right now. He is sicker than I have ever seen him before. It's the first time I have ever heard him ask me to call to doctor twice in one weeks time and it pains me to sit her, at work, and not be there to care for him. I call him, religiously, asking if he took a nap and his next antibiotic and if he needs me to pick anything up for him. I love feeling needed but I hate seeing him like this. He is pale and lethargic and talks a lot less due to his inflamed throat. He looks at me with half empty eyes begging for it to just go away and it breaks my heart to only be able to offer so much. I can't cure him. I can't take the pain away. But I can hold him and make him grilled cheese sandwiches and put movies on and watch Weeds with him. And I know that he is thankful for that, though I am not totally satisfied with my nurturing. I want to cure him. So, as Thanksgiving approaches, I am SO thankful to have a loving husband that sees what I do as more than enough, who loves me unconditionally and smiles even when he feels like poo. He is the best thing in my life and I thank God everyday for his breath on my face in the morning.

>Snow, anyone?

>I used to hate snow. That is one of the reasons why my family up and moved from Steamboat Springs (where B and I got married, "Ski Town USA"). There was snow there for sometimes, 9 months. I remember when I was in 9th grade and it was my first homecoming dance and it was also our first snow of the season (you can't say year, because there was snow on the ground no more than 3 months ago...). It was great. It made the night magical an memorable.

Now that we live on the front range, the weather here is less predictable. It could snow in the morning and be 50 degrees in the afternoon. Or, take a day like my wedding day (up in Steamboat), where it was cloudy, but warm to start, then some drizzles about an hour and up until 5 minutes until the ceremony, then some beaming sunshine that gave me a distinct tan line where my v-neck dropped, and then some cooler air as we headed up the gondola to the Thunderhead and took more pictures with sunshine, then a CRAZY-ass lightening storm for about an hour with some rain (God's gift to us!), and a beautiful sunset and rainbow to top off the night. Amazing, and totally Colorado weather for you. Not typical though.

It is November 24th, three days before Thanksgiving and we have had NO SNOW! Not even a first snow, at least up here in Fort Collins. Loveland had a dusting a few days ago that never made it north towards us. It has been cold enough for snow, but nada. I was worried when we had no snow before Halloween and now I am really worried! I guess not really worried, persay, but just anxious for a big snow! I want to play in it with the doggies and just have a reason to be cold.

By the way, I love snow now. Even more when it doesn't come. I could never live somewhere that never got snow. No way. So, until we have snow, I am praying for it every night.

>Life List: Inspired by my Closest Cousin

>So H, my closest cousin, posted a list somewhere else in cyber world and has inspired me to do the same. To start, I want to show you what what on the list when I was in high school. I made one and thought it is not in front of me now, I can remember key goals and aspirations.

List Made at age 15:


1. Get married. (big day was 8/8/08 and H was in my wedding, of course.)
2. Have children/become a mother.
3. Be a stay at home mom, if at all possible.
4. Graduate from high school. (May 2002)
5. Go to college and graduate. (Two colleges, two degrees, two dates: May 2005 and August 2007. AA in Business Admin and BA in English)
6. Meet Hanson. (well...I could have met them a few weeks ago at the concert, but it was satisfying enough to see them again in a very intimate venue. read: awesome!)
7. Meet Freddy Prince Jr. (not an aspiration anymore at all...I have met Frankie Munez and the entire cast of Malcolm in the Middle. cool enough.)
8. Travel overseas: England, Australia, South Africa, Argentina (I have been to England and the Isle of Man)
...These are the things I can remember.

Here are more to add along with the things yet to accomplish:

*Own my own home and furnish it the way I want without worrying about cost.
*Pamper myself at least once a month (something we can budget for)
*Live life like my dogs: carefree, loyal, unconditional love and a playful spirit.
*Maintain a healthy lifestyle: exercises regularly, healthy eating habits, practice doing things that make me genuinely happy.
*Grow spiritually with B and our family.

I will add more later, of course. Enjoy!

>Female Icon Quiz

>

You Are a Marilyn!

You are a Marilyn -- "I am affectionate and skeptical."

Marilyns are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.


How to Get Along with Me
* Be direct and clear
* Listen to me carefully
* Don't judge me for my anxiety
* Work things through with me
* Reassure me that everything is OK between us
* Laugh and make jokes with me
* Gently push me toward new experiences
* Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Marilyn
* being committed and faithful to family and friends
* being responsible and hardworking
* being compassionate toward others
* having intellect and wit
* being a nonconformist
* confronting danger bravely
* being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Marilyn
* the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
* procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
* fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
* exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
* wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
* being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

Marilyns as Children Often
* are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
* are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
* form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
* look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
* are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Marilyns as Parents
* are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
* are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
* worry more than most that their children will get hurt
* sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

http://www.helloquizzy.com/are-you-a-jackie-or-a-marilyn-or-someone-else-mad-menera-female-icon-quiz

>bad wife moment: #1

>...because I am sure there will be more.

So I got tickets to the midnight show of Twilight a few weeks ago and had asked B to go with me. He said yes, but did not show any other form of interest in the movie. In fact, he would make fun of me and the characters when I would watch the trailer (everyday!) and so I thought that if I found someone else to go with me, he would not be upset, relieved actually. So I asked a friend at work and she said yes. I went home and told B and he was SURPRISINGLY bummed! He wants to see Twilight (what??!!). Even though he had been making fun of it, he was all hyped up to see this "superhero chick love story movie". I felt guilty and quickly took back my invite to my friend (sorry Dani!). She was, of course, okay with it and we went to the movie last night. Poor guy, B has a bad sore throat and fever and he still wanted to stick it out. We did not get home until 3am and I will soon be off to Denver to see J and the movie again! Go Team Edward!

>sunset.

>i think the most loving gesture to come from my husband is when he points things out to me that i would not have expected him to notice.

like this beautiful sunset.

he knows how much i love a good sunset.

>We Need MAJOR Support!!

>Over the last few months, B has been trying to find a new, better job and the economy is so bad here, it is just not happening. I am so thankful to have the job I have with a consistant paycheck and something to expect every couple weeks. This is not the case for B. Sometimes he can make $300 a week and sometimes it's less than $100. Serving is just not a reliable source of income which has lead me to seek other options for us. I am not going to quit my job (though I have felt like it the last few weeks with this new manager...). I am, however, looking into doing want I ultimately want to do and that is to teach. B has never been crazy about the idea of being a teacher, but when I threw this idea at him, he was all over it. Are you ready??

WE ARE GOING TO TEACH ENGLISH OVERSEAS!!

Yes, you read me right. I have found a really great Christian-based organization that places teachers in different countries all over the world to teach conversational and written English to kids K-12. We have only been talking about this for a few days and it is like a fire has been light from underneath us! We are so excited to explore this into more details and set it up. If all goes well, we plan to leave for 1 year starting in June 2009. We are praying that this is a direction that God sees us taking. My heart is filled with the desire so much so that I can't really see another option. It is as if He placed it there in my heart Himself. Thank you Jesus!!

By the way, since B has steller caregiving skills, I am feeling MUCH better. AMEN! Have a beautiful day!!

>On Living Together

>After three months of marriage, B and I could not be more in love. I know that sounds cliche and nauseating for some, but seriously. The sheer excitement of having someone to take care of and vis versa with pure and selfless love is amazing. I can't say that I never thought that could happen, but I am a bit surprised. Because of this, I am so glad B and I did not move in with each other before we got married. Prior to the wedding, I would have given anything to move in with him. Living with my parents was becoming so elementary and I needed to be free. However, the only difference I see from living together before getting married and waiting until after marriage is a piece of paper and rings around our fingers. I love getting to know B through living with him as his wife. I take my wife-dom so seriously I am not sure I could have grasped that before the wedding. Yes, it was killer waiting until the wedding to finally move in and sleep under the same roof without feeling guilty about it. But I am proud to say that the 9 months wait didn't threaten our love and had in fact made the moving in aspect of marriage so much more enjoyable. I completely respect those of you who did/do live with your partners prior to marriage. Hell, if I had it my way, B and I would have moved in long before the wedding but I am sure you don't have a father threatening to not pay for the wedding if you did move in together. That meant a lot to B and I, to have the privilege of our parents paying for more than 90% of an incredible wedding. Just ask anyone who went: it was the best wedding most people had ever been to and that is not me just being biased. Survey says, so there. All I am saying is that the last three months have been amazing with B and we are so happy. Sure we have disagreements and argue about how to discipline the dogs and what to eat for dinner. But that is the fun and expected part of being married. I would not change one thing. Our happiness grows everyday and I would not be who I am today without B. I would also not be who I am without the love of our Lord. He has really been showing himself to me lately and I am feeling like our marriage needs some more spiritual support. We both seek it and want it. It is just a matter of finding what exactly it is our marriage and person needs. I am hoping to find a couples Bible study or something along those lines that B and I can engage in together. We want our home to be solid in our faith and spirituality before we bring another person into the world. Right now, it needs work. Nothing we can't handle, but it needs work. Thankfully we have a great support system of family members. It is the support system of our friends that we feel is lacking. Not any one person in particular, just in general.

B is taking care of me right now since I am sick and it is so sweet to see. He hates seeing me like this and I, likewise, hate to see him sick but he insists on kissing. Silly man. So far, he is in the clear and I hope it stays that way.

>opposites attract

>b and i have opposite schedules. 

on days i work at night, he works during the day, and when i work during the day, he is off and works at night. there are only a few days, maybe 2, that we get to sit down and have dinner together, go on a date, or take the dogs to the dog park. it sucks. when i have to work the next day at 8am, i usually go to bed by 11 and b is usually not ready to go to bed then. i want to stay up with him but i also want some sleep. nights like tonight, b worked the eagles game and is on his home now (it is 10:38pm) and i don't have to work until 3 tomorrow so we can spend some time together tonight. i just hope he can find a job soon that will work with my schedule so we can be home and together at the same time. it works for now because that means the dogs don't get left alone for very long at all which is really good. i just can't help but be a little selfish.

i love him more than my mind can fathom. it surprises me so much every time i look at b and see him smile and fall ten times more in love with him and who knew it was possible? i am so lucky and i thank God everyday for him. he is my best friend and i could not be happier.

there is your "newlywed" blog. pretty mushy, i know.

>Hanson Photos

>




I PROMISE that after this post, I will do what I said I would do a few days ago and start writing more "newlywed stuff". Promise. Eat your heart out. I know I did!

>HANSON never fails me

>Talk about amazing. Like I said in my last post, it has been 10 years since the last time I saw Hanson in concert. It was July 18th, 1998 and I was almost 14 years old. The albums they had out were "Boomerang", "MMMBop" and "Middle of Nowhere" and a few singles. The following Christmas, "Snowed In" came out. Since then, they have released three live DVD's and 4 more full length CDs. They are also all married with at least one child. WOW! And they still want to grace their loyal fans with their presance..how friggen awesome is that!

The show was so great and I had a lot to drink, but not too much. I still remember everything. Hanson played for almost 2 hours and I could have easily gone another 2. I have no voice today and I am very proud of that fact. I have surprised myself. Not until I was there and Isaac, Taylor, and Zac took the stage did I realize how true a Hanson fan I am. I missed them. I had not been paying much attention to them, just hearing every once in a while that someone had a baby or got married. It was so great and just refueled my passion for them. That is all I am going to say because there really is no way to describe how great the night was in words. You had to be there, so pictures will come soon.

>guilty pleasure, here i come...i hope

>so i did what i normally never do when it comes to concerts-i waited until the last minute and actually got lucky. a friend of mine had to leave town and gave me her one ticket to the hanson concert tonight. wonderful, right? here is the problem: a) i don't want to go alone so i have asked my mother in law to come with, b) the concert is sold out (who the eff knew that would happen....???), and c) we may not go if we can't find a ticket to scalp. here is the thing: i was not that excited to go to the show until i got the call yesterday about the free ticket and now that i have the opportunity, i am super excited and now super worried that we won't be able to find another ticket. i am not going to make mom wait for me and i am not going alone (hello! colfax is not a place to be alone!). ticket gods, if you're there, please bless us with the opportunity to go! thanks!!

history lesson
i have been a hanson fan for 11 years now. how long have you been a fan of something?
i used to buy every magazine with pictures of them in it and plaster them on my wall (next to JTT of course).
i saw hanson last at red rocks 10 years ago...i would say it is about time i graced them with my presance again.
taylor was always my favorite. his voice is so....ahhh-good.
i never bought their latest cd, but i still know all the songs.
i have a box that b might burn with i am not home that has all my hanson memorbelia in it.
i love to play hanson songs on my guitar because they are easy to learn.
my mom wants "with you in your dreams" to be played at her funeral someday.
hanson is doing amazing work in africa and no one is recognizing it...damn brangelina!
they are a guilty pleasure and i am now proud to admit that i am a hanson fan.

>goodbye fall

>

brrrrr it's cold outside.

>quirks

>i love the color yellow, but hate the color brown even though it is not that far off a color.

i hate odd numbers except for the number 1 and any combination of 1s (ie: 11, 111)

i hate running yellow lights and get a sick feeling in my stomach when i do, thinking a cop might catch me.

i love it when the dogs lick my toes/feet.

i enjoy watching sunrises more than sunsets, but i would not get up just to see the sunrise unless i had to.

i met all three of my favorite girlfriends in grand junction.

i really don't like reading a book more than once unless it is amazing.

amazing books i have read more than once: are you there god, it's me margaret, twilight, and a book of short stories.

i hate it when the person i am calling goes straight to voicemail. it makes me think something is wrong.

i hate when i mess something up when i am cooking.

jimmy eat world is my feel-good-calm-down-because-i-am-home-alone music.

>we are cran-apple juice

>
b likes cranberry juice

i like apple juice

mixed together, we are cran-apple and it was on sale at the store today.

b is at the store right now getting eggs so that we can make my late grandma boots a birthday cake. 

she would have bee 81 and it has been one year since her passing.

that is right, she passed the day after her birthday.

(happy birthday grandma!)

this week has been hard and happy at the same time. 

i miss her so much, but i see her in so many people.

people she didn't even ever know.

but that is the way she was.

i have meatloaf in the oven and used the last egg.

that is why b is at the store.

i didn't want to ask ar for another egg.

actually 3 eggs.

b is so wonderful that he is spending this evening with me instead of watching the broncos game.

(we don't have cable)

that, in my opinion, is true love.

>3rd post today

>...but I could not wait until tomorrow. I had a smack-in-the-face moment: the title of my blog is "a little bit delirious: confessions of a newlywed". well, I think I need write more about newlywed "bliss". I know I have in the past and then I go on tangents about running and man-dogs. SO, starting tomorrow, my posts will focus more on the marriage side of me/us and occasional tangents. so there you have it. end blog.

>a series of FORTUNATE events

>Monday (two days ago..): date night was moved to Monday due to the Election. We went to Bisetti's and it was awesome! Then we had coffee and walked around in the nippish air. I hope it snows soon!

Tuesday: Election day started off weird. My favorite radio station had some serious interference from another station. Then the fitness room at work flooded and THEN a resident's room flooded. awesome. When I got off work, B picked me up and we went to my parents for taco bar and election night. Obama? Really? Humm...okay.

Wednesday: tried to run, will work in a few hours and come home to go straight to bed.

Thursday: work all day and enjoy dinner with the hubs.

Friday: meeting before work, work, then sleepies.

Saturday: head to denver to visit the mom in law. maybe go see hanson...

Sunday: work and then relax!!

>i am so not a runner

>B and I have tried, for the 4th time, to go running. I think our ambitions are just a little much right now. I can go about a quarter of a mile before I need to stop and walk. That is when my chest starts to burn and breathing is painful. I am hoping all that just means I need to run more to work up that physical stamina I am clearly lacking. My fear, though, is that I am not supposed to be a runner. What if it is activity-induced asthma?? It freaks me out a little, but B and I are going to try a routine for a month and see how it goes. If all fails, I might go to the doc and see what's up and then resort to other forms of exercise I actually enjoy doing: biking, lifting, ab workouts and dancing.

The first days of November have been quite promising. It seems that B and I are getting out of that financial rut that poked at our sides. Our comfort level is upping and it is making for great date nights (Tuesdays!) and more flexible shopping trips. We were able to have an great Halloween party that was perfect in size and people. The remainder of this blog will consist of pictures, since it has been so long since I posted any. Enjoy!

beautiful day at the dog park

butte the bumblebee and tulo as the bad spiderman

bella the vampire love her joker

date night at cafe vino!

besties!

>what now?

>Brendan did not get the job at New Belgium. Now what? It is so hard to find a decent job in this town. Why is it that someone with 2 bachelors degrees has to end up serving tables because he is either underqualified or overqualified?? Gawww!!!

>thank you, man-dog

>insane week. i would be just fine if i never have to deal with last week again. that would be super. this whole money thing has continued to prey on our nerves and our hopes are that that will change in the not so distant future (PRAYERS PLEASE!!).

we were also hassled about not having thank you notes out yet for the wedding. HELLO!?!! it has not even been three months and we have them all written, we just need to get them out. but you see, there is this little thing called a stamp that, when added up, makes for quite the expense when sending out 150 thank you cards. we know how important it is to show our appreciation to EVERYONE who made it to our wedding. it was a destination wedding and, gift or not, you're getting a thank you because being there in and of itself was quite the expense for everyone and we get that. we do. and we are sooooooooo thankful and glad for all who attended. it was the most perfect day either of us to ask for. now, all we are asking for is a little patience and understading. we are literally broke newlyweds and will send out little chunks of thank you's as quickly as we can, may our bank account allow it. it was just frustrating having my new mom in law telling me how the family is disappointed in us and blah blah blah and how it will effect the way they treat my bro in law when he gets married. i really don't see that happening and it does not make sense to throw that curve ball into the mix, but what the hell. if anyone has advice on dealing with in-laws, comment away. this is a new thing for us both. we love both our families very much and get along great, but there are still those moments when they feel the need for parenting us again is really necessary. roll it off the back, you say. not so easy, i say. in the end, we addressed all the envelopes and sent out the important thank you's, if there is such a thing. by the way, you are all important so no offence or anything.

work has been super busy and we have a new guest services manager. she is great, just what we need. but i feel like i am making a one-eighty here. prior-manager, we had just our GM who is also great but did not like dealing with the small problems so we left those to deal with amongst ourselves and it seemed to be a good system. now that we have a manager to deal with, not only problems, but anything else going on, it is like taking a nice, cool frog and dumping him into a boiling pot of water. shocking. difficult. frustrating. and dare i say, painful. what happens now? we had a system, and now this new person is screwing it up. we know we need her to tell us about all the stuff we are overlooking and there seems to be a lot of that. she criticizes EVERYTHING! the tone of your voice, what you say, when you say, points out leaves and trash on ground (the size of a bread crumb), fingerprints on windows, the sound of the vaccuum is too loud, no one can stand around the front desk (now this one i like--get the eff out of my space people!) and so on. there will be more, i am sure of that. and i am also sure that we will all adjust nicely and this will be a very welcomed change, it is just so intense right now....gah.

tulo is a man-dog now. even though he is only 14 months old, he is so not a puppy anymore. we would leave him in is kennel everytime we left the house, even just to the store for 20 min because we could not trust him to not touch anything. he can destroy a pillow in a matter of minutes. he can bust cords in half with one bite. we were just fed up with all our stuff getting ruined that we stopped "testing" him alone and just gave in to the kennel. he loves his kennel so it was never a problem, but brendan started leaving him out of it this week and it is like we have a new dog in the house. he does not touch anything...really. it is spotless and just the same as we left it. this is groundbreaking, really. poor butte would just sit outside his kennel until we got home. how they lay together on the couch (i know...totally bad habit...) and sleep. so effing adorable. pics to come....

i really really hope this week is going to be much better than last week. i don't want to cry or get angry or start my period. okay? sweet. this is what we have to look forward to:
*monday is a day off! clean and laundry! (weird, i LOVE doing these things...) and take dogs to dog park
*tuesday i will work and relax with my hubs. maybe watch more Weeds (awesome show!!)
*wednesday is another day off! if it is nice, i want b and i to go up to estas before it gets too cold and gross out (ugg...it still might be too late...who knows)
*thursday is another day at work and more weeds
*friday is halloween and i get to dress up for work in my super sexy/awesome vampire outfit. read: bella swan.
*saturday day off! might go see ash in denver with brev and watch the high school football playoffs and then come home and have a smashing good time of a halloween party.
*sunday is a day of rest until i work. zzzzzzz

>fab four

>
Four Jobs I've Had:
Front Desk Reception at a Five-Star retirement community
Paraprofessional at a high school in town for a student with, count them, not one but two traumatic brain injuries.
Chiropractic assistant
Vet Tech

Four Movies I've Watched More Than Once:
Finding Nemo
The Notebook
50 First Dates
Knocked Up

Four Places I Have Lived:
Grand Junction, CO
Greeley, CO
Fort Collins, CO
Lavallette, NJ

Four TV Shows I Watch:
Gossip Girl
Americas Next Top Model
Weeds
Gray's Anatomy

Four Places I Have Been:

London
Cabo San Lucas
Isle of Mann
NYC

Four People Who Regularly Email Me:
Mom
Brendan
Mother in Law
Ashley

Four of My Favorite Foods:
Potatoes... Bredans way
pasta
avacados
home-made pizza

Four Places I Would Like to Visit:
Aussie
Netherlands
Alaska
Greece

Four Things I Look Forward to This Year: (this year is almost over, so this will be for 2009)
advancement in my job
going back to school
maybe baby?? ;)

celebrating 1 year of marriage with my best friend

>beer and wine

>This week...

1. Brendan and I found an entertainment center on craigslist for $24. The thing is massive and super heavy but super worth it. Our living room got a facelift and it is working out great.

2. I download all the music from my parents computer onto ours--it took about 5 hours. Yuck.

3. Our washing machine was out of commission for about 3 weeks--until today! Mr. Rooter rocked it and got some crummy junk out of the way so there SHOULD be no more leackage into our kitchen. yeah, not good.

4. We are housesitting for my parents while they tromp whimsically around wine country in cali. Read: Jealous!

5. Brendan had a interview with New Belgium on Thursday so lets all hope and pray he gets that second interview and then, the job! I hear you get a case a week...SWEET! Maybe it will make me like beer more. Also, I got a flu shot and have felt like shit all day-headache, nausea, tired. gawww

6. Today (friday) I found nice computer desk on craigslist for FREE! That's right, I badassed my way to some dudes house in my hubbys stick-shift truck and only stalled it out once! The desk is awesome. Maybe brendan will put it together tomorrow...

This is going to sounds weird (or not...I am not totally akin to how this whole married thing works...) but brendan said that if he gets the job at new belgium and as soon as my health insurance through work starts (nov 1) then we can be less careful about not getting preggers! yes, that means that we can be comfortable having a baby in the next year or so...awesome!!

>new hair, old habits

>
i cut my hair about a week ago and i love it! it is way easier to take care of, but i need a new straightener and have no money. in fact, we declared a "money spending freeze". we can't spend any money other than necessary needs like gas and food. it sucks. i hate feeling like we can't have all that we want. i also know that this is how it feels to be a true, married adult. other than the current money troubles, all is well!

>alone

>i hate more than anything being away from brendan for more than one night. four nights?? torture. next time, he's coming with me.

>Vows

>

Below, I am posting mine and B's wedding vows. We wrote them ourselves and I really want to share them with you, reader. Thank you, for taking the time to see how much B and I love each other. We hope to forever live up to these words we promised each other 51 days ago. If you are getting married soon and feel a writers block when sitting down to write your vows, please just ask if you want to borrow or use our vows. Thanks.

B's vows to me:

Peace is a word rarely used nowadays in terms of already having attained, but Sarah, you give me peace. You give me peace of mind. Peace of stability. Peace in direction. I promise to give you the same. I promise to work with you for a life without regret. I promise to work with you for a life of peace, happiness, and success. Because as we become wedded, we must work together for everything we want. Love to me means that I will always be there for you. I will be there in sickness and in health. Good times and bad. And whenever you need a back massage before bed. I loved you immediately after meeting you. I love you even more now. And, S, I will love you forever.

My vows to B:

When e. e. cummings said "We are for each other", he had you and me in mind. I have waited for no one but you. After the first time you kissed me, I knew that you were going to be more than another boyfriend. You are my best friend, my soul mate, my life partner, and now... my husband. With you by my side, I stopped worrying about finding the right man, and instead focused on becoming the right woman. My life only gets better every time you say you love me, every time you hold my hand, every time you look at me, and every time you smile. Together we will share simple moments and remarkable ones, tears and laughter, pain and growth. We will have intimate negotiations, rather than arguments, and heartfelt listening, rather than stubbornness. My ultimate goal as you wife is to love unconditionally and remain united. We are a team ad we will be extraordinary together. I will love and support you always. I am a better person near you, and near you I will be all my life.

>the first family delima

>i am perfectly aware of family drama. i have watched my parents banter over what to do for thanksgiving and christmas and whose turn it is to see us (as in the grandparents). This year is the first year that a set of grandparents will not be pulling arms and convincing us to come "out" for the holiday. no, this year, it is with a new family on my end, being married and all.



my original point in writing this was to talk about something that happened this past weekend. however, i see it is already becoming bigger than the one isolated incident. it started several weeks ago when my mom mentioned a "family get together" with her dad and stepmom down in denver. i told her i don't work sundays and it should not be a problem and when i mentioned to to brendan, he said he didn't know if he would have to work. last week when i reminded brendan about the family event, he claimed i never mentioned it to him and that now he was committed to playing softball with his work league. i support him playing softball 100% and it was hard for me to be the middle man. i was not really excited to go see the family, but it would be the first time since the wedding that we all saw one another. brendan was holding strong and was really hating the idea of not supporting his team.

first, i e-mailed my parents to tell them that brendan had a game that he was not willing to miss and it was very important to him to play and that if we go down, it would just be me. well, my mom calls me back the next day and gives me a huge guilt trip about telling brendan how important it is for us to see our family and blah blah blah. i had told him that. he is not stupid. but here i am, monkey in the middle. i wanted to side with my husband, but i didn't want to hear about it for the next month about how we should have gone down.

brendan and i mulled it over for a good day and he finally decided to go with me and that we would stay with his mom and spend the next day with her. he missed his softball game. wanna know what he missed it for? an hour long photo slide show of my grandparents trip to alaska. it was so fun i almost woke up. yes, that bad.

we both know this will be one of many moments where we will have to decide between family obligations and personal commitments. it just sucks. we are married now. aren't we supposed to be able to make our own decisions now without the guilt of our parents? grrr...

back to how i began this whole thing. this will be the first year that my dad's parents aren't here for the really important holidays: thanksgiving and christmas. now that i work in a retirement community, i have been missing my grandmother more and more. in november it will have been one year since she passed. it was hard enough not having her next to my dad at my wedding. brendan's grandfather also passed in may. these moments of wanting lost time really show me how easy deciding whether or not to go to a family get together or play a softball game should be.

but we don't always do what we should.

>easy bliss

>
i laughed so hard tonight that i cried. my abs got a great work out and brendan fell in love with me again all because i was blowing raspberries on his neck. so funny!

>a good cry

>i cried last night.

it was the first time in i don't know how many years that it was out of pure exhaustion. i have been working so much and hours that don't give me more than 6-7 hours of sleep at night that i just cracked all over brendan. i tried holding it back and thinking, nah...i don't need to cry. but at the same time, i almost wanted to cry. and then i did. brendan was just explaining something that was supposed to be funny and i fell apart.

it was one of the best cries i have had in a long time. i was sad because i missed brendan. i was sad because i don't get enough sleep. i was sad because i didn't want to watch dr. horrible. i was sad because i missed my mom. i was sad because i didn't know why i got another babysitting job. i collapsed.

and it felt great.

>butte and tulo

>

I am proud to introduce our children: Butte and Tulo.

Butte is a 2 year old Aussie shep mix and totally the big sister. She picks on Tulo and tells us when he has done something wrong.

Tulo is a 1 year old Greyhound. He thinks he is the cat's meow and sometimes is dumb as a rock. Other times, be surprises us and is so smart we don't know what to do with him. There will be many BULO stories to come. Silly dogs. Here they are watching Brendan play softball. While it looks like they are behaving, they were really quite terrible. I had to take them home.

>36 days

>we have been married for 36 days now and it feels like 36 months. i think when that feeling of comfort and permanence is finally real, time stretches at the seams. this whole married thing is quite fitting for both of us. unlike myself, brendan has been living on his own for several years. i did the on-my-own-thing and found it is much cheaper to eat out of my parents fridge. it is a different feeling when you have to fill your own fridge. brendan was never good at that when he was by himself. he got by on cans of soup and frozen pizzas. now that he has a women in the house, his has graduated to home-made pizzas and mmm mmm good spaghetti. i, however, digressed into the current food rut from having a home-cooked meal nearly every night. needless to say, it sucks not having the money to buy the food to make gourmet stuff that i can brag about at work. not yet.

i do laundry twice a week. and not just one load, two and sometimes three if i do towels and sheets. i just can't stand the hamper overflowing. i let it top off and then into the wash it goes. brendan, on the other hand, would wear every garment once, maybe twice before considering doing the laundry. getting it done is not the hard part--putting it all away is. i already feel like i accomplished something when the hamper is empty, but quickly remember that only half the job is done. i am sure everyone feels this way, i am just getting used to doing it for two people. with my job, i don't even wear normal clothes everyday and the laundry is still full three days in because brendan might wear two outfits in one day (work-play). i used to be able to go two weeks before doing laundry for myself and only having one load of darks and one load of whites. when we have children, i know it will get three times as bad as it is now. and i did not say having children is bad--i want one, or two.

we have to share the remote. this does not seem to be too bad, especially on the days when i work all day and brendan works at night and he can watch ESPN while i am gone. then i have time for gossip girl and the hills and brendan's arguing ground hardly exists. i don't mind watching the rockies, except this time last year was way more fun. i also don't mind south park and the simpsons. but anything i like (gossip girl, the hills, AMNTM, reality tv anything...) he whines and whimpers for me to change the channel. sometimes i do, sometimes i don't. i love you, by the way. don't worry.

the best part about being married, so far anyway, is knowing that i have somewhere and someone to go home to. i know when i will be sleeping, sometimes what i might eat, who will greet me (along with butte and tulo), and what i will do the moment i get home (take a shower! make love! watch oprah! take the dogs to the dog park!) whatever it might be, it is home. brendan is my home. we are amazing together. i think i will post our vows we wrote next time. we are both very proud of our knack for words, especially in a moment like our wedding.

love easy.

>Three Trees

>

Incredible Beauty.

>Two Trees

>

As cliche as it sounds, I hope that Brendan are old trees. Trees with scars of memories, tears, beginnings, endings, friends gained and some lost. I was not thinking that when I took the picture that dons this page (yes, I took the picture for real). But now that I have a life partner, I can reflect on the the symbolism. These trees rest on the shores of Lake Erie in Cleveland, OH in a family-friendly park.

It is hard to believe that this trip ended over a year ago and to think I already knew that Brendan would become part of my roots. Good thing I found you, love.

>A Lapse in Judgement

>I never give out my personal information. Never, being the operative word. For one short second, possibly while on drugs, I broke my own rule. I can see the look on my father's face, shaking his head at me and scoffing at my inability to pay attention to red flags. When I go shopping and clerks ask me for my e-mail or zip code or phone number, I quickly ask if it is necessary (it is NEVER necessary) and kindly decline passing my information onto the technology drone that might steal my identity or send me outragous mail. This practice is not enough anymore as those drones are becoming more creative and persuasive in their skeeming ways. I contradict myself: I guard my heart with new people, but I give out my personal info to a stranger...??? I know what you are thinking and you have every right. Now, let me explain this rather embarrassing and almost life-shattering lapse.

I actually have no idea how life-shattering this could have turned out, but I am going to just assume the worst becase we already know I'm an ass.

"I need tutor for my son of seven in English language..." blah blah blah. I skim over this ad on the now tainted craigslist and quickly resond, desperate for some part-time something. I suppose that is the bottom line--I was desperate. And I digress...within 24 hours I received an e-mail stating in great detail how a "father" in Denmark needs a tutor for his "son" that he is sending to the states for a month. He said he would pay $50/hr and to send him what I think the total would be for a month. Skiping all the boreing details, I was FedXed a check two days ago for $3500 and was to wire or money gram the remaining $2900 to Marva McGibbon in Florida. My husband and I quickly got over our excitement when we took the check to the bank and had them verify that yes, it was in fact a fraudulent check. Of course, before I had received the check I had a few e-mail conversations with the "father" that seemed convincing enough and so much so that I had given him too much information--until I found an identical ad for someone's son in Austrailia the night I received the check. Wow. I was scammed. And here I was thinking all along that I was doing the right thing in withholding my information out in the public. For one minor second, I forgot that the internet is as pubilc as it gets.

At the very least, my husband and I learned a VERY big lesson within the first month of our marriage. I know this is happening to people all over the world as I write and hope that those under the sound of my typing can learn something as well before the pigs get dirty and start enjoying it.

(please, eat my cliches and enjoy it)